Etiquette is rarely discussed, but a few simple things can make a positive difference in your personal confidence and how others perceive you. Everything we do sends a message, so send the right one. I just returned from lunch and saw a guy (obviously on a first date, online match from the sounds of it) making so many mistakes it hurt to watch. I hope to save you all some embarrassment.
- Leave the straw/stirrer on the bar.
You look like a pansy sucking on a straw, drink from the glass. Every time you poke yourself with a stirrer/toothpick/umbrella, you look less suave. Stir your drink when handed to you, leave the crap on the bar, enjoy your drink.
- Avoid bright drinks. No blue hawaiians, pink passionfruit martinis, etc.
Should go without saying. Unless you're on a beach or tiki bar, avoid the bright stuff.
Beer. Bourbon. Vodka. Mojitos. Martinis. Manhattans. Old fashioned. Gin&Tonic. Wine. You have tons of options, but keep it classy.
- Hold your drink in your left hand.
It becomes natural very quickly. No longer do you extend a cold, wet hand for a handshake. No longer do you put a clammy palm on her leg/back/ass/neck/hand. You're always presentable, you're always comfortable, you're never off-putting. (Bonus-no water on your cellphone!)
- Wrap a bar napkin around your drink, if possible/practical.
Prevents those condensation drips from landing on you. Is it sweat? Is it drool? Did someone throw a drink on you? Did you shake some piss off on yourself? Avoid those questions by just having a napkin on your drink.
- Excuse yourself, or walk outside, to make a phone call or text. Leave the phone in your pocket inside. Check it discreetly.
Enjoy the company of those around you, give them your full attention. Be aware of your surroundings. Be courteous to who ever is calling, don't make them decipher your words over the drawl of a full bar. Plus, as a bonus, any potentials you're working might just think they lost their chance when they saw you walk out, and will be more open when you return (or might even follow you, biggest IOI ever). If on a date, it should be a no-brainer to avoid the phone.
- Introduce yourself with your first and last name. Firm shake, make eye contact.
You might be the third "Joe" she met tonight. Separate yourself.
- Run into a friend? Introduced by someone you know? Cheek kiss.
Handshakes are for cold-approach introductions and other men. For everything else, cheek kiss.
- Save religion, politics, racist jokes, etc. for later.
Steer the conversation to a neutral topic if someone else brings it up. Avoid engaging in a debate. You can simply say "I'm here to enjoy myself, not debate ____".
- Don't bang on things. Don't throw stuff.
You've all seen it, kicking a door, or pounding their fist while waiting for a drink or trying to get the bartender's attention. Throwing napkins to get attention. You're not a caveman, knock it off. Anger and lack of self control isn't Alpha.
- Tip well (in cash) on the first drink. Get the bartender's name, give yours, and shake hands if possible. Make friends if you're a regular.
Sends quite the message when you walk up to the bar for round 2 and get instant service, ahead of others already there. Buying a girl a drink is overrated, getting the bartender's attention and directing them to a girl that's been waiting is far more effective, and free.
"She's been waiting for you, help her first", push her towards the bar with your hand on her back. She'll thank you, you get her name, take it from there. As far as openers go, this has the best close rate of anything I've tried (assuming you can pull it off). She KNOWS you got there after her, she KNOWS how long she was waiting, she KNOWS the other guys there were waiting too, she KNOWS you must have high social value to get that treatment.
- Bring your empties to the bar.
It's just the right thing to do, it shows you respect the staff. A man who disrespects others isn't worthy of respect.
- On the same line, don't insult/berate/belittle others. No embarrassing stories, no headlocks, no offhand comments, no complaining.
Bring everyone up. Make them feel important and welcomed. Make them have fun. You'll draw others in. Girls will gravitate towards you.
- Introduce everyone you can.
"Sarah, do you know Steve? No? Steve, this is Sarah." It makes you the CENTER OF THE GROUP. You're the lynch pin, you're holding it together. This shines the Alpha light on you. Everyone wants to be around someone who can bring others together. Bonus: it reinforces everyone's name in your head.
- Dress with quality, not flash. Avoid extremes of fashion.
Doesn't matter what style you go for, do it well. Make sure it fits properly. Make sure it's clean and not wrinkled. Make sure you're comfortable. Peacocking is dead, leave the top hats, feathers, CZ-covered jewelry, etc at home (unless you're a rapper). Avoid the extremes (unless you're a model). No white alligator leather shoes, for instance.
- Use minimal cologne/aftershave. Don't use body spray (Axe).
Rule of thumb is that they should only be able to smell you if they're close enough to touch you. Squirt or two is all it takes. If you're a smoker, you'll never cover up that smell, and you can't exactly smell how potent you are, so just be subtle with it.
- Don't groom or clean in public.
Booger in your nose? Dirt under your nails? Hangnail? Pimple? Go to the bathroom and take care of it.
- Take off your fucking hat.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if you're bald. You're inside, hat off.
- Avoid "inside jokes", unless you're having a 1-on-1 conversation.
Don't exclude others, don't push them away, make sure you're always inclusive. Secrets don't make friends.
- Offer your arm if you're going somewhere.
Walking to the next bar? Going to the diner? Escorting her to the car? Hold out your elbow, let her link up. She loves it. She gets close. She gets to feel up your muscular arms (you have been lifting, right?) She followed your command. You get to lead. Strong Alpha message is sent.
- Don't get sloppy drunk. Stay in control.
No one gets laid if they're falling over or puking.
- Don't challenge the bouncers.
They'll win. You'll look bad. Treat them with respect and they'll return it.
vertozia 9y ago
What is this shit?
Alpha does as alpha is. I'LL DRINK MY PINK COOLER MARTINI IF I PLEASE AND THANK YOU.
.. then i might throw up in your face and steal yo girl if i feel like it, just cos you're a bitch
trpthroway123 9y ago
I see you don't work the gentleman angle.
DontBeFredo 9y ago
Sorry, but some of this stuff is so try hard and derived from how movie alphas, aka fictional characters that could never be applied to the real world, act in scene.
Buddies with owners of 3 of the top bars in Boston. There is absolutely no difference between tipping in cash and tipping with card in 2016. In fact, it's often easier for bartenders and owners to divvy up extra compensation at the end of a shift or week if the tips are written on a credit card receipt. Bartenders also have to enter the amount in the computer right after you sign the receipt, so they know how much you're tipping. This is straight from the bartender's mouth. Maybe 5 years ago you'd look like a traditional, big shot gentleman by tipping cash. But not any more.
The kiss on the cheek is also a HUGE turn off to at least 50% of the crowd. I'm not saying it's not a traditionally classy thing to do. But I've seen my foreign coworkers do it to everyone from beautiful women to fortune 500 CEOs. 50% of the time it's accepted, 50% of the time you come off as the biggest try hard in the world. A simple one armed hug where you look the lady in the eye and smile enthusiastically is more than perfect for a female friend, and a firm handshake with a strong grip on the shoulder is more than perfect for a male.
Regarding the bright drinks. Order whatever the fuck you want. I'm not drinking and paying 400% markup (standard markup at Boston and NYC bars) so I can look cool. I am paying for drinks that I like. If you just so happen to like fruity colors, so be it. If you're good looking and confident, you can be drinking a Shirley Temple. Ask any bartender how many guys go up to them and ask for an old fashioned to look cool and sophisticated, then struggle to put it down because they aren't used to whiskey.
