Being Red Pill aware for a couple of years now, I've had plenty of time to take what I know now and use it as a lens in which to view past situations I found myself in.
The results have been pretty comedic for me, but also an icy lesson in how your self-perception (particularly a negative one) can cause your behavior to completely change in situations that may have more of a green light than you think.
Here's several of my greatest blunders (abridged), followed by the lesson learned in each one.
Blunder #1 This was about three years ago. I met a girl from Tinder that we'll call...Janelle. She was college age, and I was about two years out of college myself. Very pretty, and far better than the sort of girls I was used to matching with.
Our first meeting was an afternoon coffee near her college's campus. At the time, I had been of the mindset that my "moving too quickly" was killing the deal — so I had made up my mind ahead of time that I was going to just sit and talk to this girl, and try my best to seem aloof about the whole thing.
Playing it cool for a Sunday afternoon "date" seemed to go well, as she texted me immediately after saying she loved meeting me and wanted to make some plans for the next weekend.
I decided to take her to a fancy place downtown in the city (of course, thinking that I HAD to spend money to impress her...), and when I picked her up, she was dressed more provocatively than I expected.
Short black top with a fair bit of boob showing, and her belly button visible too. Leather jacket, tight jeans, and heels. She looked great — and if I knew then what I know now, I would have had a fucking clue that she was into me.
But, being the meandering beta I was, I still felt nervous and like I needed to qualify myself.
Dinner went well, and the question came up as to what we should do next. Here's where the real blunder happened.
She told me that we could go back to her place, and that her roommate was over at her other friend's dorm making cookies. Instead of me taking the obvious signal she was whacking me over the head with, I decided to be a romantic beta schlub and take her to a scenic park, somewhat nearby where I thought it would be easier to make a move on her.
Not a total failure in doing so, we had a pretty intense make out for quite awhile there...but by the time we started heading back, her roommate had come home. We parted ways nicely, but she was probably disappointed that I was so thickheaded.
We ended up meeting again a couple weeks later, but the flame was already gone. I'd lost the deal.
Lesson Learned:
If you don't think you're good enough, you're going to miss even the most obvious green light. While there are exceptions and times that you should be cautious (especially these days), you're best off making the assumption that you're in the clear.
Nowadays, I know that it's already somewhat of a big deal if a girl seeks me out to spend time with me, that they'll dress up for you if you give them tingles, and that they'll seldom outright ask you to come over and fuck them — they'll just tee you up so you can lead them to that outcome (like clearing their roommate out of the house).
Blunder #2 The next blunder is another Tinder story. TBH a lot of my experiences are like that, because I used to be too cowardly to employ any day game or approach women in real life. Part of my interest in TRP was to get over that anxiety.
This girl, let's say...Beatrice, had already given me some cues before our meet-up that she wasn't looking to hook up. Fair enough, I hadn't even seen her yet. I just proceeded as planned.
We went to dinner across the street from my apartment building and had a drink together. Good energy throughout, and afterward it seemed like a simple enough transition to get her to come back up to my place.
I had invited her to see my place and play some guitar together, a little bit of plausible deniability.
When she came in the door, she was really impressed with how it "didn't look like a typical bachelor pad (or smell like one)" and that I had decorated it so well. She sort of beamed back at me, and it was a good opportunity to start making out.
BUT THAT'S WHERE I TORCHED THINGS YET AGAIN!
Instead of just proceeding from there and escalating naturally, I decided that I had to make good on my claim that we were going to play guitar. And (cringing as I think about this) I played a song or two for her....gahh...
Of course, by the time I was done, I felt like I could pick up where I left off. But the flame had already gone out and she ended up going home, saying that she had "just broken up with her boyfriend" and "this was all too sudden."
Lesson Learned: There is no proverbial checklist that needs to be checked off before you start escalating and moving forward. If you've got their interest and you feel the energy, follow that trail...you may not get it back, and they may subconsciously (or even consciously) judge you for passing it up.
If I hadn't felt like my value was low, I wouldn't have goofed around on my stupid guitar trying to further impress her. I would have just known that she was already feeling comfortable around me and attracted.
Never saw her again!
Blunder #3 This one is fairly short; it was an encounter I had with a girl I met on Bumble.
