EDIT: Thanks, everybody, for the great advice, tough love and shared experiences. I'm already feeling a lot better knowing I didn't just get hit by a drive-by -- I only got what I deserved by acting like that. Looks like I've got some reading to do and a gym to hit.
--
SUMMARY: Newly divorced beta who's always thought TRP was mindgame advice for guys who just want sex gets into his first new relationship in a decade and learns the hard way how right TRP is
THE STORY:
Just got divorced out of a loveless marriage where we'd been sleeping in separate rooms the last few years. Got myself a sweet bachelor pad a few blocks from work, bought some nice clothes.
While I was busy moving and finding a new place, a miracle dropped in my lap: A cute girl ten years younger than me, who loved my work (I'm a writer), started fangirling up to me. Well, after years of drought, I responded to the attention like a guy coming in out of the desert to a glass of water.
We started hanging out every day. I tried to impress her with my status and bank, taking her out to really nice restaurants, booking her massages at my gym. She was living with a boyfriend, but gave me the impression they were on the outs and that they were mostly together for the rent. Lots of touching from her, long looks, frank talk about sex, bashful looks when I complimented her, talk of sleepovers and the future.
I'm sure you can see where this is going...
After many dates, I'm still getting hugs and pecks on the cheek. I confront her about it and get emasculated that I'm being "crazy" for wanting to move "too fast". Suddenly I'm a creep for treating her like a whore. So we keep "dating", presumably at a slower pace -- but STILL I'm getting the heavy flirting, all the green light signals, all the touching, the looks, the innuendo-filled talks -- and STILL I'm going to bed with blue balls every night.
I've just gotten a divorce from a marriage that hadn't been going well, so I'm desperate for intimacy. And I'm living alone for the first time in a decade, so I'm desperate for companionship. This girl was gift-wrapped on a platter for me -- it's almost like the relationship came with the apartment. No online dating sites, no awkward blind dates. I assumed I'd hit the lottery, basically getting to transition to a new exciting relationship from an old, busted one -- and not only that, upgrading to a pretty 26-year-old who's head over heels with me. It's absolutely perfect.
So why am I starting to feel like a sucker?
I confront her about it. Now I'm getting "Let's just be friends but, down the road, who knows? I AM attracted to you. But let's just be friends." I start getting talks about how she's attracted to ALL her friends, and a lot of other dippy BS you'd expect from someone in their 20s.
Eventually I figure out what anybody reading this figured out back in paragraph one: The boyfriend isn't a living arrangement of convenience. He's of course her ACTUAL boyfriend. And she's of course a little bored/frustrated with their relationship and loving all the attention from this new guy. But she's not going to risk or sacrifice ANYTHING on her end. The plan is to keep me safely orbiting in the friend zone, lavishing her with money and attention, constantly dangling the "maybe tomorrow" carrot in front of me, knowing that I'll be there to break out of the plastic at any hypothetical future date she feels like.
I told her I couldn't see her anymore, at least until I got over her. And I'm crushed, let me tell you. Not because I thought she was "the one", but because: 1) she was exactly what my poor battered ego needed right now, and 2) one week into my new terrifying life alone, this is the worst time to get an emotional kick in the nuts this fast.
But the absolute worst is the knowledge that I absolutely got played. It'd be one thing if it was a case of unrequited love, where I was pursuing her based on no signals at all and ignoring her requests to just be friends. But she was actively working -- HARD -- to make me fall for her. It's infuriating and emasculating.
LESSONS LEARNED
-
TRP isn't just for dudes looking for a one-night stand. It's for men looking for relationships too.
- Women can flirt with you and still not be interested in a relationship. This boggled my innocent mind.
[deleted] 8y ago
Let's just be friends but, down the road, who knows? I AM attracted to you. But let's just be friends."
Translated:
"Your auction bid for this pussy did not meet the sellers Reserve Price. Please wait for notification if , in the future, your auction bid becomes the highest bidder in the event the current highest bidder defaults.
Yours, Hypergamy."
TRPtruth 8y ago
"now accepting back up offers"
faustmonkey 8y ago
Hahaha! This gave me a chuckle. Thanks, I need that.
[deleted] 8y ago
the part when it'll sting worse is when you realize that if you played your cards differently from the get-go that you could have easily fucked her multiple times
but you should be thankful, better you get a wakeup call than sucked into another relationship where someone is just using you for years
one blatant takeaway you should learn - just as you WANTED sex from her, she WANTED attention and nice things (massages, dinners, etc).
just as she dangled sex as a carrot in front of you, you can do the same with those things. hinting at them but never providing them.
Now someone will have to give in first, right? she'll have to give you sex and hope to get the dinners, or you'll have to give her dinners hoping to get the sex. if you give in first, she realizes she doesnt have to give you sex and she wins. if she gives in first, you can reward her sometimes with dinner but its not that necessary.
learn more about this and you'll have success going forwards
2012Aceman 8y ago
When you learn a person is trying to manipulate you, they become the easiest person to manipulate. Why? Because you know exactly what they're going for, and all you have to do is keep moving the goal posts (the exact same thing they were doing to you to begin with). If you get caught, play dumb, and have them explain out loud exactly how the manipulation is working. Then enjoy as they trip all over themselves rationalizing their behavior and demonizing yours.
