I notice that the most natural and attractive reaction to excessive and superficial emotion is stoicism and observation. Follow it down the roots of normal conversation. Know a way to “set her down softly” if you need to move on and do something else, or distract her with another matter of emotional significance one to two levels more “happy” if she tries determinedly to bring you down emotionally.

Her favorite character died on game of thrones? Yes I see you’re upset. That character was the one that was x and y, huh? You know I’ve never caught up on the new x files, I’ve always meant to.

I see women acting this way as a sort of comfort test subconsciously. “Hey, this insignificant thing has been spiking my emotions and it feels more real than you. I’m now going to compare the feelings I get from it to the ones you make me feel.”

I used to blog about being at the front lines in toxic relationship warfare, and one way I pictured it is that we're all jugglers; we juggle our own happiness, financial well-being, future endeavors, friendships, et cetera. Then the woman comes in and asks the guy to juggle her balls, maybe only one at a time to start with, because juggling is hard. eventually, and more quickly than we may realize, is that we'll soon put our balls down and juggle only hers....and we get angry. We should be angry, at ourselves, for putting our lives aside and becoming the expendable meat-sack that we've been described as.

You end up hoping for the same in return (you're human and bp) because you've put so much effort into trying to make her happy, surely she sees that! Right? Hell naw man.

If you only do things for people because you want them to reciprocate, I feel sorry for you.

Women enjoy the rollercoaster of emotions they experience, and being able to use her emotions to your advantage, especially the negative ones, is a very valuable skill. Nothing is worse than a guy who spends his days trying to even out a girls emotional state and keep her level, women are physically repulsed by it. Instead jump on the rollercoaster with her, throw your hands up at the top and enjoy the ride.

A woman's currency is attention.

If you give it when she's unhappy, she'll be incessantly unhappy, as this yields investment from you.

Withdraw attention when she's unhappy, she'll instinctively pickup that being unhappy yields nothing from you.

Save your flowers and surprise dates for when she's happy/behaving sweet, reward that behaviour.

Eventually she'll pick up what behavior patterns yield attention from you.

They don't want solutions or reassurances man. They just want to watch the world burn.

Honestly, while reading this, only one article kept crawling into my mind: 16 commandments of poon. It's not a guideline to everything you need to do to have the best LTR in the world, but following it simply means you're out for your own happiness and thereby reinforcing your strength.

She's just a little girl, she wants you to be the immovable rock that she needs for support. If you're swayed aside from your true core just coz "she's unhappy and it makes me miserable, hence I need to make things right" then you're not coming from the right angle. Thing is if you really are in your core, you will truly know when either she's just hamstering around or she really genuinely needs your help.

My father used to say to me "You are the most important element in your universe." You are you for you, keep your own happiness and she will find ways to maintain your happiness despite her unhappiness.

She aint a fucking robot man. Sure dont be her pet but as a partner it wouldnt be too bad to help her out of a bad situation. She wont forget.

Unhappiness comes from a lack of something, a need for something, and that cannot be substituted with something else. In most cases of unhappiness, it's just about letting time pass, finding distractions, or devalue the source of unhappiness to the point where you stop caring. The only thing you can do for a woman is to just listen to her and be there for her, but definitely don't invest your time in trying to solve her problem.

Go somewhere out, take her with you and try to make her forget about it.

I noticed it with one of my ex girlfriends. When she's unhappy, there is no helping her, best remedy was just to let time pass. At the same time she was always pissed that I stopped caring about her unhappiness and just went my own way while ignoring it. They can't distract themselves, distract her instead with something you both like to do and she will eventually forget. Take her on a walk, watch a series, go work out together, whatever suits you.

That way you do something you like, while distracting her from her shit.

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>\~\~Actions speak louder than words\~\~

Actions speak, words lie

Women don't want to be happy. They want to be miserable. They want to feel upset. They want to feel empowerment. They want to feel inspired. They want to be jealous. They want to be [insert any fucking emotion you know]. Women only want a full ride of different emotions.

Don't confuse a girl and a woman. Girls act like children and don't have very much emotional control. A woman can talk to you straight up. Just because they're female, doesn't mean they're all children. Current social constructs make it difficult for girls to become women, having them focus on receiving a diamond ring as a wedding gift rather than focus on the actual union, which does not require the two to be wed.

