On the topic of leadership in our relationship, she said, "women can effectively lead in relationships...it's just not typically done."
I told her she couldn't even lead a conversation in our relationship and issued her a challenge to do so for only 15 min.
The topic was anything including sports to soap operas. The bet was a home-cooked dinner.
When I say, "fail," it does not describe the next 5 minutes of what looked to be torture as she tried to direct & steer the conversation to keep it flowing.
I took a totally reactive verbal stance, didn't say more than what was required to answer any questions, and nodded in agreement to minor points.
Her reply after only 5 min: "geez...keeping a woman interested in you when you first meet her must be HARD AS HELL!" My reply...try doing it to a girl that thinks she's too cute, is acting stuck up just because, etc and then try to be funny as well.
Give this challenge to your lady, see how she does, let us know.
[deleted] 7y ago
I think this is a clear example of when people misunderstand red pill concepts to an extent that becomes almost anti-red pill.
You talk as that makes you proud. Of course you were very alpha in that situation, but... what kind of lobotomized girl are you having a "relationship" with?
My girl is a pretty interesting person, a collage student, and knows a fuckton of really interesting and relevant stuff about literature and history. She is completely capable of leading conversations and has taught me a lot. If you think that reveals that I'm beta, try again, you've misunderstood the red pill.
tl;dr: Everyone can be alpha when compared to a fire hydrant.
omega_dawg93 7y ago
and if you must know, I'm a dual degree engineer & shes got an MBA and an MS in geology...since that matters to you .
MattyAnon Admin 7y ago
This is why we don't test women: they fail and noone is happy.
Dis_mah_mobile_one 7y ago
On the contrary; OP's woman's failure lead her to being more happily lead.
MattyAnon Admin 7y ago
Then it wasn't a true test... because she failed and he still accepts her. That makes is a teaching example :)
SetConsumes 7y ago
Never looked at it like that at all. So so true. Almost never is something positive from failing a test taught by a woman. Which makes sense, that'd require wanting to teach and logic over emotions
Dis_mah_mobile_one 7y ago
What are tests if not teaching examples?
stemgang 7y ago
Have you ever failed a shit test and then had her explain why?
No, because tests are not teaching examples.
MattyAnon Admin 7y ago
Shit test = test that can be failed and destroys chance of sex.
Entrance exam = fail and you don't get into college.
Teaching example = can't really fail, no bad consequences.
[deleted] 7y ago
As one of my favorite comedians described being apart of a conversation with a group of women, it's like watching a 3D movie where everyone has the glasses except for you.
They are all fucking amazed by the dumbest shit, while you're left trying to figure out why they are having a conversation where nothing is happening.
4D6N2 7y ago
This is brilliant, and perfectly describes the feeling I get when forced to witness female communication.
[deleted] 7y ago
I tried reading romance novels and felt the same way. Every one of them is like 600 pages ... about absolutely nothing except
iektop 7y ago
Funny and kind of tragic what you say. Funny because what's one to do in that situation? Maybe try to understand what they're trying to do with their inane babbling? Hold frame? Something else? ... argh. .. and tragic because it's true. What your favorite comedian said in so simple words is so true that even men who cannot express it in words know and feel deep down. A man whose only novel I have as one of my favorites said once "the supreme vice is shallowness " ....
[deleted] 7y ago
This. Its funny how dating coaches and people out there play them up as some stealth ninja 9000 sub communicators but women really are dumb as shit and easy to control when you realize how stupid the ways are you have to talk to them (dumb retarded shit like astrology and whatnot). Best part is... IT WORKS!
zephyrprime 7y ago
Tell us more about how to talk to them please.
Cyralea 7y ago
The amount of inane shit that women find "Just. So. Fucking. Funny." is pretty remarkable.
Zerwas 7y ago
Like a guy getting his dick cut off and thrown in a garbage disposal.
SOwED 7y ago
And that's why Buzzfeed is so huge.
Marcus1138 7y ago
I'm really hoping they shutter that shithole soon, but despite Hogan and Thiel's great efforts the swarms of college-age girls will probably keep it alive.
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[deleted] 7y ago
Next test: she has to plan a night out where she picks the restaurant, selects the wine, chooses the meal and listen to you whine all night if you don't like her choices.
omega_dawg93 7y ago
THIS. you understand the dynamic i was trying to illustrate to her. i like how you think.
she now fully understands why i lead (and will continue to) while she takes her position but cuts out some of the bullshit.
onepill_twopill 7y ago
Guys too. I'm in eng at uni so naturally lots of the people i've met can't lead a conversation for shit, and i'm always putting work into the conversation. One day i decided to be purely reactive, as you did, and see how they liked it. They couldn't keep conversation up themselves for more than two minutes.
getcanceranddieLUL 7y ago
If women are so good at social, verbal and communicative manipulation, how do they fail so hard at the basics like in the OP? This is another example of contradictory views on TRP.
highenergysanders 7y ago
Manipulation is about being willing and able to leverage something the other party wants to serve your ends and not necessarily about being able to engaging another person in a meaningful way.
