Last night I was supposed to go out with a girl that I tried to make my plate, but I'm pretty sure I failed that one. Regardless, I didn't want to wait around and if she said "We still meeting up?" (she didn't) I would've told her something came up anyway.
I went to the gym, worked on my back/abs, then went to my local little bar which I've decided is compromised. Every time I go it's post-wall women--which I don't even mind, I get along with older women pretty well--that could stand to lose a few pounds, or it's women who are already there with men.
​
After finishing my beer there, I left and decided to head on down the road to a country bar I had heard about. Halfway there I was kind of getting cold feet and thinking "Eh maybe I shouldn't, and it's farther than I thought" but kept going anyway. I decide to start playing some of Alpha Male Strategies youtube videos because honestly that guy gets me laughing pretty fucking hard and figured it'd be a good reminder. He puts me in a good mood is all I can say.
I get there and the place is fucking packed. Probably 300 people in total. I've never seen so many cowfolk. And let me tell you, them cowgirls are some vivacious little ladies. They're always beaming and looking for fun.
​
Feeling overwhelmed, I kind of walk around just to see what it is. There's an inside stage area, an outside stage area and a bull riding rink. Good times.
​
I walk up to get a beer and then some anxiety sits in. I mean shit, I'm here by myself and I gotta go out and talk to folks--that's what I came here to do. Approach anxiety is still something I'm dealing with, but I'm getting better. The whole point of the night was to approach people, enjoy myself, all that shit. I'm generally pretty social, but starting the interaction always gets me worked up. Ah well.
I'm drinking my beer watching the folks dance to some George Strait tunes. A couple of girls end up standing next to me, both with two beers in their hands. I make some joke about double-fisting and they say they're holding it for their friends who are out there dancing (duh). We chit chat, they seem immediately warm and receptive, and that eases me up a bit. I ask if they dance, they say yes. I tell them I haven't danced the two-step or do-si-do or whatever it is they're doing and ask them to teach me. The cuter one says "Well I don't know how to lead" (which is a common theme through the night). Eh that's fine, miss.
​
Their friends come back at some point--a guy and a girl. I'm talking to the guy about where they're from, how they know each other, that sorta stuff and the girl--Katherine--interjects and says "Hi I'm Katherine," clearly eager to meet me and get talking. I tell you this woman was probably the most feminine dame I've come across in some time. Exhuberant, kind, she would later say she's a "hippie from CO" though you wouldn't guess it by her love for country music and the way she dressed. If anything, I looked more like a hippie.
Realizing that not knowing how to dance was going to shoot me in the foot for the rest of the night--and for the rest of my life--I went out on a limb and asked her to teach me. She said she'd love to and we danced a song or two. Okay, keep my hands on hers at all times, no letting go. Relax, she says. I'm always stiff and rigid when learning, I think most folks are. I used to play a piano like it was a nail and my fingers were hammers. Showing me all the twirling and how to lead and where to put my arm so it's not painful and the push and pull of bringing her in close, then far away, etc. Really a great teacher, very forgiving and precisely critical. I told her she was a great teacher, which may have been "validation" but fuck it. I was quite genuinely taken aback with her kindheartedness. She returned the favor and told me I was a quick learner. The song ends, I go back to the spot we were at and her and the girls end up going out to the dance floor.
​
They dance for a bit and somehow one of the other girls in that group ends up kind of stranded on the dancefloor. I go in and swoop her up and we begin dancing. She says "Wow this is your first time?" and I tell her yes. She says I'm doing alright. It was quite nice of her.
​
The band goes to take a break and the group I had just met says they're gonna go outside and watch the bullriding. I tell them alright, and stay inside, making more approaches. No oneitis, I think. No oneitis. I figure that following them is probably the worst thing I can do, and will demonstrate low SMV, if it hasn't already been completely shattered by having a girl lead me in a dance. But you gotta bite the bullet sometime, eh? Better now than never. I also believe that being a humble, open, curious person could be a high SMV trait as in "I don't care if I look like a fool, I want to learn" so maybe there's that, too.
​
One group of girls were older, though I couldn't tell by how much. I just approached them anyway. The first woman told me her mother's name was the same as mine (though spelled different) so we riffed on that for a bit. Her blond friend with glasses was checking on her 9-year old son who was going to bed. She also said to me there are a lot of young ladies here (which was true) and that I have my pick of the litter. Thanks mom!
