So I'm relatively new to this whole dating thing. I went to a small university and "dating", where a specific time and place was set up, was never something which I needed to ever participate in. Now that I'm living in a big city, I've had to learn (and suffer) how exactly this whole thing works. I can remember at first how nervous and unrelaxed I was going on dates. It wasn't my own space I was in, I would never feel completely comfortable and I'm sure my dates saw it. I'm much more confident now and I want to share one thing I have noticed and changed about myself.
In pretty much every date I go on, there comes a point in the night where my date and I gaze at each other and the conversation dies out. At this point the girl usually asks something like "What are you thinking about?" or "What?" with a nervous laugh behind it. My old self would, at this point, also nervously laugh or say something like "Nothing" and move the conversation on to something lighter. I used to think that I was being too intense with my gaze or that I was making the feel uncomfortable. .
However, I realise now that this point in the date is extremely important. Its at this moment which you can show your own strength and uncompromising state. By simply smiling and not saying anything, you show her that you have the strength of will to hold her in your gaze and not be ruffled by anything she does. Her asking the questions is simply a shit test and nothing more.
On my last date, I used this to great success. This was a first date with a smoking hot ballet dancer who I took out for a drink. Throughout the night I made a point of keeping confident body language and my frame, but not making much physical contact. I've found that if you escalate physically too fast sometimes, it shows a woman you are too needy and she will put up her ASD. Well later on in the night we were talking about something sexually funny which made us both laugh. At this point I looked at her and the conversation stopped. She asked me "What?" and giggled nervously. I took it at this point to escalate physically and placed my hand on her thigh. She shuddered and then looked around and told me that "You just made met wet." At that point, I knew the date was a success and she told me se wanted to go back to mine. I didn't even have to ask.
TLDR; learn to STFU when it counts and hold your frame. Silence is a great tool.
burton321 11y ago
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-a1jXgAsQI
This guy explains exactly what your talking about. This will help you out. Long but worth it.
ArtificialButters 11y ago
Yah I've seen that. It was eye opening really.
My lacrosse team had a motto which applies pretty well... "Do Less"
Multicorn 11y ago
When a girl asks this, I usually hold it another second or two without reacting to let the tension bubble up a little more before telling them unapologetically that I was just checking them out (because, hey, I was). After all, this is my world, and I'll gaze upon and say (or not say) what I wish. They tend to respond positively to the confidence/vulnerability and dominance this communicates, and it seems to increase the comfort level, so next time there's a moment of silence she'll think back to this moment and feel tingly and wanted rather than awkward.
MagicGainbow 11y ago
I have learned the power of less over this last while, in my last few relationships i've found that if it can be rephrased into less words - do so, only wax lyrical when drunk.
chakravanti93 11y ago
I use "Do not explain yourself before they prove themselves and inquire." as a rule of thumb for choosing my words.
You are left with flattery, inquiry, instruction, body language and silence.
MagicGainbow 11y ago
Personally lately a mixture of pared down sentences(only the need to know), forward commanding language(telling or deciding not suggesting or asking) and just a hint of arrogance at this early stage, when she says i'm right I answer ''I know'' just that it's arrogant but not too arrogant.
ArtificialButters 11y ago
On first dates I'm starting to give less and less info about myself. I straight up told this girl on the date that I wasn't going to tell her where I worked or what how I made my money. I mean, if she is desperate enough she can find me on LinkedIn, but I don't want to give up that info so easily.
[deleted] 11y ago
"Nothing interesting or important" - the average American male
MagicGainbow 11y ago
Girls love a mystery.
RedPillDad 11y ago
This is the crux of it. Let her be the one to reveal her cards openly. Showing all yours is a losing move.
She loves a man's brooding intensity and those moments of tension in the air. Spill your guts like a needy girlfriend would and the tension is relieved, the mystery solved.
The beta reflex is to eliminate/alleviate tension and calm the waters. Be willing to create and sustain tension and rock the fucking boat.
wOnKaCatalyst 11y ago
you're god damn right.
VinylGuy420 11y ago
Commenting for later reference.
johnbranflake 11y ago
the handy dandy save button works for that.
bossbang 11y ago
Comments go in a separate list ;)
Markman94 11y ago
Silence, eye contact, nervous smile = physically escalate. NOW.