PeacefullyFighting 7y ago
Wow, i just realized that girls have no clue how hard they are making it on us when they give the basic answers to questions. I just started online dating after many years of not dating at all and im blown away at how hard it is to keep the conversation going. You ask a detailed question that could easily start a long conversation and you get a 3-5 word response. Seriously, if you took all of my conversations and split up what they say vs what i say i would easily say 2-3 times as much. I thought it was supposed to be reversed from that. Apparently this flip who does the talking happened during my break from dating because it was a shock for me. I liked the old days (high school) when the girls did all the talking and all the guy did was hope for peace and quite. Im sick of the keeping her entertained concept.
[deleted] 7y ago
Granted, a lot of people have no idea how to lead a conversation. My mother always told me to just think of it like tennis: you serve, she hits it back, you hit it back; if someone drops the ball, you serve something new.
greatslyfer 7y ago
That's actually pretty simple and straight to the point.
PeacefullyFighting 7y ago
The problem here is that they dont realize they are dropping the ball. Its not really tennis if one person is doing all the serving and they never receive a returned ball
[deleted] 7y ago
Then just stop playing. Why try to impress someone who isn't even interested in playing with you? A complete waste of time.
PeacefullyFighting 7y ago
With online dating its hard to tell if they arnt interested, have too many conversations going on or have no idea that they are giving basic answers. Similar to OPs post they think they are holding the conversation or even leading it when in reality they are barely keeping it alive. I really think this comes what each sex is trying to get out of the dating apps. The girl is trying to be entertained and can find a new person to entertain them if you get boring. There is no need to put in effort. On the other hand they guy is trying to stand out from her other matches. In this setup of course its up to the guy to keep the conversation going, obviously at some point you should just quit playing but in my experience as long as you are getting some response she is still slightly interested. At this stage all it takes is the right conversation starter, a good tease or something and you two could be hitting it off in no time.
[deleted] 7y ago
I think the tennis metaphor only applies to face-to-face conversation, since it's a quicker game. Online is a shit show as everyone knows, that's why the advice usually here is to esculate and try to meet in person ASAP.
PeacefullyFighting 7y ago
I 100% agree with this. I always go for the face to face meetup ASAP. Otherwise you run out of topics and just say "how was your day" over and over. It also lets you find out how much her pictures are doctored sooner.
[deleted] 7y ago
Ya, you could be the most interesting man in the world with the most amazing stories, but even then you'll lose someones interest because "you type to much, lol"
PeacefullyFighting 7y ago
I know! and getting the timing right on a reply is also tricky. Too slow and they loose interest, too fast and you must be a creepy weirdo
grass_cutter 7y ago
Yeah the best advice on dates is to actually let the woman do as much talking as possible. Yeah you need to nudge and lead here and there and give back, but the more she's talking, the more she'll like you by the end of the night.
maje5678 7y ago
Yeah. The more she talks the more she invests
FlamingDogPoop 7y ago
women talk to become more comfortable. let her chat herself into your bed.
imgurTeamTrump 7y ago
This works because people love talking about themselves. Its usefulness extends beyond game.
FoxMcWeezer 7y ago
Except it feels weird when you realize the other person has also heard this very LifeProTip because all they're doing is asking you things about yourself. You know they're just gaming you.
swimngolf 7y ago
Yup works like GOLD on interviews. Ask the person about their entire career (multiple questions as they continue to talk about themselves) and they will love you by the end of the meeting.
[deleted] 7y ago
I hate talking about myself.
So its not 100% that everybody loves talking about herself.
demolpolis 7y ago
You like talking about things that interest you though. Just because you don't interest you (not really an insult, but you should think about that fact) dosen't mean that you don't like to talk.
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DeNovaCain 7y ago
Recruiter here. This is entirely true
tirmanadir 7y ago
How'd that work? Unless the interviewers are retarded, they're going to steer back to asking you questions straight away.
[deleted] 7y ago
Because you ask them questions.
