I've been actively gaming and being TRP aware almost 2 years now which has made me convinced that spinning plates and/or being on OLTR (Open Long Term Relationship) is the way to go.
I had my first official "the talk" (ever) with a girl I've been seeing for 7 months now. She has impressed me over the period of 7 months in many ways and shows a great amount of LTR potential. On general level:
- No drama whatsoever
- Not using any typical female manipulation tactics
- Stable background (with some level of mommy issues tho)
- Always willing to have sex as I want and how I want.
- Tries to make my life easier in everyday tasks
- Doesn't bitch about where or when I go (altho couple of times she has expressed that "she doesn't know what Im doing" - meaning she thinks I might be fucking other girls, which I do)
The Talk
Yesterday I went to visit her and we had a little chat until she brought up the topic of our relationship status. I was about to initiate this conversation myself in the next couple of weeks so I though the time was right and we started talking even tho it would have been better if I've done the initiation.
Well, as you may guess, there was a lot of tears from her although I managed to stay calm even tho it was heart breaking to see a person you care about to fall apart like that. To keep this short, she first started to open up about:
- Me texting her rarely (I text only for logistics)
- Us not seeing more than once a week (I don't see the girls I'm dating/plating more than once a week)
- Not opening about my feelings (being stoic)
- How she wants security/certainty in her life (read: from the relationship - she is 28yo, wall is closing, SMV is going down and she knows it)
- She is worried that I like younger girls and I would dump her in couple of years for younger one (Result of my frame and passive dread and I havent exactly said that I like younger girls but she has read it between the lines - again, she knows the wall is closing)
- She wanted to know "what's next" in our relationship if nothing. (Trying to lock me down seeing my high value enough and fearing that some other girl catch me + once again - wall closing)
- The way she talked gave me an impression that she really had pictured me as a LTR partner regardless of her hunch about me being with other girls etc. As she put it: "I knew this from the beginning" ("this" meaning -> she was suspecting me being with other girls)
After she had left some steam out it was my turn to respond. On general level these were the things I said (now, some of these may seem a bit apologetic/betaish but I felt like I had to go full in comfort with her but still holding my frame and being ready to walk away):
- I told her that this is painful for me to say this because I know how she would react, how much I care for her and how I may lose her (she wasn't that into open relationships based on our earlier discussions about relationships in general)
- Told her that I'm interested in making her girlfriend but only in open relationship because I don't do monogamy.
- I opened myself up to create comfort and for the first time told her how much I like her, how important she is for me and how it will make me sad if she doesn't want to continue. It was interesting to see how mixed feelings she had. Basically I said that I want to have sex with other women too but at the same times she finally heard positive emotional words from me which she had desired to hear for several months. These words for the first time were a nuke level antidote for her disapointment.
- Told her that she would be number one and I wouldn't hangout etc with other girls
- Told her that I see this as a way which will be great for us in the long run.
After that I addressed her questions like:
- What about STDs (Condoms, trust in this matter is important)
- She doesn't want me to find "a better woman". (Said that I'm not trying to find better woman but in open relationship I can be true to myself and to the relationship and I could be 100% honest - something else than cheating in monogamous relationship).
- She asked if I had been with other girls while we were dating (I admitted that I have been and said that we never agreed/talked about exclusivity - This was probably I mistake, I should have dodged the question and used plausable deniability by saying something like: "That's not important. The only important thing is what we have together"). Her response to my answer was that "I should tell you get the fuck out" -> And then more crying.
Summary:
It was really tough because I really like this girl. The vibe was really strange in a good way while we were having the discussion. She was crying, then kissing me, then taking a bit of distance to me, then hugging me, holding hands, kissing again etc. Internally it was a fucking rollercoaster for me too. Additionally I feel somewhat dumb to "voluntarily" initiate a possible break up. The hardest part for her seemed to be that I was fucking other girls when we were dating. Now the situation is that she wanted to end our relationship. Before I left her place I made sure that she knows that my door is open her if she decides otherwise but basically I expressed that I'm ok with her decision whatever it is. Now I think that I maybe should have stayed a bit longer and just fuck her. It was definitely a possibility considering her behavior during the talk (kissing initiated by her, hugs etc).
