Self-delusion is a bitch. We feed ourselves sweet little lies like candy, making our minds flabby.
In order to get better you have to come to terms with where you are right now. An honest inventory will be free of emotion. Wishing there were five crates of Slurm on the shelf doesn't change the fact that there are only two. We can wish for more Slurm, or hint we want it, or get cranky it's not there, it doesn't change the facts of the situation or your options. Buy more cases or don't.
With ourselves and our bodies it's trickier than not raging over a lack of crates. Shame gets in the way. There might be some auto-pilot scripts about embarrassment and worthlessness. This emotional baggage needs to be set aside so you can get a clear look at your goals and plan the separate steps to get there.
We all start somewhere. I remember my first days on the grappling mats and how hapless I was. I couldn't learn the moves right and I didn't have the strength or endurance to execute. I could have stayed at that comical level of clumsiness and weakness but I didn't. Walking through the door for my first class was very difficult, returning was even harder. I only got through it by accepting that my weakness was real, and that I was okay with it because it was temporary. Sure enough, I got better, way better, and it carried over into helping with the rest of my life. You don't have to take the plunge into fight training, but I thought this personal example would help illustrate my point. Recognize you suck at something, so you aren't coasting on hollow ego, but keep trying and put in the time and it should work out.
Ok, you have the raw facts. You weigh x and can lift y. You want to change those numbers, right? For health, for capability, for respect, for a disciplined mind, for pride, for pussy, all fine reasons for me... but ultimately we each need our own motivations. This is why I am asking you the reader to pause and reflect on what is really driving you and if it is sustainable. Follow another's script too close and it won't be in your own style and will probably fizzle out.
Your perceived limits are NOT facts but projections, this is why honesty is critical to clearing development roadblocks. If I had listened to my fears, well let's just say it would be ungood.
It's okay to have flaws and vulnerabilities. You don't have to proclaim them to the internet and you don't have to sink into the shame swamp. This is about Owning Your Shit. You're not perfect and you're not horrible. Put in the time, don't give up training, and you can rewrite the numbers on your character sheet.
silent_dominant 5y ago
The problem is finding something that drives you enough. Nihilism is a bitch
KeffirLime 5y ago
Humans do a great job of creating palatable stories about themselves, it helps them function better. These become our comfort zones. We've invested a helluva lot into these stories.
When these zones/stories get questioned or challenged most people defend with all they can, their comfort is on the line. Try telling a Scientologist it's all a scam when his entire social circle and the last 20 years of his life have been dedicated to it.
Changing requires us to stretch and poke our own comfort zones, the more attached to our identity the harder that is to do.
The best thing you can do is tone down your attatchment to ideas and concepts, accept them as far as it has utility and build a healthy habit of curiosity for yourself. To engage and explore as your default response instead of defend and double down.
If your explorations, after a healthy testing period yield no returns, you can safely say you were in better waters.
If your explorations yield positivity and quality, then proceed with vigor, you've found yourself a new best operating practice.
This way your actions are grounded in personal evidence instead of ethereal stories of comfort. From there you can build a far better, more functional machine.
Feelinggood702 5y ago
Very true. It’s not bad to visualize and explore concepts and ideas in your head, but they must be continually hammered and tested through actual experience to test their validity. Furthermore, experience builds upon these concepts and produces new ones.
_A_L_3_X_ 5y ago
another very important part is to not think that everythings gonna pay off instantly, because then you'll stop improving pretty quick. Also don't thik you can change radically, as with anything change works over time and is slow. so it's much better to start off with small but consistent steps. After a while you will start to notice changes and get hooked for even more.
For example i tried to get my diet to be healthy the moment i learned about it. i managed to eat healthy for maybe 2 or 3 days and then i fell back to the old habbits just like an addict gets back to his drug, which it sort of was. to not make the same mistakes again, i started slowly. At first i cut out all sweets. two weeks later it was time for cereals, then all the unhealthy fats, and so on, you get the idea.
TheDevilsAdvokaat 5y ago
Confidence starts with honesty too.
A lot of people seem to think you can fake confidence...you can't. Confidence comes from repeated confirmations during interactions with others that your assessment of your self is correct.
Emulated confidence is false confidence and is obvious to everyone, especially women.
So..as this guy says, be honest in your assessment of your self, your looks, your strength etc. True confidence starts with honesty.
[deleted] 5y ago
[deleted]
TheDevilsAdvokaat 5y ago
I agree with this too; the only exception I would make is for psychopaths who don't appear to suffer any anxiety from their behaviour.
But for normal people, yes...the simpler and more honest your life, the less you have to worry.
DamiensLust 5y ago
You can definitely fake confidence. It won't fool everyone, but the less perceptive/intuitive of the people you interact with will buy it. As soon as it works, then the confidence in your fake confidence will quickly turn into real confidence. This is why "fake it till you make it" works.
