Hi all. This is a bit of an edited repost. I just wanted to give you guys a perspective on AWALT and how history and events are often manipulated and revised by women. Divorce finalized last year after 5 years of marriage. No cheating or abuse. We have young children. Ex wife wasn’t “happy”. Last month ex wife texts me the following:
“And lastly to be honest, I was dating someone for the last 7 months and I was never really that into it but I felt like I've been single for so long so I needed to move on and on paper he was great and he's a really great person but I would reflect on when we dated and the fun we had and I remember there was nothing you wouldn't do for me. You made such an effort and I always felt special and with him I didn't feel that so I ended it because i realized dating should be so much more. So I do recognize our good times so don't think I don't. At the end I did just focus on the hurt and it was so irreversible. But as time has gone on, I've been able to realize that you once did love me and we had a lot of good times and I can now laugh and smile at those times and I'm not mad at you anymore and more and more I've realized my mistakes so I'm really sorry.”
“I know this has nothing to do with the kids but I want you to know that it's all this that make me respect you and you're an amazing dad. So please think of getting to the point where we can talk once a month about them.”
My response: “Please email me your thoughts and concerns regarding the children and I’d be happy to continue the dialogue in that format. Thanks.”
End conversation. She never did send an email about concerns with the children after that. What do you all think?
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[deleted] 6y ago
As a divorce attorney, this is standard divorce buyer's remorse is what I'll tell you. You made the right call reducing the dialogue to about the welfare and happiness of the children in email format. I'd say take it one step further in forward the texts to your email and emailing her about those and how you hope to be a mutually productive parent in regards to the well-being and happiness of the children and anytime she wants to discuss these factors she should email you and you will strive to respond within three days.
The cord is cut. It's time to move on and focus on your kids. Hopefully you have 50/50 timesharing so you can chase down some strange when you need some pussy in your life. If you had been important to her, she would have made the effort to keep the marriage going, to keep it happy. I"m married, and I'm a pill to deal with but i make the effort to be a partner in my marriage and to also be an incredibly attentive father so all she has to really do is have "fun" times with the kids while I do nearly all the heavy lifting and hard stuff (I potty trained my kids, I got them on to solid foods, I changed most of their diapers [and thus why I was eager to get them potty trained ASAP], I got them the private tutor, and I'm the one who puts them to bed and gets them up in the morning while putting in sixty hours a week between my law firm and selling insurance and annuities. The only free time I have in life is shooting, lifting weights, and occasionally fucking some strange (this includes BDSM dungeon time). Oh and Reddit, which I do to take micro breaks from working.
All I ask in return is getting enthusiastic head three to four times a week (I typically go down on her as well), allowed to get some strange (my wife has cuckquean tendencies) on ocassion (her rules is they have to be under 25 and not married, if they already have kids, that's preferable), and be allowed to work and make money.
And still I make time to take her on dates, out to dinner, see plays she enjoys (she knows I fake my enjoyment but some shit you just gotta do), give her massages while we cuddle and watch stuff on Netflix and Amazon Prime (we only have two TVs in our house and one is in the garage (my home gym) which typically results in sex.
If she asked for a divorce, I'd give it with a smile and have no regrets, and leave her be while I kept scamming on young women and having my fun when it wasn't my time for time-sharing with the kids.
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Thizzlebot 6y ago
Sounds like my exgf. She would always say shit like that. I'm too immature to not respond though I would usually send something back like a pic of Obi Wan saying "it's a trap send no transmission". I hate that my entertainment is a higher importance than being stoic but it sure is fun lol
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UrsusG 6y ago
OP confirms this:
Because you're right: it was never about actual concern for children, it was about forgiving herself and telling OP she feels good now.
nowwhatjoe 6y ago
Wow this is one of the most eloquent replies I’ve read in awhile
Riace 6y ago
I have no comment to add to this: just wanted to highlight it given how important it is.
soyDonEladio 6y ago
I would much appreciate a book recommendation from you.
Yashugan00 6y ago
Great analysis, thank you. I'm starting to get these kinds of texts too now, with an added dose of guilty tripping: I may have thrown you out of your own house, but you never tried to come back to me! You're so prideful.
