All men would love to have ESP and know when a woman is into us, and know when it is OK to escalate. ESP does not exist, but there are other methods. Many young men fail to ever learn how read the signs and get labelled as creeps or worse, get ridiculed or shamed, or even charged with a crime over their clumsy attempts at escalation with the wrong person.

This is an essay I wished I had read when I was 15, instead, I'm providing it to you, right now. If you are a newbie with women, in your teens, or have very little experience, then I believe this will help you.

Two recent events triggered this essay. First, I witnessed a young man about 15 years old chasing his oneitis. Everyone but him could see she was not into him. The other event was a discussion I had with my family about how a guy knows if he can escalate, so he should never get hit with an assault charge. How does a guy know? What was the young man with oneitis missing? This essay is about how to know.

First, some background theory: After reading this essay, go find Blackdragon's blog posts about escalating. Then read DiCarlo's "Escalation Ladder", read the books "What Every Body is Saying", "Undercover Sex Signals", and also "Dimensions of Body Language". Between 30 years of experience and reading these sources, I finally understand. This knowledge is still useful even when married, because women don't go from 0 to 100.

So, let's start with the young kid. What did I and everyone else observe that he didn't? Everywhere she went, he followed. When he sat down beside her, she turned her back to him, turned her whole body away, did not talk to him, moved away from him, crossed her arms, then eventually left again. Body language is they key here. Everyone else could read it, but the kid couldn't. What would have been the opposite? She would have placed herself close to him. When he talked to her, her whole body would face him, feet, face, and chest. Her body would be open, arms not crossed, showing off her wrists, playing with her hair. She would laugh at his bad jokes, and even touch him at times. Eye contact would either be constant, or a mix of looking down then up. So, there you go, you see those signals, she is saying go ahead talk to me, touch me. Don't even talk to her, let alone start to physically escalate if you're getting negative body language. If you try to escalate and she's not into you, that's when you get hit with Creep.

How do you make the first touch? First you need to build some rapport. Talk with her, joke, tell some stories.
Once rapport has been established, you can go for the first touch. The first touch needs to seem innocent or like an afterthought, or incidental to what is happening. Lean in and touch the small of her back for a conspiratorial whisper, touch a hip as you move by, or you could be bold say something like "Give me your hand for second" and give her a fake reading. IF AND ONLY IF she does not shrink away, or flinch, then you can go to the next stage. If she flinches, or backs away and seems agitated, slow down and build rapport. If all rapport has been lost, then leave.

The next stage is more intimate yet, but still seems incidental. Now, when you talk, or move her around, you can place a hand on her abdomen or lower down her back, nearly on the ass. Escort her around by the waist. At this point, if she flinches away or seems self conscious, back off a bit and build more rapport. You can still just leave and not lose anything.

The last stage is touching her face. Move hair aside, brush (imaginary) lint off her cheek, touch an ear ring, or brush her hair off her neck to see a necklace. Again, if she flinches, turns away, seems agitated, or pushes away, then back off a bit and build rapport. Remember, she was into you to begin with, so as long as you don't have foot in mouth disease or are escalating too quickly without gauging feedback, then you're good. And if things seem to sour, then leave.

At this point, you have a woman that you know is interested in you, she isn't repulsed, and feels relaxed around you, and allows you to touch her. So, either you invite her out on a date or get her isolated. It depends on the situation on what you do. If you're in some group event you invite for a date. If you're at a club, or a festival, or some other big event, then you isolate.

The next stages are all meant to lead to sex. The next stages start with kissing, then fondling boobs, then rubbing genitals, and finally intercourse. The same rules still apply. Escalate in stages, look for feedback, and either back off or move ahead. But, ALWAYS gauge feedback. If, at any time, she shrinks away, pushes you or a body part away, then you need to either stop or build rapport.

Remember, her feedback tells you what you can do. Read that feedback and gauge your response. In these ways, A guy "knows". You knew she wanted you to escalate because her body told you so. You knew you had the green light to escalate. You only went as far as she was willing to go. With this knowledge you'll be less likely to get branded a creep or get hit with a charge of some form of assault. Find and read the reference material. Study it, learn it. Then watch people in real life. You will see women covertly opening men, you'll see men clumsily pushing their way through when all signals are saying stop, and you'll see naturals just doing this without thinking.