Now I'm just waiting to see if she contacts me - if she doesn't, it will be a shame. It all boils down to her attitude towards open relationships and how she seems my SMV (not too high to be unattainable in her eyes, which she actually could be thinking based on her opening up and not too low to agree having open relationship). For my own surprise, I'm actually dealing with the situation pretty well on emotional level (no need for self-pity spiced tears on the pillow). I'm not sure is it because I prepared myself well to lose her or because I'm pretty confident that she will reach after me in couple of days.
Now I may have forgotten something because the situation was kind of intense. Also this was my first time attempting to have official OLTR so I definitely made some mistakes but that's how you learn. Hopefully this gives some insight of what to expect for others who may attempt forming an open relationship.
TL;DR Had a talk about having an open relationship with a girl I'm dating. Lot's of crying and intimacy back and forth. Learned that I had held my frame really well for past months. The Relationship is over if the girl doesn't contact me anymore.
[deleted]
Kpwn88 5y ago
You have an opportunity to actually be a patriarch of a stable family. Such a rare feat in this day and age, and the best way to give a big middle finger to the Globohomocorporate Gayplex. Yet, you are going to fuck it up so you can play with flatware.
Nothing is more fulfilling, or more of a test of your manhood. But, I can see you aren't ready for it.
Bravo.
Zech4riah 5y ago
I have no desire for kids and additionally I don't see how it could be fulfilling to chop my balls off and committing to a monogamy which will fail in the end when one of us cheats or the womans 3 year timer comes to an end and she loses the desire (it will happen no matter how alpha you are and there is actual scientific studies about this).
karmalizing 5y ago
lol.
Considering that's the only real purpose in life, sucks to be you.
very hard to feel fulfilled as an older adult with no family.
Loveembodied 5y ago
Lol HAHAHAHA oh fuck you cant be serious . . . The blue pill is still strong with this one! Men are only meant to have children hahaha if you are a weak slave to your loins!
[deleted]
RedHoodhandles 5y ago
lol.
What a onedimensional statement. That's the biological purpose of life and not 'the only real' one.
Most people would do humanity a favour if they don't procreate. Seems as if this includes you. Sucks to be you.
karmalizing 5y ago
Biology is what matters, the rest is made up.
Lol, stop projecting, you know literally nothing about me.
Why are Europeans always so bitter and hostile when it comes to dealing with simple realities?
I know, you must feel out of control with your country and life... but try to man up a little.
Zech4riah 5y ago
You know, this woman wasn't an unicorn. There is plenty of traditional family centered good girls around and I can pick one of them up when I'm 50 if I want kids then.
karmalizing 5y ago
You think you'll be a fifty year old marrying a 25 year old?
Zech4riah 5y ago
Yeah, I imagine myself preferring 25-30 range but the closer to 25 the better - Of course assuming that my LMS is on point, which I will make sure that it is.
I guess you are a bit lost in this subreddit? Read the sidebar at it will blow your mind.
[deleted]
Fulltilt_Ronny 5y ago
I am in an LTR myself and i am disgusted by the thought to open up the relationship. If i go and sleep around with other women, my LTR has the same right. Sooner or later she will do it, with or without letting me know. Kissing my Girl after she sucked off some dude, hell no. OLTR is nothing for me, but if it works out for you guys, fine.
jonpe87 5y ago
THey are ok with a OLTR if you don't talk about a OLTR.. all alphas that I know are in one, but denny to death that they are.
