TL/DR; Maintenance Sex is a great tool of manipulation by the feminine imperative. Just say no.
A few days ago one of my plates got butt hurt over me texting a hot Russian girl. We spent the weekend together. When I was feeling like it was go time, I got the "I'm not feeling sexy right now", excuse.
Now I know what most guys on here will say: Next! But it's my call, I still like banging her and I wanted to see what she would do in the morning. So I made her sleep on the couch. I stayed up and played guitar and texted some new potential plates. :-)
The next day she sent me a stupid Jezebel link on, "maintenance sex". Basically she wants to make sure my needs are getting met.
"WOOT Bruh! She wawnts tuh meat yoor neads!".
Woah, hold the phone alpha bros and let's think about this:
My needs are my responsibility not hers. The second I make them hers, I've relinquished a bit of my freedom and control.
This really is a massive shit test. Can you say no to sex? Yes, men are the true romantics. The feminist narrative implies otherwise. That all men want is sex. Give men a passionless warm hole and they should satisfied....
This is the sexual equivalent of LJBF. She's thinking about the treasured gift she's sacrificing. You say yes to sex without desire, and all of a sudden she's a sexual martyr for the relationship. And has the ammo to say AMALT. Or men only want one thing.
Maintenance sex is not a free gift. It's completely loaded and selfish. That girl you're dating is thinking, "Hey, if I can satisfy his need, he won't next me or look for someone who's sex drive matches his own".
The Brad Pitt rule applies to this situation. If Brad Pitt wanted sex and she wasn't in the mood, would she turn down Brad Pitt? Would she suggest maintenance sex? The truth can sting!
As a high value man, don't settle for some half hearted, low value sex. I'm my opinion: one night stand/hookups > masturbation > maintenance sex. What's missing from maintenance sex? Genuine desire.
Sex becomes a transaction at that point and is even less valuable than hiring a hooker. A hooker will not use transactional sex as a way to keep you from spinning plates.
Lessons learned: If you're getting mostly blue balls from a plate, next her or shelf her. Go for a woman or 4 who will give you what you want. There's nothing wrong with desiring her. It should be recprocal. And just say no to sub par maintenance sex.
random_1135 8y ago
I reject sex all the time. Sex is great and I love it, but I will not let myself be manipulated through my dick. If there is any hint that sex has become 'maintenance' or the first hint of the starfish appears then I am done. I am not that desperate for sex.
MachoMonk 8y ago
I reject sex that is clearly demeaning. rude Women in my past that suddenly want to fuck because my SMV is miles higher than a year ago are rejected. Was 340 pounds and out of nowhere I'm 130 pounds lighter, have good grades, and play rugby and suddenly they are submissive and nice to me. Then when i say no for the above stated reason they act as if they never treated me horrible.
NPIF 8y ago
Congratulations on the weight loss, that's a tremendous accomplishment. Keep at it in the gym, it only gets easier to maintain over time.
TRPn00b 8y ago
Losing 130 lbs is a bit beyond "miles higher SMV". 340 is disgusting fat fuck territory, of course they weren't interested. Would you be? Desire can't be negotiated and all that. I mean really, 340?
MachoMonk 8y ago
All agreeable points i hated myself more than they hated me
VasiliyZaitzev 8y ago
I just wanted to add congratulations, and encourage you to keep doing what got you there.
TRPn00b 8y ago
But you fixed it, so good on you. :) They can't help but be attracted now, why not take advantage of it. Some of them are probably good girls too. It's not evil to think obese people are unattractive, it's wired in pretty deep in any normally-functioning brain.
niczar 8y ago
I felt absolutely terrible being less than 50 pounds overweight, I can't even imagine what it's like to have 130 too many.
MachoMonk 8y ago
I still have 50 pounds to go until im a healthy weight. I was 340 at 5"9. I've been around 215 for a bit now. all my lifts have gone up about 40 pounds in the past 3 months. Waiting for end of feb for rugby season to start cutting so I'm hovering around 180 this summer.
Musicgoon 8y ago
I'm going to argue that frame goes a long way in lieu of being fit. Patrice O'Neal was a chubby dude that pulled all kinds of tail. I have a buddy that's an amateur Sumo Wrestler. (No bullshit) he's ugly as fuck, but he's spinning what I would consider to be a top notch soft harem.. So even if you look terrible, you can make up for it with charm and confidence.