Interviews are a 2 way process, you are interviewing them as much as they are interviewing you.
poonGopher6969 7y ago
You come off as knowledgable when continuing on topics they started, friendly, and competent.
tirmanadir 7y ago
Yeah, but how're you gonna get them to talk more than you? They're there to ask questions, and any interviewer worth his salt won't let himself get sidetracked.
swimngolf 7y ago
When they ask you if you have any questions, switch them right back at them. Their role, how they got there, how long they've been there, their career path to get there ETC....
madeaccfortrp 7y ago
Research about the company. Research the potential interviewers. Ask questions about your position, your role, the companies vision, ect. If you show a genuine interest something they're passionate about, they'll love to blab on about it forever.
shadowchicken85 7y ago
I find that asking the interviewer why they chose to work at that company helps you chances at getting the job too.
[deleted] 7y ago
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rockumsockumrobots 7y ago
I'm assuming you don't work for mic dot com? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qrYz7Ul3Z8
trippinallday 7y ago
Definitely. When you're focusing too much on making conversation it just gets awkward and uncomfortable usually. It's so much easier to just initiate and ask questions and take the back seat, even though in her eyes you're still leading. I've been having crazy success with this recently, I wish I had figured it out earlier.
BlueBlus 7y ago
I do this all the time but it feels like I need to "butt into the conversation". Is this normal? I usually try to sit back and let other people do the talking but I feel like it may make me seem introverted
trippinallday 7y ago
Just be responsive and confident when you do it and you won't seem introverted. You're still initiating and steering the situation, so you don't really come off as awkward or socially inept. You're just letting them fly off the handle, they're far more focused on blabbering on about pointless shit than how much you're contributing.
bitchyeah 7y ago
Thats true for most girls, but definitely not all. I've seen girl that are more interested in letting you talk to evaluate you. These are usually girls that reply with short answers like, yes no. But impress them with what you say and they will like you
redbluepilling 7y ago
Ha, at face value, that's a terrible frame and terrible advice.
Most succinctly, I'd say: Get to know them and be genuinely curious. Everyone has passions and interests that they can easily talk and flow. If you aren't genuinely curious, why are you there?
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VelociReactor 7y ago
tell her to stfu or you'll shove your dick down her throat.
plenty_of_eesh 7y ago
No. This is not normal. The kind of person who talks incessantly and never needs the back-and-forth... I don't know how you could manage a second date with someone like that.
But if they have some redeeming features that make it worth trying something, I'd try dominance.
Go straight to the subjects they're harping on and push your own reactions back. Talk over them. Lots of "Excuse me but..."
May be possible to train that way?
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plenty_of_eesh 7y ago
Sounds like maybe she's nervous. So possibly
1) Her state of relaxation will just improve over time. Or after sex.
2) Try dominating the conversation like I said. This may teach her that it's supposed to be a conversation not a monologue.. and also may help with (1), i.e., she needs you to be the man here.
If this doesn't improve, I guess you can try to explain it to her, with some "Look, you have to SHUT THE FUCK UP sometimes."
If you're stuck still, and you're actually asking what kind of pastimes you can do while she's talking, I suggest going to the Play Store and downloading a game...
But at that point you really have to ask if it's all worth it.
And, are you sure it's "all her?" Maybe she's giving you cues to jump in and agree / sympathize with her and the one-sidedness is more your fault.
Does she ever ask "What are you thinking?"
SoRefreshing 7y ago
My best conversation advancers if I hit a dead spot, because it seems relevant:
• "So, tell me, where's the craziest place you've done the deed?"
Word it like this, exactly. When I've used this by saying 'fucked' instead of 'done the deed' it gets a way different response
• "In three years, what do you think you can accomplish?"
You are qualifying with this one, it's you switching the frame to figure out why she thinks she's good enough for you, but in a subtle fashion
• "Okay, we're taking a plane to the Bahamas to an isolated beach. We're going to be stuck there for a week, you get to bring one thing. What do you take?"
Often this one will lead her to ask you what you would take, and I normally answer, 'condoms, we are on a beach, alone, we better be safe' and smile
All of these have the exact same purpose, to get her to reveal something to you. The first one frames you as a more sexual being, and also gets her to enter that realm with you, same with the third.
It may be best to use those two as you get ready to venue change or go back to your place, and then say something sly well "That's pretty crazy, but maybe we should one up that" (in response to the first line) if you have the demeanor and control to deliver it correctly.
You can bounce off her answer, and keep the conversation going.
I took psychology and communication classes in college, even though I was a business major. Also took a cultural norms class in the business department to learn about customs overseas and adapt to girls from other countries.
I'm probably going to turn this into a post and expand on it, but for now, this should help.