Good post man!
[deleted] 11y ago
"it shows a woman you are too needy and she will put up her ASD. " What do you mean by ASD?
Zackcid 11y ago
Guy tries to sexually escalated, girl feels as though it's going too fast or whatever, her mind begins to set up defenses because one of her biggest fears is seeming like a slut to herself and to him, so her mind makes her act "hard to get" and annoying (to the guy). This is Anti-Slut defense.
A common thing girls would say in ASD is "what, you think I'm a slut?" or "I don't usually do this..." (she's trying to prove to him that she's not a slut).
Subtletorious 11y ago
Anti Slut Defense. It is her managing the perception of being a slut, not the act of being a slut itself.
SillyAmerican 11y ago
Awesome point. My mindset is always that I am not there for my dates entertainment. I am simply there, with myself, and just so happen to be sitting across from someone. Silence is normal, and nothing to be afraid of. Embrace it and it can work to your advantage.
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
I am a fucking chatter box. I actually don't do well in complete silence, I often will just bring up any topic just so there isn't dead air. Now, I am not in a situation where I am picking anyone up, I just hate silence when there are two people who are supposed to be communicating. I crack jokes a lot, I am very sarcastic so I have used that to my advantage my whole life and I find most people legitimately laugh at what I have to say.
Mandeponium 11y ago
Elliott Hulse on the subject
coogzzz 11y ago
If you don't know what you're doing I can see this going horribly wrong.
ArtificialButters 11y ago
You're absolutely right, if I had tried to do this a couple of months ago, I definitely would not have had the confidence to do what I did. I've been subscribing now to TRP for almost a year now and the difference in my mentality is day and night now.
libchh 11y ago
This a bit interesting. I've always done something similar with some girls, specifically when we're already making out or so. Basically I like looking at them like the pretty little flowers they are, without saying anything. This, of course, makes them go crazy because they don't understand why I'm not saying anything besides my little smile
otiswild 11y ago
See, if she lived in Austin and wasn't some dumbass pinko, she would just pull out her .38SPL and shot the knife-wielding assailant in the face.
Me? I'm not getting stuck with an assault or rape charge by interceding.
Hyooge 11y ago
One should learn to speak less in general. This results in a few benefits.
Anything you do say becomes more valuable. Your words have impact when they're meaningful but even more so when you don't assault people with constant drivel. I was in a room sat in a circle with a group of new people and while everyone was bickering I sat back and eventually opened my mouth. Instinctively everyone turned and looked at me to listen to what I had to say over the noise. Even though I said nothing mind blowing, everyone's attention was focussed on me and so everyone was thinking about my proposal.
You stop saying as many stupid things. We've all said something laughable before and tried to compensate but ended up digging an embarrassing hole. When you say little it gives you more time to think about saying important or funny things and you reduce the potential of saying something that is stupid.
I know a guy just like this. He is childish, he is known by a lot of people but he is the equivalent of a jester. He jumps around making a racket and at first he garners everyone's attention but very soon he is just absorbed into the background and no one pays him any attention. He is a loser.
MrsStrom 11y ago
There's a reason the "strong & silent" type is so attractive-it puts women's hamsters into overdrive trying to figure out if you're attracted to her. When used properly, this leads to her jumping through hoops to earn your approval.
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Hyooge 11y ago
I was describing a certain type of person where their voice is merely an attempt to draw attention to themselves but does not work. The guy who has to make an ass of themselves to get people looking.
Some useful points though.
RedPillDad 11y ago
♂
Well said. People who try to talk their way through shit never understand the power of pithy. You can see the boredom in their listeners' faces.
Women respond to powerful men and powerful words. Light her up by concentrating your essence into meaningful words delivered with passion and intensity. If she doesn't reciprocate, move on to someone who is more interested and interesting.
trpbot 11y ago
Confirmed: 1 point awarded to /u/Hyooge by RedPillDad. ^[History]
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Hyooge 11y ago
I'd say something loudly along the lines of calling her out on it. You should have personally humiliated her by calling her a rude girl, asking her if her parents taught her any manners.
