I am a shapeshifter. Not the reptilian kind, but the kind where my body type never stays in one place. One year I'll be fat, the next I'll be skinny, the next I'm ripped and the year after that I'll be chubby again, only to get ripped again a year later. While my weight has never fluctuated outside of the 150-230 range, when I get heavier my face changes dramatically, it distorts. I gain lots of fat in my face. I don't get double chins, but my cheeks, neck, and forehead will get huge, obscuring my bone structure and jawline, and giving me this bizarre looking Elmer Fudd moonface. I look WAY different when I'm overweight, to the point where even a 25lb difference could make me pass as a different person. But most importantly I get ugly as FUCK. I'm the only guy I know who can go from an 8 to a 3 in one year.
As my body type has drifted back and forth periodically, I've gotten familiar with all of the different shades of female attention, from brutal creep shaming to being cold approached and groped by HB9's. I have done nothing to warrant either one, other than appear a certain way. I am a firm believer in looks theory.
In 8th/9th grade I lost 80lbs, and suddenly within the span of 6 months girls started being nice to me. Really nice. Giving me loads of attention and going out of their way to get mine. My first relationship at 15 was surreal, and still, a decade later it feels like it never fully happened, like it was in a dream or something, because she was insanely hot, and the type of person who would've spat in my face if I'd talked to her a year earlier.There was a dramatic shift in the way women acted around me - they were actually letting their guard down - and I realized that for the first 14 years of my life they had been using preemptive verbal defense tactics to keep me at arms' length, so that I wouldn't "get any ideas". In a nutshell: women are creeped out by ugly men, and they think if they're kind to us we're gonna try to fuck them. What's funny is that 99.99% of the time, not only are you completely and obviously uninterested in them, but the women employing these tactics will be lowly/older gals who KNOW you wouldn't hit on them in a million years: checkout clerks, receptionists, food service employees, etc. They know they're not even the faintest blip on your radar, but still, they can't help but act the way they act - it's in their DNA to be repulsed by weak specimens.
One very subtle but crafty way they do this is through the use of fraternal language. They'll refer to others using flowery words, but refer to you using the type of words that your bros would use.
Imagine: you're in line at Circle K. The guy in front of you is a tall, wiry, blue-collar twentysomething with a jawline, dirty calloused hands and a Carhartt jacket. He approaches the counter and asks for a pack of cigarettes. The cashier, a late-30's, frumpy post-wall woman with bad teeth and painted-on eyebrows, smiles at him and goes "Sure thing darlin'!" as she eagerly grabs his Camels. "Your total's $7.98 sweetheart, anything else I can get for ya?" she asks chipperly. He grunts, shakes his head and pays for his stoges.
"NEXT!" she calls out, eyeing you with contempt. You approach the counter and ask for a pack of cigarettes. "One second, man", she croaks as she trudges over to the back wall, digging out your 27's with as little energy as possible, before plunking them down on the counter. "$8.25 dude", she deadpans. You hand her a $10, she rolls her eyes and sighs as she begins counting your change. She thrusts the $1.75 at you and drops it in your hand from a height just high enough that her hand won't run the risk of touching yours. You say "thanks" meekly and walk out, feeling vaguely insulted but unable to articulate why.
Congrats, you just got negged by an old hag. In the seconds leading up to your interaction with her, she rated you in her head and assigned you the status "undesirable". She then called you "man" and "dude" as a means of desexualizing herself by taking on a fraternal stance, de-escalating the pervy fucked up thoughts that she knew were probably going through your head. It's like when a lesbian tapes her tits down and wears a wifebeater - the point isn't to act like a man, it's to make men stop viewing her in a sexual light and leave her alone. Straight women do the same thing, only selectively and through words.
Bottom line: it doesn't matter that she's gross. What matters is that YOU'RE gross. Because when a man is unattractive, it automatically, in the minds of all women everywhere, means he's desperate enough to run game on toothless gas station employees. And that scenario is one she must avoid at all costs, for in her mind, she is a brave beautiful womyn who just hasn't found her Chad yet.
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Startlivingfornow 5y ago
OP is spitting facts. Once I hit 24.9 BMI I start attracting girls based off physical appearance alone —they get more touchy, have been asked out on dates, blatant flirting, etc,.
This happens less the further I am from this weight until it’s non-existent.
23.5 BMI is the point where I drift into the 8 - 9 looks rating.
Despite knowing this, I’ve found weight is the hardest thing to manage. I’d rather do 1000 approaches than play the weight loss waiting game.
Thankfully, I’ve got a pretty good system going on atm. It’s all about systems.