[deleted] 7y ago
Nice conversation pieces, thanks.
thelaptopliquidator 7y ago
Masturbatory fluff that adds nothing productive or insightful.
To all the guys whining about how hard it is to lead a conversation: Maybe go outside and talk to girls and practice instead of sitting here and reading this junk.
If you're going to waste your time on TRP there are more worthwhile threads to do it.
DGer 7y ago
Why are you having a conversation about leadership in a relationship? Leaders don't talk about leadership, they just lead.
omega_dawg93 7y ago
she's the leader of her work team and has books on effective leadership AT WORK. this woman is a highly effective motivated leader (oil & gas company).
bc of that, she's totally submissive and wants to be at home... says it's relaxing to not be in charge.
so the topic of leadership in general is discussed regularly... bc women dont have it very easy in leadership positions in oil & gas work.
in our personal relationship, there is no question who leads things; that's not discussed or even challenged. but don't think she doesn't TRY to tie the work & personal dynamic together.
that's when i say, "have some fruit... you're thinking too much."
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Mr_Options 7y ago
Single again OP? I though so.
whuttupfoo 7y ago
Am I the only one that thinks this post is pretty ignorant and offers no type of value? Soon as you put someone on the spot to perform they're not going to do it in their normal fashion. This post doesn't really prove anything.
maxbrooksmacbook 7y ago
You kinda put her on the spot. I'm sure if she started talking about something she enjoys she could lead the conversation
Spurnout 7y ago
So? I can be put on the spot and strike up a conversation pretty damn easily. I can also keep it going if I choose. I actually used to play this game back in the day when I was in high school. I used to chat on the phone with this girl quite often at night, this is before texting was a thing. As it got later, she would say that she had to get off the phone to get ready for bed, blah blah blah. The game I would play is to keep her on the phone as long as possible without her realizing what I was doing. I think that unintentionally gave me some good conversational skills.
sir_wooly_merkins 7y ago
"Anything from sports to soap operas." It sounds like he basically let her choose the topic.
YabuSama2k 7y ago
I used to give 90 minute lectures 4x a week, and I don't know exactly what is meant by "lead the conversation". This sounds like a very awkward request to make just because it is so far from the norm of what happens in a two-way conversation. Besides, even Frederick Douglass couldn't 'lead' a conversation with someone who didn't want to cooperate.
I don't mean to go pissing in anyone's cheerios, but I don't see this as a meaningful test/measurement of anything at all.
sir_wooly_merkins 7y ago
Well that's fine, but I was addressing another comment in which it was suggested she couldnt choose the subject. The issue of whether the entire exercise is scientifically sound is absolutely debateable.
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maxbrooksmacbook 7y ago
Conversation has to be natural. It can't be like "hey pick a topic and go." The initial awkwardness of the exchange can easily kill any possible momentum
sir_wooly_merkins 7y ago
Well now we've simply circled back to discussing the burden men face.
Yankee_Fever 7y ago
This reminds me of the thread the other day of women asking if they are scared some of the men they meet might be red pill.
The most popular answers were, no, those guys are a bunch of jerkoffs and you can tell right away by the shit that comes out of their mouth.
Congratulations OP. This is a textbook example of needing to show off to your plate how sophisticated you are when it comes to sexual dynamics
[deleted] 7y ago
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[deleted] 7y ago
It comes down to law 38: Think as you like but behave like others.
Trying to show women just how smart you are with intersexual dynamics, or overtly trying to show that you're an Alpha at best does nothing for you and at worst makes you look like an idiot. In my purple pill days I would try to identify with women and show off how smart I was for understanding how things work, but it's counterproductive.
In the other thread, the females complain about all these TRPers they know or have met and all the stuff they say. But if people can put you into a box like that you are not following Law 38. Unless you are intentionally trolling, girls should be able to tell you are somehow "different" but not catch on that you are associated with movements like PUA/Men's Rights/TRP
[deleted] 7y ago
This is good stuff. I spent many years trying to explain things to my fiancee, get her to appreciate things I liked, take interest in interesting things, watch good movies, listen to good music, read good books, and on, and on, and on. Eventually you realize that women are incapable of any kind of depth, aside from emotional depth. You accept it, realize that's what your male friends are for, and go about living. I do love her. But she's there to accompany, to get f'd, to chill, to support. I'm absolutely certain women cannot approach real intellectualism of any kind.
[deleted] 7y ago
Yes she can very well and it's a curse. She thinks she knows everything
Gross_Guy 7y ago
Not so easy is it? So much pressure is put on the guy. He needs to lead, direct and demand what he wants but not in a boorish manner. On top of that be funny and interesting, captivating and leave residual interest wanting more. I'm fucking tired of it, going back to the mountain, pussy ain't worth it.