RedHoodhandles 5y ago
What about her side of the bargain? You proposed an OLTR, meaning she gets to fuck other dicks on the side. I tried an OLTR once. Spending your time, money and emotional support on one woman while she gets fucked by strange dick is a shit deal. And no, I don't care how many women you fuck on the side.
I think the only way this would work for me now would be in a polygyny kind of deal. Do you lick her? What if she tells you she just got fucked yesterday by some rando she met in the club. Would you still ram your tongue deep inside her where less than 24 hours was pulsating another dick? Oh I'm sure she used a condom.
I'm not telling you what to do here, just trying to warn you. I'm curious what other users have to say about this as well.
[deleted] 5y ago
Not to mention the health risks. Jesus Christ did none of you guys take health class? Quality not quantity.
Nov51605 5y ago
If the rando is black, i propose the name, "Rando Calrissian" as a reference
[deleted]
VasiliyZaitzev 5y ago
That would make her a plate.
Bear in mind that men and women are not identical. A woman's value goes down the more dicks she's taken; a man's perceived value goes up.
I have a couple of OLTRs. I made it clear from the beginning with both that I am not monogamous. They offer their own monogamy in exchange for more and better access to my time. As long as the deal holds, fine. Once it doesn't, we're done.
RedHoodhandles 5y ago
Did they overtly offer it? Did you push them in the direction so they would get the hint? How did you close that one sided deal?
VasiliyZaitzev 5y ago
Girls: "Hey let's be exclusive!"
Me: "Hey, I like things how they are, so let's keep doing that"
Girls: "Hey, I could go date other guys!"
Me: "Please do...it's only going to demonstrate to you what a prince I am."
Girls: {Bitter lemon face.}
If a girl wants to be a plate, fine, she's a plate. If she wants more and better access, then she can trade one-way exclusivity for it.
TL;DR: Women will often prefer to share a high value man.
HumanSockPuppet 5y ago
Bullshit. If he's playing his control game right, then his dick is the only dick she wants.
You're a man. You don't give women options for freedom. Women don't know what freedom is, let alone what to do with it. Instead, you give them a narrow set of options and allow them to choose from those options. Those options will usually all result in outcomes you desire. One of them will give her an out and absolve you of accusations of being a slave-owner.
But you ARE a slave-owner, in all but legal terms.
[deleted] 5y ago
[deleted]
[deleted]
RedHoodhandles 5y ago
Yes. Polygony. Did you read my whole post?
HumanSockPuppet 5y ago
Nigga, there ain't no option except polygyny.
You don't make proposals to slaves, you issue commands. Either they obey and enjoy the benefit of your tutelage, or they disobey and are traded for slaves of greater value.
Spend more time working on your misogyny, until considering women's perspectives or wants doesn't even occur to you.
[deleted]
RedHoodhandles 5y ago
Thanks nigga. Me and my misogyny are doing just fine.
ElegantCyclist 5y ago
OLTR is closer to "glorified FWB" than it is to a relationship in which the guy subsidizes the woman.
IMO, guys don't realize the gap between open relationships from the superior position, vs the inferior position.
LucidCunning 5y ago
If she's independent, he has no power to stop her from riding other cocks. If she's choosing to be dependent on him, she doesn't get to be with other guys.
RedHoodhandles 5y ago
Yeah that's just semantics. Every guy needs to know for himself where he draws the resource investment line with a girl who isn't exclusive with him.
[deleted] 5y ago
[deleted]
RedHoodhandles 5y ago
Yes I actually bothered reading the link before replying. And I disagree with the author. Thinking about going to sex parties with my plates/fwbs deeply disgusts me and sends shivers down my spine. As if this would be some next level sex game. Yikes. But whatever floats your boat man. Or his. I hope you read the comment to his post as well.
[deleted] 5y ago
[deleted]
RedHoodhandles 5y ago
What is the point you are trying to make? It seems we are both arguing against the same thing we both agree on.
Again:
Yes. I agree. You may call her FWB. You may call her OLTR. (It is semantics..) THe point is: She is more than a plate.