Drakkenstein 8y ago
This should be the top comment here.
riverfish7 8y ago
Welcome to game.
There are yes girls and no girls. And then there are these girls: girls that you think are 'yes', but are really 'no'.
And they are the worst kind of girls. At least with no girls you know what you're getting. This lot is just a waste of time. And if you're naive (which sounds like you are), then you'll fall back into their trap everytime you tell yourself you're done with her.
So it's our job in TRP to tell you to next her and move on. There are more fish in the pond. And to be honest, you didn't lose anything anyways.
NightwingTRP 8y ago
On the upside, now you can write more realistic female characters.
monsieurhire2 8y ago
Just start with a man, then take away the reason and accountability.
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briggs-D 8y ago
LOL THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS
Joseph_the_Carpenter 8y ago
Paranormal Activity: The Rekt Dimension
Troll_Name 8y ago
Who would buy a book with realistic females? Just sayin~
[deleted] 8y ago
Gone girl (the book) was a NYT bestseller.
[deleted] 8y ago
Should be required reading for ALL men. That a female author wrote a book about a woman who, from moment one, manipulates a man in every way for years without end with no remorse no guilt and no conscience amazes me. That is was published was a miracle. What Amy does is what every woman does-automatically-though they usually stop once they've socially destroyed the man, though through false rape accusations we are seeing more and more carry over into truly scary criminal justice manipulation.
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RacialRealism 8y ago
Eh I hope he doesn't get too butthurt about the situation. She was just doing what girls do. If you could get a girl to fuck everyday for free by just holding her hand in public every once in a while wouldn't you take advantage of it?
She just has to talk about sex and she gets a 2nd boyfriend who happens to be rich. I think it's OP's fault, she did want his companionship but he gave it away too easily.
itsbooming 8y ago
That's what he should take away from this. He actually made (even thought very very slight) improvement. He just fumbled it , which is expected in his situation. He shouldn't take this as defeat or that he is just some chump only good enough to get played, but that he is actually making steps that are attracting more women than in the past and he just needs to navigate that better. This girl might not have turned out to be good LTR and yeah she might have had plans to use him either way but him in the future encountering this could mean he at least bangs her and sells her the dream.
OP don't get down, the bitch dropped in your lap - if the story went any other way you would have fucking ACED it. It's the first girl too? Dude yer making improvement and don't even know it.
Eugenics2015 8y ago
Exactly. guys just a dumbass who got what he had comming to him.
Im sick of weak ass dudes polluting the red pill with their stupidity. They know what to do but they chose not to do it. Fuck em
Stayinghereforreal 8y ago
Take away his bank account, and his companionship would be as appealing to her as rotten cabbage.
RacialRealism 8y ago
Didn't you read about the fan girl thing? She had in her a mind some mysterious bad ass writer, a fanatasy he quickly destroyed for her.
NightwingTRP 8y ago
Yeah, it's the endless heartbreaking problem of being a beta. You give of yourself so easily that you end up giving for free and get nothing in return. The anger at this will help you learn to be "an asshole" AKA: any man with self respect who knows how to say no to a woman.
Eugenics2015 8y ago
Betas never change their nature, they just get bitter.
A real alpha makes this mistake once, sometimes never because we are wired differently. A beta can never become an alpha, one whiff of pussy and his true nature comes back
BluepillProfessor 8y ago
You are wrong to say "never." They usually don't change their nature and just get bitter but some of them discover TRP and unplug and some of them unplug on their own.
Eugenics2015 8y ago
You are right about that, never was too strong a word
BluepillProfessor 8y ago
No she wasn't. She was the last thing you needed. This energy viper sensed a disturbance in the force caused by a newly divorced man and could not help but pounce.
The fuck? You attracted a hottie 10 years younger than you on your first week after the divorce? So she friend zoned you and played you? Put her on a shelf and move to the next one. You only are getting an emotional kick in the nuts because YOU ARE LETTING THEM. STOP FALLING FOR EVERY WOMAN WHO GIVES YOU ATTENTION.
faustmonkey 8y ago
To be fair, I fell for the first woman I've been able to actively pursue in a decade besides my wife. But I take your point. I let myself fall for her way too hard and made a ton of mistakes. I'm doing the reading and going to the gym every day. I'm using this experience as fuel.
Bung_Eye 8y ago
This is a win my friend! Past you would not have realised what was going on or called her on it.
Past you may have even convinced yourself that she would eventually fall for you, but now? You've recognised a flaw in you're thinking and are actively working on fixing it. Many won't get that far.
Good work!
dancing_junkie 8y ago
Fools who read the sidebar the TRP can get one night stands. If anybody is looking to get into a relationship you'd better have your shit straight and be well read in the philosophy.
ComradeCynic 8y ago
Oof... let me just say your story resonates with me. Good luck in the future; it is tough getting out of a marriage and having to deal with things again...
faustmonkey 8y ago
Thanks. Yeah, I was never the best at dating back in my 20s, and whatever crappy game I had atrophied over a decade of marriage, gaining weight and letting myself go. Suddenly being thrown back in the dating game, with all these new rules and expectations, is a bit much to digest. I think that's why I was so relieved to be getting this on a silver platter so soon after divorcing -- there was a part of me relieved not to have to try.