Edit: Adding on to my brightly colored drinks remark, a lot of guys will respect you 100x more if you're aware that the fruity drink you ordered is fruity, but don't care because you enjoy it, rather than paying a premium for Hibiki 12 simply for the hell of it. A lot of stuff here is valid, but a lot of this stuff sounds like it comes from a group of 2nd year investment bankers who think they're rolling in with the characters from the Wolf of Wall Street.
ObservantOmega 9y ago
This sums up pretty much my problems with the OP's post. Two points that stick out beyond that:
-Bringing empties to the bar
A big no go if the bar is crowded and you have to shoulder past people disturbing them, or a hookah bar where you lounge around. Also if you just bring empty glasses with no order you'll be making an ass of yourself.
-Drinking bright drinks
Drink what you like, but try to learn it before you go out. Take your time to have a cocktail tasting spree to make a top five list. Learn something about them, like preferred ingredients or a funny fact or two. They can offer you some really cheap openings or mark you as a guy who knows his liquor.
Also, no one respects the guy who's slamming vodka shots.
massivewang 9y ago
Sometimes at a party or festival here in Brazil I'm only left with a fruity drink because I don't like the other options. All my boys give me shit and call me gay, I just agree and amplify (joke in a gay voice, make effeminate gestures, drink with my pinky out etc) and we get a bunch of laughs out of it. IDGAF, I'm there to hang and have a good time.
There isn't no Brazilian woman who has turned down my approach because I'm drinking a Pineapple caipirinha instead of a beer.
Like he said, drink whatever the fuck you want. Just don't be apologetic about it. I agree and amplify when peop
frozenalaskent 9y ago
Regarding tipping you guys are also missing the point of cash. It doesn't get claimed. I mean you're supposed to. But most don't. Credit card tips are automatically claimed. When I tended bar in college cash was king.
TNNRR 9y ago
I think with the point regarding tipping, at least tipping well in cash is better than not tipping at all. And cash doesn't hurt. In some places its not counted as income so its not taxed.
With regard to the kiss on the cheek. Its totally cultural. Not everyone on this sub is in the US. In some places it is rude not to do this. Use your head and follow the social cues of your environment.
The bright drinks: A big part of TRP is game. Game is nothing if not being able to influence and control how other people perceive you. Body Language, clothing attire, physical fitness, and yes - drink and food orders. Order what you want. Hell, wear whatever you want. But don't expect that you can do "whatever the fuck you want" without people reacting to your decisions. The bright drinks is a minor thing, but its important. Most of the time it doesn't matter. But it is something worth considering. I'm a whiskey, scotch, brandy, and beer guy myself. If you drink a fruity drink but everything else about you seems fine - most people (myself included) don't give a shit. Most people are only thinking about themselves anyway. Another big part of TRP is just being yourself and bucking societies rules. So if you want a bright blue drink in a flamingo glass, fuck it. Order it. Its 50/50 on this one.
The straw - I just find that shit inconvenient. I don't drink anything with a straw. Its always shifting around. Fuck that noise.
Moldy_Gecko 9y ago
I just wanted to point out on here you can learn to enjoy whiskey on the rocks. It's my normal drink if beer isn't available. Much better to learn sophistication where it's regular in your life than to fake it. So your point is valid, but I'd still suggest learning how to drink whiskey as a man.
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sourdieselfuel 9y ago
Just a small point:
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trpthroway123 9y ago
She says "thanks", you say "I accept tips, phone numbers preferred".
It's an easy opener. It's a low-effort close. You can play it however you prefer. You're still getting your drink before the rest of the crowd anyway.
TNNRR 9y ago
It sounds like a pretty good test. There's three ways it could go.
She doesn't say thanks. Well, fuck that. On to the next one.
She thanks you, then goes back to her friends and doesn't invite you or flirt with you. That's a good thing. You just got a free indicator of (non)interest.
Low cost, low effort opener and gauge of interest. Just don't go around doing it to every fucking girl in the bar lol.
trpthroway123 9y ago
The opportunity will only present itself a handful of times per night. If you're lucky, and the bartender likes you, maybe 3 or 4 times.
Still, low cost/low effort/high success compared to a lot of others I've tried.
DontBeFredo 9y ago
Definitely is - but bartenders immediately look at the receipt to A) make sure it's signed and B) to enter confirmation on the computer it was paid. They will instantaneously see how much you tipped. Tipping in cash does nothing but prove to everyone else in the bar how much of a high roller you are.
-Steak- 9y ago
Usually with a card you run a tab. Meaning they don't see the tip until you're leaving.
zulhadm 9y ago
You don't tip by credit card until the end, unless you're closing your tab after 1 fruity drink, which would piss off the bartender. Employ a hybrid plan. Open tab when ordering drink and physically hand the bartender a cash tip.
sourdieselfuel 9y ago
I fully agree, should have pointed out that I concur in that the method in which tip is given does not matter.
ny03 9y ago
Tipping in cash is so the bartender or server does not have to report it as taxable income. All credit card tips are immediately taxable income, cash is not traceable and the server gives estimates at the end of the night. When you are making below minimum wage as a most tipped employees are it can be a huge bonus if you do not have to report all your income.
Source: was a server and worked in the restaurant business for 7 years in Major cities including Boston & LA, still have plenty of friends that do.
Moral of this is tip in cash whenever possible it will make your server happy.
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DontBeFredo 9y ago
I respect your career history so I'm not going to tell you that you're incorrect. All my bartender friends, at least at the top bars in major cities, would never have the opportunity to "estimate at the end of the night" what they're owed. The best bars are cash cows and operated like efficient, strategic businesses...every dollar is tracked and no bartender is taking untraceable money; at least one that wants to keep their job. A bar in Kenmore requires you to be a busser for 16 months before being considered for a bartender job, and one of the bartenders there chased a guy down the street for a dining and dashing an order of french fries. I'd be shocked if any of these bartenders were taking income from these highly-monitored establishments.
that_star_wars_guy 9y ago
I think his point was that cash tips aren't tracked by the government. He's wrong in that if he got audited, and the irs saw a trail of cash deposits on his bank statements that wasn't reported he would go to jail. The business itself probably doesn't track cash tips that are left for, or given to the bartender. Taking those cash tips wouldn't be consider taking "income" from the business itself.
Moldy_Gecko 9y ago
I don't think you're understanding it correctly. They aren't taking money from the establishments, it's their tips. What they are doing is taking money from the U.S. govt as cash can be not reported. For example, if I make $300 in a night, 150 in CC and 150 in cash, I'll claim 150$. It's not on the bar to have integrity in that situation, it's on the bartenders. If I choose not to have integrity and get caught in the future for tax evasion (hard to prove with that little amount) I'm going to jail and nothing is happening to the bar. You aren't taking it from the bar, it's usually already on your person. The way tipped places usually work is almost like you're buying the food for the customers, then they pay you back with their bill +extra (for tip). So you have all cash on hand. At then end of the night they calculate how much you owe the restaurant - Amount paid in CCs and if you were tipped heavily in CC, they owe you money. If you got a lot of cash, you'll give them money. After that, you claim whatever you have left over as tips (most tipped employees lie). Hence why they chase down someone that stole fries... because that waiter paid for the fries first and didn't get compensated by the people that ate it.