First of all, I blew off a day of work to meet her, because it worked with HER schedule. Pretty lame of me, but I was operating in a scarcity mentality, where I felt like I had to bend to their will, rather than get them to work within my frame. First mistake.
We went out at about 3:00pm for an early happy hour right downtown by my apartment. It started off fairly neutral, but by the end of the hour (and two drinks in) she was giggling and having a great time.
That should have been enough reason for me to invite her back, but NO!
I still felt like I had more to prove before THAT could even be on the table. So being the blundering beta bozo that I was, I decided to take her to ANOTHER place that was a couple miles away just for another drink.
The energy totally died when I did. She started checking her phone during the last 30 minutes and was pretty obviously uninterested.
She also kiss me before we parted ways. I never heard anything more from here.
Final Lesson Learned: There is nothing to prove, unless your weak self-image tells you that there is. And when you fail to read the energy of the room and of the woman herself, you will probably fail overall.
I was too overwhelmed by my feelings of inadequacy to realize that these women were probably already interested in me, and I didn't have to embark on some sort of dog and pony show in order to "win them over."
I was far too invested in and concerned with what they thought of me to see that they already liked me just fine, and I ended up ruining things entirely by missing that.
The biggest problem I think is that my behavior showed them an incongruity of who they thought I was and what I actually was.
They quite possibly were looking at me as a high value man that they were excited to be in the company of, but I was behaving like a low value man who was worried about impressing them. It didn't add up.
And because it didn't add up, I got NEXTED by all three of them :) These happened throughout 2015-2016, so it's been awhile and I'm not quite the basket case I was back then.
But I share this in hopes that you can relate to some of these situations. I have other stories of "tripping over my own dick" due to my younger, weak self-image..and it is certainly possible to replace those beliefs with better ones.
TRP has lots of examples of how your mindset plays into your performance, and I hope that this shows you exactly how a weak mindset will not only breed weak decisions but also put a blindfold over your face as to how women out there are even responding to you.
Good luck!
strikethrough123 5y ago
Took this girl on a date out to the mall when I was 18. She said she lived with roommates and they weren’t gonna be home until later that night, also said she’s on birth control. I didn’t get either of the hints, after about 10 minutes of chit-chat she asked me if I was gay.
We ended up meeting two of her friends (one of them was gay, lol) and the other was a blondie. After the gay dude found out I wasn’t gay, they shut me off completely. I went to a local Walgreens to buy some things, and after that they were nowhere to be found. Ended up having to walking three miles home wondering what the fuck happened.
If I had met his girl today, it would’ve been a different story. TRP makes you see reality for what it is.
MaoZedongu 5y ago
I'm baffled by this. I though the RedPill idea was strictly an Incel thing? And this sub is quarantined as well, which reinforced the notion that the content here should be disgusting sexist circle-jerking. But this is actually solid advice? I didn't read the whole thing I'll admit, but the parts I did were very nice, advising men to be confident in themselves but still treating women as equals. Which is clearly relieving, but very confusing. What IS this sub supposed to represent?
TRPDigesting 5y ago
Well I don't want to drop too much on you at once, but have you ever considered that the institutions that "Quarantine" and "Censor" are not doing so in an effort to actually protect you? But rather, are doing so in an effort to protect their interests?
While I also recommend a read-through of the sidebar to get a good sense of what the community is about, you should know that The Red Pill at its essence is aimed at helping men actually optimize themselves in relationship to masculinity.
If it's not apparent to you yet, there is a war on masculinity being waged. In fact, even just using the word masculine in the wrong crowd may even seem controversial. Do you find that odd?
Many prominent educational institutions and nearly all western media outlets strongly favor a feminine-forward approach, which mainly comes at the expense of suppressing any and all information that encourages men to actually be the best that they can be and understand who they are.
Men are being taught how to be men, by women. Do you find that odd?
The Red Pill comes across controversial because the uninformed see it as a series of hoodoo designed to manipulate poor, unsuspecting women into having sex with men, and runs contrary to the feminine narrative that universities and media outlets prefer.
But at it's core, TRP is to help you understand your true nature as a man and be in unison with it. What you do with that knowledge and beyond is up to you.
...all that to say, The Red Pill has not made me into some kind of monster — it's just given me the lens that I needed in order to understand myself and the world that I'm living in today.
Feel free to stay awhile.
