The manosphere has a lot of negative things to say about the advice given to men "just be yourself". I understand.
You get home, exhausted from work. You plop down on the couch and crack a beer. It's been a long day. What's on the TV? 5 hours later, and you figure it's time for bed. Aren't you being yourself? You're tired after all, and deserve to relax.
It's Sunday, and the big game is on. Couple hours with the boys. Lotsa beer, lotsa pizza, probably too much. Aren't you being yourself? You've had a hard week at the grind after all, and sometimes you just need to treat yourself.
You see all the money that some people spend on their appearance and think "what a waste". You work with a bunch of guys anyway at a factory. Who are you trying to impress? People should look at what's on the inside anyway, right?
These excuses for your behaviour have been conditioned into you. As a man, it's your responsibility to rise above mediocrity. When a man behaves this way, women find it a turnoff. But weren't you told that women wanted a man who is "just himself"? Oh, but they do.
The manosphere has a lot of negative things to say about the advice given to men "be vulnerable". I understand.
You get home, exhausted from work. Your wife asks how your day was. You unload to her. Your boss is such a dick. Can you believe he keeps piling more work onto you? You're already behind on the project. Can't he see that it's impossible to get done? He's such a hardass! Aren't you glad you got to share how you felt to her?
You and your girl are at the club. You're standing by the bar while she's out on the dancefloor with some friends. You notice a guy come up and start chatting her up. He's a little too close to her for your comfort. You let it slide, trying to control your emotions. They both walk over to the bar and he buys her a drink. You're fuming now. You need to calm your nerves, so you head outside for a smoke. When you get back in, your girl is back on the floor, but the guy is gone. In the car on the way home, you unload on her. All that pent up emotion, released like a tsunami. How could she do that? Doesn't she know how much it disrespects you? You feel better. You've let her know exactly how you felt. She'll respect you now, won't she?
Again, this behaviour has been conditioned into you. As a man, it's your responsibilty to channel, not repress your emotions. When a man behaves this way, the panties dry up. But weren't you told that women wanted a man who is "vulnerable"? Oh, but they do.
You're at the club, and a gorgeous woman standing in the second row at the bar waiting for a drink. Wow, she's hot. You feel desire. Wouldn't you like to tap that? You approach, and start up a friendly conversation. You crack a joke. She laughs. Hook, set. You offer her a bypass to the line if she'll buy you a beer. She agrees. You wave to the bartender (who you know) and he makes it happen. Boom.
You saw something you wanted, and went for it. You are a man who follows his desires. You didn't let society dictate your impulses, you acted on them. That's attractive. That's being your true self.
She could have rejected your advances. You opened yourself up to rejection, no matter that it stings, and took the shot anyway. That's attractive. You took a risk. You were vulnerable.
You're 37. Since you were a teenager, you've always said that you'd buy a motorbike when you're 40. The thought has been in your head for years. But how will you do it? Your paycheck only stretches so far, with a house and family and all. You need some extra cash, so as an electrician, you start doing some side jobs to create a little extra flow. But you're not saving for the bike. You're saving for the income to buy that bike. After 3 years, you have enough for the downpayment on a rental property. Your research shows you should cashflow after expenses about $200 per month on a property you've been researching. You pull the trigger. Within the year, you've used your extra income to finance the bike that you've always wanted. When it's paid off, you'll have a bike AND extra income every month. Boom.
You wanted something, and made it happen. You are a man who goes after what he wants. You didn't let something like failure get in the way of what you wanted. That's attractive. That's being yourself.
You could have made a poor purchase on your property. Even with all the research, shit still can go wrong. There could have been some structural damage to the building that went without notice even though you had a competent building inspector. You opened yourself up to a loss, and went for it anyway. You could have failed. That's attractive. You took a risk. You were vulnerable.
The difference is obvious. So yes, be vulnerable, but not in the way you've been taught to. And be yourself unapologetically, goddammit.
astrobrah 5y ago
I am man enough to let myself be vulnerable but so far I've only gotten burned for the last year.
[deleted] 5y ago
Something related to vulnerability and risk-taking, to hero mythology, and men having more achievements and more disposability than women, is that to do the most amazing things sometimes requires risking mental instability and suicide. There are many great artists, creators, and pioneers who are an example of this. To go where no one else has, to do what has never been done before, to take these kind of massive risks, can create so much mental and emotional instability, that the only way you are getting through it is battered and crawling, if even that. So this is why you find ways to stay connected to people and don't be too much of an island, prolonged disconnection is the beginning of suicide, and the best way to crawl through hell is with an army behind you.
Bad_nuggets69 5y ago
Being vulnerable is a lesson taught in Models by Mark Manson.
Your post is very descriptive but the message isn’t clear to me - it might be my brain shutting off too, going on 20 hours right now.
Just be yourself has a bad rep around here because most people default to weakness as the “easy” route and justify it by saying they were just being themselves.
From pain comes pleasure - discipline is TRP’s holy grail. You want success. Simple. Force yourself to do the things the majority of people won’t. Etch yourself into the marble. There is no other way. You just need to endure the pain period. It’s not about self-indulgence.
uwey 5y ago
Discipline, dedication and excellence.
Love what you do, do what you love.
[deleted] 5y ago
Basically be true to your nature which is what makes your mind content with itself
Bad_nuggets69 5y ago
First - Aurelius is an incredible difficult writer to understand - which I why I don't lean on him or Machiavelli as he also is incredibly difficult to read. I understand the time and place when they wrote their work and the underlying message, but I subscribe to Einstein's "if you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough".