When I get there my phone blows up with 20+ texts, the only rational action is not to get sucked in. Don't respond, there's literally nothing I can do to help her mentally, because I won't be going back.
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xtralargerooster 6y ago
Stupendous reply. Very eloquently presented. Seriously well done, it's precisely the sentiment I would have provided and I'm not sure I would have been as astute. Bravo.
Jonlife 6y ago
Well put. The ol' "everything should still be centered around me and my needs and even you still need to be concerned about what I'm doing, because my vagina created kids...." Wait until she really gets a load of that ever so towering wall. Most women will have this wall denial into their nursing home years.
[deleted] 6y ago
Found the English professor ^^
rp-one 6y ago
Basically "i fixed myself, you're the one who still has issues..."
juliusstreicher 6y ago
No shit! "Oh, please, please, please try and think of changing yourself so that we can take care of teh children! Oh, if only YOU could bring yourself to think of them..."
TheOneAboveAll 6y ago
My ex did the same exact thing as OP's ex. She said almost the exact same thing word per word (except the child part). And what you said was also what I was thinking except much less well put. It's just all so similar except for one part. I actually indulged her in conversation. The first day was great. We have very similar tastes so she recommended amazing things. But then she just kept trying to "subtly" fish for compliments, "I feel like such a hoe. But you made me feel smart, sexy, and important and I feel like I had everything when I was with you. -waits for me to interject-" It was like the whole conversation was a set up to compliment her. Even when talking about our similar interests, everything would turn into a chance for me to compliment her, which I never did since it was just odd to do so. And eventually all conversations just ended in contradictions and tension. It stopped being fun and I just stopped replying by the third day. I still get messages from her from time to time.
SolarWizard 6y ago
I have experienced similar but quite the opposite. My take in it was that after some relationships, at some point she will feel the need to justify the breakup with you. She will do this by either making herself feel superior to you (via making you complement her) or she will be mean and put you down. Either way, once she has established herself as superior she will close off again and ignore you once more.
Whisper 6y ago
Point added.
This, students, is why sociopathy, narcissism, and borderline personalities are so difficult to spot in women... because they are almost indistinguishable from normal female behaviour.
Women, like children, are biologically programmed to be almost completely selfish. They will not, of their own initiative, consider the feelings of any other human being.
But, if properly socialized, they will respond to articulated expectations.
This is why is critical to deal with women in two phases:
First, ruthlessly ignore or next any new woman for bad behaviour (don't articulate expectations, because you haven't socialized her to obedience, and have no leverage).
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p3n1x 6y ago
You have all the "big bucks", its also known as "Time". Your attention should be Pavlovian, not sprinkled on her randomly when you are all warm and fuzzy.
Rian_Stone 6y ago
Here's the ironic part: if a borderline was shipwrecked on a desert island with no one around, she'd develop a real identity, of her own, not a reaction to other people. Sorry, that's not the ironic part, this is: she'd become a narcissist.
Exactly why you see girls move from their hometown to the big city, and then turn into a raging cock monster.
GuidoBandito 6y ago
Damn.
Shortly after moving to a larger city near our small hometown of about 15,000, she got us into swapping. I went along because, hey, I could possibly screw others! Wrong.
Then I got a job in another state in a slightly bigger city. Shit continued.
Then after about 3-4 years after our divorce, I’d realized that she’d been fucking anything she could the whole 12 years we were actually living together during our marriage.
While we were doing the swapping thing, we went to St. Louis to meet a couple. Some guy she had been doing for a few weeks prior to our trip. His wife was told that I wasn’t allowed to have actual intercourse with other women. But my ex was allowed to. I was lied to. She wasn’t supposed to either.
That should have been the sign to me that she would be a devourer of penis any chance she could get. But no. It took moving to another state and visit a swingers club in the nearest big city to start the unfolding of her ways. That and her moving out of our house and in with another guy.
If we had moved to another city with an even bigger population than this one, I’m quite sure she would have been in even more Dick’s than I could ever imagine. Your statement is completely true. Her narcissistic personality and alcoholic tendencies made her a rather horrible human being.
Thank you for pointing this out. It’s been a rather cathartic moment for me.