​
I go to the bathroom and meet Kyle. He seems like a good man. We riff. I tell him that I saw a group of girls just standing by the dance floor waiting for the band to start, and if he goes and dances with him he'll have a good time. He says he doesn't dance. I tell him I just learned. He jokes about me teaching him. We part.
​
Back at the dance floor Kyle is talking to a girl and I say to her "You should dance with this fool", trying to help the guy out. She was a cute girl--taller. Kyle says she's weird/crazy. Whatever. I dance with her for a bit, then dump her off on Kyle. Last I saw he was headed for the floor. Good man, Kyle. Props, buddy.
​
After watching some bullriding for a bit and talking to Peter who was from Buffalo, NY ("you don't have a southwestern accent" he says to me) I head back for the dance floor. On my way I see this guy who looks like he could be in King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizzard. So I stop him and tell him that. People say he looks like Robert Plant. I tell him I disagree. The girls from before (Katherin et. al) are waiting in line for the bathroom and they get my attention, talking to me. I tell them I'll see them on the dance floor.
On the way to the dance floor I spot another group of girls who are kinda cute, but whatever--it's about numbers and conquering AA. Plus I needed a group of girls to talk to before the girls I cared about actually got back. Abundance, high SMV, you know the drill. Turns out one of them went to high school with a buddy of mine. She says she was a professional baton twirler. Cute.
​
Katherine and her friend come back and I say to her "Thanks again for teaching me" and she says "Oh yeah have you been dancing with all the women?" and I said that I had. I ask her to show me a move I've forgotten. We begin to dance and then I ask (stupidly) "You wanna go to the dance floor?" and she says to me "I don't know, you're the man. You're supposed to lead" so I took her hand and there I went.
​
We dance. She shows me moves. I ask her how you do that thing where her leg ends up in the air and she says that's too advanced for her, but does this thing where she leans back and my arm is wrapped around her thigh, bumping into another girl as she does this. Whoops. They apologize and we continue dancing. I tell her she's got a big pink bump on her head like in the cartoons.
​
She shows me this one move where she twirls around and I follow her hands up, then back down as they land on her ass. When they get there she smiles and says "Aha that's it, just like that." The band plays Sweet Caroline and we're dancing and singing and she tells me I have a nice voice. I try to lead the dance a bit more now that I'm more confident. She asks when I was born, I tell her July. I guess she's a taurus and wanted to meet a cancer. I don't know. I smile and tell her it's all a bunch of made-up stuff and she seems mildly offended. I think astrology is one big shit test I haven't figured out yet.
​
I say to her "Let's grab a drink sometime" and she says "Yes! I'd like to grab a drink with you" and I get her number. In hindsight, I probably should've gotten the drink then and there, but I haven't figured out isolating yet. Plus, I actually wanted to go soon as it was getting late and I had business in the morning. We swap partners, me dancing with one of her friends and when the songs are over I decide to leave.
​
I texted her today and tried to set up a date at this bar for Thursday. She can't do Thursday, and she asks "Is this where you always take women?" and I say "Wow how'd you know? The bartender is a real great wingman there." Hope I passed the shit test. I've tried to set up for Monday instead, so we'll see.
EDIT: Got the response and she says she's not interested. Deleted and nexted.
​
All in all, I'd say it was a success. Maybe not by RP standards, but I went out and accomplished what I set out to do: Deal with approach anxiety, and try and approach multiple women. I guess I had only talked to, say...12-15 women in all? And there were so many it was pretty insane. Truthfully the only one whose number I wanted (out of those I talked to, admittedly) was the one I got, and she seemed into me, so there's that. I told myself whatever happens/doesn't happen with her, I enjoyed myself and it was good.
​
Abundance mentality is very freeing, I'm finding. If I get rejected by these group of girls, so what? There are hundreds of them in this one place. If they're no fun to talk to/they don't dig my vibes, oh well. Next.
UnbreakableButts 5y ago
This girl is slow. When she said she wanted to meet a cancer and got mad at you saying that it's all a joke is an instant queue for me that she's not too bright. When she asked if you take all the girls to that bar and you joke you did, she believed that shit.