Nicholas_ 8y ago
Stories like this and shit that happens to women sickens me. Where is the honour any more? Not even honour, just not being a fucking cunt of a person.
I personally couldn't do what these chicks seem to do effortlessly, the feeling of betraying a lover would hurt me more than anything.
Sometimes I think I'm the crazy weird one and everyone else isn't.
EeeeeeevilMan 8y ago
Women trade sex for love. Men trade love for sex.
You fucked up the formula and gave the love away for free.
juliusstreicher 8y ago
And some fucking expensive dinners and massages, as well!
slerpaderp 8y ago
You got the little boost you needed after your divorce, got played like a fool, and you've learned your lesson.
It's not her fault. It's yours. Hoes is gonna hoe. Women will not change. This is what they do. Welcome to the desert of the real.
long-lostfriend 8y ago
This is understandable, coming from someone who was still the bluest of Blue Pills when my wife and I separated. I was looking for a new relationship as validation and ended up chasing a worthless slut (no bitterness talking here: she was under 30 with a confessed N > 30). She'd fuck everyone but little ol' Beta me. Now I know why.
Go read No More Mister Nice Guy by Glover. It will be the best investment of your time at this point in your life.
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RacialRealism 8y ago
OP she did like you when she first met you, and she would have fucked you 100% gauranteed despite having a boyfriend. The issue is you revealed how much of a beta-male you where and once she realized she could have your commitment for free, she took it.
You should always try to fuck her on the first date. It is okay if she doesn't. Then try to fuck her on the second date. If she doesn't it raises some red flags but if you really want her you are able to try again. If she doesn't fuck you on the 3rd date, it's a hard next.
You only have a certain amount of time with a women until you're put in the friendzone
Every second you spend with a women is a ticking time bomb to you chances of sleeping with her. When she first met you she thought you where a sexy badass. Then with every second you spent with her she got to know the "real you" and the mystery and badassery was dispelled.
If you're not physical within the first 3 dates then you've set up the dynamic of the relationship to be a non sexual one. I can't blame her, you're the guy version of a drunk slut that sucks dudes off in the glory hole at a club. You're just giving away your money and time for nothing.
RPJapan 8y ago
I personally think a two date rule before hard nexting is more appropriate, barring extreme circumstances.
During dates, you go to more places to build rapport and make her think she is more comfortable with you.
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CopperFox3c 8y ago
All relationships are transactional ... there is something we want.
Some people might call that "manipulation", but if that is the case then we are all basically manipulating each other all the time. Angling to get what we want, what we need. Calling it "manipulation" is just a form of shaming language. And shaming language itself is, ironically, just another way of manipulating others to behave how you want.
Everything in life is about power. Never forget that. Play or get played.
CuntyMcFagNuts69 8y ago
A wise man once said, Everything is about sex, except sex, sex is about power
CopperFox3c 8y ago
Yep ... Oscar Wilde. Almost included that quote in my comment.
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CuntyMcFagNuts69 8y ago
Probably Abraham Lincoln or Jesus
like_a_ghost 8y ago
My first thought was Darth Vader...he's cooler than those two
prodigy2throw 8y ago
We get it. You've seen House of Cards.
CuntyMcFagNuts69 8y ago
Actually never watched an episode, should I?
prodigy2throw 8y ago
Only if you enjoy quality television
leotard-princess 8y ago
I really have nothing to give.
juliusstreicher 8y ago
Something makes me think that the massages were YOUR idea, not hers. Am I right?
faustmonkey 8y ago
Yeah. As I mentioned below, I thought it was a good idea at the time, given how shitty she was saying her financial situation was, to let her know this great new world awaited her. It was a play -- it was just a bad play.
juliusstreicher 8y ago
We've all been there, brother. Again, congratulations on getting out with so little damage!
[deleted] 8y ago
"Just got divorced out of a loveless marriage where we'd been sleeping in separate rooms the last few years."
How can a man not fuck his wife for 3 years and still live with that bitch? I would have bailed after 1 month of no fucking.
raceAround126 8y ago
I relate completely. I was trapped in a sexless relationship for 8 years. And no, you really have no idea if you haven't been there.
You don't know man, you weren't there. YOU WEREN'T THERE!
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[deleted] 8y ago
Easy Charlie. Cool your jets.
[deleted] 8y ago
Exactly. Because I would never let myself be anywhere near THERE.
raceAround126 8y ago
Yeah. Not so easy when you're financially committed in a relationship or even worse married.
Thankfully I was only financially committed so there was an out.
But it's easy to be all hindsighty or insightful when you've never been there. And there's no way you can ever know.
[deleted] 8y ago
I'm in my late 30's with no ex-wives for the reason that I will never put myself in that situation.
