An old plate of mine hit me up a few weeks ago to hang out. In her text she made it clear that she likes me, but kinda feels guilty to hang out, because she had a boyfriend. I replied with “cool, it doesn’t change anything”. She was happy and promised to hit me up soon to hang out.
Of course she didn’t because women are so passive, so I initiated the meeting.
I wanted to check out an open mic stand-up comedy event, and she’s into stand-up comedy herself, so I thought that would be a perfect pretense. Keep in mind that at that time I still wasn’t sure if I wanted to make a move on a taken girl (I’ve never done that before).
After the event I invited her to my place. I cooked a dinner for us (TRP will probably hate me for it, but I was hungry, she was hungry too and was my guest) and then tried making a move on her.
Her: What are you doing?! I told you I’m not single, I have a boyfriend!
Me: I used to have a hamster.
Her: ??? What?
Me: Things that don’t matter in this conversation.
Her, making a “what a fucking asshole” face: Why do guys want always something from me, why we can’t be just friends?
Me: Sure, we can be friends… with benefits.
Her: I mean I like you, but I would feel bad for cheating on my boyfriend.
During this conversation I expected her to get up and leave at any time. I was actually surprised when she said she liked me, after being so clearly upset a few seconds before. I guess I held my frame correctly.
What happened next surprised me even more: She started complaining about her boyfriend. How he’s so clingy and wants to see her every day. How she wants to start her own business and he’s just a distraction. How he’s okay, but she doesn’t return the same feelings. How she just wants to focus on herself and seeing a guy once a week would be the best for her. She told me she would probably break up with him by Christmas.
Then she told me he was really quick to say the “L-word” ("I love you") and that he is the THIRD guy who has told her that this year.
Third.
She’s a 7 at best, usually a 6.
This is nothing new, but this date helped me internalize basic TRP lessons:
- Women practice abundance by default
- Clinginess is cringey
- Too many guys are willing to pour their hearts to women too early
- A 6 has an ego of a 10
- AWALT
We didn’t end up fucking. She had to go back to her boyfriend, because she promised to. However she hesitated a lot to leave. She said that with guilt in her voice, she hugged me goodbye twice. I probably could have fucked her in the retrospect.
Lesson learnt.
Locastor 5y ago
No it can be fine game. The trick is just to demonstrate the qualities of your own character not seek approval.
vs
Trenned_out 5y ago
Lol I am failing to see the point of this friend.... Shocker a girl almost hooked up with you but wasn't quite tempted enough to go full whore and cheat...
If you are in the game long enough OP you're likely to be all on all sides of this equation. Do enough psychadelics and it truly helps you see the full picture.... We can all be in each part of the hypergamous equation at any different time.
Just improve your SMV and game as much as possible, and detach from all women as much as possible. Chose those you invest any time or emotion in very wisely.
WOKE lolol
BusterVadge 5y ago
Old plate. Had a boyfriend but hits you up anyway. Yes, you could have sealed the deal if you escalated right away (had your hands on her at the comedy club).
She didn't want to come back to your place to play cards. But you still have to do what's right for you, and that's pretty commendable. There are few men of honor these days.
Ansec 5y ago
Dude, if you're not fucking her, you're just a friend like she said.
She wanted a girl friend's shoulder to cry on and you are that girl friend.
gixxerthouguy 5y ago
Second hug, should have kissed her. Either full on kiss, or a small kiss but on the lips. As soon as she hesitates, bam. Maybe some LMR but she was obviously wanting some. Good report though.
BlueEstee 5y ago
Yeah, after she left I realized I had an opening there. I was trying my best not to show it, but I was a little butthurt about that rejection, that I didn't notice that she might have been down to stay. Oh well, I won't make this mistake again.
askmrcia 5y ago
We all been there. Chances are even had you escalated more she wasn't going to put out. I can bet on that. So don't dawn on it too much. You would know if she really wanted too sleep with you if she wanted too.
Her being over your house late at night, eating your dinner still doesn't mean she was 100% going to sleep with you.