DubbleFUPAwitCheez 5y ago
Nice work man. I think going out is one of those few things where it's true that it was worth it as long as you had fun and it sounds like you did. Having a backlog of experience where you went out alone and had fun is a great way to get past AA any time you're out.
On the astrology bit, astrology is chick crack. Women love superstitious stuff because it's so steeped in emotion and "feel". I had a buddy that was into astrology for awhile so I know a bit. Feel free to use a variation of what I say or come up with your own.
I say, I don't really believe in it but my best friend and I are compatible signs and I've had a lot of girlfriends that I was compatible with too. So, maybe.
That'll get em talking and if you do align then they might start hamstering in your favor.
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Nastybidness 5y ago
If you’re looking for a wingman you are obviously playing her. Take a woman you are interested in to dinner and with luck she will offer to split the bill with you. If not, are you still interested? That’s the important question, not whether or not she likes you, but if you like her.
ArdAtak 5y ago
I actually find these field reports of beginners overcoming minor obstacles more refreshing than the "I banged 3 girls in 1 night" reports.
I would only offer 1 minor criticism. The shit test about "Do you take all girls there?". For a slightly more proper and conservative girl like this, you don't want to come off too arrogant or aloof. A slightly better response for THIS type of girl would have been "Only the ones I really like." For a more advanced / slutty girl, your response was perfect.
You're on a good path. Keep it up.
TiesFall 5y ago
Great field report! Had fun reading it.
APeruvianPuffPepper 5y ago
This post reads like a diary entry
frey88 5y ago
people downvote you because you didn't end up having an orgy. i agree its a success for you and I salute you bro, keep going like that!
GirTheRobot 5y ago
I don't think people are going to downvote me. The FR seems in the spirit of TRP, methinks.
BanMeAgainFaggot 5y ago
Why do you prefer texting instead of calling?
Texting seems just weak. Anyway, glad you still have hope
daxxipro 5y ago
No one calls anymore. It would be very offputting.
mravek 5y ago
True, especially if she said that she likes OP's voice...
FirstLastMan 5y ago
People actually call instead of text?
DiskKiller2 5y ago
It seems to be a “ballsy power move” for some. Since nobody normally ever calls. I’m sure it works if you can pull it off
EdAnt 5y ago
Except most people don't answer the phone these days, so it's basically impossible.
politeAndLevelHed 5y ago
Yeah, remember she gave you her number, when you call her all she sees is a number she's never seen before and assumes it is a scammer or robocall.
EdAnt 5y ago
That was the biggest shell shock for me getting back into the dating game. I got married when telephone calls were still relevant. After I got divorced texting was King. Learned that rule pretty fast.
Imperator_Red 5y ago
Unfortunately it’s not. Women are more prone to supernatural beliefs and many actually believe in it, at least at some level. Christianity was very valuable for keeping them in check. Without it they have been free to seek out their own spiritual beliefs. Astrology is a fairly benign one - other women join the church of feminism, social justice, and socialism.
The fickle nature of women. Whatever they feel at the moment is reality. In the moment she gave you her number, she felt it would be fun to see you again. Two days later when she rejected you, she didn’t feel like it anymore. Maybe she thought about her last Chad since she gave you the number.
GirTheRobot 5y ago
What do you do when they talk about astrology? Just smile and nod? I'm not going to pretend to believe in something I don't, but I also understand that deliberately insulting her beliefs can be a huge turnoff.
Think I'll make a thread about this actually, over at asktrp
TheLeftIsNotLiberal 5y ago
Pretty much. You're def not going to be as knowledgeable or passionate about it as they are.
Recently had a short month-long fling with a chick who was all about astrology. Just teased her about it being "hokey" and "you and the rest of your pagan-kind will burn in hell," which worked.
If you then get to the next step where she checks your horoscope, lightly protest with the results, but then give in with a "that kinda sounds right."
curb_stomps_sjws 5y ago
I'm still trying to figure out what happened with Katherine. She seemed genuinely interested in you, and then backs out... I wonder if a clue lies in her question "Is this where you always take women?" - ? My first impression of that is that she's trying to see if you're a player or not, and your response confirmed that you were, so she bugged out. Maybe country girls are different to city girls...?
acekandy 5y ago
I think this makes sense. He gave her the comfort very social cool guy vibe, not the bad boy player vibe. So his response to the text was incongruent with his behaviour. Girls/women pick up on that
USMCNIN 5y ago
Did OP want to take her out on a date to the same country bar he met her at? Should have chosen a different location
politeAndLevelHed 5y ago
How a girl feels in the moment, on a night out, flirting and having fun, maybe the fear of a negative reaction if she doesn't, will lead her to give you her number.