DontBeFredo 9y ago
I'd say what you're saying may be true for 90% of bars in cities. But my point is that if you are going to top establishments, there is no way as an employee - especially a premier bartender - you will get away with lying about tips. Highly-acclaimed bars not only track every dollar that is spent on both the bill and tips, but they have undercover employees going around to ensure that records are properly kept and service is up to par. A group of guys decided to do some blow in the bathroom of a bar I was at before ordering a round. An employee dressed as a regular patron, who I thought was sitting behind me for a meal, went up to the bartenders, took out a hardly noticeable earpiece, and told him not to serve the guys who did blow drinks. Upscale, regularly packed bars in major cities make so much money for themselves and connected hotels, getting a job there is a grueling process for aspiring bartenders. Absolutely everything is tracked, from how much was comped for the night to the tips each bartender received. Equally allocating tips, which would be nearly impossible if bartenders kept the tips they individually collected in cash, is important to reduce churn. I know guys who will only go to bars on certain nights because they want specific bartenders. I really do believe you are correct for a majority of bars, such as dives and major chains, but these top places are run like a well-oiled machine with no room for lying or fucking up. So within the case of these bars, which I was assuming OP was talking about, there isn't a difference.
Moldy_Gecko 9y ago
But you aren't lying to the company. That's my point. They probably do split tips, not sure. I know it's not the same for servers of well-oiled Restaurants. Your tips are your business. If you want to lie the US government (Not your employer), that's on you. It's near impossible to keep track of individually collected cash tips. The only thing I can think of as an option would be some till that they just put all the money in. That's if they're splitting tips. If it's up to the individual, the establishment could give two shits as long as you aren't stealing from them. I get what you're saying, but I would assume it applies about as much as a top-end waiter and if that's the case, they don't care.
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[deleted] 9y ago
ITT people who have never run a business and dealt with the IRS not knowing wtf they are talking about and down-voting you. Any well managed hospitality establishment is required to report tips, withhold payroll taxes, and pay taxes on this money. The IRS is exceedingly good at figuring out if certain employees or restaurants are mis-reporting this. People get fired for this all the time. Don't start tipping in cash because of a mis-guided idea that bartender tax evasion is systemic.
RedsideoftheMoon 9y ago
Tip whatever the hell you prefer to tip in, but know that cash is king. It's more respectable because the bartender has the option to do whatever the hell he wants to do with it and you are not making that choice for him. There are top establishments in LA even that leave the tipping up to the discretion of the employees, and believe me the IRS does not give a shit about your employees' tips unless one of the parties are extremely sloppy and obvious about it (Example: When I travel I generally stay in hotel suites at 300-500 a night and tip everyone cash along the way for service. Those people keep those cash tips for themselves.)
ny03 9y ago
We are not stealing from the establishment. The tips are our earned wage. The server is just not reporting it for taxes. Restaurants do not care. I worked at what was considered the "Top" restaurant in Boston at the time I worked, averaging 80/head (in late 90's dollars). I worked a Mother Day double shift and walked out with 10k (6k cash) after tipping out the wine steward, buss boys and bartenders. But my hourly wage was 2.11. Because tipped employees are exempt from the minimum wage. So I do not feel bad about not reporting cash tips
Honestly, today I am a supporter of no tips and paying servers a living wage and raising meal prices. If they are good and professional service does not change. I travel to Europe often now and enjoy my meals much more (and do not feel I am being rushed out to turn over a table) the servers are happier less haggard and I know they are getting decent pay.
Edit:spelling
Freiling 9y ago
Except when you misreport enough that it brings your reported earnings under the normal minimum wage, at which point the employer has to reimburse you up to that level. Then they care.
ny03 9y ago
I am not sure which state you are in but in the three states I have been a server thep restaurant did not have to reimburse you anything to "be at minimum wage level". You get your hourly pay (I never got more than &3/hr. And your tips are what they are.
The restaurant is not responsible for patron based remuneration. If they were they would do away with tipping to reduce under reporting as servers would do that to double dip.
Freiling 9y ago
Then you've been getting fucked. If you're in the US, the FLSA applies to all tipped employees in the country.
ny03 9y ago
I was a server from 1992-1999 I do not think this was the case then. Either way tipping cash allows the server to make their own decision and I still tip with cash whenever I can
a_nus 9y ago
Yup. Reading through the post I actually got a neckbeard trying too hard vibe from OP.
DannyDemotta 9y ago
I wonder what vibe you get from me in the gym when I put my belt on, chalk up and hit double your PR. For reps. Try hard? Gym monkey? "Probably has a shitty job"? I could care less.
OPs post is helpful for people who are there for a purpose - to court women, not to just have fun with their bros. You're being a shithead just to be a shithead. At least correct some things or elaborate further, and elucidate some exceptions to the rules.
a_nus 9y ago
Apparently not since my comment obviously hit a nerve.
DannyDemotta 9y ago
Your post is a perfect example of what i SHOULD be reporting to the mods for scolding, and a possible ban - but haven't been.
I still don't understand why the fuck you and others even say the stuff. Who are you here to impress, exactly? BluePillers? What do you get from tearing down a guy who is trying to build up this community with RP insight?
Yes, you do strike a nerve - my "stop being a fucking BITCH" nerve. Because there's so many little fucking bitches around here, especially since school got out - and frankly, I'm getting a little sick of it. Either help move the community forward, or shut the fuck up.
a_nus 9y ago
Ironic how the one who's doing the bitching is complaining about "little fucking bitches."
DannyDemotta 9y ago
More one-liners and low-effort karma whoring. Why am I not surprised?
You call others out for being neckbeards.....who is the one who is acting like one now? You aren't being constructive. You refuse to defend your attack on OP's post, and won't even discuss RP on a meta level. All you want to do is launch personal attacks. Exactly like a butthurt neckbeard would do.
I am here to move the RP agenda forward, including the parts I don't fully agree with. You're here to move the a_nus agenda forward, disregarding foundational TRP knowledge because you personally don't feel its necessary. Clear difference between me and you.
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HeadingRed 9y ago
I got the same vibe and started reading the comments. I'm not dumping on all of it- it just feels like a fictional account\bio of a James Bond knockoff.
The bar he describes seems like a high-end venue in a very large city. There are different rules for different places. The "Don't be a dick" is all well and good and you have clueless assholes in every place you go.
I still feel The Fedora Is Strong With This One
OP- don't bitch out and stop writing because you got some shit for your post.
PlanB_pedofile 9y ago
Be sure not to groom it in public! It would be un-gentlmen to tend to the neckbeard at the bar.
bourbonhipster 9y ago
What 'man' isn't accustomed to, let alone highly appreciates the taste of a good whiskey
Marr0w1 9y ago
Good points (except hibiki 12 is legitimately one of the best whiskies at that price point)
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DontBeFredo 9y ago
Hibiki 12 is my favorite whiskey...I don't order it out so much because it's 18 - 23 bucks for 1.5 ounces in Boston and NYC, with the exception of Benihanas lol (13 for it on the rocks). It's so good. But I'd rather see someone get a vodka cranberry because they genuinely enjoy it for 9 dollars, rather than drop 20 bones on a drink they dislike and/or know nothing about.