You spend non-sexual time with each other. She would be a rank 2 based on HumanSockPuppets hierarchy and, as he so nicely reminded me here, she would have to be exclusive on her side. Neither OP, nor you, nor the author of your quoted article, are making this differentiation.
The last one does quite the opposite:
And there you have it. No. Thank. You.
​
And yes, 100 times yes, of course, don't marry. Ever. Whether you're mono, or open, or poly or whatever..
123InigoMontoya123 5y ago
Typically, women don't just go out and fuck strange while in an OLTR unless they're pissed at you and feel like there won't be any consequences. Aka, you lost your frame, hardcore. I've been through this same scenario for a year at a time.
Only twice did she fuck other guys, and they were while we were "separated" for up to 6 weeks at a time. Those guys were convinced that they were in a traditional monogamous relationship while in reality, she was only trying to inflict vengeance on me. I always just allowed her disappointment to sink in for a few weeks, then pick her up on my bike and fuck her brains out, effectively making her a "cheater," and wrecking her little beta relationship.
What I'm trying to say is that they aren't wired like us. Once they've chosen you as their prize, they know how dangerous it is to fuck other men
The_Chiselnator 5y ago
My man, in this thing you have described here who is the beta? Unless my comprehension skills are fucked you have just said that this woman goes out to fuck other men because you have lost frame twice and been "separated" but you take her back on your bike and you continue.
And these other guys are the betas. Nice. Do you believe what you are telling yourself?
123InigoMontoya123 5y ago
She was okay with being in an "open relationship," until she wanted commitment. I said no. She started "dating" other guys intermittently (which she was always allowed to do) while I continued to do what I had always done. She'd dip out for a few weeks at a time and enjoy her men who actually posted SM photos with her and committed to monogamy, but then she'd come back around. I never bought her shit or buckled under the pressure. She was just a pal who played along with being in an OLTR, but was actually trying for commitment, which AWALT. I'm not boasting about the situation, it was toxic, as are most open relationships. I'm just stating that women typically "date" other guys rather than get consistent club cock. Obviously, unless they're club girls, whom you should only hook up with on a casual and infrequent basis.
Zech4riah 5y ago
The problems you mentioned affects every type of relationships to a certain degree although maybe least monogamous relationship.
You could ask that same question from every guy who spins plates here.
You seem to be affected by obsolete biological wiring (mate guarding etc.) and perhaps you are a bit insecure if you aren't confident about being the meanest motherfucker in the girls life. When you are confident and high SMV, the girl respects you and will rarely use her privilege to fuck other dudes and even when she does, you don't care.
Additionally polygyny is extremely hard to achieve in modern western culture and it results to a lot of drama.
EDIT: And yeah, about the protection. I wouldn't pick this girl for OLTR candidate if I had a slightest doubt about her using protection. She is almost neurotic about using condom.
RedHoodhandles 5y ago
Sure this can happen in any LTR but in an OLTR this is part of the deal.
I'm neither investing money and emotional support into plates, nor am I licking them. Besides, cum remains in a girls vagina for several days. You are comparing apples and oranges here.
Whether it is obsolete or not isn't the point here. It is part of everyone of us and I chose not to live against my nature. It serves me well. There's no need to flip this on me. Of course I am the meanest motherfucker. Like every guy in this sub..
Agreed.
​
Zech4riah 5y ago
Yes, I'm talking on a general level now. But I think I addressed that cum/strange dick part in the end (protection). Otherwise I don't care if she fucks some other dude here and there. It doesn't affect me or the relationship enough for me to hand over my balls and agree on monogamous relationship.
But good luck finding a polygynynous relationship. It's not impossible but will be hard.