But the next day, in the cold hard light of day, with societal expectations, a foggy memory, and a different mood, what value is just another guy she knows nothing about sending her an SMS? Zero.
It's not to say you can't start something from a phone number, but the odds are extremely low. Getting a phone number at a bar is not a win or a promise of anything in the future. Don't sweat the 99% ignore rate after a number has been given out.
slimjim401 5y ago
A phone number is a very personal thing. It can't be changed easily. I would go with Snapchat. Get her snap code interactive that way. You get a little window into her world she gets a little window into your world as long as you are providing good snap stories. A good snap story is just that a story. It has a beginning a middle and an ending, not a bunch of random bullshiting selfies.
IAMTHESmoothOperator 5y ago
OP take this advice. It is entirely true. This is what I've found entirely consistent in cold approaching.
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askmrcia 5y ago
Agree with everything you said. What happened to op is extremely common.
The next day after that alcohol wears off its basically over.
GirTheRobot 5y ago
Maybe I didn't demonstrate high enough SMV, idk. Maybe I fell into her frame. I left out the fact that after I texted her this morning, she began a conversation in Spanish "Ah! Senor Miguel. Un gusto para bailar contigo anoche" (Ah, Mr. Miguel (not my name), a pleasure to dance with you last night). I continued the conversation in Spanish, asked her out to drinks in Spanish, etc. We're both white btw lol.
I also noticed when I asked for Thursday, and she said she couldn't because she's going out with friends, she didn't offer a raincheck or anything, but I still offered Monday.
She asked my age that night. She's 30 and I'm 24. Maybe that's it. She's a fairly high value woman, judging from her schooling and just how she behaves. Maybe she's looking to settle with a man and doesn't want to waste time.
No clue. A bit bummed out about it, actually. Been trying to take my mind off it by playing some piano. I know I should have outcome independence and abundance mentality and be grateful for my successes last night, but at this moment it's a bit hard to look past that. Ah well. Give it a day or two.
BPasFuck 5y ago
You've gotten a lot of good advice here. Let me just add, there's a chance you'll bump into this Katherine again at that bar or some other if you continue to grind.
If you do-- don't be awkward or butthurt. Act like the two of you just stopped talking yesterday. Be good, be crisp. Flirt, dance, and interact with other women.
She just might come around.
And if she doesn't, oh well!
GirTheRobot 5y ago
I really doubt that. This bar is kind of tucked away in horse country and she's sort of in a different city. When I asked where from and they told me, I said it must've taken an hour to get there. They said it took 45 minutes. It even took me 20-25 minutes.
But still, thanks for the advice. I've bumped into women in that same situation and act just how you suggest.
curb_stomps_sjws 5y ago
Ah, well - the age difference makes sense. I know you may have liked her, but seriously I would advise against any LTR's with women that much older than you. It just doesn't work.
GirTheRobot 5y ago
I don't want an LTR lol.
There was a woman in her early 40s some months back who was clearly interested in having sex with me, but I decided not to. I had a similar experience with a different older lady.
Idk. If they're out on the prowl and just wanna get fucked, why not?
4gliders 5y ago
Lol go to the gym, you’ll feel wayyyy better.
GirTheRobot 5y ago
Just did, and yep I'm not as bummed out now. Crazy.
4gliders 5y ago
Endorphins are dope like that ha
I just left the gym too!
BanMeAgainFaggot 5y ago
Without kidding. I have a friend who is very good with women. Lot of success. And he just lies his way through. About everything. About his age for example.