[deleted] 9y ago
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morebaked 9y ago
That's why working in Japan is a plus. Buy that stuff cheap
Moldy_Gecko 9y ago
Yeah, I was about to say. I live in Japan and Often get Yamazaki. Cheap as fuck here. Then again, I don't know stateside prices.
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StuttBuffer 9y ago
Lol these are try-hard guidelines. If I ever travel to 1940's New York or a swanky gay bar, these will come on handy. At the bars I go to though, acting like that will have people thinking you're an insecure/autistic fag and laughing behind your back.
DoesNotMatterAnymore 9y ago
Cheek kiss can be a cultural thing. For example: it's completly normal in my country, someone introduces someone to you:
Friendly situation:
Professional:
We don't hug randoms, only close friends / family members, but that's rare also in my family.
So back to cultural topic, i was traveling around Europe, and i was parting away from a couple that i befriended. Handshake with the guy, but the girl hugged me (which was weird), and in return, i gave a kiss on her cheek. Which weirded her out.
marinewannabee97 9y ago
The bouncers will win? Not when I'm the one who gives them lifting advice. In all seriousness pretty decent post. I think I had been making a few of these mistakes.
Lsegundo 9y ago
Careful with this one "Tip well (in cash) on the first drink." usually it works great. I knew my bartenders well and could order drinks from 3-4 rows back at the club then cut the line to pick them up and pay.
Moved to a new city years ago and wanted to get hammered at the club. (Don't get sloppy drunk is a great rule I used to break several times a month)
Gave a big tip ($15 or $20) to the bartender on the first round. Didn't get any special that night. I guess she thought I was dumping money on her because she had her tits hanging out :(
yummyluckycharms 9y ago
In general, tipping the bartender well is quite dated and should be ignored. Think about it....
busy bar - the bartender will neither remember you nor will they care due to the volume of paying customers
Lastly, women dont care if you help them get served first - many of them expect white knight behaviour from males. In fact, often doing the opposite - black knight behaviour (aka asshole) is what sets you apart and attractive
Lsegundo 9y ago
Sadly this had nothing to do with getting drinks for women fast. It was about me getting drinks fast and planning to get smashed.
SchoolboyP 9y ago
Talk about over thinking. Are you a neckbeard?
trpthroway123 9y ago
Not at all. Grown up frat boy. It's not all paddles and beer bongs, we learn some social tips as well.
Again, I'm not writing this to apply to a dive bar in Alabama. Come to a charity event in NYC, show up to an exclusive club in LA, and these tips are far more applicable.
wartorle 9y ago
Well written and informative, but I disagree with the bright coloured drinks.
A man can drink whatever he pleases.
wartorle 9y ago
I remember a girl once came and asked me why il drinking a female drink. I escalated verbally and pyshical very hard. Worked well in the end
taracus 9y ago
Quality post
I honestly never ever even considered this. It's gold advice, it's hard to come back from a wet cold first handshake.
buli145 9y ago
Yeah, it's a good piece of advice. I also never even considered this!
And it sucks because usually when I have a cold or wet hand to avoid giving a really bad handshake I try to dry it in my clothes and the outcome is that I get them dirty too.
Moldy_Gecko 9y ago
Actually thinking on this one, I think I learned it subconsciously already. I almost exclusively hold it in my left hand.
trpthroway123 9y ago
More importantly, being the only person in the group to extend a warm and dry handshake sets you apart in a positive way.
Also avoids the awkward "switch hands and wipe it on my pants" move when you meet someone. No one looks good doing that.
TNNRR 9y ago
I never realized how bad I was about doing that until I read this. I feel like an idiot... "Left hand!? That just might work!"
Doing it from now on.
Hexthorne 9y ago
This is an old fraternity trick, where you're supposed to be tossed constantly into new places meeting interesting people.
A fraternity I got to be very friendly with had a rule - if ever your drink was in the right hand anyone could call you out on it by yelling "BULL MOOSE", and you would then be obligated to down whatever was left in the cup regardless of what it was.
Sometimes it was water, sometimes it was soda, sometimes it was straight vodka. Didn't matter. At this point keeping my drink in the left hand is second nature.
trpthroway123 9y ago
Most of this advice was learned in fraternity life.
Part of our mission was to "appear well in any company".
aRedThought 9y ago
Haha. Fun times. Got bullmoosed too many times to ever have a drink in my right hand for the rest of my life.
Moldy_Gecko 9y ago
Curious. Why no hat? I have a really good looking face but my hair is already fucking me. I look great with a hat, look ok without. Why is keeping it on bad (besides being indoors).
JackBrush 9y ago
I don't know where OP's from but you're better off hugging a woman you know and shaking or whatever form of thuggery you prefer with your male acquaintances than you are kissing them on the cheek.
Cookiest 9y ago
Ok, as an Asian we never do the cheek kiss.
But as a transplant to Miami, I learned really quick how to do it. Doing it so often it becomes second nature.
There's this lean-in with your arms arc'd as if ready to pull them into a hug. But now, you also go cheek to cheek and make the kiss sound (your lips never touch anything).
Its not as awkward as it seems from the outside.
jamesbond0512 9y ago
It'a not an actual kiss; It's more of a subtle cheek rub. In the US you will come across a lot of people, all raised different. There will be woman open for the cheek kiss, but it helps to sense the person and how they're going to interact . you'll get a personal connection from all when you address them to their taste. This will keep you on your A game.
For example: You walk into a a house with 5 people you've never met. Two girl, one who thinks she's the light of the room and her friend, the one open to interaction. You give the light of the room a hand shake and the nice one a kiss on the cheek. It could be that the light of the room flicks the light a bit because she wasn't treated like her friend. There you have started a semi competition between the two. assuming you're on your A game and life is going good.
Koritora 9y ago
Thought the same thing. This reeks of east coast. Intelligent men will understand the west coast equiv.
TNNRR 9y ago
As the responses indicate. Its totally cultural. I'll add my experience to the growing list of people sharing theirs. In the USA, for me, hell no. That shit is almost as creepy as kissing the back of her hand like a damn knight.
But when I was in Spain, it was expected. I can't remember if I did the cheek kiss with the guys... I think sometimes I did and sometimes they offered their hand for a handshake. With the women I almost always did the cheek kiss. Also on that note - I think anyone can verify that women in southern spain and andalusia are some of the most beautiful and best dressed women in the world. I was impressed, at least.
Unfortunately (or Fortunately?) I was there on a trip with my LTR.
Sweetmoeseph 9y ago
Op mentioned that cheek kisses weren't for men. Shaking was.
IGoYouStayTwoAutumns 9y ago
If you're in a major city (NYC, LA etc) it's the cheek kiss--don't have much experience with the middle but I imagine once you get out to Nebraska etc, maybe it's more about the handshake intro.
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Hexthorne 9y ago
Left to right, just like you read.
trpthroway123 9y ago
I'm in New York.
Everyone I know does cheek kisses. From great grandmas to babies. My friend's girlfriends, their moms, business associates, college friends I haven't seen in years, everyone gets a kiss on the cheek.
