I try to keep this in mind whenever I have approach anxiety with talking to someone in public: if I simply make the attempt, the interaction was 100% successful. All that matters was that I was able to summon the courage to talk to the person and each time I choose to talk to them instead of cowering away improves my approach skill that much more.
In this mindset, the ball is entirely in your court. You are not playing the game against the person you are trying to approach. They have nothing to do with it. You are playing the game only against yourself and your anxiety, and each time you beat your anxiety and decide to make the approach, regardless of how the interaction goes, it's a 100% success.
This is an exercise in outcome independence. If I go up to someone in the park and ask how their day is going and they look at me like I'm a crazy person and tell me to fuck off, that is 100% successful simply because I overcame my anxiety and made the attempt. That's where the battle is, only with myself. How the other person reacts to your attempt is wholly irrelevant because you are only playing this game with yourself.
Striking up a conversation with an old man in the park or a hot girl in the club become the same because it's the same game of whether you did it or not. And every time you do, regardless of outcome, it's a success because you got over the initial hurdle.
Just simply getting over a fear of talking to strangers and making the attempt is all that matters, how they react is irrelevant. The important thing is that you choose to take the more difficult path of improving your social skills and conquering your approach anxiety rather than shying away, and each time you take the righteous path it's another victory in your battle of self-improvement, no matter what the outcome is.
You are playing this game only with yourself. If you make the attempt, it's 100% successful.
punkrockfishboy 5y ago
I just thought of this. Approach anxiety comes mainly from putting a girl on the pedestal. Think about it. Afraid she might reject you, afraid she will call you a creep, you already have displayed that she has higher value than you. It has to be the other way around, but the ball is in her court. Whether your game is weak, you haven't had much success (like me), just approach someone and not care of the outcome. Not caring is the most important, because most guys get devastated after a rejection (So you only knew her for 5 minutes). Remember, there's still tons of beautiful women, and if you fuck up in one venue where you think everyone is judging you or you feel embarrassed, just simply go to another venue to freshly talk to new people. Breathe and fight those inner demons. I still am.
Andgelyo 5y ago
I love you brahhh
Used to do this all the time when I was a teen with friends.
Tinder came along and although getting laid has been easier, I still yearn to retake my social skills before swiping on command.
punkrockfishboy 5y ago
Remember, Tinder is only good if you're good looking like an 8/10. If you're a 6 or lower, I personally wouldn't bother with it and go with the natural going out and approaching.
saltymike69 5y ago
I just get the anxiety because I just don't know what to do. It's not necessarily that I put them on a pedestal but more that perhaps I say the wrong thing, or I kill the attraction somehow and have no idea how.
punkrockfishboy 5y ago
This is hard, even for me. I run out of things to say, or don't know how to initiate the conversation with. To be brutally honest, I will publicly admit, I still can't even attract a girl, (can't get laid, second dates, etc.).... the only thing that has changed is that I got better with talking to chicks. I'm now 31, and still shitty in holding conversations with girls. The truth is, I kind of lost interest in practice talking to them maybe because I'm older and I'm so used to being alone that I'm not as motivated anymore or because I've been so cynical (I've been bouncing back and forth between MGTOW and trying women again). Now, when I go out, I go out with no expectations. (because you don't want to be butthurt if you had a bad night). It takes a lot of practice to be social as let's say RSDTyler. You really have to fail, (yes it's going to suck), over and over again. Pain is a great teacher. Love it. Embrace it. It will make you more resilient.
The sad truth is, I'm just regurgitating advice that I got from Roosh V's book "Game", TRP, Coach Red Pill, Aaron Clarey, and other sources but not truly applying it to my life. Point being, all of this is easier said than done. Everyone has to figure out in their own way how to mentally apply this to their life, and figure out how to kick their bad habits. Again, not easy but necessary if you want to move forward.
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reallyeesah 5y ago
under appreciated response
punkrockfishboy 5y ago
The idea is, I wrote all of that in my own words. After yesterday, I just realized that I can do anything with a IDGAF personality. I guess sometimes when you don't realize it, you reach new heights in social interaction. I got pretty far from what I used to be. Think about that when you think you got it bad and recovered from it and got stronger.
zyqkvx 5y ago
Putting a woman on a pedestal stems from not having your own value. The one with less value is at risk when the word 'creep' is uttered. It's almost always the guy because guys are almost always the one's that haven't bothered to put in the efforts that give them value. It's been said that women are born with value and men have to earn any value they have. That's a great ethos, and partly true, yet part entirely false. MOST women put in effort in makeup, attire, diet, and social skills. MOST men do not put effort in to any of these things.
Too many men say, "I don't care about that, I want someone to like the real me or it doesn't even matter." For one, there is no real you (I've been saying that way before that excellent post the other day), you have to forge yourself. The default 'real you' is a effortless slob. Just because you get used to that person in the mirror with a bowl haircut doesn't mean that's the real you. For two, people can only go by what they see. Asking someone to accept who you are on faith and not what they see is on par with women expecting you to be able to read their minds.
