I'm 8 months into swallowing the pill. I'm amazed at how much it still occupies my mind on a daily basis. I went so far with the blue pill operating system.
Post divorce, I dedicated a lot of time to picking up. 40+ girls later a guy starts to think he's pretty good with women. Sure, they weren't 9s and 10s, but they were cute. And it's time to "get serious" and promote the top gal.
Managing an LTR really is a different beast. Leading, setting boundaries and enforcing them, creating clear growth expectations for your partner, cleverly guiding them to be the kind of partner I'd like - these are all RADICAL ideas. Control game never even occured to me.
It seems obvious once you consider the other side of the table. In an LTR with someone guiding you, this feels like a cruise. I don't have to make decisions and everything is taken care of. I'm able to trust my man and know he will handle everything.
With a blue pill/beta person, you're constantly getting questions. Having emotional conversations instead of adventures. No surprises, and no drama. Talk about BORING. I want to FEEL ALIVE.
These are things I would hate if a girl did them to me. I mean HATE. I love my independance, and wanted to give her the same luxury.
I was the "perfect" boyfriend. I had abundance mentality. I look good and make $. I have deep emotional conversations. I'm talking about my true fears and vulnerabilities. I'm making sure to include her in all my decisions. I'm responding to texts quickly to ensure she knows I care about her.
I know that I'm doing the right thing. And these frat boys with wives/girlfriends they're treating like shit? They don't know how good it can be.
Suprise! Hammer blow to the head. I'm held in contempt. CONTEMPT. The result was so jarring, so shocking, there are days I still can't believe it.
The girl? Doesn't matter really. Party girl. High N count. Post Wall. As much as I'd like to blame her, I can't. I fucking can't. She's not BPD. She's not that big a maniac. She's just a regular girl in 2018.
What sucks the most is that having this psychological experience was the only way I would take the red pill. Every time someone would mildly nudge me this way, I resisted fiercely. After all, women finally have a voice and they are telling us what they want. And, they want us to ask! And I asked away.
I used to see the red pill as "bringing women down." Negging on a macro scale. The dark side of the force. Psychological tricks that worked, but were unnecessary. Positive game^TM for life! All carrots, no sticks.
It's easy to get "walked all over" when you think you're on the same team. We were playing two entirely different games.
But this is why I love the red pill. It makes sense. It's nature. It's evolution. It's conflict. The world is a jungle, and not a fairy tale. And frankly, that's how it should be.
So there are days like today when I'm still mad. And sad. And I'm still pissed that the perception of me being weak even exists. Because I'm not fucking weak. Or needy. Or whatever bullshit the hampster was spinning. But perception IS reality. I will not make the same mistakes again.
You can't just be powerful in your head. You have to show it. And now I have the tools. </rant over>