NiceTryDisaster 8y ago
You sound like a disaster from your description. Instead of writing such posts and saying "Lessons Learned", sort the subreddit by the 'top' and 'all time' feature and read atleast the first 500 posts and comments. You have a lot to learn
Kdawg1033 8y ago
Don't be so hard on yourself. You are still new to being single, dating, TRP. Give yourself time to understand all of this. To that point, I would strongly consider monk mode for a while. Or at least hold off on dating, for the very reason you described. Yes, it sucks to be newly single, but it sucks more to be kicked in the emotional jewels from dating before you are ready.
DrYoda 8y ago
This all happened in the course of a week? Chill out dude, get some hobbies.
faustmonkey 8y ago
No, it was over the course of four. First two were her getting my attention. Last two she got it. Last week (the week I moved, and thought I'd be christening my new apartment with sex) it all went to hell.
kaiwanxiaode 8y ago
Next time move faster. You need to trigger sexual attraction much quicker. Aim for a kiss on the first date and sex on the second date at the latest. No risk no reward. If you move to slow she will pencil you in a beta bucks and put you squarely in the friend zone. Remember if you make an advance (like trying to kiss her) and she pulls always, hold frame, free out slightly and reengage. There is nothing more beta than pouting after a rejection.
juliusstreicher 8y ago
This tells me that you haven't learned your lesson yet. You show that you expect her to treat you differently once she 'learns her lesson'. BZZZT! Wrong!
TRPtruth 8y ago
I hope somebody messaged Neo, I think he is ready for the red pill.
I remember the beta days of questioning and "confronting." These were the tail end--after you decided you were at least worthy enough to question a woman on her selfish behavior.
Soon he will learn that "confronting" is also a waste of time. Just soft next the attention whore with an amused smile and maybe she'll call you to suck your dick in a few days or maybe not, who cares.
He's ready for the truth.
[deleted] 8y ago
go to the gym. disregard females. play trance music on maximum volume to create tranquility in any place.
[deleted] 8y ago
You became too invested and failed to create attraction.
You cannot buy affection and love from a woman: gifts, expensive restaurants, massages etc. This made you appear as a manipulative creep in her eyes.
Another FATAL mistake is that you confronted a girl you haven't slept wit yet.Huge mistake.
I can almost feel your desperation for intimacy. This is not attractive at all. Go out and bang a couple of chics and have some fun.Get used to having your own space.
You are in no position to be talking LTR. You are still in rebound from the sounds of it.
[deleted] 8y ago
Well at least you recognize your mistakes.
Just don't repeat them.
Make a list of what you did wrong, step by step, and next time this situation arises (and no doubt it will arise again) make sure you do it the right way.
And whatever you do, don't slip back into this girls orbit.
Soft next her, and if she starts sweating you for attention tell her she can bring a pizza over to your place some night of your choosing.
Rasalom72 8y ago
Welcome to the Desert of the Real.
Now, that you've opened your eyes, do the reading, hit the gym and get your head out of your ass. AWALT!
Be a better man, and you will attract more women.
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Sdom1 8y ago
Wait, what? Do I have to explain to you how big of a pussy that makes you sound like? I understand that you need to get laid, but Jesus!
The correct answer would have been to just drop her right when she started playing games. At that point, one of two things would have happened:
She would have fucked right off
And this will probably kill you, but she probably would have fucked you if you'd been a god damned man about the whole thing.
faustmonkey 8y ago
Absolutely. When we first met she literally told me about a guy she'd fooled around with the night before. So it's not like she's got angelic standards about guys on the side when she's dating a guy. I was just a pussy and didn't escalate at all.
[deleted] 8y ago
Exactly. Never announce your actions. Just drop her and move on. Either she will come for you, or not. Both work in your favour.
MattyAnon Admin 8y ago
So, friendzone then... This is how it should go: First date - touching and ideally no kissing (unless sex) Date should be short to see if you like each other. Second date - kissing and possibly more. Third date - sex.
Total time to sex: Less than 10 hours = fast. More than ~30 hours = friendzone / brother. This should be obvious to all men by now.
Sure, you can stretch that out a bit. Perhaps BJ on date three... perhaps it's 5 and not 3 because of other constraints. But it's most definitely not "seeing each other every day". What is this, fucking highschool?
She'll fall for you harder if you're not there than if you are. Keep your options open, flirt with everything that moves, increase your attractiveness and do not get attached or one-itis.
Err... ever. She's a timewaster. She'll always be a timewaster. Forget it and move on. Bang some genuine girls.
Thing is... everyone gets played. Don't worry about it. Learn to accept that it's always a possibility and always gonna happen. Don't worry about it, everyone gets strung along. Guys giving women too much attention... Girls having sex and hoping for commitment. Keep a light heart about it. And for the love of god, keep your options open and flirt with more women.
Women don't just accumulate orbiters you know. It doesn't just happen by chance - they actively encourage it in many cases, and rarely discourage it. Free attention? Great! And the guy really really wants her? So much the better!
The solution is escalation. Move things forward. Call her bluff, see if she's serious. Genuine girls enjoy this. Fake girls try to beta-shame you to keep you as an orbiter.
Drakkenstein 8y ago
What Does genuine girl mean?
[deleted] 8y ago
The OP just got out of a divorce, he needs to work on himself monk mode.