SuspiciousBed 5y ago
Someone’s been reading black dragon I see
[deleted]
AriesAsF 5y ago
No woman with traditional family values is ever going to be ok with an open relationship. And the ones that are, are generally trash. Feminine, women who have been reared properly want security and a strong man to have children with who will exclusively dedicate his resources to her and her offspring. Female reproductive strategy 101. She made the right call for herself, because you aren't that man. And bravo to you for letting her know that and letting her move on to find someone with more traditional values and a better balance between alpha strength and beta provider. Women need both and you haven't grasped the duality that can and should exist with a self-aware masculine framework. But you aren't looking for a wife or to reproduce, so like I said, bravo. You did the right thing. But if she is truly as great as you said (no drama, stable, not manipulative) its likely because she is comfortable and secure with herself and her needs, and likely will not settle for a situation that is incompatible with her reproductive strategies so I wouldn't hold your breath on her coming back.
[deleted] 5y ago
I think it goes beyond that. I think it's about leadership. Circumnavigating the earth as a lone sailor is challenging and exhilarating, all men should try something like it. In order to be captain of a ship, whereby you are in charge of, yet responsible for, the behavior and care of others is task fewer men can master.
Plating HB9's is being that lone sailor. Taking a well raised HB9 on as crew is that next level. So many men fail at this that TRP writes off LTR's as being "for cucks". No, the humiliation that can come from being a poor leader is akin to being a cuck, but being the true captain of a ship is not. It is an honor, a responsibility, and an adventure all itself. Because keep in mind, you're still battling the ocean whether you're alone or you have a crew.
I suggest some of you fuckers start taking sailing lessons, or join the infantry, so you can learn the difference between leadership and mere administration.
VasiliyZaitzev 5y ago
Fun Fact:
WomenHamsters can convince themselves of anything.Zech4riah 5y ago
That isn't exactly true. Many experienced guys can agree with this.
True and agree, although OLTR doesn't take those things away. OLTR is a full on relationship with occasional side fucks.
Exactly, this is the way I can be honest with myself and her. I don't need to lie or cheat. She has the ball now and if she decides to chase for traditional monogamous relationship, where the alpha husband with options cheats her in the end, she can go for it.
Agreed but like I said, this was first time for me and still learning. Next time I may be picking a different kind of girl who is a bit more open to the idea of OLTR.
KillaJewels 5y ago
Honestly, sick post bro. And good for you. The way you handled it was very mature. For better or for worse, situations like this aren't cut-and-dry. There are so many ways it could have gone, so don't beat yourself up over it, no matter the outcome. And never discount the idea of "randomness".
One suggestion I have is to screen very early on for OLTR. If she's bisexual, that's a plus. You can even involve her in threesomes (or more). The more you can involve her, the more buy-in and comfort she'll have via trust ("we" frame). In this way, you kill two birds with one stone and have sick reference experiences to add to your game arsenal.
Zech4riah 5y ago
Hi, thanks for the comment.
Yeah I was thinking about giving an analytical update some time soon where I went wrong and what I could have done better and what I have learned.
One thing would have been the thing you mentioned; Screening the girl better but I sort of knew what I was doing. I chose this girl because I knew that she would barely use her permission to fuck other guys and I knew that it would be really tough for her to accept OLTR and there was a good chance that this would fail. And thanks for reminding about "We frame", that was definitely missing in my "Talk" even tho we weren't discussing about threesomes. I should have reinforced that thought more because in my opinion it creates comfort but doesn't exactly reduce attraction/value.
Now the situation seems to be that it's over because she haven't contacted me (other than couple days later to check if she needs to test STDs) so I won't be contacting her until 4-5 months mark, if I even want to do that then because I've already replenished the roster with a good new OLTR candidates - altho I'm not sure if I want to try this again with women who are about to hit the wall. OLTR seems like a really big issue for them.
karmalizing 5y ago
Typically only starts after they've had their kids.
Chiliad5 5y ago
Good work. Don't listen to the people on here who are fanatical about a girl having a low n-count and who think promiscuity should be asymmetrical. Finding a woman who's fine with you having sex with other women is about as good as it gets.