Look at this calm display by Tom Cruise where he is provoked into embarrassment but quickly turns it around and humiliates his attacker by treating him like a child. He was put in a very vulnerable position, jeopardising his reputation but he showed his dominance in the scene and told the man off. Being patronising in a certain way after mistreatment can absolutely crush the person who mistreated you. Never ever let someone get away with something that disrespects you.
kneeonbelly 11y ago
That's less "nobody looking at you" and more "everybody looking at her". Use your body language and one-word responses to make it known that you don't find her or what she says interesting or cool. Strike up a side conversation while she insists on blabbering on. Don't even look at her if she tries to get your attention. One-word answers if you have to answer her direct question so you aren't being blatantly rude to her in front of the others. It will rub off on the others. You probably aren't the only one who thinks she's obnoxious. And if they all just still seem to love her, maybe they aren't people you need to be around so much.
[deleted] 11y ago
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a_nus 11y ago
Another eye contact example:
I locked eye contact with a date I was on for a while, then smirked when I could tell she started getting a bit nervous. She then says "It makes me horny when you do that. Just look straight into my eyes."
I was also very horny myself. I'm sure this changes the way I was looking at her and she could perceive that. If anyone has any more info on how (if at all) humans can perceive mates as being sexually aroused through eye contact alone, let me know. I'm curious.
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Science_isthenewcool 11y ago
Agree that pregnant pauses are a great way to manipulate the conversation and step up the intensity/sexual tension level a notch. A very little smile/smirk sometimes helps immensely.
KeyLordAU 11y ago
Yep. Sitting there looking awkward/worried isn't going to help your night.
__ROOSTER__ 11y ago
Then don't be awkward
Esminia 11y ago
sick advice m8, RES-saved
Zanford 11y ago
Vid of a dude picking up chicks with silent stares and a leather jacket a la Charlie Sheen in Ferris Bueller:
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4dk475izaWc
only one girl gets hostile or weirded out. The ugliest one!
the others laugh nervously and cutely. Any awkwardness is their problem, not his.
girls get eager to chat. They cannot handle the silence. The girl becomes the chaser!
super easy low effort style. No fancy routines, he's not jacked, medium pitch voice, and he's not even stone cold stoic.
KingHavana 11y ago
Did he just plop down with each of them before the vids start?
[deleted] 11y ago
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IDefyAxioms 11y ago
/r/malefashionadvice has an awesome leather guide.
Tip: you're not getting good quality for $100 or less.
freethinker7 11y ago
I think this type of game could be especially effective (less likely to be perceived as creepy) if you're in a situation where the expectation is that you and this girl should be talking, for example if you're talking at a bar and a friend had introduced you earlier that night. Ryan Gosling in Drive is another good example of this strong, silent frame, but he does it in a more charming way.
TheOpposingView 11y ago
I mean--he is a good looking guy, would you not agree?
I'd like to see someone less attractive try it...
Either way, have you given it a shot?
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Blemish 11y ago
Condoms rubbing on each other ... Extra friction, is bad.
Leads to breakage
johnnight 11y ago
In my town many are strippers/exotic dancers.
Source: girl, who has many ballet dancer friends.
[deleted] 11y ago
If this didn't tell him that, then nothing will.
ArtificialButters 11y ago
I think it was more of her shock than anything..
[deleted] 11y ago
In case someone takes his advice literally, DO NOT wear 2 condoms, they have a huge chance of slipping off or ripping during intercourse.
[deleted] 11y ago
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FedUpWithTheBullShit 11y ago
Oooh Jeeessus. You should know to never bag it up twice with the LAY-DEEZ!!!
robesta 11y ago
Pretty sure that was a joke bro. That's pretty common knowledge.
[deleted] 11y ago
You never know dude, someone might have taken his "advice"
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Kaidren 11y ago
Yeah lets all downvote him before he can even prove his point! Fuck alternative thinking styles and information that doesn't agree with out own, only we are right!