MattyAnon Admin 8y ago
Monk Mode isn't for everyone, and I'm not even certain it's a good idea (can be avoidance for many)
maxescapist 8y ago
How can you make someone give you a bj on date 3? Special tactic? It's mostly foreplay, in a situation when sex follows. But a quick BJ and gtfo sounds interesting.
MattyAnon Admin 8y ago
You can't make anyone do anything... control is the wrong approach here.
If girl is hot for you, sex/BJ on date 3 is totally normal. If girl is beta-playing you then expect reluctant sex after weeks/months and lots of guilt-tripping "you only want me for sex!" and other bullshit.
EnragedParrot 8y ago
Tell her its what you expect.
How you tell her is the key.
faustmonkey 8y ago
OK, all of this is true, but honestly, there was something thrilling about dating in high school. Getting to like a girl, getting to that puppy love stage where the two of you want to spend all your time together and text each other all the time-- if you find the right girl, is there anything wrong with that? I mean, what if I WANT that? I think really the lesson is I should be using the 3-date rule before I LET myself get swept up in something. But I don't want to be so mercenary that I don't let myself fall for a girl. That's why I WANT a relationship. I want to fall for somebody.
I know the TRP advice would be that this is the last possible thing I need right now, and you're probably right: I should hit the gym and cast a wide net, and stop falling in love like an idiot with any girl that asks me for the time. But on the other side of it, I don't want to be so mercenary about it that I keep myself completely emotionally closed off from dating, because where's the fun in that? There has to be some kind of balance, right?
dropit_reborn 8y ago
You're creating a false dilemma. There are more choices than moment-to-moment scumbag and lovesick puppy. There are reasons to make and keep commitments that aren't "helplessly in love with her."
You can be not mercenary and stand, instead of falling. Think sheepdog, not puppy.
Rayjaysdick 8y ago
There's plenty wrong with that. Never give that much of your life to a woman. Stop chasing relationships, learn to love yourself.
MattyAnon Admin 8y ago
The issue is that while you're playing softly-softly "getting to know each other", she's getting railed by Chad. Or has had that experience of rapid exciting sexual escalation in the past.
Look at the realities of female hypergamy and decide for yourself based on that, rather than on your upbringing and instincts.
plein_old 8y ago
"I want to fall for somebody"
Yeah I agree with setzer. The male organ, when it's going about its business, is supposed to be erect. Firm. Not fallen. Or soft.
Modern society teaches men to be soft. It's not the way the Japanese samurai raised their boys. You have to ask yourself if you've been fed a lie or not, in terms of how romance works.
juliusstreicher 8y ago
Yep. She gets your money, you get to feel like you weren't played. Oh, and the blue balls. They are all yours. Oh, and the high school feeling; that's what life is all about, a big reenactment of High School. Do you have your letter sweater yet? How about a pep club meeting this Friday, you know, before the big game.
You were sounding good there, for a minute, but, now, like a BETA. Enjoy jail when she calls you that 'creepy stalker writer'!
isayimnothere 8y ago
"I want to fall for somebody" is a death sentence...
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setzer_ 8y ago
I can 100% assure you, your state of mind is not in a good place if you think/feel like this.
eazy_ 8y ago
that's something a girl should say
RPJapan 8y ago
3 dates before sex? If you're talking about going from a coffee shop to a bar and then back to your place within a span of 2-3 hours, I can agree with that.
Barring extreme circumstances, an RP man should never wait more than two dates, especially for a girl who fools around.
MattyAnon Admin 8y ago
Is this your actual experience?
RPJapan 8y ago
Yes sir
Relevant read: http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes
Some statements are pretty blue pull and I don't agree with them, but the overall message is interesting.
[deleted] 8y ago
The only people who think TRP is manipulation are gas-lighting, ignorant or naive. People who think TRP is some magical journey to getting laid are short-sighted and ignorant. In reality TRP is understanding the current real world female/male dynamic and direction society is going, where is was and what it is now.
Using this information to better yourself and achieve your ideal situation is ultimately up to you.
pilledwillingly 8y ago
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. While everyone may have their own little version of what The Red Pill means to them, the global goal is to: Stop doing what doesn't work, start doing what works.
The length people go to, to get what they want using RP philosophy might be seen as amoral, but that doesn't change the fact that they get results. Women can explain their actions away by using bullshit "I was just in a weird place." "I don't normally act like this." "I was feeling pressured by him/her/society." Guys don't get that sort of leeway with their manipulative actions, when a guy gets what he wants by manipulating someone else, he has to take responsibility for his actions, TRP gets pushed as heinous manipulation ONLY because we are deliberately doing amoral things and don't try to explain it away with bullshit. This girl could play the victim role all the way to a six-figure alimony without once being accused of being manipulative, but if he withheld anything she wanted before she gave up the poon, he'd be literally satan.
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faustmonkey 8y ago
It gets worse. A day after I told her I didn't want to see her -- a DAY -- she texts me saying she's having some trouble at her job, and could she call in that favor and have me use my connections to find her a better job? (When I was trying to impress the hell out of her last week, I'd mentioned in passing I might be able to help her with her job situation.)
THE BALLS ON THIS WOMAN. I literally just told her I don't want to see her anymore (which she took pretty offhandedly, crushing me further), and the next day she's asking me for a favor. I must be the bluest of blue pills.