I had this conversation myself, and I understand how hard it is to thread the needle. Bring up an open relationship early, and you'll scare a woman off. Bring it up late, and she'll never even consider it. You seem to have done fine, and I'll bet she comes back to you as long as you maintain frame.
This reminds me of the best piece of advice I've ever heard, from an older guy whose relationships have all been open: "Ladies, don't get jealous if your man is having sex with another woman. Get jealous if your man is going shopping with another woman."
Zech4riah 5y ago
Thanks, and that's a great advice for women actually :D
Thizzlebot 5y ago
Why is this upvoted? This is dumb as fuck. She is going to fuck way more dudes than he will chicks and he's probably going to get an STD lol. Don't fall for womens bullshit they know what they are doing, even if she says shes not going to bang other dudes SHE WILL and you set her up to do it.
KeffirLime 5y ago
Great FR, really wish we had more of these.
Don't do this, if a woman is not asking about commitment it's because she doesn't want it. It's always her job to bring it up.
Judging by the talk, you still have her very much in plate territory. If you were thinking about an LTR your best play would have been:
If she continues to show promise, and asks again about commitment you need to give her comfort while denying a monogamous set up. OLTR's are pointless IMO. She already want's a committed relationship with you, no need to tell her to rather play the field.
Express that you're happy to try out a relationship with her but that you're not willing to give up other women. Comfort is important in this scenario. She needs to know that you're not just going to drop her for other women, and that she is not going to have to share you.
Simply explain that you can give her an LTR, that she'll be your number one, but can't guarantee she'll be the only one. She must then do with that information as she pleases.
These set-ups usually end up being a don't ask don't tell scenario. Where you're respectful and try and avoid rubbing it in her face and she suspects that it's happening but doesn't question or make an issue out of it because she's getting all she needs out of the relationship.
Zech4riah 5y ago
Now when the time has passed. I have to agree on this. I hadn't included her into my life enough, to let her taste how great it would be to be with me in a bit deeper relationship, which made it easier for her to reject my offer. I sort of told her how great it would be instead of showing her it first more comprehensivly and then having "the talk".
I guess I was having the talk too surprisingly and directly. A bit more gradual approach could have been better way as you sort of suggest.
This is what I did but my approach was a bit too directly considering things I commented above.
I'm going after OLTR because I have a desire to pair-bond and introduce her to my life (including my family etc.). I can't do that shit with girls I'm just dating or fucking. Additionally I think that it's fair to verbalize non-monogamy and/or OLTR at certain point instead of taking long lasting ambiguous route - and by fair I mean fair for myself too (I can't live even mildly dishonest life for long).
So, there is some things I know I could do "better" to keep girls around but I won't do it because it violates my values - I rather find a next girl who I can be honest with and she accepts the type of relationship I'm honestly offering.
Thunderbird93 5y ago
You kept it 100. In order to be alpha you have to sometimes sprinkle in a little beta. I call this concept inverse dissimulation. When a lion hunts a zebra it doesn't put all its cards on the table, it stalks in silent. The beta vibes you gave off in telling her you care deeply are good strategy for comfort, I don't fault you at all. You should have hit it tho b4 bouncing just to reinforce a little hedonistic association
ManguZa 5y ago
Don't wait she contact you. Act with her like you did earlier and wait she say that she's ok for an OLTR.
themaindish444 5y ago
My take here is to actually achieve the equivalent of polygyny in a western setting you'd have to go pretty far down the socioeconomic/cultural totem pole to find a girl who's willing to go for that, long term, unless you are the Chad of Chads.
