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- Hide Preview | 21 Comments | submitted 5 months ago by awakenedspirit1 [Post Locked]

I'm 8 months into swallowing the pill. I'm amazed at how much it still occupies my mind on a daily basis. I went so far with the blue pill operating system.

Post divorce, I dedicated a lot of time to picking up. 40+ girls later a guy starts to think he's pretty good with women. Sure, they weren't 9s and 10s, but they were cute. And it's time to "get serious" and promote the top gal.

LTR Time

Managing an LTR really is a different beast. Leading, setting boundaries and enforcing them, creating clear growth expectations for your partner, cleverly guiding them to be the kind of partner I'd like - these are all RADICAL ideas. Control game never even occured to me.

It seems obvious once you consider the other side of the table. In an LTR with someone guiding you, this feels like a cruise. I don't have to make decisions and everything is taken care of. I'm able to trust my man and know he will handle everything.

With a blue pill/beta person, you're constantly getting questions. Having emotional conversations instead of adventures. No surprises, and no drama. Talk about BORING. I want to FEEL ALIVE.

These are things I would hate if a girl did them to me. I mean HATE. I love my independance, and wanted to give her the same luxury.

I was the "perfect" boyfriend. I had abundance mentality. I look good and make $. I have deep emotional conversations. I'm talking about my true fears and vulnerabilities. I'm making sure to include her in all my decisions. I'm responding to texts quickly to ensure she knows I care about her.

I know that I'm doing the right thing. And these frat boys with wives/girlfriends they're treating like shit? They don't know how good it can be.

Suprise! Hammer blow to the head. I'm held in contempt. CONTEMPT. The result was so jarring, so shocking, there are days I still can't believe it.

Moving Forward

The girl? Doesn't matter really. Party girl. High N count. Post Wall. As much as I'd like to blame her, I can't. I fucking can't. She's not BPD. She's not that big a maniac. She's just a regular girl in 2018.

What sucks the most is that having this psychological experience was the only way I would take the red pill. Every time someone would mildly nudge me this way, I resisted fiercely. After all, women finally have a voice and they are telling us what they want. And, they want us to ask! And I asked away.

I used to see the red pill as "bringing women down." Negging on a macro scale. The dark side of the force. Psychological tricks that worked, but were unnecessary. Positive game^TM for life! All carrots, no sticks.

It's easy to get "walked all over" when you think you're on the same team. We were playing two entirely different games.

But this is why I love the red pill. It makes sense. It's nature. It's evolution. It's conflict. The world is a jungle, and not a fairy tale. And frankly, that's how it should be.

So there are days like today when I'm still mad. And sad. And I'm still pissed that the perception of me being weak even exists. Because I'm not fucking weak. Or needy. Or whatever bullshit the hampster was spinning. But perception IS reality. I will not make the same mistakes again.

You can't just be powerful in your head. You have to show it. And now I have the tools. </rant over>

[-] faustian_talos 15 Points 5 months ago

I dont understand your post.

[-] awakenedspirit1 3 Points 5 months ago

Really just trying to re-program my brain. I'm coming from DEEP blue, where I'd seen a lot of 'success' in that I'd been able to connect with a lot of women. Good at pick up, zero frame. Trying to reprogram my thoughts in a new way is tough. Just sharing the current status. I'm hopeful that as it gets more internalized it'll be more natural.

[-] faustian_talos 3 Points 5 months ago

Aha. You are on the good path. Self-awareness is more important then people think.

Best of luck to you man.

[-] awakenedspirit1 2 Points 5 months ago

Much appreciated. Officially back with 3 plates. Going to start practicing control game a bit as they get a bit more invested. We'll see!

[-] [deleted] 5 months ago
[-] randomTATRP 7 Points 5 months ago

It's like you learned nothing. Talking about your fears to her and replying instantly... Wtf man. Also, the type of girl doesn't matter really? Your one had all the red flags and you still promoted her to LTR, that's being a retard, sorry. I know TRP is a toolbox, but some parts of it are indispensable.

[-] awakenedspirit1 4 Points 5 months ago

Yeah. This is pre-TRP. Wasn't looking for qualities to promote. Never again

[-] Ansec 6 Points 5 months ago

I agree. For me it was hard not to become bitter. I took some good time off. Full monk mode.

Being here helped because it was people I could talk to about frustrations I had. You can't talk about trp to your normie friends. I did once at a party and people straight up wanted to fight me.