To get to your point - i believe your underlying point is correct, however it is important to define what "your nature" is. To often this is misconstrued as your feelings, which leads to destruction. Aurelius is arguing that virtues are a man's true nature.
I read the passage as an argument for stoicism. Basically, unless you find some greater good - do not entertain distractions or vices as they make it increasing difficult to return to the righteous path. Virtues such as acting justly, truthfully, calmly, and through strength - those are the things that bring honor, esteem, and power. For blue pills, specifically in interactions with women, they let their weakness (lust) control their actions. This creates issues. This is why it is important to draw the line and why as a general rule, "just be yourself" is not a proper instruction to give.
Being content in mind is a personal problem to be overcome through meditation, self-reflection, and determination. It becomes easier to endure the pain once you 1) acclimate your body to the discomfort and 2) begin to see the results (which takes significant time). Shaping your actions in order to become content is opposite of building power - as the pursuit of power often required pain, which is discontenting to a weaker mind.
Pain is your friend - your feelings about the pain.. is not.
[deleted] 5y ago
I completely agree with what you are saying. It is easy to misinterpret him and think acting justly, being truthful, etc. to get laid (or reach any other hidden agenda) is noble and virtues.
Aurelius' view of being content in mind comes from his interpretation of time. From my understanding, he doesn't advocate for seeking refuge from pain. He argues that you should let go of hate, anger, and any other negative feeling when in pain and embrace the pain. He talks about how the consequences of anger are far more grevious than the casuses of it and that you should maintain your calm (frame) under pressure.
His writing is a bit difficult to understand, but I highly recommend taking your time when going through his writings to reflect on what he is saying.
[deleted] 5y ago
Great response and if I may add as to what OP meant by being vulnerable was that a man should act NATURAL. It doesn't matter whether it's lame, "creepy" whatever. Just get out of your head and do the things which discomforted you, but by being yourself.
whenfoom 5y ago
OP says vulnerability is exposing yourself to risk along the course of pursuing what you want. There's a homonym of 'vulnerability' that means 'expressing butthurt.' OP is saying "don't fall for the socially misdirecting homonyms."
jonpe87 5y ago
A better advice than just be yourself is: build yourself, improve, grow, collect life experience, move, learn to talk this is so important, learn to express yourself, read, lift, fuck, flirt. You are not a static being. Make something of yourself. Above all don't ever accept mediocrity in your life.
SliDlux 5y ago
Exactly. Don't be yourself if you're a loser that plays video games and jerks off all day. Become something better than what you currently are
-Radical_Edward 5y ago
One of the best advices to build confidence. You are not confident if you are hiding yourself.
conflagratorX 5y ago
You can be yourself if you are already person you wanted to be. Otherwise it is counter productive.
Swan_in_a_Cage 5y ago
Find thyself. Know thyself. Be thyself.
it_takes_the_redpill 5y ago
My issue with this post (without having read it) is the title.
Read the posting rules. Don't post imperative statements as titles, it's bloody annoying.
I suspect I know what you mean, but it's almost click bait the way it is posted. Because the title is just standard shitty bluepilled advice without context.
Something better might be "What they really mean when they say 'Be yourself. Be vulnerable.'" or "How to effectively implement 'Be yourself. Be vulnerable.'"
MrTippy 5y ago
Your criticism is constructive.
it_takes_the_redpill 5y ago
Here to build the place up, not get into dick measuring contests like some.
Glad you took it well, that's how it was intended. Your response is appreciated.
[deleted]
Devils_Duke 5y ago
Vulnerability without neediness. It's the best and simplest advice out there. As long as you understand what those words mean.
BostonPillParty 5y ago
I love the sentence, the only addendum I would make is ”as a member of this community”… I wish men around the world would strive for this goal, but is more often than not that they don’t.
redd_reality 5y ago
"Just be your best self"
Problem is, without amazing amounts of work, introspection, dedication, failure and realignment, you don't even know who your best self is.
Once you make serious progress with yourself, become a valuable man who can both assert his will upon others and consider others, then being yourself is good advice. Until then, consider yourself pathetic and unworthy, especially when in the throw of negative emotions like anger, jealousy, desperation or sadness.
gbdoragnic 5y ago
Taking risk isn't vulnerable, it's assertiveness , vulnerable means open to attack, something you don't want,
> You need some extra cash, so as an electrician, you start doing some side jobs to create a little extra flow.
Saving money, and working hard isn't vulnerable, this entire article and principle is using feminist and female perspective of assertiveness. It seems
these days we just use the feminist definition and perspective for everything and fit it into our narrative
> And be yourself unapologetically, goddammit.
Just make sure you are being yourself, this advice works, but yourself according to society is a women hater, a redefinition must take place first
MrTippy 5y ago
Being vulnerable is being open to harm. Risk taking therefore is vulnerability, because whatever is at risk can be harmed. This can be many things - emotional, physical, financial, etc.
Assertiveness is more aligned with confidence and being self assured. Although risk taking can be seen as assertive, that was not the intention of this post.
> Saving money, and working hard isn't vulnerable
No it is not. But starting a business is. And real estate is a business.
[deleted] 5y ago
Be your best self, seem invulnerable.
navysealen 5y ago
Great post, Definitely saving that one.
MattyAnon Admin 5y ago
You've already lost
EscapeTheGoat 5y ago
I agree. We all need to live our lives with us FIRST. Take control. I absolutely see this.