TRPn00b 8y ago
Sure. Patrice and the Sumo guy both have a source of that confidence and swagger: being good at something and able to flaunt it.
thewrightstuff88 8y ago
Patrice O'Neal was also famous. I'm sure Jonah Hill has had his share of HB9s and 9.5s
[deleted] 8y ago
You know I would assume so, but he did feel the need to lose weight, without a specific role afaik? I guess health and fitness, but that's pretty rare below 40
Patrice is a different case though. Way less famous, but probably more successful with women.
TRPhd 8y ago
This sounds butthurt. That's understandable; you went through a lot. When you hit your true inner happiness/peace you will realize the past is past so why worry about it, and you won't want to hold grudges anymore. The inner fat guy is still seething in you, but you'll get to the point where you can let him go.
MachoMonk 8y ago
Well I don't vindicate on them because i know why they were rude to me. Nor do i spell out why I'm not interested in them. It's also perhaps wrong that I judge them on that. But i agree in many ways I still think like the bitter beta who hates women because of no success and i also have a deep hatred for the Beta who sympathizes with women. Stuff I still need to fully meditate and reflect through
TRPhd 8y ago
Sounds like you're on the right track, my man.
Ali_s1987 8y ago
I dont think they were merely attracted towards you just because of the fact that ur toned or muscular or watever......its also based on the fact that you actually went out and worked out to loose the weight. It shows that you are motivated and self aware enough to do something about it.
Most people dont even recognize they are fat, once they recognize it they dont do nything about it. And when they actually try to do something about it they fail miserably and give up. You actually went the distance and did something. That might be something more attractive to them then how you actually look right now.
MachoMonk 8y ago
Most likely what it is. I'm still very overweight So I doubt it's for my physique
[deleted] 8y ago
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Musicgoon 8y ago
I would say it's tingles. She knows that I'm sleeping with other women. She also makes a fair shake more money than I do. I'm by no means impoverished, but she's loaded. I imagine being a woman with a high stress job she takes things more personal than a man would. Hence the, "I'm not feeling sexy".
And honestly I was in the mood to fuck, not be her emotional tampon.
[deleted] 8y ago
one night stand/hookups = a few hours of monkey dancing and condoms
hours of monkey dancing and fucking up my sleep pattern and diet and workout routine just for some shitty condom sex (which is not even real sex) at the end of the night?
no thanks. would rather masturbate or go nofap.
LTR with a woman that is one or two points below you is the way to go. No condoms, no games, she's your slave, nice.
bigcitytruth 8y ago
You're missing one glaring thing:
Don't blow that much time with a plate. That's borderline "girlfriend" usage of your time. Fuck her at night, fuck her in the morning, then leave. Don't spend days with her. She's already getting what she wants (time/attention), which is why she's feels she doesn't need to put out.
Musicgoon 8y ago
Damn good point!! Thank you!
flexiblehold 8y ago
A plate not fucking you is the problem, it's a sign you're not creating enough desire in her. Her desire for you is your responsibility, you're correct. So address that, not Jezebel or Buzzfeed relationship clickbait articles.
[deleted] 8y ago
There's sex, and then there's Fucking.
Women know the difference.
ElGuapoMiguel 8y ago
Interesting. Might want to post on MRP, since us married men get fed quite a bit of maintenance sex. Well maybe better not post it there. Anyways, I always go with maintenance sex as better than no sex, at least most of the times. But, those are my options. Pretty sad. Ah to be single again with RP knowledge.
Good for you on saying no to maintenance sex. Another excellent reason not to get married.
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VasiliyZaitzev 8y ago
Hmm. I would be tempted to reply "Why are you sending me stupid links instead of tongue-juggling my nutsack?" but I guess I will have to save that for the first time I get a stupid link.
ahmedpie 8y ago
Honestly when i am seeing a girl for the first couple of times i think of sex as a bonus. Sure its something that your going for but if its constantly in your fucking head your gonna lose frame.
When i stop giving a fuck about sex and try my best to enjoy myself in the moment that includes flirting, touching w/e but not sex... i eventually get it. Surprisingly not giving a shit goes far.