It's very common, at least here.
I guess it's worth mentioning, I'm not ugly or creepy. I've seen them deny ugly/creepy guys who try.
Vryk0lakas 9y ago
It is common here in hawaii as well.
Sip_py 9y ago
I think it's more of a comfortability thing. You're comfortable enough with yourself that you're going to do it whomever. I do it all the time, I know not everyone is "cool with it" (whatever that means), but fuck them I'm living my life. Feeling uncomfortable is their problem.
[deleted] 9y ago
From NY as well, I think it depends on your demographic.
moresmarterthanyou 9y ago
LA checking in. never done a cheek kiss in 10 years
Mr_Andry 9y ago
West coast don't do cheek kisses unless you're a middle aged woman or in showbiz.
Semper_I 9y ago
We do the pornstar elbow shake here.
[deleted] 9y ago
We also specialize in the Funhaus secret handshake here in LA.
BlueBlus 9y ago
I'm also from NY. We don't do cheek kisses. But I'm among the younger adults
Original_Dankster 9y ago
In Montreal it's actually insulting to a woman to NOT do the double (or even triple) cheek kiss.
It's a cultural thing. Expect in any place where there are a noticeable proportion of people who speak the Romantic languages (Portugese, Spanish, Italian, Romanian, French, few other minor ones).
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Luckyluke23 9y ago
i'll rmemeber next time i'm down that way thanks man.
Original_Dankster 9y ago
Cheers, thanks for the clarification. Yeah, I didn't mean for males greeting another male, but females greeting females, I saw them doing the kiss kiss thing all the time
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marplaneit 9y ago
We do it in Argentina, and last time I checked we are not full of cucked men like in US.
oathcunt 9y ago
Same here in Chile, though with only one cheek kiss.
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Mr_Andry 9y ago
Nah. Pay attention to your peers. If nobody is doing cheek kisses, don't do cheek kisses. If everybody is blowing up fist bumps, then blow up your fist bumps. Find better ways to stand out than trying to start a trend in a new area where it might already have negative connotations.
Well... if you are super solid confident and good looking, go ahead and import your intimate greeting of choice. If you pull it off you're a star. Otherwise, blend in before you branch out.
TNNRR 9y ago
"Step 1: Be attractive
Step 2: Don't be unattractive"
Most anything can be forgiven if your looks and frame are strong enough. Personally, its not for me unless I'm in a location where it is the norm.
All of OP's other advice is pretty sharp though.
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Moldy_Gecko 9y ago
48 Laws my friend, check it out
StillRedder 9y ago
I disagree. When in Rome... Think as you like but do as others do.
I understand what you're saying, though. I think what OP is advising other to do can be done subtly.
I need friends like this! ????
Sip_py 9y ago
Exactly, if I'm saying hi to my best friend and we're out, I don't care who's around. We're saying what's up however we feel like it. I'm not advising to give kisses on the cheek to everyone.
Mr_Andry 9y ago
I think we got off topic. I'm referring to how different places have different greeting traditions. If you are meeting close friends in LA, then go ahead and do whatever homoerotic things you want. But don't assume that the new girls you meet will appreciate the same thing.
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Mr_Andry 9y ago
Yeah, I got a little confused there because nobody gives a shit what greetings you use with close friends. We're talking about bar etiquette, which implies mixed company.
Upvote_To_The_Left 9y ago
How does any of this help get you laid?
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thelaptopliquidator 9y ago
"Avoid bright drinks. No blue hawaiians, pink passionfruit martinis, etc."
How insecure do you have to be to base what you drink on what people will think of you?
Wheyman92 9y ago
When I was 18 and started college I looked up what was a masculine drink to order. Whiskey neat, or two ice cubes max, was the number 1 thing on the list. So I decided to start slamming whiskey (cheap ones, too, lol) and proceded to blackout at almost every thing i went to for my first two years.
Since then I've developed an affinity for higher end blends and single malts. Now, however, i prefer to order and old fashion or a gin martini. Insecurities play a part in your life, thats fine, but they should be in the past by now.
JackGetsIt 9y ago
Somebody get this guy an appletini. Easy on the tini.
[deleted] 9y ago
The entire concept of this sub is that superficial things matter and you communicate more with body language and societal cues than you do with just words. Understanding that your actions affect how people think about you is not insecurity. Obviously drink whatever you you want and own it, but don't wear a fucking fedora with a feather in it because you "don't care what people think of you" and expect to get good first impressions from people.
Overzealous_BlackGuy 9y ago
Yeah this post is a nice read but from my experience nightlife is too fast paced for most of this to matter.
If you're at a bar get some liquor in the system , enjoy the music. Talk to whomever with aggression because its a feeding ground in there.
cmdrNacho 9y ago
agree, i love them and plus use them as a conversation starter. I do normally drink straight bourbon though
Mr_Andry 9y ago
Agreed. Just own your preferences. That's alpha.
However, if you're an alpha in training, maybe avoid the bright drinks.
[deleted] 9y ago
Adding on to this, I intentionally drink from a straw in my cocktail. Has anyone see how some bars "wash" their glasses? I don't want to put my mouth on that glass rim.
MarvelousWhale 9y ago
The shit on the glass isn't mixing with the drink you're sucking thru the straw? Don't kid yourself. I was once a barback, washing the glasses. I always did an excellent job inspecting every glass by hand because yes, they can get nasty with some bitches lipstick or some dudes drunken slobber.
If you avoid shitty bars, as any self respecting man should, you shouldn't have a problem. If you find yourself in a dive bar, ALWAYS drink exclusively bottled drinks. And always watch them open that bottled drink, or hand it to you unopened with a bottle opener, because I have seen some shitholes keep opened unfinished beers in fridges and serve it to people.
[deleted] 9y ago
I just don't want to put my mouth on the glass. What's wrong with dive bars? I love going to a dive. Usually cheaper drinks and good people hanging around.
[deleted] 9y ago
My hats stay on my head no matter what. Fuck that shit.
Moldy_Gecko 9y ago
Yeah, I'm curious about this one.
Sip_py 9y ago
This is very reminiscent of GS elevator guide to bar etiquette.
http://www.businessinsider.com/unofficial-goldman-sachs-guide-to-bar-etiquette-2013-12
Some highlights:
Mr_Andry 9y ago
Nothing wrong with a little wave to the bartender to get their attention. Or yelling if the music is loud. Must be context specific.
evanston4393 9y ago
I've had the most success with subtly holding a $5/10 in my hand and resting it on the bar. Bartenders pay attention to that and will come to you before a lot of other people. Not to mention its a lot less ostentatious than waving it around in the air.
Sip_py 9y ago
The most effective way is to look them directly in the eyes and tip well. If you tipped well on the first drink, the next time you look at them, they'll know what you want and you can just gesture for another, if you need others drinks or extras, you just inform the bartender when they bring the initial drink.
evanston4393 9y ago
Absolutely, agreed 100%. My point was aimed at how to get their attention that first time. Also, and this may be regional, but most bartenders around here seem to avoid making eye contact with anyone other than who they are serving to somewhat avoid what you describe, but a nice tip (like you said) gets around that.
[deleted] 9y ago
The beta cuck guide to bar whore etiquette.