Next time consider it and don't tell your age only after she did
saveTheFirstWorld 5y ago
That's not a good long term strategy. Women talk
GirTheRobot 5y ago
I was going to ask about this, actually. Is asking my age a shit test? Usually when girls ask I say something like "Too old for you" or some nonsense or "how old do you think I am?". She guessed 30. I should've said "You're right!" and she was taken aback when I said 24. I thought she was 21, actually. I'm sure she was flattered.
meat-slinger 5y ago
How about just telling her "old enough to drink" i use it all the time and i instantly come off as cocky and funny
MoonMoonHD 5y ago
My usual reply when dealing with older women is “old enough to know how young enough to go all night”
odin1111 5y ago
Its not a shit test, its a fitness test. I explain more in a reply to you. Also lying bout your age only works on younger women. you're not gonna lie to a 30 year old about your age being older than her. for one you shouldnt even do that, and two. . .nevermind, just dont do that, look at my previous reply.
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daxxipro 5y ago
It's one thing if you thought she was 21, then you honestly had no idea - aka, no need to lie. While I'm not a fan of lying, regardless of the purpose, saying you are older will rarely be a negative thing and increases your chances.
I've lost some amazing milfs who thought I was 32, when I'm 24 only because "I was as old as [her] son". So take as you will.
(Edit: oh, never respond to this with: well you're as old as my mom - see? No big deal")
Of course if you're looking for a potential relationship, it's not the best idea to start it with a lie but who cares with bar women, imo.
odin1111 5y ago
BRUHH
YOU DODGED A FUCKING BULLET!!!! HOLY SHIT!!
You could have been the next Macron.
anyway, nah what you did was good, LET her know you're a player, that was perfect. You've gotten a glimpse of abundance mentality but you aren't there yet, how do I know? Because you got something right that you thought you got wrong.
Let me explain: 1) her age against yours should have been a deal breaker. I would have ended it right there, (unless she was just seriously dtf and giving you ALL green lights THAT NIGHT)
2) she's 30 years old. ANOTHER deal breaker She's more than likely on the hunt for her BB. at 24 you DO NOT want to be her BB. Keep lifting and keep your body fat % low. Hell, even Uncle Vas u/VassilyZaitsev doesn't date 30 year olds and he's 50! The only time you should be dating a 30+ woman is in your 60's as a harem member with no hope of promotion (she's 30!) while managing your multi million dollar empire in a country that doesn't have a meetoo movement.
3)You did perfectly in that you SCREENED her out with your text. (without even knowing it lol) but that's why you ALWAYS do the fundamentals(dealing with shit tests which you did over text) always.
you did good going out, but youre still not solid on the basics:
1)women under 27-28 are still looking for a good time, the younger (without breaking laws for all you faggot reddit autists out there who want to take my deliberate hyperbole as truth) she is, the more fun she want to have. Meaning she's most likely looking for her AF then.
2)AA always if there's a shit test, always
3)get better at determining shit tests, her asking you your age wasn't a shit test. . .it was a FITNESS TEST (copyright: me, odin1111) your physique, your attitude, your game, wasn't wetting the panties enough for her to lose hope of ensnaring you in bb and just go for the AF. If your physique was panty wetting enough, . . .well you'd have the attitude by default as you'd be banging a lot more women currently. . .which shows, you can't fake this enough to fool a 30 year old who is on the hunt for a bb. ok this is being to wordy with too little substance, let me break it down for you :
Game = physique and clothing to match + confidence/arrogance whatever + passing shit tests + leading women (including kino . . .and knowing how to dance the dances at the venue you go to coughyoushouldgetonthatasapcough)
Physique = the gym. the diet. the low body fat% the height. . .just kidding about the height, that was to draw out the height trolls that will inevitably come out for this post. to them I say: MATT FUCKING OGUS, GET BACK INTO THE GYM, Good Day, I say, Good Day!
Clothing: I don't think I need to say anything here
Confidence: "the aura" This is hard. yes you can "fake it till you make it" but that only works on younger women and only to a point. you're going to need to cultivate this. here are some ways to do this:
Get your physique to panty wetting state: Lift, Diet. LIFT, L I I I F F T!! DIET! 10% bf is good enough.
This DOES WONDERS for your confidence and aura this CAN make you become alpha on it's own. but you don't want to stop there.
to elaborate, a great physique WILL get you bangs and get them EASILY, get enough of them and you will cultivate TRUE abundance, and the knowledge that you are a highly desirable man. It's fucking important. It's not only important with women, but it's important in your professional life too. Getting this taken care of = $$$ (im serious. . .actual money)
Now after getting that done, find your mission.
