You just described my life IT is never enough, even though you're not a drugaddict after a childhood of violence and alcoholism. You keep comparing to what can be, not what was. Because you already overcame that.

I's a neverending nightmare and the worste is, that you are already better then 90% of the people around you, they can learn from you, but refuse and call you arrogant, yet for you, you've not even accomplished half of what you want.

Preaching to the choir.

Adopt Stoicism and learn to better value and appreciate what you currently have. Learn to live without comparing yourself to others for there will always be someone better than you in some aspect. Compare yourself only to your past self. You’ll find you are better than him and you can be proud of this.

Always keep improving but not to become better than others but to become better than your current self.

I too have a tendency to compare myself to others, and i would admit that that’s my biggest flaw.

While doing this can be beneficial and drive you to succeed, obsessing about this can seriously stunt your growth and development as a person.

Take for example myself as i mentioned above. Some of my close friends graduated and have landed awesome jobs right out of college making double what other people make. Hell, my one buddy makes triple what i make.

But you’re forgetting the other side of the equation, which is you. In some way or another, you’re ahead in some capacity than whoever you are comparing yourself to.

The buddy who makes triple what i make? Hasn’t been laid in 2 years because he is terrible with women and hasn’t been in a gym for about the same time. Expects every girl that shows him attention to be his next girlfriend. He might make more money than me, but he doesn’t pull more women than me nor is he in better physical shape. I’m not here to bash my friends, but the fact that we’re all collectively, covertly competing against one another is what keeps each one of us going. One is in medical school, one is in law school, etc. You are who you surround yourself with.

To piggyback off of what the others have said, enjoying the journey is vital to your success. There are others who are light years behind you overall, but since we have this tendency to compare, you’re naturally going to pick the thing that they’re better at you at doing because of our natural want to be better at everything.

Sometimes, you’re so far ahead in the race that you don’t even realize that you’re winning.

You are only 18. Go into Zen monk mode for 6 days out of the week and one rest day to relieve stress. I was were you were at, now I have reach Chad like, while everyone else is fat and mediocre. Your SMV peaks around 25-30ish,

Life is a mountain range. There are many peaks to climb on your journey. Have a clear goal of where you want to be or you will be aimless. So keep the grind alive my friend.

It's not a bug, it's a feature.

Men are designed to compete to climb up the local hierarchy. And nothing makes you climb with more fervor than never feeling satisfied with where you stand right now, yet always feeling jealousy of those above you.

It's not different than your thirst for water, your lust for multiple sexual partners, your disgust of thieves and cheaters, or your fear of height.

All you have to do is acknowledge this is your Nature as a male human being, and from there decide what you going to do about it. Embrace it? Attempt to build on it? Or to tame it?

Start simply, gratitude. Take time to be thankful for what you currently have, every day.

You are nothing.

When you don't wake up tomorrow, sure if you have any friends or family, they might be sad, but their lives and everyone elses lives will go on.

You do something, you do nothing, it doesn't matter. The world would move, with or without you.

Am I telling you to give up? No. Am I telling you to stop moving? No. Like you, I am nothing, and I know nothing.

The only thing that matters is what you think of yourself. You got to find that something worth living for or else everything would be jack shit.

If you can't find it yet, don't hate yourself. Lift, dress well, save money, build abundance, be independent. Be someone you would admire. Whatever everyone else would think or say doesn't matter. Your life is what you make it.

One day, you might find something worth living for, and whatever that is, you would be happy you've taken care of the basics. So at this point, find happiness on building a better you, so that when you find whatever that is, you'll be ready.

While I am fully a fan of self improvement, realize it's not a video game where you can max out every attribute. Everyone gets 24 hours in a day and reality is that no matter how time efficient you can be, using your time improving in one area of your life results in taking away from other areas of life.

What you should be doing is thanking God that you feel this way at age eighteen. Because of that, there is hope for you. And if the actual fire of your ambition at all approximates what you've described, then I guarantee you that you will surpass most of the people you're comparing yourself to.