She was in a relationship and despite what many guys here believe, she most likely wasn't going to cheat for you at that moment despite complaining about her boyfriend.
I've been in these exact situations and the times I tried, it didn't go anywhere.
Now maybe something can happen down the road in the future. But again you would know if she was dtf.
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timednight 5y ago
The l word has no value these days to be honest
tempolaca 5y ago
Why do you listen or believe anything a women says. The only woman you listen is your mother.
empatheticapathetic 5y ago
My mother talks a lot of shit. I don’t talk to her.
womans_algorithm 5y ago
Napoleon: "All women are whores, except my mother, but let's not forget that she's a woman too."
chrisname 5y ago
Which Napoleon, Bonaparte or Dynamite? Could believe either tbh.
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[deleted] 5y ago
Women are stupid cunts who don't know what they actually want.
Nicolas0631 5y ago
Women love to speak of themselve, their problems and for you to listen, even at the expense of souding stupid and annoying.
Maybe she wanted sex, but she was not convinced. Maybe you could have managed it and her hamster would have rewritten the reality once she accepted. That would be typical.
But let say the thing is that until you actually convince her, she likely really think she doesn't want it or want it but can't do it because of this or that.
And maybe the most important thing that day was going to make you listen to her speaking of her problem and make her forget her BF without necessarily any plan or wants to do it with you.
[deleted] 5y ago
Good post, glad you learnt your lesson. Baby steps.
Sorry if this seems naive, but what's the L word she's referring to?
BlueEstee 5y ago
Love. Three guys have told her "I love you" this year.
[deleted] 5y ago
Haha, I was considering the word lesbian, and I was like... Huh, something isn't adding up here...
Love makes a lot more sense. Thanks for helping me out.
MrCongeniality1 5y ago
This gave me a laugh.
"What's the L-word?" would have also been the correct response in the OP's story.
MoDuReddit 5y ago
Checks out.
AllahHatesFags 5y ago
Textbook example of a damaged woman who has lost her ability to pair-bond. I hope she enjoys her cats.
NikolaGeorgiev 5y ago
These days I'm thinking...
If all those 6's and 7's have an ego of a 10, then what's the use of even approaching a 6 or a 7?
BlueEstee 5y ago
Next time you see a smoking hot girl, observe your reaction. Compare it to your reaction when you see an average girl.
You'll be more calm during the approach, you'll maintain the frame easier if you get intimate with her, you'll less likely to develop oneitis for her and it's gonna be easier to move on if you break up.
bemore_ 5y ago
The ego is a static mental construct reinforced externally. It's not that she is a 6, it's that guys treat her like she is a 10
You can approach and treat her normally
anabolic92 5y ago
If she wanted to fuck you she would have done it, she has better options (current bf or others plates of her).
Frich3 5y ago
kinda thinking this as well.. no offense to OP of course. Did good from what I can tell but I think it's human nature for us to delude ourselves into thinking that we are always i control when it comes to women. "if I wouldve done this then maybe I couldve" blah blah blah. women are VERY good at getting what they want. if she wanted to fuck you she wouldnt have left that place without doing so unless you basically told her get out. sounds "creepy" but what im about to say is true and also applies to knowing whether or not you are an attractive person. Ever have younger "girls" stare at you and even turn full 180 when youve walked by to stare at you more? they even giggle and cover their mouths as they do so. I say that because they are wired to show how they feel. they are emotional creatures. they show what they want. because its natural for them. theyve been doing it since birth. Moral of the story. She didnt want to have sex.
CensorThis111 5y ago
It seems to me that most people these days have no idea what love is. It's no wonder they fear it.
Gl0weN 5y ago
A rare TRP post I believe and take seriously. Good field report
Fulltilt_Ronny 5y ago
i know right. so much fake shit around here. at least thats how i feel about it.
Snazzy_Serval 5y ago
Why do men here complain about hypergamy and go on dates with women in relationships?