Edit: And yes, as stated below, to discuss sexual strategy. But I mainly focus on the idea of masculine nature as a whole, and sexual strategy is of course a core part of that.
max_peenor 5y ago
READ THE SIDEBAR -- -- -- -->
We are here to discuss sexual strategy, as in the whys and hows of actually physical congress with the opposite sex in terms of why it has happened in the past and how to accomplish it in the future. We are do'ers.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/6o90gp/the_eunuchs_of_the_red_pill/
Incels don't belong here.
WinjetRed 5y ago
Oh God we are looking back after taking the pill, fucking kill me. I'll throw one out there.
Had some friends over one night and one of them was this total babe. 5'11, 140lbs, green eyes, perfect complexion, double D's and a face to die for. So we are all at my place and she is looking at pictures on my fridge. And one of the pictures is me shirtless sitting in a chair bent over petting my dog. I lift, so in they back was popping pretty damn good but I was blue af so I didnt really think anything of it. So she turns to me and we start talking and during the conversation she goes , while speaking slowly " i totally am into guys that have nice backs". Now in hindsight I've out it together, but at the time I thought there is no way a chick this hot could ever be talking about me and honestly I didnt even connect the picture on the fridge. It was just me petting my dog.
So there I was standing face to face with deep eye contact with a fucking ten, in front of a a shirtless back picture of me, with her telling me she likes guys with nice backs and I didnt even see it. Fucking kill me.
So lesson learned: girls do like shirtless pics no matter what they say haha. But eye contact is huge. This girl was gazing intently into my eyes the whole time we were standing there. It was making me feel strange then. If she is not looking away from you that's the sign. No matter where she is in relation to you, if she is looking and making eye contact that's her signal. And you're right about self image being important. Now I understand that that ten, was just a girl, and I am just a guy and that's enough as is said in this forum.
lowpro 5y ago
Right bro? I guess that's why they call it seeing a twinkle in their eye I guess. You only notice a twinkle if you're both participating in something. Anyways that's how I started thinking about it.
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Loze1 5y ago
I've still got a weak self-image. As far back I can remember, I always thought I looked like shit. Looking at pictures I'm in as a child, the first thing that came to mind was "I look like shit". I wanted to forget what I looked like so I seldom used a mirror and only had a few pictures as a child.
It dragged into my teen years. I thought to myself, "Damn, I'm an ugly fuck. Better not ask any girls out at school. That way I can prevent any emotional pain/embarrassment." So said, so done. Missed opportunities but it's no use crying over spilt milk.
I'm in my early 20s now. I still think that I'm ugly. Not much luck with women either. The only women on my level have multiple STDs because of desperation. Ha, why the fuck would a man want to be seen as pretty anyways? If only Beauty and The Beast was set in reality, I'd have a much easier time.
Anyways, good post OP. I'm going through that struggle myself now. Might as well work on assets and game.
TRPDigesting 5y ago
You know, because you mentioned Beauty and the Beast...
The Beast wasn't a beast because he was ugly — he was a beast because he represented the untamed.
The taming of the untamable is a repeated theme in a lot of popular stories enjoyed by women, with Beauty & the Beast being an obvious example. (And 50 Shades being another one, too).
With that in mind, know that the real beast is the man who fully lives in his own frame. If you are uncomfortable living in your own frame, it may be an indication that you either...
You must be the gatekeeper of your conscious thought. Your subconscious is always listening, and it only does what it is told. The more that you speak of yourself negatively, your subconscious takes note.
The subconscious acts out what it knows into reality, and then gets observed AGAIN by your conscious mind, solidifying what you believe.
Example: You always think of yourself as ugly, so your subconscious comes to accept that you're ugly. So much so that if anybody ever gives you a simple compliment, you almost have a gut reaction to it — and go, "Oh no, I'm not. But thanks."
You find yourself in situations that you believe you would fare better in if you were more attractive, and because you fail, you conclude once again that you're ugly. And it repeats.
This is not to say that the entire battle is in the mind...but a lot of it is.
Improve your physicality, appearance, status, and behavior however you can. But be the gatekeeper of your conscious thought – because your subconscious will turn it into reality over time.
And remember that one of the greatest masters of game from all time was Patrice O'Neal, and he was a self-proclaimed "fat motherfucker." Impermeable frame.