I associate fancy bars with beta bucks and post wall hags that want to score one, but each to his own I guess...
chances_are_ur_a_fag 9y ago
not everyone is into shit upstate ny dive bar scene
trpthroway123 9y ago
Did you know it's Fashion Week in NYC right now?
Want to guess what kind of places the models go after the runway events?
Want to guess where all the hot, young, rich, daughters spend daddy's money?
Post wall hags are hunting whales at country clubs or drowning their sorrows at dives.
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trpthroway123 9y ago
These are guidelines, not rules. Nothing here disqualifies you, I never even implied that.
Don't mistake success for perfection. Just because you got laid, doesn't mean you didn't miss other opportunities, doesn't mean there isn't room for improvement.
I'm sure there's a girl that will go home with your real alpha friend after he pounds on the bar, throws napkins, cracks racist jokes, talks about how much he hates Bernie, and bathed in Axe body spray.
Can you accept that maybe the HB9 was turned off by that, so he went home with a HB7 instead? Can you accept he may have gotten an extra number or two if he handled the situation differently?
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NexusReflexX 9y ago
what are some things you learned from your friends?
drallcom3 9y ago
Being rich and successful makes not giving a fuck a lot easier. Casually bragging about your wealth and women is like magic (damn they do that a lot). Talking in general is the key. Being a good talker is the most important thing, even or especially when you're not a self-made millionaire. Taking women out to expensive places works if you treat it like an everyday thing. Connections, connections, connections.
Keep in mind that they don't look like supermodels. The guy I go out most often with even got a small belly over the years and smells weird. Cloths and grooming are much more important, but I'm not talking suits and perfection. More like true style.
DannyDemotta 9y ago
Yeah this is much easier than following OPs advice. I'll do this instead, thanks!
TNNRR 9y ago
hmmm.
This makes me nervous though. Yeah, they might throw the pussy at you at first. But I think in the end they'd beta bucks you once they get over the appeal of the nice places and money you have to buy shit.
I don't think you should ever use your income to qualify yourself to a woman. It opens a really dangerous door.
Although, if you're really rich and successful enough they'll know there's probably a line of chicks waiting to pounce, so they may be more prone to mate-guard.
drallcom3 9y ago
They don't rely on it. It just helps massively and once you have that status you don't even have to spend that much anymore. Also spending money on fun, expensive activities for yourself and your friends to brag about works almost as well.
epixs 9y ago
Become friends with the bouncers if you go there a lot. As a bouncer, all the regulars that were cool with us and knew us always got preferential treatment.
[deleted] 9y ago
Wtf. How "alpha" (but how I hate that word). Who cares man enjoy your drink and straws. I know I do. I'm here for two goals at the bar and one is to enjoy my drink.
triggerboy69 9y ago
Also remember to bring the nicest fedora you have! Stay classy~
mack_and_the_boys 9y ago
'Wrap a bar napkin around your drink, if possible/practical.'
Haha. The person doing this would give off massive weirdo vibes if I saw them doing this.
trpthroway123 9y ago
Bar napkins are the tiny square ones. You wrap it around the bottom, it's almost entirely hidden by your hand.
I frequent a lot of cocktail hours/mixers/business/charity events, it's a very common thing to see.
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Crime-WoW 9y ago
visor beanie.
so many keks.
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trpthroway123 9y ago
Guidelines, not rules.
Please keep in mind, my area is full of higher end bars. If you're visiting more casual places, it's less of an issue.
If you're going to places with a dress code, the hat shouldn't come. I'm sure you'd agree, a baseball hat is almost always in bad taste out at a bar or club.
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Diogenes56 9y ago
This is a useful, concise post.
Fancy bars weed out mouth-breathing Jabronies. This is clearly lost on those criticizing OP.
trpthroway123 9y ago
Hit it on the nose brother. Upscale bars are my type of spot, rooftops and waterfronts.
At the local hole-in-the-wall, most of this doesn't apply.
NeoreactionSafe 9y ago
After my recent "blindside" at a beer garden when someone acted as an informant to get the management to ask me to leave (have no idea who was the informant) I think I'll avoid bars for a while.
Festivals are coming up... very impersonal... you are more able to act without threat of political correctness there. Far less supervision.
Freedom is a diminishing asset these days... it seems to be getting worse.
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meh613 9y ago
Upvoted and saved... This is a fantastic guide to being a good bar patron. Thank you very much, /u/trpthroway123 ! Unfortunately, some of your other contributions are not as fantastic.
RedPillFreedom 9y ago
Tips for the non alcoholic drinker.
nothere_ 9y ago
Order non alcoholic drinks
IDefyAxioms 9y ago
Tip well, don't be an ass. Don't expect to be the priority customer (remember the price difference in what you're ordering).
chances_are_ur_a_fag 9y ago
I always get water with a splash of coke to add some color
mattizie 9y ago
Order water on the rocks.
But yeah nah, just get a fuckload of ice and pour in some water, most people will the think it's a spirit of sorts.
trpthroway123 9y ago
"Virgin cocktails"
Bartenders all know what it means. They'll make you whatever drink you want and just leave out the alcohol.
Virgin Mojito is my go-to (I love the taste), or, just a club with lime.
[deleted] 9y ago
Sprite with lime looks enough like a gin and tonic, that's my go-to. Or Diet Coke with lime if you prefer, looks like a whiskey/Coke.
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whuttupfoo 9y ago
Some of this stuff is really OCD. No one cares about half the shit on here lol. Especially the bit with the straw.
IGoYouStayTwoAutumns 9y ago
Totally agree with the NO STRAW thing. I'm 5+ years sober, and my goto bar drink is Diet Coke. You typically get it in a tall glass, with lemon and a straw--and for while I would just suck away, oblivious to what I might have looked like or what impression I was giving off.
It wasn't until I saw CRAZY STUPID LOVE, and Ryan Gosling makes the observation (when he's trying to turn Steve Carell into a ladies man): "What are you DOING?? Get that straw out of your mouth!!" that I realized, oh damn, it's far better (re: establishing a masculine frame) to sip from the glass rather than suck from the straw.
So yeah, for all you non-drinkers out there, get that Diet Coke in a tumbler with a rock or two (as if it was a whiskey), NO STRAW.
Trumpanoly 9y ago
Never wait longer than 15 mins in line. If you can't bribe your way in then don't bother.
As much as I love gin and tonics, ladies seem to hate them, I've been told frequently it reminds them of old alcoholic men.
If they order something unusual I will always take a sip of their drink. The trick here is you must take it confidently, don't ask for permission.
Always try and sit next to them at a bar or table. Sitting directly across makes it difficult to kino. Also comes across as more impersonal and can be like an interview situation.
If there is a dance floor, always take the lead and ask her to dance. Even if you can't dance for shit you can get away with it if it's you pulling her on to the dance floor. Smile and have fun.
If you don't want to dance make it clear early. Tell her she is allowed to go and you like to watch. As soon as she has gone you must approach another girl. Do not sit and wait.
TedTheAtheist 9y ago
I wish I could use any of this good advice, but alas, I cannot. Good stuff, though.
trpthroway123 9y ago
Many times I'm out, I'm not actually drinking.