Your_Coke_Dealer 5y ago
Hypergamy is in women’s nature and is not caused by men taking advantage of it. TRP is amoral, meaning there is nothing philosophically wrong with fucking a girl in a relationship. TRP is also sexual strategy, not societal strategy; it is a set of guidelines to, as a man, make the most of life in a society that favors women, as opposed to teaching the right thing to do that would benefit us all if we all did it. It isn’t a religion, it isn’t a political movement, it is a selfish strategy, and per its amorality, that is neither bad nor good.
strikethrough123 5y ago
Because those that moralize female behavior also treat male sexual strategy as amoral.
In reality, both sexual strategies should be considered amoral. Ultimately, both sexes are just looking to further their own interests.
astrogatorjones 5y ago
Yes. I think this insight is the way out of the anger phase.
Snazzy_Serval 5y ago
I don't quite understand the amoral thing.
Overall I'm against going after taken women. I certainly but are you saying that I should not care?
DependentScientist 5y ago
I’ve always described the issue using something like economic theory.
Economic theory is itself amoral - the markets, supply/demand, etc. exist and are real things whether you believe in them or not. There is value statement involved.
You can use economic theory in ways that invite value statements from others - beneficial trades, unfair cartels, etc.
This subreddit is about theory. Although we talk about uses (I improved my life, I fucked a married chick, etc) whether anyone finds them distasteful or not isn’t really productive, and misses the point if it’s a good application about theory.
I used to think the “I fucked a married chick” posts were pretty shorty, but I 100% agree with the mods that if it’s a good example of RP theory I should shut the fuck up and learn.
astrogatorjones 5y ago
You can care as much as you want, as long as you don't judge others who don't.
gbdoragnic 5y ago
he isn't complaining, he is understanding reality trp never attacks women, we just call them on their shit, sadly this passes for hate these days
Snazzy_Serval 5y ago
Not him complaining, I'm talking about overall on TRP.
It makes no sense to complain about women jumping around but then encourage men to sleep with taken women.
ZephyrBluu 5y ago
If someone is complaining about the nature of women these days then I don't think they have fully swallowed the Red Pill.
I don't believe that most guys on this sub bitch about women 'jumping around', they accept it and work with that situation. That is the whole point of TRP, not to bitch about women.
Men are encouraged to sleep with women, period. Whether they are taken or not is not a factor in RP sexual strategy.
Hviterev 5y ago
"things that don't matter in this conversation"
Haha
Razkolol 5y ago
Lel, you cooked for her and hugged her before she left to go get dick from another dude. Let me break it down for you, you are the beta here not the dude who ended up fucking her.
BlueEstee 5y ago
True. That's the reason why I'm here, to un-beta myself.
magx01 5y ago
"Keep in mind that at that time I still wasn’t sure if I wanted to make a move on a taken girl (I’ve never done that before)."
You're hamstering hard here, stop it.
womans_algorithm 5y ago
So many hints that you could have done it that night. Yet you took her words at face value. Promised her boyfriend? Since when women care about promises to clingy beta guys? Hint number one. Hint number two - she hesitated a lot. Hint number 3 - two goodbye hugs.
All you have to do is kiss her on first or second hug.
BlueEstee 5y ago
Thanks for the advice. In hindsight, this is definitely what I could have done. But to be honest, I didn't notice that opening, because I was butthurt about the rejection, and still to this day I'm not that huge into fucking a girl that's taken. I'm not sure if the pleasure is worth all the drama that follows.
WallyHotvedt 5y ago
If you never escalate because you don't like the drama that happens - how exactly do you know that drama is the certain outcome since you never escalate?
And since she clearly was open to escalation, she could only be "taken" if a) she didn't go out with you to begin with since she has a boyfriend b) didn't go to your house alone with you, c) gave you weak, at best, LMR. So, is she really "taken" if she is waiting for you to escalate, or are you just sitting in a place of total fear of women constantly friend zoning yourself due to crippling fear of rejection?
You can make all the excuses in the world but the only person who got fucked that night was you. What else did she need to do to tell you she was interested in you, pass you a note? Beacon in the sky?