TheKidFlash 7y ago
Actually do this with my gf all the time to "teach" her how to have a conversation. Fails everytime. Makes me want to leave her tbh, don't know what to do. I want to be with someone that can keep me interested, Its not hard, dated other girls that do that fine.
johncrcf 7y ago
I have already seen a video on this same reddit how a woman felt after briefly becoming a man and trying to strike a conversation with a random woman in the coffee shop and all other things men have to endure. The whole video is worth watching. Basically explains how easy is to be a man in today's woman driven society.
RealMcGonzo 7y ago
She quotes a stereotype early on:
"Men are so mean."
WTFF?? JFC, women just cannot see reality in any way, shape or form.
Then later on she spews the same old Gender is a social construct BS about how men have had their emotions hammered out of them.
helicopter_kin 7y ago
I'm reading her book now and definitely recommend it. I disagree with her frequently when she tries to explain male psychology or offer prescriptive advice, but her observations of the social dynamics between men and others is spot on. If you want a laugh read the butthurt housewife reviews on Goodreads.
[deleted] 7y ago
Thanks for the tip on the goodreads reviews, that's funny.
Here's the link if anyone wants some more.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/29434.Self_Made_Man#
jayj59 7y ago
Yup, most of the reviews contain some variation of "Not all women are like that, not me!"
johncrcf 7y ago
Hah thanks for the advice I didn't even care for the book. i heard the same criticism before but if I have time, I'll take a look. thanks!
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bluedrygrass 7y ago
It's because you're not used to, but actually refrained to from society. As a men, you aren't expected to express emotions. But natural alphas do it all the time. And want them to be respected.
MichiganManMatt 7y ago
The last 30 seconds are the most telling when she states that after her experience she "really likes being a women more now because of the privilege"
johncrcf 7y ago
And she also mentioned she had severe depression after she took back her former identity. Hmm I wonder why...
Gawernator 7y ago
No she had depression from constantly deceiving everyone around her and pretending to be a man, too much stress.
johncrcf 7y ago
Probably both then. Since it is hard to be someone you're not and drag along the social and gender responsibility.
seattleron 7y ago
"Female sexuality is mental. At its core (men's sex drive) it's a bodily function. It's a necessity. It is such a powerful drive and I think because we don't have testosterone in our system, we (women) don't understand how hard it is."
Edit: Quote at the end of the video:
"Do you like being a woman more now?"
johncrcf 7y ago
Hearing those words it felt like 27 years of pain, shame and absolute confusion were swept away with some hope.
bluedrygrass 7y ago
Don't forget, that woman is a lesbic. She probably has abnormal testosterone levels for a woman, or at least a brain more similar to a male one than to a female's.
And anyway what she says realy don't matter. It matters what she does. And straight after she probably resumed whining about patriarchy, glass ceilings and whatnot.
You can make a woman admit she's privileged, but she won't think for a second to renounce asking for more.
seattleron 7y ago
Don't get too hopeful, this was an extreme situation that a gay woman got to experience. Your local 22 year old HB9 still thinks most guys a creeps.
johncrcf 7y ago
and that's why we are on trp, aren't we? :D and it feels GOOD knowing the truth about how women are and how THEY would feel in the shoes of a man. Everybody wants to be a leader but few can actually lead and take responsibility. I don't think many of them lasted a month being constantly rejected while high social expectations would have been put on their shoulders simultaneously e.g. shit tests by coworkers, bosses, and so on if they are weak. Testosterone would probably kill them faster than breast cancer.
alecesne 7y ago
Well, yes. And statistically, men die earlier than women and are more often at the margins of society. Despite what the popular media will tell you, men make up both the bottom and the top of the social pyramid.
bluedrygrass 7y ago
Well it's difficult not to live longer when you never do consuming physical works in your life
seattleron 7y ago
Test is a gift from God, embrace it.
johncrcf 7y ago
Indeed it is. Progress and all those qualities that women lack or don't have at all.
qiang_shi 7y ago
We are but Primarchs of the Emperor.
Between us, a chasm of difference that divides us from mere mortals
/s
xx69bootyhunter69xx 7y ago
I'd be interested in seeing stats as to how many men choose to become trans women vs how many women choose to become trans men. Would provide a great insight into how privileged each gender actually is.
[deleted] 7y ago
I wish I could find it but it was either here or on the misc that it was posted. AS YOU CAN GUESS men were in the category to going women and that category was dominant one. No drama over that of course.