MattyAnon Admin 8y ago
When I'm seeing a girl, sex is a bonus.
A compulsory bonus.
A compulsory bonus that if not present will result in rapidly not seeing the girl.
youhadanidea 8y ago
Brah most guys on here would say next because the greatest power you have in a relationship is to walk away. By nexting you would have inevitably made her desire you more, seeing as she's invested either way as she offered you maintenance sex
letsgetrandy 8y ago
A hooker will make it something you enjoy every time. Way better than a girlfriend if you ask me.
[deleted] 8y ago
She sounds like a bright one. Girls who read articles like that are annoying as fuck.
wont_tell_i_refuse 8y ago
Is denying sex a thing that really happens? I struggle to believe it. All women I've dated have been horny as FUCK. If anything I'm the one saying I'm not in the mood.
Musicgoon 8y ago
This honestly is the first time I've ever had this problem. Maybe I've been lucky or I'm just drawn to some super slutty women. But my cup never runneth empty with sex. Usually with a plate, the sex is almost endless for the first year or so... Who knows, could be something physically or emotionally wrong in this one.... I do find it odd..
wont_tell_i_refuse 8y ago
Possible answer: We're both Alpha McStuntcocks who never encounter problems common among lesser men.
Seriously, with women there's at least some capacity to pair bond... and if she's getting steady dick from a guy she's comfortable with, that plays it into it too. If you're good enough to fuck her you must be attractive so she'll keep fucking you, and so the hamster spinneth on and on.
Probably is something wrong with your girl. Seems extra-Machiavellian.
[deleted] 8y ago
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Musicgoon 8y ago
I guess what I was getting at that I didn't state is this: It's one thing for a girl to fuck a guy even when she's not feeling it. Yeah that's maintenance Sex. Is she going to tell Brad Pitt, "Hey buddy, I'm doing you a favor by giving you maintenance sex". Or is she more than likely just going to keep her mouth shut and do it? The aspect of this that's shitty is the expectation that you'll be grateful for her kicking you down some sub par action.
Pastelitomaracucho 8y ago
Good points.
Basically tl:dr maintenance sex just doesnt have any quality in it. And there is no reason why you should settle for shitty quality things, including sex. End of the story.
Ricardo2991 8y ago
Your situation sounds like you could work on improving your seduction techniques. You're over-thinking the whole thing. If Brad Pitt didn't recognize the plate was upset and didn't do anything to turn her on, then yes Brad Pitt would also get turned down. Brad Pitt wouldn't be passive aggressive about the situation either. If you didn't need the sex, why did you make her sleep on the couch? Law 32 Play to people's fantasies may have been useful here. You have to make her think you don't just want to use her for sex, then you can use her for sex. You're right. It's time to walk away with this one.
I had the sex talk with a plate last night. I said we are at my house, you aren't on your period, and we should have sex. I'm not interested in negotiating sex. I used Rule 31. Control the options: Get others to play with the cards you deal. She decided that she should have sex with me.
flexiblehold 8y ago
I think you're making the same mistake as the OP, you got to a point where you had to make a verbal explicit negotiation for sex. You should take your own advice and get your plate to want to fuck you without having to make a detailed case on your own behalf.
commentatorX 8y ago
I keep getting girls trying to have sex with me right after I mention I have to go, or once they realise I'm leaving - what is this? Bet-hedging? Desperation? (Almost) across the board they get emotional, frisky and super manipulative when it's time to stop hanging out. Someone please explain....
[deleted] 8y ago
new to TRP, but let me take a crack at this:
its just another part of push/pull. when you push, she pulls. When you push away like you're leaving, she suddenly wants you more because you're making yourself scarce.
S74RK 8y ago
Honestly it sounds more like you failed a basic shit test ("I'm not feeling sexy right now"), got butthurt (failed), and as a result received an even bigger shit test.
Were you just really lazy that night? You definitely built up dread from texting other girls. It probably hurt her ego so she acted out. This was your opportunity to double-down, agree-and-amplify, solidify your authority in her mind and fuck her.
Of course I don't have perfect information, but I've had far too many experiences of girls telling me they're not in the mood, only to be chocking on my rod a few minutes later.
This is the actual sign to move on lol.