Virgin drinks are your friend. A virgin mojito still tastes great and no one will know the difference.
flat6turbo 9y ago
you don't have to drink alcohol at a bar. a lot of people at any bar on any given night aren't drinking, for various reasons. some are sipping water, some drink juice, others are getting jacked on straight redbulls or iced coffee or whatever. bars have a lot of stuff that isn't alcoholic.
it's a faux pas in the real adult world to pressure someone to drink, or ask any questions about it.
TedTheAtheist 9y ago
I'll try it.. I guess they don't smoke in there anymore, so it might be tolerable.
Luckyluke23 9y ago
great post man, More guides like this need to be done
people like this are the worst and i hate them. I try up EVERYONE or if i can't i don't say anything badly about them
Johndoesmith67 9y ago
In my fraternity when you are found at a bar or party with your drink in your right hand a calling out can occur and you are forced to kneel in front of everyone and down whatever is in your hand. This is to teach you to left hand your drink so your right is always available if you need to introduce yourself.
easyroscoe 9y ago
I work in a bar, and the first half of this post should be sent out to everyone the week before their 21st birthday.
Thewelshpill 9y ago
in the uk we tip our top hats to each other
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Horus_Krishna_2 9y ago
do people really do cheek kisses
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TemplesOfSyrinx 9y ago
Yes, but I think there's regional etiquette. Some places are more acceptable than others.
alreadygoneKKbye 9y ago
Would not get away with that in the South. Tip for all.
Firespit 9y ago
It's a french thing. So also Canada, north africa, and other colonies.
turboRock 9y ago
Yeah, it's pretty much the go-to greeting with Spanish girls.
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Stoicas 9y ago
Different cultures have different comfort zones.
You will notice that people in south america and mediterranean area tend to keep closer distance than people in middle east.
The same goes for greetings, a lot of physical contact will be more common in the places where people are more open.
woahyoungster345654 9y ago
I think the middle east is more on the "touchy" side, did you see how arab guys greet each other ? they shake hands then kiss each other on the cheek ( no homo ) and they keep pretty small personal space, also here in the netherlands people kiss each other on the cheek if you're close friends ( not between guys though).
Stoicas 9y ago
You might be right, but I think they would behave differently around strangers.
btw. it was an example from a book on body language I've read recently.
Wheyman92 9y ago
Here in Miami, yes. Not to other men though, that's fruity as fuck.
However, if it were a female in a work environment or something along those lines you would be retarded to do anything but shake her hand. If you're meeting with that same business associate for lunch or a dinner with both of your partners, the kiss on the cheek would absolutely be the right thing to do. It's also not lips to cheek, it's cheek to cheek with a kissing sound.
Horus_Krishna_2 9y ago
ok I'd like to do cheek kisses but have literally never seen it in the wild, only in movies, and am worried I'd get met with a slap to the face, then again that is me being beta again.
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Horus_Krishna_2 9y ago
part of my problem is understanding "taboos" and "mores" things that come naturally to others. Forget a kiss to the cheek I need to get a kiss on the lips right too, I know that's culturally acceptable.
Expectations1 9y ago
Agreed with everything except the introducing yourself by first and last name.
JackGetsIt 9y ago
My favorite thing in college was showing up to the classiest bar in town in sweatpants and not giving a fuck about it. Never went home alone.
Ausecurity 9y ago
Also don't challenge the bouncers. Too many people try to challenge me and they always fail. I will make it a point to make you look like an ass as I carry you away.
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trpthroway123 9y ago
Good point, I'll add that on.
soccerbum312 9y ago
Yeah I've had to deal with guys that had a girl on their arm and after their slew of insults or belligerent behavior towards me surprise, surprise the girls disappears
Trumpanoly 9y ago
Correct. Bouncers always win. Whether you in the right or wrong there is no point arguing or challenging anything they say. This applies x2 if your drunk or under the influence. You sound like an idiot arguing in that condition.
traversecity 9y ago
"You got it" is always the right answer, walk away.
I've said no to a bouncer only once, ever. The bounce team was moving to eject a friend who was accousted by an asshat. Rules are rules, all involved get tossed, it does not matter who instigated. We were there with 5 or 6 friends. I stepped in, ramped up my "in charge" presence, and quickly explained in a clear, sober, direct manner. My friend stayed in the bar, the other guy got tossed.
Being RP includes de-escalating situations like this.
(And I really didn't want to see the bouncer get hurt, my friend was a hockey player who really loves to fight a bit too much... and he was still sober, so it may have gotten bloody very quickly. But remember this, if you've had a drink or two, you'll never match the bouncer!)
bornredd 9y ago
Alright, here's a question for you. Let's say I get asked to move by a bouncer (blocking a fire exit or whatever).
You can't really touch a bouncer without provoking a response, so a pat on the back as acceptance of his request is right out. What's a good way to comply without looking like a bitch or provoking him?
soccerbum312 9y ago
Yeah if a guy pats me on the back or gives me the head nod I take it as a sign of mutual respect
evanston4393 9y ago
This must be somewhat regional. Any time a bouncer asks me to do something I just say "okay no problem" and either stick my hand out for a handshake (reciprocated 99% of the time), or just a pat on the arm. I've never once had a bouncer get angry with me for doing either of those things. Some even say thank you for acknowledging them and not just walking away without saying anything.
Ausecurity 9y ago
Nodding works, a nice "sure np", no one thinks someone's a bitch for listening to an authority figure and the whole encounter is over in 10 seconds
Moldy_Gecko 9y ago
Now worries man. Gotcha. Ok. Thanks. Pretty much any verbal confirmatory response.
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bornredd 9y ago
Cool, just checking myself, appreciate the feedback.
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Donuteater780 9y ago
A lot of places choose large bouncers for the intimidation factor. Doing what the guy says isn't going to lose you points with anyone.
Starswarm 9y ago
Bouncers appreciate polite people and will remember the customers that are difficult and attention seeking. It's really not hard to become friendly with a bouncer. Just be a good customer and considerate towards others, build a rapport, introduce yourself, offer to get them a water, etc.
Bouncers really like not having to do anything. If you behave in a way so that they can forget you exist the second you come in, they will be happy to see you come to the door because they will know you are a quality easy going patron.
In the event of an incident, the bouncers will take your side, or at the very least be willing to talk to you first and hear your story before any decisions are made.
Moldy_Gecko 9y ago
And depending on the club, policies and leniency, you might even get the hook up. If you get to know me well at the club and go drink with me after (depending what club I'm at), best believe I'll show you the spots, hook you up and give you social proof. Piss me off and I'll make sure you're out of the club at the first sight of a problem.
refusewool 9y ago
They want to do their job, not make new friends. Offering to get them water will not only make you look like a bitch but suggest that you have nothing better to do.
Moldy_Gecko 9y ago
I disagree with this. I've been a bouncer at a dance club and a strip club for the past 3 years. While I usually refuse drinks while working, I appreciate a cigarette or food usually. This won't mean we're bffs, but if you're a regular, I'll get to know ya and probably hook you up.
refusewool 9y ago
What do you mean by 'hook you up'?
DjQuackAttax 9y ago
Cheek kiss is cheese wiz. Unless you're like descended from the Alpha heavens I wouldn't recommend pulling this one. Like maybe in New York or LA they do this but if you pull this in Alabama you will probably never meet anyone.