Now for women to men if it got crazy you know damn well they'd crack down on that.
ohyeawellyousuck 7y ago
Uh wut? Is your implication here that people switch genders because of privilege?
[deleted] 7y ago
Not quite the same thing, but there was a book by Nora Roberts where she dresses up as a man for a full year, creates a fake beard and convinces various groups of people she is a man.
Ended up having a nervous breakdown before the social experiment was over, and radically changed her views as a result.
redartist 7y ago
You sure you're not talking about the woman in GP's video, Norah Vincent?
Vincent's book Self-Made Man retells an eighteen-month experiment in which she disguised herself as a man.
probpoopin 7y ago
Shoe on head has done it. I think that's her name. She was a dude, now she's a chick. She has a lot of videos on YouTube where she talks about how the level of privilege is night and day. Basically, says that being a woman is playing life on easy mode.
Gawernator 7y ago
I think you mean Blaire White. Shoeonhead is a pretty cute anti SJW chick
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Spidertech500 7y ago
Blair White might be who you're thinking of
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[deleted] 7y ago
You must be thinking of someone else. Shoe0nhead's done at least one video on there only being two genders. And she states she's cisgendered in it. But I do remember reading something about about a FtM MRA
Deamon_Blackfyre 7y ago
Shoe has a friend that is a f->m trans and they did a video together at one point talking about it.
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genethedog 7y ago
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlSCfBwMSG0
Techsus7 7y ago
Thanks for the link. That chick is awesome. I don't buy into the AWALT thing...I've met and lived with NAWALT. To each his own, if I get bit in the ass because of it I'll gladly let y'all tell me "told you so, fucking idiot" This chick speaks intelligently with good humor and has the balls to go up against the big feminist machine...she's got a lot of followers and gets a woman's voice out there telling truths and killing lies.
maniclurker 7y ago
Is that boxxy all grown up?
genethedog 7y ago
No idea. They mentioned some chick I never heard of and a tranny I never heard of so I looked it up and after a couple videos I found it and posted. That Shoe0nhead chick is pretty witty and funny. Please don't stone me for saying that. AWALT!
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dat_mean_no_work 7y ago
No. Boxxy is Catie Wayne. This is Shoeonhead.
maniclurker 7y ago
They're probably interchangeable with each other.
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omega_dawg93 7y ago
she may not care but she understands that having the ability to maintain a good conversation as the lead aint easy.
she also acknowledges that when she pisses me off, if i go quiet, she has NO WAY to talk her way onto my good side... so GET NAKED. lol.
Pantheonqw 7y ago
Hahaha the power of vagina then
Mr_Options 7y ago
Single again OP? I though so.
Archwinger Endorsed Contributor 7y ago
You don't need a test for this. Just listen to women telling you a story about something.
There's no beginning or end. Just one really, really long middle, filled with stupid details, and when she finally trails off, you ask her what the point of her long story about taking pictures in the Ozarks was, and she replies, "Well, wasn't Jane stupid?"
Quo_Usque 7y ago
Come on, that's not a real test. A conversation has both participants contributing and steering it. A true equal conversation has a 50/50 talk ratio, with the topic and direction influenced by both speakers. A conversation where one person is clearly leading has between a 60/40 and a 70/30 talk ratio (anywhere beyond that and you descend into the lecture zone, which just makes people annoyed with you). The leader of a guided conversation does direct the main topic and direction, but also has enough skill to actively listen to the other person't contributions, suss out what they find interesting, and guide the conversation in such a way that it is still engaging to the follower.
Just about anyone can lecture for 15 minutes if all they're getting in response is nodding and question answering. She wasn't expecting to lecture, she was expecting to have a conversation. Converse with her. When she asks you something, answer AND give a little something extra, something she can work with. If she takes it and runs, and builds a new direction out of it, or incorporates it into what she was already talking about, then she's got the skills to lead a conversation. If she asks you further questions about the same topic and starts responding to YOUR direction, she's a good conversationalist, but she's handed the lead back over to you.
johnTrex 7y ago
you'd think at least on this sub, of all places on reddit, people would understand that 50/50 doesn't exist
[deleted] 7y ago
I agree. Him standing there silently only giving one word answers isn't a conversation. Did he expect her to give him a TED Talk? What he asked for was more like a speech, which even professionals have to prepare for. Though reading the comments in the thread is amusing, this whole "experiment" is a false equivalency, and most guys would fail too - unless they were chronic liars, or sociopaths who can make up big elaborate stories on the fly.
trippinallday 7y ago
You're overthinking it. It's not giving single word answers and just otherwise being silent, you just initiate and prod until you can find a subject she really wants to talk about, then you let her go off. Ask relevant questions, add little tidbits of information, but otherwise let her do the work.