ItztheHitman42 5y ago
Its obnoxious how accurate all this stuff is. Its almost sad how right it is. But whatever thats how you want it then
git her done
whatyoucallaflip 5y ago
So true. I've gotten to where I can pick out the exact BMI where I become a viable sexual partner for women
It's 26
smellslikepuke 5y ago
once you cross the 12%bf threshold
HappyScribe 5y ago
Weird how that happens. It's like a switch.
YMG_Red 5y ago
I've been in a similar situation, I did year-round sports in high school and got fat in college, most of my friends couldn't believe I ever got female attention. I'm kind of glad about it though because I feel like if I had not gotten such a polarized view of how women treat men based on looks I might have never found TRP or manosphere material, so I have that to be grateful for in a weird way.
SenorSwole 5y ago
Cut down to 10% body fat, bulk to 15, repeat
odaklanan_insan 5y ago
So fucking true...
I lost 25 pounds in college once, after 8 months of kickboxing trainings.
Right before summer break, the hottest chick in the class walked right down to me (ignoring my two best friends standing next to me) and congratulated me for my successful body transformation with the warmest smile in the world.
I found that totally weird, but it turned out to be female nature after all, didn't it?
smellslikepuke 5y ago
Eh. She was probably just being nice. Women aren't exclusively mean to overweight guys, and if they were raised right then they'll usually express words of encouragement to guys following fitness goals as opposed to shaming them back into their beta box - but - they are almost categorically turned off by reformed fat guys.
One lesson I had to learn after losing all my baby weight was that while women in general were much kinder, the girls who were coming up to me and congratulating me on the weight loss weren't interested in me, in any way shape or form - it's just that they weren't viscerally repulsed by me anymore. Literally the only ones who wanted to date or fuck were those who hadn't known or met me before I was skinny - the ones who had zero memory of me being fat.
Women want genetically superior men, and in order to maintain the delusion of their man being a winner, they need to believe that he came out of the womb a winner and had never deviated from that path. Any evidence to the contrary will kill their attraction.
The type of interaction I'm ranting about in my main post is primarily a "woman's first impression" type of thing.
Nicolas0631 5y ago
Well I guess were are like that too. Between 2 HB8, identical overall, would you take the one that was always an HB8 or the one that was obese and made an effort?
odaklanan_insan 5y ago
No one can shame me back into my beta box anymore. I'm the one who knocks bro :)
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Self-honest 5y ago
Obviously the attractiveness = success with women theory is provable.
I think the language theory can be many different things. I've had plenty of girls call me "bitch"(as well as dude, bro etc) over the past few years and still end up taking the D later that evening. I see it as a simple shit test to. Do you sink into her frame or do you ignore and bring her into your frame?
chazthundergut 5y ago
Fine. I'll lose the weight.
I wanna see what all the fuss is about
watttdo 5y ago
Do women ever call you "dude" or "man" when you're more attractive; like as a way to save face if they realise you're not interested?
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Imperator_Red 5y ago
Except this is complete bullshit because 99.99% of the time the creepy ugly dude who "just wants to have a conversation" with the hot chick does want to fuck her.
Nicolas0631 5y ago
Even if she is not so cute actually.
smellslikepuke 5y ago
not a situation i'm referring to in the slightest
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IAMABIASEDSCIENTIST 5y ago
There is something here and I notice it too. Currently porked up after the holidays and working through this cut. Been fat all my life but when I am kind of cut (less puffy face) somehow I get attention from the hottest girls. I just want to get to that point for at least once in my life where I am in shape just to see what would happen.
redbarone 5y ago
Totes made me laugh. Especially the part where I'M gross. Especially because I'm lying in bed and I look at myself in the wardrobe mirrors and all I can see is shitty messy room and that look on my face where I'm straining to open my eyes wide enough to see myself. I'm a pig right now. I know I could change everything in mere minutes and tidy the room, throw shit out etc. but yet here I am wallowing in my own filth. But it's warm filth.
Feelinggood702 5y ago
I think the whole “fraternal” speech thing your getting here is based on your own perception. It doesn’t necessarily hold true for everyone else.
smellslikepuke 5y ago
It's a definite thing. If you haven't experienced it then I'm happy for you because it means you're not ugly enough
Feelinggood702 5y ago
I don’t think it has anything to do with looks at all, but rather with how you carry yourself, demeanor and overall body language which you attain through personal growth. I think you’re chalking up looks as a consensus for how you get treated.
chazthundergut 5y ago
This is correct.
I'm fat as fuck (280lbs- quite a bit heavier than your biggest) and I've never had a cashier or random woman call me "man" or "dude" ... the most fraternal term I've heard is "sir"
I do get lots of smiles and "sweetie" and "hon" ... and I always carry myself with confidence and look them in the eyes with a smile