DancingC0w 8y ago
Nah man, you are better than everyone behind you, who're still asleep.
You're awake now, and see how it's done. Now you can win. Give yourself some time!
tremondo 8y ago
I know you see this as a big crushing period, but in my eyes this was exactly what you needed to understand the duplicity of women. Otherwise without her you would still be in romanticism land.
Also, you got out pretty cheap. Apart from the taking out expenses, she didnt get you to marry her and then divorce rape you or even worse, legal accusations.
The next week you will still feel bitter. But then after that is the rest of your life with you eyes fully open. From here on you can live a good and happy life or a bitter and cold one. It is your decision. Not hers to make for you.
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juliusstreicher 8y ago
Depends- did you help her? I don't trust you. You told her you don't want to see her; are you emailing/texting/phoning her? You are a writer, you know how words can be twisted. You're still pretty blue. Shut your trap, read the sidebar, and learn.
BTW, what is 'the favor' that she called in? I don't remember one being mentioned...
faustmonkey 8y ago
She texted me out of the blue. I wasn't strong enough to ignore, but I was strong enough not to give her what she wanted, and I let her have the last text hang.
The favor: When I was in full-bore "I want you and I want to impress you" mode, when she was complaining about her shitty job, I offered (bragged) about being able to call in some favors to get her resume around with some contacts at other companies. Flash forward two weeks, she broke my heart, I told her I don't want to see her again, and the next day she's texting me about calling in those favors to help her out.
SkorchZang 8y ago
Give yourself a pat on the back and a little time. Pretty soon it won't even be a thing, after laughing your ass off, texting her back with "Sure, by the way do you have any cute friends/younger sisters you could hand my 'resume' to?"
Attach full format dick pic from google. Girls love mysterious dick pics.
juliusstreicher 8y ago
I do have to say, I AM impressed that, being blindsided, you were able to withstand.
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Slicktorine 8y ago
Why are you trying to bang a girl with a boyfriend. You're a scumbag, you deserve all the pain that comes your way.
StevenMcballsack 8y ago
No, she would be the scumbag in this situation. I feel like your girl cheated on you hence the butthurt comment
Kalidane 8y ago
If it isn't him it will be somebody else.
He didn't hypnotise her into being interested y'know
mike_m_ekim 8y ago
Edit: she approached you. You are in her frame. She has mad game and you are one of her many plates. YOu were an easy mark.
O, so you're like her (young) dad.
Ok, so you're definately her dad.
Awww, you had "The talk" with her. That's cute. Then you said she looks hot and she felt awkward, but you thought she was bashful. Then you planned a disney-themed princess sleepover that never actually happened.
Her: "Here's your nite nite kiss daddy. Love you, thanks for taking me to dinner and paying for the massage, and having the sex talk with me so I can feel better when I go home and get boned by my boyfriend."
She has daddy issues. She wants you to be the nice older guy who looks after her and teaches her and praises her. That's all.
News flash: if a woman is ready to leave her man, she WILL jump ship as soon as something better comes along. How many times has a woman walked out on her boyfriend and moved in with the next guy in the same hour? And she's not moving in with you, so...
monsieurhire2 8y ago
The guy had an opportunity and a window and failed to escalate. Instead of capitalizing on her fangirlism, he dispelled his mystique and mystery by going on a bunch of expensive "getting to know you" dates, giving her all the benefits without asking her for anything, and more importantly, giving her too much time to think. He should have just went for it from the get go.
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theoctopuss 8y ago
Cognitive dissonance. He's mad he spent the time and money on all of this woman's bullshit.
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faustmonkey 8y ago
Yeah, I think that's exactly it. I thought I was impressing the hell out of her, giving her a taste of what it would be like to date me for real -- "this could be yours all the time!", etc -- but I guess all I was actually doing was saying, "I'm so lonely I will basically shower you with attention, time and money with no effort on your part." I didn't make her work for it at all.
icecow 8y ago
Just by lavishing her like that you are training her that you are a vending machine that costs nothing and spits out stacks of cash. I'm surprised she didn't marry you and divorce you 5 years later to get lifetime alimony.
monsieurhire2 8y ago
Another thing you have to contend with is the possibility that as a hot younger woman, she gets showered with money, favors, and gifts all the time, and has been since birth.
mike_m_ekim 8y ago
As a matter of fact, she may be doing the same thing with many other guys.
[deleted] 8y ago
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NeoBushi 8y ago
Lol. Female and intention are oxymorons. Females drift through life without a paddle.
monsieurhire2 8y ago
Intention has nothing to do with it. Girls cheat on their boyfriends all the time because "it just happened." This guy clearly didn't know how to engineer a "it just happened" scenario.
Bonus points for him whining about it like the universe owes him a good relationship.
[deleted] 8y ago
Opportunity engineering is a huge skill that men need to learn, and it's not all that difficult to pick up. Once you've got it down...the dating world becomes a completely different place.
memphisjohn 8y ago
this needs further reading, mind posting a link or three?