OLTR that is skewed toward the guy (ie she doesn't really hook up with other dudes generally) in my opinion won't last, unless the smv difference is really stark--if she's not actively looking for other guys to replace you, then she won't put up with you not getting engaged to her/hooking up with other guys for that long, particularly if she has all of these quality woman traits. She'd rather settle for a more beta guy who will commit unless you're really way above her level, and even then cultural norms would interfere
[deleted]
macheagle 5y ago
I have a good feeling she’ll reach out to you when the dust settles, brother. Thanks for the objective and analytical post, great read. Keep us posted.
AsianWater 5y ago
Thank you for the post. Please update us!
Saun522 5y ago
Although I agree with adding a bit of comfort, I think you went a little bit too beta, or at least, you're behaviour was too incongruent with your previous behaviour
macheagle 5y ago
I agree with that in the context that the girl may have most likely been shit-testing him, perhaps even on a subconscious level without herself realizing.
Zech4riah 5y ago
I certainly agree with you guys when I've given it some thought. Especially in the end when I left, it was almost she was just waiting me to take her instead of pussying out and leaving.
Nocryingok 5y ago
What did you really gain with this conversation? You have rewarded her dramatic behaviour with attention and praise. Now she gets to fuck other men and you are commited to only hanging out with her. I repeat, what did you gain? Is she gonna bear and raise your child? Is she going to do threesomes with you?
Sorry, but I don't see the point. Just bang them FWB style until they decide it's enough... I still got my longest active streak right now... 3 years and 90%+ hangouts were just sex. I see her once a month.
Zech4riah 5y ago
She actually didn't even go full drama. She even didn't tell me to get the fuck out even tho she would have wanted ("I should tell you to get the fuck out").
She just took it really heavily and couldn't hold back her (mixed) feelings.
For this talk I didn't gain anything because it may be over now. But when the girls starts "where are we going/what are we"-talk, your relationship has a hard expiration date. The duration after that depends on the girl. My attempt was to verbalize and formalize our (open) relationship. I felt like the time is right to have "the talk".
I'm not a fuckbot so I want a genuine connection with one girl and pairbond with her AND fuck other girls on the side. That's why I pushed OLTR and she seemed a great candidate for that. If I hadn't our FwB-relationship would have been over in couple of weeks or months because she is a bit more traditional girl and the wall is closing (makes her wanting to settle even more).
juddshanks 5y ago
Good for you for pushing through an awkward conversation and telling her the truth. A lot of guys put in that situation will lie or obsfucate because they don't like confrontation or they want to keep a sexual partner at all costs. Being honest about your expectations and intentions is a) a sign you have confidence in yourself and to don't think you need to bullshit b) certainly the more moral option than stringing someone along as they're approaching the wall. At the end of the day she asked a question and you treated her like an adult and gave her an adult response.
Theres always exceptions but at some point in the not too distant future you are probably going to have to decide between a) keeping things good with her and b) fucking other people on a regular basis and dealing with increasing amounts of drama from her.
There's nothing wrong with either option, it's just your decision how you want to live your life.
Nocryingok 5y ago
Nope. "the talk" is just a futile attempt by girls. I've gotten through it like butter and and you can do it in the future too. Listen to what she has to say, then respond with something along the lines of "ok, I'll think about it", then undress her
Zech4riah 5y ago
We are talking about different things. For you "the talk" means when the girl starts to bitch about relationship status. For me "the talk" means serious discussion and verbalizing that I want an OLTR. So semantics basically.
AutoModerator 5y ago
Just a friendly reminder that as TRP has been quarantined, we have developed backup sites: https://www.trp.red and our full post archive (and future forums) https://www.forums.red/i/TheRedPill. Don't forget to register on TRP.RED and reserve your reddit name today. Forums.Red is currently locked but will be opened soon.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
_Ulan_ 5y ago
As /u/RedHoodhandles mentioned, OLTR comes with two side being open.