Good points as well, and I just want to say I was this dude to the EXTREME. I was married now divorced, and I can't let go of my ex...aka HARDCORE oneitus because she is the mother of my kids, and I will not have more kids my stuff is broken. I remember when we first started dating she showered me with attention, well two kids later, both completing our undergrads and maters degrees according to her we grew apart, and she was done. There was no communicating about what was wrong, what could be attempted to fix the situation even with two kids involved, she was just done cold heartedly done. Showed ZERO emotion about the whole not a single tear shed, except one time during a fight I whispered to her, "you know it's a good thing you do crossfit and stay in shape and have fake tits, because the only thing you really can offer a man outside of a good paycheck is your body, and now that you hit 40 even that will fade fast". I don't cuss when I'm pissed because I want to make sure my point is made. We've been divorce about a year now, and she could give zero fucks about how all this impacted the family, her happiness of what she wanted was paramount about all else, even the kids.

What was stated I can do what you said above with such ease because I literally could careless, if a woman doesn't want to date me I truly see it as her loss in life. Man any tips on getting over ex-wife that is the mother of children oneitus though would be greatly appreciated because that feeling is worse then anything. It's like with her I drop back into blue pill mode instantly.

I read in the book models. Try to only go out with women that are a Fuck yes about you. If a girl is not that excited to see you or hangout with you chances are you won’t be happy with that girl anywayz. Plenty of fish in the sea.

I have to worry about her happiness over mine because I’m married to her, and we have two children I have sired. Yep, I’m fucked. Who gives a shit if I’m happy? A 9mm slug to my right temple would go a long way to solving my problems.

No good deed goes unpunished.

This post is both right and wrong.

First off if you haven't ever cohabitated with someone that you're dating then you will never understand. I don't care if you see your LTR 6 days out of the week because at the end of the day you both sleep in separate places. Being around anyone day in and day out and putting up with their various mood swings can be both taxing and challenging. Men and women both do this.

Secondly for those who do understand, there's a nuance to all of this.

If you know that your own happiness is internally driven, then why is it that most people default to attempting to make other people happy through external means?

Because if you're an empathetic human being who deeply cares about someone you try, but you have to understand when you need to back off and let the other person figure it out for themselves.

Most people over invest, and many don't invest enough.

Imagine living with someone that over invests (constantly dumps all their problems on you and wants to solve all of your problems for you) wouldn't that get annoying? That's what most men do. They want to solve all of your problems all of the time even when no one asked for their input.

On the other hand most women love to dump their issues at your feet and just stare at you afterwards, waiting for you to do something. If you walk away they'll get angry, if you jump on it they will complain.

You should ask first. "Are you asking for my advice or are you just ranting?"

That's it. None of that passive-aggressive BS that you will inevitably bring up later ("But I've tried so hard/done so much for you !!) Well were you asked to? Or did you just assume?

Someone posted a juggling analogy comment. Who asked you to juggle her problems? Last I checked women were adults just like you. They are capable.

When I was with my ex I had moments when I used to get upset because I thought I was placed in several no-win situations. If I helped her it wouldn't be because I wanted to, but because I didn't want her to hate me and deal with her mouth (this is when the cohabitation issues comes in) and if I didn't help then I'd be a huge asshole.

Eventually though I learned to just let it go. Men wanting to control their S/O's happiness are no different then men that think they can intimidate their LTR into submission. You do not possess that kind of power.

Get over yourself.

I am surprised that this is controversial. "But but it's not sustainable for LTRs"... of course it fucking is. It's MORE important in a LTR. This is someone you love supposedly, you LTR'd them after all - push them to grow, push them to become better, don't push them to be happy. Happy women create problems and self-sabotage.

Invested women - aka women who's challenges have been properly aligned with their capabilities - grow and improve their ability to be good partners. You have to let her solve problems and deal with shit on her own, you have to push her to do shit by leading by example. Get super fit, make it clear you get crazy female attention, set the expectation that you two are going to be "that" super fit sexy couple, and she'll get on board. She'll bitch and moan like a fat kid who's parents make him to soccer. But she'll adapt.

Women can ALWAYS adapt, they are way better at adaption than you or I. She will be fine. She can deal.

They aren't meant to be happy. Happy is worthless, happy is something women can never achieve, because happiness is internal. Women source their emotions externally - whatever is around her will make her that.

So as long as you are happy, and she is challenged and invested, she will enjoy the rollercoaster of being unhappy once in a while, and consequently also be happy once in a while. And when she IS happy, it'll be powerful.