WTF is a mission?! something you do outside of work that you have a HIGH PASSION for, that will bring you tangible positive results in your life. For example, I love music, my mission is related to that (don't worry about the specifics, that's none of your damn business . . .same with your own mission, missions should be kept to themselves and silently worked on unless someone appears to help you). Work on it, always.
Your successes there will FURTHER cultivate your confidence and Aura, this is also important. . .but not more than physique. This is more for your mind. Keeping you sane grounded and mature, women love that, the people you work with love it, and you get the benefit of a better life from your successes in that area.
Passing Shit Tests: you're doing decently here, honestly, just AA, if you have the Physique where it should be (think more Conor Murphy and less Eddie Hall) then you'll learn all that just by going out and dealing with women, and reading through the sidebar over and over
Leading women: Again sidebar material, but to keep it simple. TELL her where to go, TELL her what do to. "come over here" "Let's go here/there/everywhere" "Im going to the toilet, watch my seat." If she says "say please" say nothing, then when you get back say "thanks" things like that. not hard, it's actually the easiest to do especially if your physique is on point. hell it doesn't even have to be perfect, mine isn't and I still get results.
Keep this up, and you'll be a monster in the game for the next 25-30 years.
P.S. to the faggots out there: I am aware Matt Ogus does steroids but: sofuckign what. why? 1)His Physique CAN be attained for those who are natural, your diet is going to have to be on point for a lot longer if you cant do that, gtfo of the red pill, you cant even do the work that is the foundation of game, why the hell should you reap the benefits of acquiring and maintaining a harem? Sure you can get A girl if you try reaally hard or become a BB nothing wrong with that. but yeah if "muh steroids" are stopping you from lifting, then you dont belong here and definately dont warrant people wasting their time trying to convince you other wise, fuck you, go argue for you own limitations somewhere else. However, if you are interested in the hard work youll need to do, then look up team3dalpha on youtube, the dude had a body very close to that of Ogus at one point, as a natural (he's still natty now)
2)If you decide to go the steroid route, you STILL have to work hard anyway! AND there'S nothing wrong with going that route, as long as you know the risks, do what you need to do.
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__ROOSTER__ 5y ago
he didn't dodge a bullet, he's wasn't looking for marriage and I guarantee she wouldn't be looking for it with him. A 24 year old doesn't have "bucks"
What he did is miss is some possibly good sex from someone who would have kept it compartmentalized and never wanted more.
Screwing hot chicks in their 30s is a great way to learn skills when you're young. As long as they aren't trash women they aren't going to want to get pregnant from a kid. They are smart enough to know you don't have resources.
I screwed plenty of women 15 years older than me when I was under 25. It was a good experience. Besides the sex they generally knew more about lot of social things, so learning about higher end dining, theater, etc came as a added benefit.
Sciptr 5y ago
You approach women as if they are logical. Post wall is a high indicator she may attempt an "accidental" pregnancy.
__ROOSTER__ 5y ago
BTW shit tests are fitness tests. Shit test is just the RP term.
GirTheRobot 5y ago
Yeah this is what I'm leaning toward too. I tend to get along with older women more easily. They're great conversationalists and actually know shit and have well formed opinions. Probably cause they've hit the wall.
Like I said in another comment, if an pretty older lady (with or without kids) wants to fuck around with me, I don't see anything wrong with it.
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StandardDeparture 5y ago
You’re taking action so you’re ahead of all the armchair alphas around here. Good on you, man.
unn4med 5y ago
“Arm chair alphas. Love that ahaha”
Bartender2020 5y ago
"Is this where you always take women?"
“Only the really dorky ones.”
destraht 5y ago
Another thing that can be done is to ignore their comment as though it was nondescript filler. People say uninteresting things that are ignored throughout the day. So much is said here about the witty response, sometimes going as far as amused mastery. Another one is to legitimately laugh as though what she said was the punchline itself and not something that needed to be contested. Good one girl, that was funny, you earned that (no don't say that out loud). That isn't amused mastery because I allowed it to affect me and that is what I'm going to do if I feel that way.
4gliders 5y ago
This woulda been better yes.