Until you get past these self imposed sticking points you're going to continue to flail. Possible to fix if you do the work, or don't and keep your streak alive, as they say in Thailand "up to you"
DullIntroduction 5y ago
Most has already been said, but I'd like to add something.
Cooking yourself is fine, and can be entertaining. You get to show off your skills, and you can include her in it, like your sous-chef, so she can assist you. It lightens the mood easily, you create proximity and command her. And if you're not that hungry, you can always fuck her on the kitchen counter.
rosbergsessa420 5y ago
they all do it, all the time. the only reason they stick to one dude is because they havent found a better one yet. the moment they find it = branch swing. female love is never genuine or heartfelt, there is always an underlying intention in all of their moves.
​
they are much better actors (BY NATURE) than you think. who even cares what she said or how. what matters is what her pussy does, in this case, not having sex with you.
​
but you did not.
​
Sometimes men hamster just as much as women.
empatheticapathetic 5y ago
Sounds like you became an emotional tampon.
BlueEstee 5y ago
That's the very reason why I haven't talked to her since.
NeedingAdvice86 5y ago
I don't know what is surprising....
She is in a relationship to be in a relationship not because she is attracted to the guy. Lots of girls are in pretend relationships because it adds to their social status or value...plus they can use it to ward off advances from other guys that they also don't want to fuck.
This is where TRP gets things confusing.....there are girls who have a BF because that is the thing to do and then there are girls are fucking "in love" and desperately attracted to their BF....the first will easily cheat because they are really not that into their BF but the second is not understood because TRP never see them because they don't look twice at other dudes or hang out where TRPers are working girls.
A girl who is damn head over heels doesn't even notice other guys.....
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guyau 5y ago
Hardline TRP followers are borderline sociopaths who operate according to incredibly reductive schemas and categories skewed by biases. Human sexuality and relationships are incredibly more complex than the biological and evolutionary framework trp tries to fit it into. The fact that we often desire the desire or recognition of another and not simply the others body is enough to show just how limited these frameworks are (though trp has the merit of insisting that these frameworks have been too long excluded, for they do have relevance none the less). What strikes me most about trp is that most of the guys here have never properly experienced reciprocal love. Being in love, and being loved back, is one of the strongest, most lucid experiences one can have when it comes to understanding another human being in their singularity and not simply as examples of their sex or socio-cultural background. When you enter into an intersubjective relationship where the other appears in their irreducible singularity, all your trp theories fall by the way side. They don't apply
Trenned_out 5y ago
Whats kind of fucked is once you have a relationship like that. Liek where she will eat your ass and let you piss on her if you say if its your fetish....
Then subsequent relatioships are less than fufilling... Lol I am currently with a 20 year old girl that I classify with "fucking drool on myself hot" and I think about my ex who is now old for me lol 26, but I molded into my own dirty cumdumpster (her words lol) in bed.
I guess I have alot of time to mold the new one into what I want sexually. She is much better starting material because has an n cont of 2 and I actually believe that based on alot of different things. Of course I can always be wrong, but I'm so cynical...
RedHoodhandles 5y ago
...high enough in relation to hers.
Edit: Ugh.. Fair enough. ...high enough in relation to hers and to other males because she perceives her SMV to be able to attract/retain males that have higher SMV than yours. Feel better now?
Unrealenting 5y ago
Not hers, but the men she views as the top of the hierarchy of her values.
Trenned_out 5y ago
more like in relation to what she percieves your SMV at and what she percieves hers at.
AS I posted above. Currently with a girl whose SMV is as fucking close to a 10 as I've ever seen let alone fucked. And she has legit said she thinks I'm too good for her.
Now I want to be very clear, this is not said to brag AT ALL. The ridiculousness of this is stated to illustrate how much perception plays into percieved SMV. I'd be happy to elaborate on this scenario as I sit back and finally start to enjoy SMV taking off in my late 20s while a dime piece 20 year old is allover me haha. (yes yes that part was bragging)
RedHoodhandles 5y ago
I thought that goes without saying. We are always talking about perception here. No SMV is written in stone. Here, take this cookie of humblebragness. You earned it and it seems, you need it.