[deleted] 8y ago
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monsieurhire2 8y ago
There are no guarantees in life and you never know the odds, but certain strategies carry a higher probability than others. If you consistently pay for a woman without escalating, you're giving the milk away for free and she thinks that you're just friends. My point was, this guy didn't even try because he was clueless.
faustmonkey 8y ago
Yeah, the universe doesn't owe me anything, I know. And I need to man up, I know. It's more me feeling embarrassed and naive than wanting to complain because I think I'm owed better. I agree with everyone here who replied that I could have closed on this if I'd manned up. Absolutely true. I guess I'm just angry at myself. I opened myself up and was nice and funny and romantic (I thought), and totally tricked myself into thinking that this divorce/new relationship thing would be easy and trouble-free, and got a reality check.
monsieurhire2 8y ago
Sorry to write a dickish response, but it's the school of tough love. On the other hand, just because you could have in theory closed her doesn't meant that you should have. The aftermath could have been her penning an angry screed to Jizzabel about how a prominent writer took advantage of her youthful naivete and "raped" her, which she could then parlay into a talk show and a full professorship at a state school. In fact, if you have some degree of success and fame, you need to be triply cautious as to women's motivations. Marriage can be a long con. Hell, it IS a long con. But if both parties con themselves and forget they conned themselves, it can work. You got hit with a short con, which lightened your wallet and ego a bit.
The sidebar and gilded posts are deep with the hows and whys behind the strategy of downplaying what you do for a living and your level of material success.
juliusstreicher 8y ago
You got off cheaply. Pleased that you picked up so quickly. You didn't buy her trips to the Bahamas (w/her 'roommate'), or buy her a car. You got off with pocket change! And, you learned your lesson. I'm envious. My journey was a thousand times longer than that!
Congrats!
alwaysDisputing 8y ago
Any pussy you have had a chance to fuck but you did not will ghost you until you die. (Maybe even further.) The only thing that helps a little is abundance mentality. There are even younger girls out there. There are other fans of your books out there. Study The Red Pill and you will know what to write into your next books for some gina tingles.
Kalidane 8y ago
A great facet of the game is there is a fresh crop of 24 year olds every year.
niczar 8y ago
You didn't get played at all. She was unusually straightforward with you. You're attractive enough for her to consider dating you, but your behavior turned her off. You failed crucial shittests. My guess is you weren't assertive enough, not sexual enough, and you displayed submissiveness by agreeing to her terms no matter how you disliked them.
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NeoreactionSafe 8y ago
Once you establish yourself as a "known beta orbiter" ("beta orbiter marriage?") women seem to immediately recognize you are a resource to be exploited.
.
Ever heard of wearing a Kick Me sign?
.
In elementary school this would involve sticking a sign with the words "Kick Me" on a kids back without him knowing. Then all the other kids would kick him (these days they would call it "bullying") until the kid woke up and realized he had the sign on his back.
You need to realize you wear a Use Me I'm A Beta Orbiter sign and remove it.
And any time someone you can't trust pats you on the back suspect bad intentions. (male or female)
.
GlansInYourHands 8y ago
Wrong. TRP and the gym is what you need right now.
Eugenics2015 8y ago
Get over yourself. Everyone is tired of hearing you beta male sob stories.
This isn't a beta-support group, its your fault for being a sucker.
[deleted] 8y ago
Holy. Shit. OP I just had one pull this on me. She wasn't ready for dating even after we got physical 2nd date. Date, as in I met her at a dating site and she agreed to go on a date with me yet she claims she's not ready to date. She wanted me to be only her friend, no kissing hugging and all that until she was ready, then she would go on 'dating' with me. I nexted her. Told her I'll help with her problems if we were a couple, she said no only friends, said I'd walk and be gone forever if that is the case. I busted out the walking boots and here I am a few hours later. Like literally THIS JUST HAPPENED TO ME. Total AWALT moment.
TRP gave me knowledge to look for her putting me in orbit, and I told her it was exactly that. Be glad we have TRP, the old me might have bucked or worse been super depressed about this whole ordeal. I actually took it well considering. Guess all we can do is walk on and keep looking.
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exotictantra 8y ago
why don't you confront this "actual boyfriend" and tell him your story.. ask him to keep his chick off you & other such betas.. even an anon note would do fine.
introduce him to TRP.
juliusstreicher 8y ago
OP needs TRP, not to be an evangelist for it. (See 1st rule). Also, he hasn't even read the fucking sidebar. Walk before you run, amigo.
no_face 8y ago
Nigga, all the unrequited love in history has occurred because the woman has given the man hope. A little glance, a show of ankle during victorian times to "spend money on me and i touch you a bit" dates of today.
krakalot 8y ago
These stories never really hit me until this one because its pretty much the exact same fucking story as what happened to me recently with a few different cosmetic details, incredible!
[deleted] 8y ago
Time to man the fuck up. Do you even lift? She was that repulsed by physical contact that I had to ask this.