Whisper 6y ago
Interesting how the author had to say this:
... order to back away from the near-inescapable conclusion that that every woman is pretty much borderline, because that would be "misogynistic".
Also not touched on is the equally suggested conclusion that, to the degree that femininity resembles borderline personality disorder, masculinity resembles narcissistic personality disorder.
Rian_Stone 6y ago
He doesn't really back away from it, his whole blog explores narcissism, and comes to that exact conclusion.
[deleted] 6y ago
There is something off about this post. My spider sense is tingling. It is also posted in MGTOW, new account. I believe she sent this info to him but I do not believe the “no cheating” part. Also who the fuck says “no abuse”, reeks of blue pill conditioning or me thinks thou doth protest to much.
GuidoBandito 6y ago
To be honest, it doesn’t take outward and blatant cheating to think that cheating didn’t occur. I had an ex wife include me in swapping with “rules”. Oddly, rules didn’t apply to her. And she did a good job of hiding her cheating from me. Even 5 years after the divorce.
You’re probably correct about her cheating. And his posting of the email is just his start of his catharsis in realizing his relationship history.
And abuse isn’t just an easy thing to admit to when it was committed by a narcissist and you’ve been brainwashed to thinking all was fine. It took me years to realize how I was mentally abused by my ex. It happens and if it goes on long enough, your truth changes. Abuse isn’t always leaving physical bruises and scars. The scars on your psyche take a long time to heal. If they ever do.
Backuponit2017 6y ago
I️ posted this originally as a cross post but removed some specific details so there would be no potential identifying markers. She probably cheated, yes, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she did. There was no cheating or abuse on my end.
[deleted] 6y ago
Yes they all branch swing, very rare for a woman to end a relationship honestly and openly. Most of them commence an emotional or physical affair then say shit like “I’m not happy and I haven’t been for a long time”. This is the modus operandi of the female mind. Hamster a decision then gaslight the victim. If you tell us more of your story (without including anything which can lead to doxxing) we can help you unpack this shit and forge a better man and better future.
RPBulletDodger 6y ago
Great post and great reply.
And he shut that shit down brilliantly.
jshtx2117 6y ago
Solipsistic behavior at its finest.
cherryCanSuckMyDick 6y ago
nothing says cold and dispassionate like email
vengefully_yours 6y ago
Kicked my wife out with a text. Simply "don't come home, nothing here for you now. I'll pack your shit for you."
juliusstreicher 6y ago
Is there a post on the backstory??? I'm intrigued!
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Austonmatthews345 6y ago
I dunno dude. I think a real man has the "talk" with his wife, at least a phone call.
This shows you're a stand up guy who deals with his business, a text is just cowardly imo. Don't stoop to her level.
Deal with it in person and than you go no contact permanently.
Tell me I'm not old school.
UrsusG 6y ago
You haven't read the sidebar and you're repeating blue pill indoctrination.
Shaming tactics 101: defining who "a real man" is and what he does.
Protip: honorable male behaviours are for other honorable men. Women are a different category and different rules apply.
"The talk" serves only HER benefit. Gives her closure and/or creates an opportunity to manipulate or shit on the guy some more.
If things have come to the point where divorce is needed, there is nothing more to talk about.
And why not?
This is, again, holding men to higher standards for the benefit of the woman. Reciprocity is a bitch and sometimes you get to be on the receiving end.
[deleted] 6y ago
Great quote.
B_Campbell 6y ago
I feel like that response showed the hurt. Fuck her.
BobbyPeru 6y ago
Sooner or later they come around like an alley cat just “to see.” AWALT
MuhTriggersGuise 6y ago
It's not just "to see", it's "to see" and if you reciprocate, they know they have you under their heel, they humiliate you a little, then move along only coming back to "to see" again later.
Pipsquik 6y ago
This so much. I have had recent experience with this girl who I recently realized is doing this.
We were on and off for a bit while she had a BF and I got really into this girl.
Realized that she only is into me when I don’t show any feelings for her.
Just anecdotal, and not too relevant, but thought I should share
p3n1x 6y ago
"feelings" : That shit was for the boyfriend. You broke frame every time you got emotional.