The one with more value is the one that's not a creep. Imagine TigglyPuff calling Rob Lowe a creep. It doesn't fly with even the most staunch feminist. MOST men are guilty of allowing this dynamic because they want to be seen for the essence of thier thoughts and credos without accounting for appearance, or the realities of social interactions.
punkrockfishboy 5y ago
This is mostly for the "incels", who are practicing conversation to improve their game, so they don't have to consider themselves incel. People with asperger's disorder, or lacking social skills will likely to be called a creep because of their social interaction. If you want to improve your game, you have to figure out why she called you a creep. Appearances actually do matter, even though some people like Coach Red Pill say they don't. They do and that's just reality. Women are now the shallower sex due to the internet (social media, tinder, etc.) and gynocentrism. (because 80% of men are still beta/white knights). This proves women do not love men for who they are. The baby boomer mothers lied to their Generation X and Millennial children telling them "There is someone for you that loves you for who you are. It's bullshit. I could go on with facts such as the divorce rate in the west, and other things to prove this point, but just work on your looks, try working on day game, and go out by yourself. The good news is that's there's plenty of resources to help you increase your chances of picking up a woman, like Roosh V, Coach Red Pill, etc. and that's never going away.
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bakamoney 5y ago
Tbh makeup/clothes etc are an "outside" thing.
Whereas body/face etc is a more natural thing.
Which means women inherently aren't really putting effort. What they are doing is short term/temporary . Whereas for men , "betterment" is expected in long term methods - health , career , etc.
zyqkvx 5y ago
Why do people insist that they can't see the forest for the trees
uc-nuts 5y ago
Instructions unclear, ended up jacking off to midget porn.
heronmarkedblade1984 5y ago
So long as you attempt, it's a 100% success!
RonieGarret 5y ago
Rejection better than regret.
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askmrcia 5y ago
Guys in general get rejected alot.
There are times when I think something is wrong with me because I got rejected so much.
However if you ask my roommates and social circle they would think I'm a playboy lol.
Because they never see my failures. I would have to literally tell them that I had a chick over my house and out of nowhere she tells me she wants to be just friends.
Or a chick I was dating for a month out of nowhere tells me she can't see me anymore because she's getting serious with another guy.
Or this one gorgeous chick tagged me in her picture on Facebook at a dance, but she has a boyfriend (no one knows that except me).
I've been through it all many many times, but no one can really tell. They see me bring a good looking red head back to the apartment or nice looking athletic brunette to a party and think I can get a girl anytime I want. They have no idea how many times I'm rejected.
I have my dry spells here and there along with many rejections. It just so happens when I do have a success they are good looking enough to over shadow the grind to get there.
As far as day gaming. Its been a very long time since I cold approached in the day to some random chick. Usually my day game consist of making small talk at some event, festival or function and take it from there.
Andgelyo 5y ago
The path to success is littered with failures.
masterbaterchief 5y ago
"There are times when I think there is something wrong with me because I got rejected so much" This shit right fucking here hit home, man. I'm glad I'm not the only one who's thought that, along with the dry spells. There is a growing process when dealing with constant rejection and not having self pity. I want to say I've been rejected 20 something odd times in a row since my last success, including today. However, you helped me realise how insignificant that is.
blacklightsleaze 5y ago
Isn't success rate of day game cold approach something like 4-5% at max even for the most successful guys?
masterbaterchief 5y ago
For me, definitely. I was rejected 4 times today alone. Not letting that stop me though.
wobbleelbbow 5y ago
People tend to not post rejection stories which is a shame. I know what you mean. Only the good stuff gets public. Bad stuff? As if it never happens even though most high grade puas claim only 1-5 percent success rate. It's all about not giving a fuck and opening a girl during your daily routine that you do so that you do not waste your time chasing or going to a specific location and then feel butthurt if you get rejected.
If you get rejected while shopping for groceries, well then, who cares, you were going there anyway. Forget it. If you want to pick up in clubs and get rejected now it gonna hurt more your ego. So keep opening in casual places, places that are "out of context".
masterbaterchief 5y ago
Ever had a good streak and then no luck for a while? That's what made me a little butthurt from rejection when I've been rejected at least a few hundred times now. You think you've got everything figured out, and then you hit a brick wall.
wobbleelbbow 5y ago
Yes, because all girls are a little bit different even if AWALT. Mood is different, your tone is different, maybe your lines are cheesy and appear a bit needy. It's a tough thing to be a man. But it is our burden to carry.
Atheist_Utopia 5y ago
It ain't so tough after all when you realize our SMV potential only increases as we age, and stays high well up to our 50-60s.
wobbleelbbow 5y ago
except for lazy slobs, which are most men who do not even lift and eat shit.
justarandomguy15 5y ago
A very interesting perspective I'm sure implimenting next time I'm having an approach anxiety.
CensorThis111 5y ago
I apply this reasoning to many aspects of life, and metaphysical spiritual babble aside - it is very logical and efficient.
If you look for why things went right, you focus on the positives. You feel better about things (which has a direct effect on your biochemistry) and you dedicate your brainpower to thought processes that will lead you to repeat positive experiences.
And then on top of that if the guru's are right about manifesting your conscious reality or whatever, you'll be doing that too already.
Rustyshackleford2099 5y ago
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.-Wayne Gretzky" -Michael Scott
wobbleelbbow 5y ago
This post should be pinned. It's essential to RP rookies who think "looks is all that matters". It does matter, but game is all the most important thing. You can not have game if you can not approach.
saltymike69 5y ago
I do have that mindset but at the sametime, I feel that it's the same as telling yourself that you did good enough. Even though it's hard, it doesn't mean anything, it's the end result that matters
Rajaat_warbringer 5y ago
Laugh when facing rejection, and stay cool when you score, and always make the attempt. ????
JackNapier368 5y ago
This is such a nice piece! Have you read Mode One by Allan Roger Currie? Oke, he goes into it a bit further, but I got this exact same message from his book.
Just approach, not concidering the reaction, but fullfiling your own desire to approach
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Scatre 5y ago
Most people don't spend their time in the park all day lol
justarandomguy15 5y ago
u're hilarious did u know that
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