[deleted] 8y ago
Honestly you played it badly, I am 100% sure she would have cheated on her boyfriend, but your display of value was pitiful.
faustmonkey 8y ago
Well, here's where I'm confused, though. She did nothing but complain about her current state of affairs -- her crappy job, crappy apartment, etc. -- and I took that as a cue to SHOW her my value, not only as a person whose work she was a fan of, not only as a person she said she was attracted to, but as a person with money and connections. How is that a pitiful display of value? She's basically telling me, "My job sucks and my boyfriend sucks and I never have enough money," and I'm like, "Really? Because I've got an awesome apartment right downtown and spending money and I'm single." Like, I don't get how that's not an expression of value. I clearly screwed up, I admit that, but I'm confused how wining and dining a girl is a turn-OFF, not a turn-ON.
[deleted] 8y ago
Because up until that point she had done nothing to deserve that. You have ways to make clear she could have those things without being arrogant, but not actually please her for kissing your cheek.
DexterousRichard 8y ago
You probably listened too much and came across as a shoulder to cry on rather than a sexy alpha who didn't give a shit about that and just wanted to fuck her.
The longer you listen to that shit and be friendly and supportive, the more you move into the emotional crutch friend zone.
juliusstreicher 8y ago
READ THE SIDEBAR!
Only one other person has said that on this thread, and, if you would only read it, you wouldn't need so much help. You are asking the most basic of basic questions. I'm surprised that nobody has jumped onto you for not reading it.
[deleted] 8y ago
Women are the gatekeepers to sex, men are the gatekeepers to relationships. Youre already doing all this shit without her returning anything. Why would she want anything else. Youre spending x amount of money on her during the day (beta bux), and then she goes home and Fucks her boyfriend. She was using you and you let her do it.
Kalidane 8y ago
You're a writer.
You used exposition when the character should have demonstrated. Exposition is terrible.
A girl in an LTR will generally have her 'moan list' to present early in the conversation with a potential friend. Spending 2 hours talking about that shit is to exist entirely within her frame, and it's pretty close to game over. Would James Bond listen to that shit? No, no he would not. He would say something he found amusing which threw her out of her frame. Probably followed by slapping or manhandling then shenanigans. Because Bond.
Remember, this whole thing is an amusing learning lesson, and anecdote for your buddies later in life. It is not as significant as it seems/feels today.
long-lostfriend 8y ago
Two words: emotional tampon.
juliusstreicher 8y ago
More than an emotional tampon; a Daddy Warbucks, to spend his money on a crying slut, and all she had to do was mouth insipid phrases of hope, and talk about sex. I'll bet a dollar to a donut that they didn't even talk dirty to/about each other. She probably told him of all the times Chad fucked her ass, or how she loves big dicks. He took that to mean that she wanted him to fuck her ass or blow him.
[deleted] 8y ago
i find it insane that you hung out with a girl more than 2-3 times without getting anything
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[deleted] 8y ago
Friendzone in action. If you are a beta buy and cute hottie land in your lap, without the hardcore introspection of improving your life and increasing your SMV. hmmmmm. That's called that a security risk, OP you are getting played son. Its a honey trap,in your (OP) case instead of corporate or state secrets, its dates, drinks, gifts, I need help with the rent... The mechanisms and targets are the same. If she decides to land you as beta bux, out comes the sex long enough to get you to commit.
Thank you for providing a IRL example. Learn from this, improve your life before trying.
SwissPablo 8y ago
Recognizing the situation is half the battle won. There are guys out there who would just keep following that trail of breadcrumbs and not realize how much the woman is taking from them without giving.
[deleted] 8y ago
She tested you and you failed. Pretty simple stuff there. But you are a long way out from learning to recognize that stuff if you are freshly divorced.
My advice: Monk Mode. Get over your need for intimacy and concentrate on learning the basics.
forgeror 8y ago
girl i m currently dating. during week 1. i told her how i was getting blue balls cuz of her. i told her its cuz of her and she needs to do something about it. she took care of it.
vanhagen 8y ago
That's sucks, but a least you learned an important lesson from your experience. This kind of thing can actually be easily avoided. I have a 3 date rule. If I've been out with someone 3 times, and still no sex (I don't care what the excuse is) we are D-U-N done! There is no chemistry between us, and its time to move on to the next victim. Oops I mean woman ; )
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[deleted] 8y ago
"one week into my new terrifying life alone"
As far as living arrangements are concerned, I can't see anything more terrifying than living with a cold harpy (your ex-wife).
faustmonkey 8y ago
When you get married, even if it's a bad marriage, there's a certain level of comfort and codependency involved with sharing a life with someone. Even if there's no sex or intimacy, there's enough shared experiences that you've always got someone there to watch Rick and Morty with or complain about your day to. It's not HEALTHY, of course -- but it's dysfunctional in a way that it's very easy to adapt to.
So when you break OUT of that, and go get your own place, you're happy, you're free, you're eager for new experiences. Then you get to that first night alone in your new apartment, and you're like, "I'm alone." And if it's been a decade of NOT being alone, that can be really jarring. It's just an adjustment period.
Kalidane 8y ago
Cold and boring at the new place? Get an escort. They best way to not need sex from the new young friend is to be getting sex from somewhere else. A lot easier to have a carefree attitude when you are carefree. Your dick won't know you paid money for it btw.
Relationships must be marked-to-market each day (perhaps week). Forget what happened before - she sure places no value on it. See sidebar.
Your history as a couple and promises for the future are worthless. How you make her feel today matters to her.