I'm back into dating again, with much more success. It's not as fun as it used to be imo. Pre-trp I thought, like you, women could be on the same team. I thought finally someone I can share my feelings with, but that's not the way it is and it feels lonely sometimes. I've accepted it as the road of men. We must deal with our problems in other ways.

I can see why suicide rates are higher for men. When you zero out it's really hard to see why you'd want to continue. Luckily that didn't happen to me.

[-] awakenedspirit1 1 Point 5 months ago

I did a LONG monk mode. Still am not going out as much as I start my business. I've got a couple plates in rotation again, which is nice. But yes, not as fun, as I'm not 'relaxed'. Potentially it'll improve over time.
My theory is if your status is high enough you have much wider room for beta errors. I'm trying to go that route currently. We'll see.

[-] KeffirLime 4 Points 5 months ago

"bringing women down."

For most, it's seeing women being brought down off a pedestal for the first time.

when you think you're on the same team

Much like a good sports team, everyone wants to be on it. It's succesful, wins trophies and players want in, they want their name alongside success.

The moment the team falls from grace or starts to struggle, players want out. They don't want their their name tarnished and will scramble to a better team.

Teams are teams so long as they benefit the players, women are no different.

[-] awakenedspirit1 2 Points 5 months ago

Totally agree. What's wild to me is how wrong I was about "the rules". Now at least I can be a good teammate.

[-] dDiegoDLV 3 Points 5 months ago

Haha I came to TRP tonight to post something similar. Getting laid is not hard anymore. Earlier this month I was spinning two plates. Stupid me decides I like the one that is being sweet and saying she wants to be my only girl.

She did lots of stuff right and then as soon as I upgrade her to gf we fuck one more time and it goes to shit. The sex was hot, I didn't show up with flowers or turn into Billy Beta. She texted good morning 2 days in a row saying shit like I have been thinking about you then let the conversation drop after a couple of messages back and forth. The third day she texted I did not text back for 30 hours , then my second reply was 5 hours after that. Again she let the conversation drop.


I knew what had to be done. Today blocked her on facebook then texted her that I wasn't feeling it anymore, wished her well and blocked her on my phone. Next ????

I know some people will say I should have just ghosted, but she was just being a woman thinking she knows what she wants then fucking it all up as soon as she gets it. This has been a recurring problem for me. Fuck the commitment, blue pill bf/gf bullshit. It is time to just spin plates.

I had a date lined up today (cancelled for a good reason and sent pics to verify lol) I informed her she will have to plan a date and treat me or there won't be a next date.

Thursday I have a date with a woman that is DTF, and a different DTF woman on Saturday. I am tired of the BS, but will probably be ok lol

[-] Imperator_Red 2 Points 5 months ago

I know some people will say I should have just ghosted

You can't ghost your girlfriend, unless you literally don't care about your reputation at all. It's totally different then a plate or ONS. If she is your girlfriend, that generally means she knows your family and friends. If she tells people that you ghosted her then they are going to think you are a scumbag. In fact, any normal person would contact their significant other's family/friends in this situation because they would think that something bad happened and want to know if you were ok.

Anyone who says differently is living in a bizarre fantasy world.

[-] sadomasochrist 1 Point 5 months ago

It's DHV. Only matters if he's okay providing and that doesn't seem to be the case. Plates aren't going to care.

[-] sanitypanacea 3 Points 5 months ago

I'm about a month in myself bro. Totally fucking AFC'd and got dropped like yesterdays trash as I should have.

This post is so great I see that I have room for growth and others on the mission fuck whoever thinks this is a negative mentality and thinks it should be quarantined. It is an offered mentality. Nothing pervasive or perverse is here.


Game has become one of the highest most fun forms of meditation for me. I literally get giddy and laugh at strong IODs as I roll off from sets. Life is fucking grand.


But son of a bitch this rage phase is not a joke sometimes. it has steps like rollo says and I think i have processed (with the help of a counselor!) most of it!


18 months clean from IV drug use - I feel fantastic.

[-] MoonMoonHD 2 Points 5 months ago

Wanted to congratulate you on getting clean! You got this.

[-] [deleted] 5 months ago
[-] awakenedspirit1 1 Point 5 months ago

Respect man. Congrats on getting clean too!

[-] [deleted] 5 months ago
[-] [deleted] 5 months ago
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