Imperator_Red 5y ago
I don't know that girls date guys they aren't into because "it's the thing to do." It's probably just a primal survival instinct in that pre-historic women needed a man to survive. If you aren't happy with your current man, give him just enough sex to keep him happy so he keeps bringing home the elk meat, and swing to a better branch when you can.
There is a theory that the purpose of female orgasm is that the contractions draw the sperm up deeper into the vagina so a woman is more likely to get pregnant if she cums, which could help explain why women are more likely to cum with a guy they are more into.
NeedingAdvice86 5y ago
Saying the same thing.....the girl is more in to a relationship than she is with the guy.
My point still stands.....
zyqkvx 5y ago
Also, many women fuck just enough for him to keep bringing home the elk meat yet know they have too low market value to ever branch swing up. Same with men. That' why so many men keep bringing home elk meat for smatterings of sex.
She is enslaving him to be her money machine.
He is enslaving her to be his once-every-two-month sex slave.
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warlordchad 5y ago
Disagree: girls most definitely date guys because it's the thing to do. There are a ton of women out there who have BFs they aren't into--I mean, sure, maybe they were at some time, but not anymore. And there are plenty who just can't stand to be alone (some guys are like this too), so once they break up with a BF they end up dating one of the first guys they meet and end up in an LTR.
This is why:
1) We always treat, "I have a BF" as a shit test--because even if it's true, if you can prove you're a better candidate the position is yours.
2) We talk about AWALT and branch swinging. Here's an analogy for you: if fruit is in the tree, would you rather be on a low branch or on the ground? As men, we might say, look, I'd rather build a fucking ladder and get up higher where there's more fruit instead of barely eking it out in the low branches. But that's not how women think. For a lot of them, they'd rather be low or medium than on the ground, but as we all know, as soon as it's possible to swing to a higher branch, bye-bye beta.
rosbergsessa420 5y ago
By nature, it's women the ones who want to "lock in" their man. Usually men who have this treat are absolute betas.
Notice how the entire female fantasy (and almost, their life mission) is based on finding themselves a perfect "real man". Ever read books writen by females? Everything is about sex, about the real man, the romance, the fairytale.
Imperator_Red 5y ago
I think we are mostly arguing semantics here. Perhaps it is the "thing to do," but why is it the thing to do? Because it's a holdover from our genetic past. Just like mate guarding serves no real purpose for men today because you can't guard your woman in a city with thousands of people, but it probably served some useful purpose in smaller hunter-gatherer communities.
warlordchad 5y ago
Fair point. Also, there's a strong impetus for women to "fit in" or conform to the social mores of the tribe. In our society, for women (and men to a lesser degree) that means being in a committed long term relationship that leads, ideally, to marriage.
AdviceMaster1412 5y ago
So you are telling us you entertained this girl and cooked for her while listening to her complaining about guys she's fucking?
Great field report
BlueEstee 5y ago
"Wise man learns from his mistakes, wiser from other people's mistakes".
Be the wiser man.
[deleted] 5y ago
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Fulltilt_Ronny 5y ago
doesnt apply to me. i have a LTR, but also some "Girl friends". i dont want them for sex, i just like them for what they are - friends. sometimes its all fun times, sometimes they tell me about their Problems. i dont feel like an emotional toilet because of that, nor do i feel like a "Girl" just because i listen to other Girls beside my mom or my LTR. i dont think this concept of having friends from the opposite sex is something too radical and new. i had it all my life. dont plan on changing that.
Pezotecom 5y ago
Woah man, why wouldn't you listen to a friend's problems?
Are you alright?
ZephyrBluu 5y ago
Not sure if /s but in my experience most women's 'problems' are rather stupid and they don't want help with them, just for you to listen and agree.
If I had a girl friend who actually wanted some help with a real problem then sure, I'm going to help them but otherwise I ain't got time for that shit. Women will talk your ear off if you let them.
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