If this seems too harsh to you, you don't understand women at all. They aren't guys, if you could make them happy by listening to their stupid fucking problems and buying them a mom Lexus and being a good present father and giving them a upper-middle class life, then America would have a 10% divorce rate max. Beta guys would be getting mad laid.

Women do not want to be made happy - they want to make you happy, and then feel happy through osmosis as a byproduct of your happiness. All you can do is be centered, be happy yourself, be fulfilled, be unshakably content in your own skin. She will become happy when she is ready to be - if she's not happy yet, she's still working of neurotic chick ju-ju and needs to be allowed to do so - when she's done, she'll look all sheepish and cute, like "yah uh I guess I was a little hangry" like she's a little girl who just threw a tantrum.

This depends if you are talking about a relationship or not. This is terrible advice if you are. It is times like this when i read shit on the internet and i know 100% without doubt that i would be better off not reading it. Anyone ever get that? I mean too much information is a bad thing.

So instead of worrying about another persons happiness you are worrying to not worry about her happiness? It is pointless and a waste of time, i am sorry. Just get on with it. Stop overthinking stuff like this.

And if this is aimed at relationships. Then good luck it lasting if you never care about her moods and emotions. It is one thing to remain detached from her desires and wants etc, and keep frame, but entirely another to not care about her and her happiness and be a constant robot. That is toxic. And it also sounds really fucking boring.

There is nothign wrong, in fact it is more often positive than not, to make an occasional romantic gesture. Because it makes your life more fun, makes hers more interesting and spontaneous. Spontaneity is a great thing, dont supress it. Especially acts of generosity. Stop killing positive virtues guys. I read stuff on this subreddit sometimes and i get the sense people are indoctrinating themselves. I know it is about calibration. But please dont kill positive virtues. Nurture them. Otherwise you are gonna grow up to be one dull and boring motherfucker. Less people like that please.

Im sorry to say this, but acting like an anti-social autist will not help you achieve anything. I suspect this advice wasnt actually thought through, but is some kind of emotional backlash or something.

You write that women "wont do shit" for you. I think you should have higher expectations and also follow your own advice and think about your own well being. If you have a girlfriend like that "wont do shit" for you, you should definately think of your own well being and dump her.

About the advice given in the main post. If someone is really, truly down, it is actually not nice to try and "make them" cheer up. It is not the right time for gifts or surprise dates, especially if these things come with the expectation that she MUST cheer up.

The nice thing to do for someone who is truly down, is to really listen. Then find out what the problem really is and offer understanding and emotional support.

How much time is required depends on how serious the problem is. It IS ok to tell someone to pull themselves together if their emotions dont match the magnitude of the problem at all. But if you just act like a bloc of ice and misinterpret and shrug off the problem as unimportant right away, then you are just being an asshole. Dont expect quick, material solutions or simply saying "its ok", to work. It will only add to her problem because now you have made it clear that 1) you give a shit about how she feels or 2) are completely unable to understand her. Both are good reasons to dump a guy in my opinion.

Also, concider this. Who are you REALLY doing these supposedly "nice" things for? Did you actually have her well being in mind, or did you just do things because YOU wanted to MAKE her respond a certain way? If you do things only because you expect something specific in return, then you are not actually being kind, and she will notice. If you just do those things in order to "guilt" a woman into stop trying to talk to you about her problems, then you are not nice. You are actually being extremely egoistic. She will probably get even more frustrated, and the next time she has a problem and you ask her about it, she will remember this and just say "its nothing", even if it is clearly not.

I hope that this advice can be useful to someone.

As Black Phillip said, "a happy woman is a miserable man, a happy man is a happy relationship"

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You should never assume responsibility for someone else's emotions or happiness, unless you actually did something wrong to cause offended feelings. If you assume responsibility for someone else's happiness and/or emotions, you are co-dependent.

The best way to calm an emotionally distressed woman is to make fun of her problems. If this fails, withdraw attention and let time calm her down.

If you have the chance, "The Way Of The Superior Man" covers this quite well.

I'll do my best to elaborate. A womans emotions are like waves, they will change like the tides, upset, happy, horny, excited, nervous, anxious etc etc. The approach is not to solve the problem and be at her beacon call. Instead, distract her from the current emotional wave and try draw her into a new one with actions, not words.

Edit: I have probably done a hatchet job elaborating, but I know you get the gist. She doesn't want to hear "babe, are you ok?" She wants action.

She already has friends to talk to about her problems.