She gets a chance to speak her mind to an active listener, and you get to sit there and put in minimal effort. It's easy for everyone, and she's left absolutely beaming by the end of it.
omega_dawg93 7y ago
that was the point. and she FAILED.
i proved to her the fact that women do NOT need to know any conversation skills, they do NOT need to know how to be funny, etc.
[deleted] 7y ago
I dare you to try the other way around: tell her to only answer you by nodding or giving short answers (yes/no/don't know/...). Then try to lead a conversation with her.
I guarantee you, that you will fail as well. Because in this case (and in OP's case), the passive person is only trying to kill a conversation, not actually maintain it.
omega_dawg93 7y ago
no, you're wrong. the point of the "test" was simply to see if she could lead the discussion and keep it going. she could not. the topic was hers to choose...and it could go anywhere.
have you ever started talking abt cars & ended up in a discussion abt the benefits of eating oatmeal? and you notice how things just change & flow as people comment and the talk goes all over the place, right?
that's bc there is no agenda... nobody is trying to sway opinion, politic, etc. well her attempt fell dead... as i gave answers to her questions & she couldn't keep it alive.
just try it with your SO.
[deleted] 7y ago
What you wrote:
What you don't understand is, even a person not leading a conversation is bringing something to it, implying there is a conversation in the first place. If you tell your SO to "say no more than what is required and to just nod", you won't be able to have a conversation with her. Conversation cannot be pure one sided, it's a relationship.
I give you another dare to prove my point: next time you talk to any guy friend, don't ask any question, just nod or give short answers. Even if you imagine this scenario, you will feel cringey, because that's not how conversation goes.
I don't know how to put it more plain to you, that your talk with your gf wasn't a normal conversation in the first place.
VasiliyZaitzev 7y ago
As I am fond of saying, in several areas of my life: "What I do isn't easy. I just make it LOOK easy."
Dartex 7y ago
It's funny because that is something that i just accept, for some grills it's hard even to keep a conversation afloat, not just lead, but respond.
Well, i can live with silence.
nonthaki 7y ago
Bitches think they r better than us.
Faymozilla 7y ago
Fuck bitches let's just nuke them
Forcetobereckonedwit 7y ago
Lol, well I gotcha from -9 to -8!
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Faymozilla 7y ago
And then go lift and be alpha
Horus_Krishna_2 7y ago
then troll online to feel better
DigitalTherapy 7y ago
https://youtu.be/Er3vu2IVLjc
Horus_Krishna_2 7y ago
not clickin, wondered what it's about, looked at your history, you post about iphones a lot, is it an iphone ad?
DigitalTherapy 7y ago
it's a fukin million dollar extreme video
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omega_dawg93 7y ago
you understand now, huh? lol.
Transmigratory 7y ago
I'll even try this on female acquaintances.
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[deleted] 7y ago
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TheBeardedMarxist 7y ago
Wow, she sounds really dumb.
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korvality 7y ago
I think OP challenged her to hold a topic, and not just ramble from one sentence to another.
SetConsumes 7y ago
That's not really a conversation as much as listening to her talk
balalasaurus 7y ago
Do those conversations leave you feeling like you learned something or gained a new perspective, or are they just fluff talk? There's a difference between yapping and actually engaging the people you talk to. Most women just can't do that.
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balalasaurus 7y ago
OP challenges her to lead a conversation, not just talk. Leading conversations requires some measure of depth to an individual that most women lack. When you say that most of the women you know can yap for hours without taking a breath, you're not wrong. The point is that they can't even yap without some kind of impetus on your part.
I'm sure you can easily attest to the number of times you've brought up a topic in conversation and the woman moves it on to something pointless (or even worse, herself), going on for ages.
_the_shape_ 7y ago
OP said that they're in a relationship, meaning I'm quite sure he knew how this "test" was going to turn out.
Overwhelming majority of women can't lift half as much as we can either - should we 'test' them in that department too and follow it up with a circle-jerk post?
My only wish is that we had more context concerning OP himself - his age, how long he's been on the sub, number of negative experiences with women etc.
The younger he is, the more recently he found this sub, the more negative experiences he's had with women etc., might earn him a free pass this time around - the way I see it at least.
The older, more seasoned of a vet he is with a solid understanding of TRP, the more I'd call this one an abuse of power.
We lead, they follow, and we don't expect them to lead because we knows where that ...leads - an abject disaster. If he understands that concept (perhaps worded differently), and went through with this test away, then shame.
throwthisshitaway7 7y ago
You asked a woman to talk and she failed? What?
