Summary

Woman loses count of her sexual partners during her years as "a heavy drinking twenty-something in New York City with a glamorous job at a well-known magazine." Would be unable to teach her daughter about the partner count & pair-bonding correlation even if she knew the numbers.

Body

http://archive.is/kaxV4

From that treasure trove of twat-itude that is Gawker Media comes a submission drowning in RP truths. The article was linked on another page while I was browsing Jalopnik for some car news. Yes I know Jalopnik is part of the Gawker Gestapo, but I use an ad blocker so it's OK, right? ^Male ^hamstering.

In the intro of her article, the mother mentions a wise man from her past.

I told him I’d had five partners. He raised an eyebrow and said: My dad told me that whatever number a woman tells you, multiply it by 3. I thought his response was presumptuous and insulting and I told him so. What I didn’t tell him was that, at least for me, his dad was absolutely right.

The truth offends, gentlemen.

I don’t often think about the actual number of sexual partners I’ve had. But I do know I would never tell anyone the truth. Not even my closest confidantes. Why? Well, two reasons. First, I know my number is way higher than any of my friends and I don’t want to be judged. And besides that — I actually have no idea what the number is.

For fear of losing the respect of her closest friends, this woman won't even bother to come up with an estimate.

... I can only come up with a ballpark guesstimate of my sexual partners. (More than 30, less than…say, 70.)

But for Internet strangers, she'll do an estimate that has a high number that is more than double her low-end figure.

But by my mid-twenties, I lost count and gave up trying to keep up. It didn’t seem necessary. Once I’d crossed into the double digits, I couldn’t even remember why I’d initially thought it was important to keep track. What difference does it make, right?

That's right, honey, it makes no difference. Except for evidence that the chances of having a stable relationship decreases with increasing partner counts. Not to mention the continual examples posted here on TRP about Thousand-Cock Stares and women smashing into the wall before committing to someone she would be happy with.

My daughter Lauren has been sexually active for about two years. We both lost our virginity around the same age—which is why I’m freaking out. I’d had five partners by the time I was 19. And I don’t want Lauren’s number to be that high.

This mother has already driven off the cliff and is still trying to slam on those brakes. (Jack Handy original.) The time to teach your daughter about avoiding promiscuity is before she is sexually active, you dumb bitch.

I’m sure that Lauren has a much healthier attitude toward sex than I did at 19.

Of course. Because why try to teach your daughter virtue and responsibility when you can "hope" and "be sure?"

I worked hard to make that happen, starting when she was very young.

This woman is about to be faced with her complete failure in this department.

Lauren’s now a freshman in college. She hasn’t had an official boyfriend since 11th grade, so there’s really no way I can gauge how many partners she’s had.

She's actually correct here. It's called the Cock Carousel, lady.

Mother/Daughter Q&A

Mother in bold, daughter italics.

First question: did you set a standard for yourself before you were sexually active? Did you give any thought to the number of partners that would make sense for you? Absolutely. I planned on having something like five to eight partners over the course of my entire life. Where did you get that number range from? I have no idea. Maybe my friends? Or maybe society as a whole?

I've heard other girls with the same idea. If you guys have ideas on how the 5 partner number came to be, explain in the comments.

Did that number change once you become sexually active? It did. When my friends started to have sex and began to have multiple partners, I started thinking differently about what an ‘acceptable’ number would be.

Translation: I found out my friends were on the carousel also, so I figured it was OK.

You’re a first year student at a super-duper liberal school for fine art. What do your peers at school say about having a high number of partners? My circle of friends here at school has the same feelings I do—they agree that it really doesn’t matter.

Well no fucking shit. At a fine art college where "empowered women" have committed years of their lives to not only "finding themselves" but also "expressing themselves" once "found," you'll find other women who have no clue that they'll wind up a used-up, stretched out mess at 35. At which time they'll figure out their best chances of having children were a decade ago, and any chance of a successful birth is dwindling by the month.

Your number of sexual partners… I want to ask. But I don’t know if I want to know your number. That makes sense. Because I don’t know if I want you to know my number either! Okay, tell me. Mom, are you sure you want to know? You say that like I need to brace myself. You probably do. I’m ready. Tell me. Okay, so the number is…

The author then omits the number from the column because "my husband might read this."

Let’s just say, her number is higher than mine was at 19. And my initial reaction was that the number was much too high for an almost-19-year old who has been sexually active for two years.

The mother's number at 19 was five. My personal guess for the daughter is 15, which would be roughly one partner every 7 weeks. Completely "achievable" for a girl that age in 2015/2016.

So. How do you feel about that number? Honestly, I don’t feel any way about it. I feel fine with it. I don’t have any feelings toward it.

Halfway to that Thousand-Cock Stare already, huh?

I might have a different feeling about it if I wasn’t in this environment. I’ve sat around with my roommate and my friends and compared numbers. I certainly don’t have the lowest number. But I don’t have the highest either.

Again, her friends are on the carousel also, so it's gotta be OK.

Have you ever told a potential sexual partner how many partners you’ve had? No. But no one has asked. That’s not the kind of information I’d volunteer.

Of course not. Instinctively these women know it's not respectable, otherwise there would be no reason to hide it.

Lessons Learned

  • In addition to the 3X Rule, some women will lie entirely because they lost track of the real number.
  • If you hear the number 5, the real number could be anything because many women believe 5 is a socially-acceptable number.
  • Sluts raise sluts. Even if some have no regrets about their personal number, they may not want their daughter to be in the same position. As this column will show, some mothers will fail in their efforts to prevent their daughters from having high partner counts also.

Edit for formatting.