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What are you reading? Modern self-help books, or serious literature? You have a nobility of spirit that will simply not be engaged or nourished by most of the books that are commonly recommended in this sub. Yes, Rollo and Mike Cernovich are useful to read. I like their work and have profited from it. But youth is the time for heroism, and a young man of your age should focus on reading about the very best and most inspiring things that have been thought or done: Homer, Plato's Apology, the Roman Stoics (primary text, not some watered-down Ryan Holiday or Tim Ferriss paraphrasing), Aristotle's Nichomachaean ethics, Cicero's oratory, the story of how the mighty Roman Republic fell, with Empire taking its place...

​

Most of what red-pilled men read is about how to game the system of modern life and culture. Fine, that approach will work. But there's another, nobler and more powerful approach, albeit less direct: cultivate inner nobility to the point that you sincerely disdain most of what's supposed to motivate your existence. The kind of nobility exemplified by ancient heroes is not something that the vast majority of modern people are capable of understanding. If you can imitate it successfully, people will respond to it in powerful ways, often in spite of themselves. I speak from experience.

​

Seriously, have you ever read Homer's Iliad? This is a story of men (basically no female characters) affirming existence and transcending the squalor of the mortal condition by manfully accepting responsibility for and facing the horrific catastrophe of their lives. Much of what you've written reminds me of myself when I was your age; I was also your age when I read the Iliad for first time and it completely transformed my outlook on the world. I can think of no better solace for a young man in your position than to immerse yourself in its pages, to see what men have endured before you and to learn from them what it means to be a man.

​

Create a classical education for yourself, while you're still young enough for it to pay serious dividends. Second-wave feminists were obsessed with deconstructing the canon, and making sure that the classics would not be taught to young men at universities. Why do you think that is? Because they knew that masculinity is something that has to be learned, to be constructed anew by each generation of men, and they wanted to destroy the thousands-years-old tradition of masculinity in the West, because that would make it so much easier to domesticate modern men. And they were right; it worked. In the long run, there is no salvation for modern man unless we can re-connect with this lost tradition, live up to its ideals, and continue its development.

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Marinate your brain in these unsurpassed stories of triumph, disaster, and principled defiance. They will create a stronghold in your mind that nobody can touch. Trust me.

You are a college freshman, of course you are shit :)

However well rounded you think the next college guy is, he is also shit. The training you accomplish in school or in sports or in the gym is not an accomplishment. Schools like to confuse young people about this. Training is not an accomplishment, accomplishments are what you do with that training.

Unless you are very obviously genetically gifted, you are not supposed to be desired or applauded right now. There is a reason evolution has programmed women to be attracted to older men. They actually survived. You are supposed to feel hot and boiling right now so that you do things for the next 10 years that prove there is worth in passing on your genes.

There are a lot of young guys on this sub that want it all right now. You are where you are supposed to be.

I lose this mindset I'll lose my drive to succeed,

This mindset will prevent you from achieving the very thing you've employed it to do because you're chasing ghosts. No matter how much you succeed, in the long run, you'll never feel like you've succeeded.

When your mind is trained to seek, to desire more, then no matter what you achieve, no matter how much you succeed, your training will always kick in and you will continue to seek more. It's a feature inherent to our human nature, exploited by culture. One can either be a victim of it or transcend it.

I find myself on a constant climb

The ladder of life has no top. You'll never get to a point where you feel you've finally made it and wallow in glorious satisfaction until the end of time. You reach points of brief satisfaction and then you continue climbing until one day you peg off and your climb ends.

One needs to shift the focus from the peak to the climb. Find joy along the way, because there is no top to the ladder. If you can't enjoy today, you wont enjoy anyday.

Meditate on your lack of appreciation for your success and where it comes from. This type of mindset implies a lack of patience which WILL get in the way of your long term goals and in some cases your health.

You’re describing ambition.

Understand, life is suffering. That’s a good thing. Lean into the suffering. Understand, it’s what gets you better. Every day is a struggle, just like every workout is a struggle. The struggle allows you to put more weight on the next day.