[deleted] 7y ago
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[deleted] 7y ago
I don't understand how there is so many marriages where they only have sex once a week or once a month. My wife and I fucked liked rabbits even after being together for years. If not then whats the point of being together if you physically can't even stand each other?
ministypill 7y ago
I didn't know how rabbit fuck. I am curious so I found one.
[deleted] 7y ago
Yes while recovering from an especially bad hangover, that is exactly how i fuck.
Nydusurmainus 7y ago
This doesn't really apply because of one key factor, women aren't really interested in much bit talking about themselves. I was at uni giving a younger guy a bit of advice on how to talk to some girls in front of other women and I said "they don't care what you think, buy them a drink and let them talk, ask leading questions, nod and just let it flow, agree every now and then interject with little additives but say nothing of any worth unless it's about her.
One of the girls in our group is a bit of a feminist bit I never let that cloud my judgement as far as whether she was a good person or not which she is and she whole heartedly disagreed. I ignored her interjections and instead did exactly to her what I had just discussed and boy oh boy was she embarrassed after 15mins when I told her what I was doing.
My wife despises people who only talk about themselves and interestingly enough finds one sided conversation very boring. It depends on the person a lot of the time and with leadership in relationships it is often better to be a subtle leader like a guiding hand. You have the lead but you don't have to tell her and deep down she knows it and that comforts her
PantsonFire1234 7y ago
Hahahahahahahahahaha fucking gold. This is what women don't realize, life is being pre-chewed for them. All the Ho has to do is swallow.
Worst_Patch1 7y ago
So you literally insulted her, then looked extremely patronising, and then continued to treat her like shit, and you think AWALT when she doesn't respond well to it?
Wew lad.
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aanarchist 7y ago
yea now that you mention it, i have a habit of taking over most conversations i enter. it's just force of habit because most people have nothing to say on their own like they need permission or some shit, or some just aren't that interesting.
omega_dawg93 7y ago
I just asked her to lead the conversation... guide it, steer it in any direction just to keep it flowing.
after only 5 min, you could see her face cringing as things got quiet & booooring.
then she understood how difficult it can be... and let's be honest, most ladies can talk a lot, but can they LEAD the discussion effectively?
aanarchist 7y ago
it's like she's a dispenser where you insert conversation tokens, and you get out a bunch of white noise. i want my quarter back.
[deleted] 7y ago
I have the same problem. It's a really difficult habit to break, but can be especially useful when you're having an insightful or intelligent conversation with someone much smarter than yourself. Learning when to talk and when to listen is an invaluable skill.
aanarchist 7y ago
my parents and teachers made sure to teach me not to listen to anything anyone ever says heh. listening is honestly a challenge for me. i mean i'm a good listener but like sitting there and listening to someone just speak when it's their turn has been not something i have an easy time with, unless the subject matter is exactly what i want it to be.
[deleted] 7y ago
The first step is realizing that it's a problem, and learning from there. When people are speaking, it's free information, be sure to capitalize.
aanarchist 7y ago
well the problem is most of the time it's slaves spouting bullshit. i don't learn anything from listening to my father tell me that i'm worthless, i don't learn anything from sick teachers telling me that i should do as i'm told without providing any actual reason or incentive. it was more productive most of the time to just focus on my own thing cuz listening to other people would make me feel sick, not like some trigger feminist bullshit but like how else do you feel when people are feeding you blue pill poison.
it's one of those things that i'm working on. like i said i'm a great listener when i feel like we're both engaging each other. in fact usually i want to get my thoughts out specifically so i can have them bounce back their own thoughts and ideas my way. it's not so fun when the other person is just a sounding board or doesn't have a damn clue what you're saying and doesn't care.
megasmitsos 7y ago
Try that with my ex! You might get a couple of words in per minute!
[deleted] 7y ago
I understand what you're going for but whats the point. Not like they're going to game chicks. If she leaves you she'll go back to doing the same chit... which is nothing. In fact this lesson will be forgotten by tomorrow because society doesn't give a shit and thats fine by me.
Improvement is difficult and thats why women never improve and seek the easy way out.
omega_dawg93 7y ago
at best, she understands that our GREAT COMMUNICATION, which she admits to, has primarily been to my ability to lead, guide, and steer our conversations from deep thought to rib-hurting humor.
at worst, she has learned to stay on topic and pay attention to the subject matter and to quit trying to steer every conversation to her emotional wants/needs.
in her words, if women can't internalize the subject matter to their lives and experiences, they can't relate to it... can't form an opinion.