[deleted] 11y ago
http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/are-two-condoms-better-one
http://www.health.arizona.edu/health_topics/sexual_health/usingtwocondoms.htm
[deleted] 11y ago
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Wrong_Opinion 11y ago
Go figure, an institution that gets money based on their continued practice of murdering children is pro-condom sabotage.
[deleted] 11y ago
Idk dude. Googling it almost every source has said it does in fact lead to breakage and even condom manufacturers have said so. and it would make sense since the extra friction would make it easier for it to break. But its up to you what you do.
HitlersCow 11y ago
But the government is always right!
Moneyley 11y ago
damn it! I just met one at the gym. She was stretching in the pool and we started talking. Explain your logic here kind sir
kneeonbelly 11y ago
Don't do this type of thing.
Moneyley 11y ago
I do what tha fuck I want. I couldve called him a cunt either way I asked for info on how ballerinas are sluts and it wasnt answered. Instead I get downvoted on speak. Beta fux alpha bucks on this one.
DumpyLips 11y ago
You're in a sub that values male strength above practically all else. Intentions aside, your question was phrased in a way that seemed to ignore this.
It'd be like asking a question in r/science using slang and shitty grammar.
till_apert 11y ago
Just treat her like any other girl and you should be fine.
Moneyley 11y ago
I am, I was trying to see what would make her different as a ballerina then other women. Im openminded. If it cant be answered it cant no biggie but downvote on speak doesnt represent this community as I've known it.
Zackcid 11y ago
Maybe it's the way you worded it. You almost sounded like one of those blue pillers who come here occasionally and say "well, all my female friends are nothing like what you guys describe! Naaah!! sticks out tongue"
I think "Why are ballet dancers the biggest whores?" would have gotten you upvotes instead.
Moneyley 11y ago
probably I could care less. I wanted to know if there was a contingency behind that statement. Guess it was just an opinion.
vengefully_yours 11y ago
I learned that when she asks 'what are you thinking?' What she is really saying is 'I want to fuck your brains out.'
I act accordingly and answer that I'm thinking of her being naked and around me, or something along those lines.
ArtificialButters 11y ago
I'll try this one sometime soon. Nice
Scymnus 11y ago
Agreed. Awkward people tend to think silence is really uncomfortable. As long as your conversation generally has a good flow, a couple of silent pauses can be used to your advantage. Showing her that you're not uncomfortable even in silence when meeting a person, and using it to escalate, is a pretty good move.
DownvoteToDisagree 11y ago
That's why, when people are nervous and self conscious about not knowing what to say, they will punctuate their words with "um" and "uh." Most people do it often, without realizing it.
I challenge my fellow RPers to record yourselves while giving a short talk or speech. You might be surprised that you do it too, and it would serve you to improve your speech patterns.
cherrypoptart27 11y ago
I took a public speaking course in my senior year of high school. This was one of the most important things I learned: never fear a pause and don't feel obligated to use those fillers. I listened to myself do it and I was disgusted. I never do it anymore and my dating skills have improved dramatically. Girls always think I'm confident bordering on cocky and I think that willingness to just pause and hold eye contact is a huge element of that. If you haven't taken a public speaking course yet, I highly recommend it. Beyond the pure speaking skills and what I've already mentioned, they teach you how to have more alpha body language to improve your audience'a receptiveness.
sirpsycho3 11y ago
Just to tag along with you, there is a group or club called the toastmasters that get together to improve their public speaking abilities. If you go to college they most likely have a toast masters
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mast0rz 11y ago
This isn't exactly what you're describing, but another good time to just STFU and listen along:
A plate recently dropped me because I couldn't keep myself from shutting up. We got home to my place after a night out, and decided to wind down with a glass of wine and some chill music and talk.
She started talking about how her dad had injured himself while participating in a game during a holiday. I stupidly chuckle while thinking to myself "what a silly game to injur yourself in, it couldn't have been a bad injury". As it turns out, he injured himself pretty severely. Her flood gates open and I'm sitting there like a fool.
Needless to say she left, and I haven't seen her again.
Moral of the story: keep shit to yourself.
saaadfaaace 11y ago
This is much more, "Don't say retarded ass shit" instead of STFU and listen.
Of course she is going to be emotional connected to her father, we all know the myriad of red flags that correlate with the opposite.