GalacticLinx 9y ago
Thanks.
It seems very useful. But some of those advices dont apply in my country (i mean, the hand shakes, the cheek kisses ONLY for females, etc).
I have a question about Offer your arm if you're going somewhere....
Could you show me a image of the correct way of offering my arm?
should i give my arm to the female and keep my hand in a poket?
I really dont know how this works, usualy when i give my arm to a female, she looks for it, i did never offer it. But i would like to start doing it.
enfier 9y ago
You keep your hands out of your pockets. I usually step outside, turn around and ask if she's ready which is generally the cue for her to grab on once she's sorted her coat/purse situation. I really think it's more about the timing than any signal. If she doesn't take your arm then just walk with her it's not a big deal.
TNNRR 9y ago
But how are you going to fondle your genitals with your hand out of your pocket???
Battle-Scars 9y ago
Walk slightly in front of her close and to the side, doesn't matter which side. Line up your right shoulder with her left shoulder or vice versa, look straight forward and place your hand on your stomach just above your belly button. When she notices, she will take a step forward and take your arm, if she doesn't notice right away keep your arm there and slow down, she will walk right into it. Once she interlocks, grab her bicep and give her a firm pull into your body and give her a kiss on her head just above the ear. Timing is everything.
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J_AsapGem 9y ago
offering your arm or your hands work, but briefly if you're in a social setting and just met, like in a club you would take their hand and lead them to the bar or outside.
trpthroway123 9y ago
In a bar, I lead by the hand, only real way through a crowd.
Outside, linked arms, it keeps them very close. Far less awkward (especially when drunk) than an arm around the waist.
hamstercide 9y ago
But they look so cool! And they glow in the dark.
FleshPanda 9y ago
10 year bartender here- know what to order and how to order it. Know several standard shots/drinks and a few unique ones to change it up. Order the lady a drink that she will like and explain to her what is in it and how it is made. Beer/wine/liquor knowledge will make you a real standout compared to the guy that orders a bud light and shots of well tequila.
Subtlefart 9y ago
I thought this sub was fucking crazy. This guy makes some solid fundamental points. I pretty much incorporate most of this into my daily life already. The left hand drink tho, never thought about it, but it makes perfect logical sense. Solid post NYC.
SomeShadeOfRed 9y ago
Logged on just to say this: do NOT overuse the bartenders name. Don't continuously say "excuse me" or "can I get service" and certainly do not make your displeasure known verbally.
I currently bar back/cook at a busy downtown bar and they will either own your ass with a witty remark (they have authority/social status as a bartender) or will treat you like a child. It is a lose lose if you confront them on their service or how long you've been waiting.
I used to be a pretty blue bitch when it came to social settings, but I always got quick service in the bars by simply raising my hand/money/card silently with my elbow on the bar and waiting. Afterwards, thank them, tip them, and if you plan on returning then tell them "my name is X, I'll be back in X min. for another X" and then hand them your generous tip.
alreadygoneKKbye 9y ago
It is an awkward but confident stride into this sub as a woman who somewhat feels at home with this thread. These are not shit facts being thrown out. THIS is how you survive in the real world.
bornredd 9y ago
This post is excellent for those of you with no bar game.
The only nitpick (and it really is a nitpick) is "no peacocking". Subtle peacocking is 100% acceptable and fantastic. If you can develop a sense of style, simple things that show quality and difference are peacocking. Proper bracelets, pocket squares, watches, simple but interesting jewelry, etc can really set you apart. I personally use my long beard and piercings - when dressed nicely, it says, "This guy is established and in charge, but is clearly different and can get away with it."
trpthroway123 9y ago
I'm talking about Mystery style peacocking. Over the top stuff. Eyeliner and fuzzy hats with 30 bracelets and painted nails. Super flashy jewelry.
I'm sure you'd agree, that's dead in today's game. Still, I see it happen here and there.
Setting yourself apart with some style, some accessories, some quality stuff, is always a good idea. Conor McGregor is a good example of "modern peacocking" if you ask me.
Sounds like you already have that box checked off.
bornredd 9y ago
Yes yes yes!
Conor is a prime example. Good show!
Irishminer93 9y ago
When you mentioned "Mystery style peacocking" I thought "it can't be that bad can it?" I was wrong. That's horrible. This coming from a magician who constantly wears ridiculous outfits for performance reasons (Today was just casual wear though, hot as hell recently).
[deleted] 9y ago
haha Mystery looks like he just finished his shift at Circue Du Soleil.
Conor looks like a fuckin boss though, great example.
MAWL_SC 9y ago
I think this depends more on your crowd and what the scene is. Even then, some people are just eccentric like that. Some even say it's good to stand out and be different, that it displays SMV.
mykonos_rm 9y ago
DC checking in. List applies for downtown happy hour def, otherwise it's very subjective per scene
LukesLikeIt 9y ago
Act however you want to act. The main thing is being confident in your action, it's not a matter of trying to hard or not enough. It's about ignoring other peoples judgement. If you can convey that to a women she will respond from my own experience.
differentdirection 9y ago
Bartender checking in.great post.few things Ito keep in mind;drinking from a straw it's not beta or alpha.its a preference(sometimes at a busy bar glasses are not wash properly.kissing in the cheek it's cultural or traditional(bro hug is fine or handshake)..leave your tab open and be clear that in the end you're paying cash or credit(don't worry you won't get overcharged,.opening and closing your card everytime you get a drink it's a pain and you'll get no respect from a bartender..Allways when you buy girl a shot offer the bartender one(he won't charge for it and you'll look like a gentleman that you're there to have fun ..and last but not least don't ever ask for prices( few dollars more or less it's not gonna kill you.get what you like not what is cheap
Freiling 9y ago
This most of all. Phone usage is my number one giveaway for an insecure or uncomfortable person.
chances_are_ur_a_fag 9y ago
excellent post. it amazes me that in the states nobody introduces anybody and nobody will introduce themselves to a group either. when I approach a group of people that one or more of my friends are in, I always introduce myself to everyone I don't know. it's common sense. I see others in the same situation and they just come up and only interact with the people they know in the group. shows right away that you're either a dick or have no self confidence. also, introducing your friends to others is common sense too. I don't get america sometimes.
bigmfkr 9y ago
One important thing: don't ever handshake women outside of corporate and formal events, where you have to do it for the sake of your business reputation. Handshakes between men and women have been forced in corporate and formal environments to show how equal everyone is.
Guess what, you're in a bar, and the last thing you want is to demonstrate that she's your equal. If she extends her arm for the handshake, ignore it and either (a) go for a hug, (b) look her in the eyes, cause mild discomfort and show her how silly she is behaving.
[deleted] 9y ago
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[deleted] 9y ago
Ey bro you gotta be "alpha" and shit. Nevermind real men who don't give a damn drink wtf they want. I know I do.
Moldy_Gecko 9y ago
No. You already changing it up... you're left handed. Cool. Except it's not changing it up for you, it's the norm. And shaking with your left hand is rude, disrespectful, and awkward. If you trying to leave solo or not make any new contacts, your game better be on point, because the left-handed shake is only going to hurt your chances.