Feelinggood702 5y ago
To go even deeper with this, that initial confidence you build up will enable you to explore uncharted waters and gives you the confidence to make mistakes and learn.
TruthSeekingPerson 5y ago
Dostoevsky had a great quote about how someone who lies to himself ceases to respect himself or anyone else. It's a real problem with people who have never had a reality check. I think that these people often do evil things because truth/reality simply doesn't matter to them.
I suffered for many years myself trying to be something I wasn't. It was really painful and I'm relieved I've seen the light. It almost broke me but now that I've accepted myself I'm happy again.
DancesWithPugs 5y ago
Accept and understand the presence of your failings in order to fix them up, right? Otherwise you won't get at the root problems.
javiercer20 5y ago
Competence gives you confidence. When you discover what you capable of doing (life decisions, having a life goal, lift, be more social, face your damn boss and ask for a raise) your confidence will raise with strong bases. But when you realize you’re the only one who’s able to help you and you stop shaming yourself, that gives you competence too which brings tons of confidence.... that’s the beginning.
[deleted]
northernlaner 5y ago
Grappling mats, are you doing BJJ? This is a great example and gives me hope. I started BJJ 2 months ago and feel hopeless.
DancesWithPugs 5y ago
Yeah I was. I love talking about jiu-jitsuand hopefully this helps.
One of the main concets is to stay calm, so you conserve your energy and can plan your next move. I used to semi-panic and gas myself out trying to muscle it. If someone is squeezing your neck or compressing your lungs on top and you waste your breath you're doomed. Pop a shoulder up so you can get at least one lung working okay. Try and get into positions that are easy or effortless for you to maintain, that constrict breathing and leverage for them. Randy Coutere won a lot of his MMA matches with a good clinch game, just hanging his weight on people against the cage and using knees and elbows when they tired.
Controlling their joints and hips is a big deal, hooks underarms, under knees, that sort of thing. Don't be afraid to grab your own hands or part of your gi to make a closed loop. If anyone offers you a knee out front when sitting, grab under it with both hands, maybe clutch against your torso, then you can dive or drive forward and roll them over.
Practice those elbow escapes / hip escapes "shrimps". If you can reliably scoot your hips out, plant a leg on the ground and rotate your pelvis to face the ground it can get you out of a lot of trouble and a lot of times into side control. Then from there I like to slide a knee up and over, maybe with help from a hand, as high up on their abdomen as you can and then you can often get a mount. If the element of surprise is gone it is okay to wear them out with the weight of your torso.
On your back learn the pendulum sweep, the basic idea is grab a wrist of the mounted person on top, and take it to an opposite hip, then use your legs for power to roll you both over. If they resist they might overcompensate and you can then use your hips to go the other way. If you get them to scoot up on you it is easier to throw them off.
I would also recommend incorporating new movements into your daily life. Stride instead of walk, jump up and over things. Get off balance and recover, usually that means sinking your hips and center of gravity lower and not overcompensating. Feeling and using the weight in your shoulders and hips to keep balance is good stuff.
Watch tutorials online, MMA matches, sport jiu-jitsu tournaments. If that gets old look at other stuff like ninjutsu, judo, boxing, American wrestling, even military combatives if you feel like branching out that much.
Yeah month 2, or any time after a minor injury can be a rough patch. Don't give up because it's hard.
I support the other commenters that replied.
There was a saying in my gym, "the only difference between a white belt and a black belt is the black belt never stopped coming to class."
riversrunthroughme 5y ago
Don't give up on it. The discouraging thing about martial arts for a lot of people just starting is you're stuck with just a small pool who are practising and improving right along with you.
Just keep in mind that, when you run into a true beginner in the next 2 months, the hours you've put in will be very noticeable. Also, martial arts of any sort are just hard, especially if you don't have a physical base - guys spend their whole lives working on technique so just chill and try to enjoy.
surfthroughlife 5y ago
Just keep showing up and keep grinding man. The first 2-3 months for me was just getting my ass handed to me over and over again, until finally, you submit someone who's been around a bit longer.
Focus on defense and being able to stay in positions, then pick an attack and stick to it for awhile.
In time, things just click and eventually a lot of it becomes instinct instead of thinking. An incredible investment BJJ is.
ArdAtak 5y ago
This post goes great with my morning coffee. Thanks OP.
AutoModerator 5y ago
Just a friendly reminder that as TRP has been quarantined, we have developed backup sites: https://www.trp.red and our full post archive (and future forums) https://www.forums.red/i/TheRedPill. Don't forget to register on TRP.RED and reserve your reddit name today. Forums.Red is currently locked but will be opened soon.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.