319Skew 5y ago
Looking forward to seeing your FR where instead of a number you're balls deep inside her. I know it's your first but always keep trying to escalate. Assume attraction until proven wrong and keep socializing to get your calibration on point. You'd be surprised how sexual some woman are.
GirTheRobot 5y ago
Thanks. I'm good at escalating when I'm on a date with them, no problems there, but when we've just met and we're with her friends and stuff I guess I haven't figured that out. Any tips?
4gliders 5y ago
There’s so many tips across trp.
You just ask her to go outside or anything that isolates her. You coulda been super ballsy and said something about “drinks at your place, now” when she was interested.
You lead her somewhere to be alone, if she wants to go.
If not you know verrrry early she’s not interested.
Just think back over the night to how you were interacting.
I’m certain you can think of 3 times you could have just had some balls and either went for a kiss, or pulled her outside/isolated her.
True abundance mindset is not caring if she said no, or what you say to her, you had other bitches to talk to, and were available, that’s why they were out at the bar.
I know that’s hard to grasp but when they see you as in charge and alpha, you can talk shit and they’ll eat it up.
GirTheRobot 5y ago
No it's not hard to grasp. Like I said when I'm with women in isolation (on a date or whatever) I have no problem doing that stuff.
You're right there were definitely times I could've said "hey let's go outside and get a drink" or walked her up to the bar or something. In fact, I probably could've just taken her hand and led her wherever I wanted, because she made it very clear to me she wanted to be led.
4gliders 5y ago
Sounds like that, plus mishandling the text, is why you lost her.
Calibration hurts sometimes but it helps long term.
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redpect 5y ago
I think that night for you was a night of personal growth. There are few things better than that.
K1GSXR750 5y ago
Keep things in context. Her question:
"Is this where you always take women?"
was mean to gauge whether you were actually interested in her. Since you already got her number this was more likely a comfort test. A simple "haha", or telling her it was your first time there would have sufficed. I think that may have spoiled it for yourself.
Also, responding to a shit test over text is much different because you can't exude that joking confidence that you would have shown in person, so it comes off poorly.
Glad you are learning though. Good job, and good luck.
P_K997 5y ago
I need to keep in mind what you said about abundance mentality. I had a short term hookup with this girl and I started to catch feelings dangerously fast. It hurt a lot more than it should have when she said she didn't want to keep it going. I just need to remember that there are thousands of other girls I can get with.
GirTheRobot 5y ago
It's hard dude if there is no real abundance. That's why the folks here say you gotta cultivate that abundance.
And I honestly did get a bit of oneitis for that woman in the short time we interacted. Like I said, all the other girls I talked to just weren't as fun/easy going. I had so many options, and reached out, but still.
__ROOSTER__ 5y ago
Great report and great job making yourself keep going, and talking to more and more people etc, and especially dancing.
Partner dancing is where its at, as the women know a mans is the leader. Country being my favorite crowd for partner dancing. They are the least uptight and accepting of new dancers. You don't need to be great, just lead strong and don't embarrass her, Nobody cares if you're really good as long as you're having fun.
There is nothing wrong with giving women well earned compliments.
Yes, you could have escalated at the "Yes! I'd like to grab a drink with you" though it would have been easier if you'd figured out her logistical situation first. "how about now?" and then have a plan for how she will hook back up with her friends (which if it goes well she will tell them to not come)
It sounds like that place is a happy hunting ground. Try to find a different place that has beginners night and go learn to lead.
IMO if you're new to all this it sounds like a great night of successes.
GirTheRobot 5y ago
That place actually did have beginners night. When I had told someone I had just learned to dance, they asked me "Oh did you go to the class here earlier?"
Also depends what you mean by new... I used to go out more and socialize, but not with red pill theory in mind. That's more the past half a year or so.
Nocryingok 5y ago
Awesome writing, sounds like a great night. Good on you talking to everyone and those dance moves you've learned will probably serve you for a lifetime. Remember to strike while the iron is hot! It's not like it would be weird after all the dancing and ass-grabbing. In dating, she should be the one slowing you down. If you didn't get ASD at some point, then you didn't push hard enough.
Cheers and happy dancing!
GirTheRobot 5y ago
Thanks. I was quite pleased with the prose myself... Almost like a little short story.