Read the Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, Book of Pook, and Game. Make this shit a game for yourself and it becomes fun. Then you effortlessly shake off your losses and move forward understanding the losses make the winner.

What you seek is recognition.

The issue is that it's not sufficient to win to have it. You must also put up a performance and seduce others with your frame etc.

It just means that you evaluate what you do based on others expectations, not yours.

Learn to love yourself. Start by changing the way you talk to yourself. Then act towards yourself as if you were someone you love and you really want to help.

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I have it the same except for the jealousy part.

The climb is part of the fun so far as I see it changing me for the better.

Just remember the climb is also a climb in physical, mental health, mental maturity and overall life wisdom. If you neglect those to focus more on other aspects, no wonder you are unhappy. Just grow in every possible direction.

It sounds like a good mindset to have, honestly. Id like to cultivate a bit more of that myself.

However, the missing piece is in the mission department. The greatest measure of a man is what he contributes to the world. We have to focus on building ourselves to be formidable, but the purpose of doing so is to generate the capacity for cultivation and utility.

I find volunteering rewarding, maybe give that a shot.

Sounds cheezy but the journey is part of the destination my friend.

Seek pleasure in all things big or small, enjoy the journey, enjoy exploring life while climbing the mountain and good things will come to you.

Never ever get stuck in groundhog day.

"Until then I'm a broke, physically weak, unattractive social retard and I have to claw my way desperately upwards, fuck the world and it's distractions, fuck emotions and desires, fuck mental health and good night sleeps, until I make myself into someone people can give a damn about."

This is wrong, how do you know what your top is if you do not explore all the things you listed.

Embrace distractions, emotions and all other bullshit, the main road is not always the best one.

Enjoy!

Been there man, you're heading for anxiety issues if you ask me, you're already having anxiety attacks.

Whats the point in winning if you can never enjoy it? The self is always shining through, as they say, and I've found that if you're always trying to be 'alpha', trying to hold onto that idea of yourself, then you'll never get it. Let go, it gets way easier when you stop beating yourself up about everything. Perfect is boring.

Thou ought listen and live this divine wisdom or perish underneath the weight of your own corrupt soul.

Your hatred of average is a sin against yourself because average is a force of nature you can not control. You go against nature and god, and thus you shall always lose. Average is a relative game, it is by definition required to consider the superfluous whereabouts of others. Can you not laugh at yourself because a dog licking its asshole lives a life of far greater quality than yours? I much rather be a dog licking its ass in joy than live your life of self loathing and frustration.

What is the solution to this emptiness? I certainly don't know in your case, it's all about what is intrinsically valuable to you. Do you think you will finally be at peace when someone validates you on your accomplishments, is that true success? (the data strongly suggests probably not) You're like a slave desperately trying to pick cotton faster than all the other slaves to get a little sugar from the master. You call this virtue, and a drive to success, and it should make you laugh. You know such a cycle reaps no sustenance.

You crave an authentic connection, but being what you think other people want is not the solution. Have confidence in what you love. That is what it means to be a man, and not a boy. That is what it means to have frame. A coward is someone who does not stand for what they love.

Your capacity for suffering shows how much will to life is within you. You are clawing at life, but perhaps not exploring its every nook and crevice. That is frightening, the unknown. Pick up piano, maybe poetry, maybe program an app, go to an art museum, but do something that calls to you that makes you curious. Pick up a creative craft. Learn to give, and stop looking to take. Man is creative and generative. That is the symbolism of the penis, erect and giving, creative. We have so much life energy it is constantly spewing out of us. Fighting that life energy is like wrestling with a god. You will lose.

Life is all about prioritizing the most important things you can improve while also appreciating what you've accomplished. Doing too much of either is bad for you. And don't worry about others. Do it for yourself and compare your accomplishments to your previous self.

I violently hate myself for not being him already.

You are directing your anger at the wrong person.

The only person you can blame is the past you, for not having done something sooner. And since you're trying to change yourself, there is no problem: it's just a matter of time.

So take pleasure from the process, not the initial situation or the result (which is just a new initial situation).

Get some better sleep bro, it's essential to succeed