I have been in your situation and I usually use the logic of "Sex is nothing but a release for the man" , however it is a deep mental submission for the woman. Hence I can fuck a girl but she can't fuck a dude. I then mention that men's sex is like a woman's kiss. So technically she is allowed to kiss when she goes out. This has a big power : a) she's gonna kiss boys anyway, she just wouldn't tell you about it b) If you're truly her man she will enjoy teasing guys and leaving them blue balled, then you get the wet cake for you.
With one chick I had the "fuck a girl only once" rule, as she was worried about not being my first choice. On one side it wasn't a big deal because I could always go pump a fresh chick, on the other side the second I accepted I fell into her frame. She cheated a year later.
I hate to negotiate a couple's rules, It kill all the dynamic in my opinion. Instead I like to mention fucking a chick after a few month of plating, and she will automatically be triggered. From there I'll just add "She didn't reach your ankles in bed tho" and change the subject. It's a way to avoid officially signing an agreement of intimacy, I prefer when it's organic.
In you're situation, it's a bit too late. Don't worry about your performance, she might just be a tougher one. I wouldn't go back to her or provide any comfort, but just go on with your life. If she comes back or texts you, then you have the green like to remind her who is her man.
You said it yourself, you did give a bit too much into her crying and your comfort. That's probably what made it a bad deal for her.
VasiliyZaitzev 5y ago
Only if you let it. Be the Prize, impose your will. If she walks, she walks.
MisplacedSanityP 5y ago
Why go for a general OLTR when you could go for a one-sided OLTR? Seems like dangerous territory. How do you reconcile this with the core tenet of not fucking a girl with a high n-count? Inevitably, she will use that pass and has the potential to use it quite often. At the very least, overtime, she will fuck a lot of guys. I don't see a world where any woman doesn't, the hamstering becomes a lot easier when you're handing her the wheel. So yeah, what's your rationalization for not doing a one-sided OLTR, when it can only help, unless you believe yourself not high value enough to get away with it which is the only case I see where it could hurt?
Zech4riah 5y ago
It's called polygyny. It's really hard to turn things to a one sided deal in modern western culture with feminism bashing about freedom of female sexuality etc. Additionally it will create unnecessary drama in the end "Why you can but I can't?".
And yes, in the end she will use the pass but the reason why I chose this girl is the fact that her limited CC riding starts to be over and she really doesn't like to party and go to nightclubs etc and she is a responsible person in every way.
MisplacedSanityP 5y ago
You could say that about anything involving gender roles. Feminism has destroyed them absolutely, so in terms of the inherent imbalance, that's something you must traverse in any RP relationship. From having her do the chores while you watch football to her sucking your cock while you never give her oral. Ultimately it comes down to a dominant role, and submissive role. The dominant one gets control, and all the risk that's involved with that. While the submissive gets the comfort of not having to do the hard stuff, while giving control of themselves to another person. Point being, I don't think that's a proper argument given the fact that we will be creating an imbalance in the relationship with almost anything we do.
For reference, I've been in a polygynous relationship for 6 months, and I've not experienced that at all. She accepts the feminine paradigm of being loyal and completely submissive and that I have the masculine paradigm of fucking other girls and taking control of the relationship.
You're playing with fire, the girls who don't ride the cock carousel simply haven't realized the addictive nature of that. Partying and nightclubs aren't necessary when there's Tinder.
I think you're also discounting the value of purity of a women. There's metaphorical value to that, but also practical when you realize the relationship between inability to pair-bond and having more sexual partners(that being a positive correlation).
You can do what you want, but the true RP relationship is polgyny.
Zech4riah 5y ago
So...6 months? In my book that doesn't sound like a relationship which worked.
But yes, polygynous relationship can work but it will be hard to have and find one.
Like many experienced guys state, the girl who respects you and thinks you are the prize, won't be using too much the right to fuck other guys.
MisplacedSanityP 5y ago
As in I’m still in the relationship....If she really thinks you’re the prize, she’ll agree to a polygynous relationship. You’re hamstering your way into thinking that it’s okay she’ll be fucking other guys.