You're right. I'm aware of "always be escalating" but haven't calibrated it with meeting girls at bars/in groups.
surethingjanet 5y ago
I still don't get how you guys can even consider ever going out alone. I kinda envy you for being, in a sense, so chill about your social life. This is truly remarkable.
4gliders 5y ago
Don’t upvote this lol.
Go outside and talk to people.
I started going to parties at clubs that had djs I really wanted to see.
100% guaranteed if youre just there, you’ll have more than 3 chances to talk to people and not be awkward or go out of your way. Baby steps if you need to.
“Hey dope shirt/scarf/hat/whatever”
Or you read the side bar on how to tease women and you try that.
At the end of the day you are the only one that has to deal with all of your memories of you being a pussy.
We all have them and they suck/hurt.
politeAndLevelHed 5y ago
If you ever move countries you're going to have to get used to the fact that you're going to have to do things all by yourself! In fact this might be the very definition of adulthood - being able to venture out in public by oneself.
GirTheRobot 5y ago
I've always been okay with being by myself (though I do like socializing). I used to hear people say "I'd never be able to go to a movie by myself" and I never understood that. Also going out with people really isn't an option for me. I live far a ways away from my good friend who doesn't much like going out anyway, and my other friends are older, tend to be busy, and are also similarly far away. I go out with friends maybe once a month, the rest of the time I gotta fly solo. There's a video from Alpha Male Strategies where he talks about just being comfortable with being yourself, being by yourself, whatever. Tom Leykis talks about going to a bar and just pulling up a seat, grabbing a drink, sitting there, people watching, watching the game, whatever. He says to never approach women but I'm not so sure about that part.
It is hard, though, as you saw in my story. I was pretty overwhelmed and got cold feet the moment I walked in the door. I only ordered a small beer because I half-expected to just leave. But then I just talked to people...
That's why it was also hard for me to *not* go to the bullriding rink with them. Because here I am, I've met some fun, chill people with some cute girls who seem semi-interested, but now they're leaving and I gotta throw caution to the wind and meet other people who could be just as fun and chill. Plus hanging around them just reeks of "Hey guys I'm glad I found some new friends let me tag along." Yeesh.
BanMeAgainFaggot 5y ago
Tagging along is actually a concept of game I read about from roosh. It's kind of a skill and the only way to get the lay.
GirTheRobot 5y ago
Very interesting. Any more insight? She did some more keen to talk to me after I had pulled away for that hour or so. She reached out to me when she was standing in line for the bathroom, hanging on my word, etc. Danced with me for multiple songs.
I don't think it was a wrong move. Plus, I could've found more interesting women. shrug
__ROOSTER__ 5y ago
I think you played that part perfect.
You do need to build a male peer group though. At a minimum so guys say hi to you when you are out.
Fyrjefe 5y ago
A rather wholesome night out with a lot of great experiences. I don't like country music too much but I love the partner dancing aspect. There is a lot to learn from that experience. I had done swing dancing in the past and want to get back into it. Best way to stay sharp in any form is to learn off of YouTube videos. Practice the foundational beat while you are brushing your teeth. Learning to lead on the dancefloor is a good analogue to other social skills. Keep it up! Do more if you find value for yourself. By the compelling details of your report, it sounds like you would go back.
[deleted] 5y ago
Aww bud. She wanted to show you. She was just checking your frame first. Seeing if the juice was worth the squeeze. Next time agree and amplify or something. Cowgirls loooove to show cute city boys how to dance.
If you looked like a hippie (relatively speaking) and she’s playing up what a hippie she is then that’s called “mirroring”. It’s an ioi
Fantastic bro. Good job. Helping other guys out is both a bro thing to do and further demonstrates your leadership of other men. One of my favorite things is wrapping my arm over another guy’s shoulder (kid brother move) whilst playing him up (“this fucking guy”). Now if I did that with my good buddies they’d know what’s up and make me pay for it. Most guys don’t get the subtlety though.
Great lessons learned here keep up the good work.
Also overcoming approach anxiety will help you greatly in business. If you’re good at getting pussy you’ll be good at sales.
GirTheRobot 5y ago
Thanks dude. Yeah I figure might as well talk to everyone, and if I can help a guy out why not. There are loads of women. No use competing.
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throwabcdaway3 5y ago
Doesnt count if u dobt get laid.
Next time do a fr about asking for the time of the day
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