You will be fine. Watch your conscious thoughts, and swap the shitty ones out with ones that serve you. Good luck!
Loze1 5y ago
Thanks, I needed that pill.
TRPDigesting 5y ago
You bet, man. Put yourself at the top of the value hierarchy.
FormerBlueFool 5y ago
It's cool that you recognise this, because you can work on it. Lift, read the sidebar and practice your game. Be the best version of yourself.
We all start somewhere bro.
Crowstarz 5y ago
1.If a girl wears something revealing or slutty,98% of the time they are DTF.I've confronted many girls regarding their attire,plethora of em explicitly admitted they did cuz they wanted to get laid. 2.If she advances to take ya back again that's a huge green flag that you'll be pounding that gal.
markinsinz7 5y ago
Yea but like damn near a shit ton of girls at the club wear slutty shit. Yet I seem them rebuff even chads so what gives
atticusfinch1973 5y ago
At clubs girls are wearing things to attract attention from all parties, men and women. Sometimes just attention.
archaeopter 5y ago
They're shit testing left and right because they have so many offerings.
markinsinz7 5y ago
Idk man I'm damn sure Chads know to brush shit tests off like crazy. I suspect these girls are just there for the validation. I am talking about bar girl's here so that's the context.
However on a date or something then yea it's pretty damn clear the slutty outfit is there dtf.
lowpro 5y ago
Aw man let me share a story real quick. Just met this girl over an invite for a plus one to a Deadmau5 show. We meet up on the line for the show and proceed to have a great time at the show. Afterwards, we're in my car and she's telling me how she had a great time and what are we doing next? The thought ran past my mind "Let's go back to my place" and right as I'm thinking this she says "I'm down for anything". Didn't capitalize and I think we got food and called it. She teed me up a few more times but it was always something I'd do to self sabotage. So happy to have found TRP otherwise I'd still being doing the same dumb shit
TRPDigesting 5y ago
Sounds so similar to my own experiences. "I'm down for anything..."
This is the female equivalent of "making it easy for us." It's all too easy to self-sabotage.
At least we can look back and see where we turned left when we should have continued on straight ahead.
[deleted] 5y ago
These hit a bit close to home
I’m 25 now; 22 when I just barely skimmed over this kind of thinking, didn’t immerse myself in it until I was 24. Part of me thinks it’s too late, but I keep at it. Forward
TRPDigesting 5y ago
I think it happens more through the mid-20's, although everyone is different. I'm 26 now, forget if I stated that.
I only began to really care about self-development and work on my internal belief structure when I realized that my existing one was not serving me well.
And rearchitecting your belief structure is a long job. Probably never really over, but you'll enjoy the benefits of it with time. Forward for sure.
[deleted] 5y ago
[deleted]
TRPDigesting 5y ago
Tough to say what you ought to do, specifically.
But the running theme in your comment seems to me that you still have women on a pedestal above you.
Doing the opposite doesn't mean that you have to trample them, but you also ought not to act in subordination to them. When you hear the Red Pill mantra, "You are the prize" it's really another way of saying "What you want out of the situation should be paramount."
That being said, don't ever fail to approach a woman because you either...
Every approach that you get a little anxious about is a training exercise. And you pass the training exercise by doing it.
By all means, approach the woman and have something interesting to say. Don't lay your cards right on the table if you don't feel like you can do it with 100% confidence. Show some aloofness. Comment on the environment around you, ask her if she noticed something that you also noticed.
The worst/best thing that can happen is that she'll say, "Fucking beat it, chump."
And how remarkable would that be?! Having a woman verbally slap you silly. It's quite unlikely. But the best thing about it is that you would still be left fully intact.
Their rejection might sting. But it doesn't define you. It only can give you an indicator of why it's not a good fit. You'll need to have some of these rejections in order to have some successes.
But the #1 thing you should remember...
Stay lighthearted throughout all of this.
This is another way of exploring the idea of "amused mastery." It's all just for fun anyway, man! Cosmic nihilism aside, we don't even know why we're here. But we wake up each day with a purpose, and some new opportunities. And we'd like to make them into something good for us, right?
So set out with a lighthearted approach, enjoy your interactions, and don't stake your entire value on their outcome.
Hope that helps you.
brotein_synthesis 5y ago
This is painfully relatable.