Pipsquik 6y ago
Believe me haha, I know. Just thought I’d share
p3n1x 6y ago
My mistake, hard to tell where one is on the journey sometimes.
Pipsquik 6y ago
Yeah no worries at all really.
This chick is kinda my oneitis so I’ve been fucked up on her for a little while. Hard to not keep the feelings I have for her when she keeps coming back to me
p3n1x 6y ago
Sometimes a shot of reality from the "peanut gallery" can really help. Go to a club/bar/hangout, whatever, and people watch the orbiters for a little bit.
Rephrase this mentally. It is putting blame on her when you are the enabler.
This will sound fucked up to newer ears, but I get the impression you are still "pair bonded" with her. This is a chemical situation and can be defeated in a couple weeks with an extreme (only has to be temporary) diet change.
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Rian_Stone 6y ago
Real Remorse? Or Genuine Imitation Naugahyde Remorse?
[deleted] 6y ago
Random memory trigger....
I was a shit disturber in high school.
Myself and my 3 malcontent buddies started a "save the naugas" campaign.
Had most of the school believing that thousands of cute little South American naugas were being slaughtered indiscriminently daily to create naugahyde.
We used pics of marmots, put up flyers, had a fundraiser (bought a lot of beer).
Sheeple. This was before FB or kickstarter but I bet we could have rolled the ball much further.
It was an awakening to an asshole high school kid that the world primarily runs on feelings, the facts don't really matter if the narrative is compelling.
I remember getting head and fingerbanging the "queen bee" school PETA chick in the backseat of my whip (1984 ford LTD, baby), because she was so touched by my concern for all those poor animals.
i have no remorse.
Rian_Stone 6y ago
Lol, beats my 1989 3500
Never got any head in it. Though almost took out the sign that welcomed people to my town, and the side of a guys house.
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[deleted] 6y ago
That’s the right play. I’m only six months out from my divorce, but we’ve been apart for a year. Two kids. In the year since we split, my ex has told me that she cheated on every guy she’s ever been with, that she was selfish, unhappy, bipolar, and how she screwed everything up by sleeping with her coworker. Now, she’s broke, miserable, and asking for me back. I’m having no part of it. I’m feeling better than I have in forever, dating girls fifteen years younger than I am, new job making six figures, good girlfriend who cooks, cleans, and loves my kids, etc. good riddance to the ex.
BewareTheOldMan 6y ago
I will never understand how a woman will disregard everything that is 100 percent certain about her hardworking, faithful and dutiful husband/father to take a chance with the "other man" because...I don't know - feelings maybe?
Women lose out on so much because they fail to play the "long game" of focusing on the man who is "putting in work" as the husband and father.
It's only post-divorce they realize when a man walks out the door/divorces, so do all the associated benefits. Alimony and child support almost never makes up the difference either in basic finances or overall benefits, stability, economic security, and general peace of mind.
Women are always shooting themselves in the foot because they think the grass is greener.
I surmise that’s the reason women are so upset when men have affairs – not just because of the betrayal, but also the potential loss of benefits and transfer of those benefits to another woman.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1556706/Women-worse-off-after-divorce.html
Key Line: ...the study of more than 4,000 people has found that while a man's income increases, on average, by 11 percent after he parts from his wife, a woman loses around 17 percent of her income.
https://www.newstatesman.com/economics/2014/09/why-do-we-still-believe-divorce-leaves-men-worse-women
Key Lines: Women continue to see living standards fall by more after separation than men, especially when children are involved, but even for couples with no children...the loss of the man’s earnings is in no way compensated for by higher income from alimony, child maintenance, benefits and tax credits, and having fewer mouths to feed.
Around 15 percent of mothers and 19 percent of children fall into relative poverty post-separation.
UrsusG 6y ago
Why does a dog lick his balls? Because he can.
Because she can - in these opulent times in the West there are little to no negative consequences to doing so. She is almost entirely free to follow her fleeting vagina feels.
Rian_Stone 6y ago
hence why the argument for the courts have always been to maintain her former lifestyle.
Paying a girl to leave
enjoy_life88 6y ago
because tingles über alles
RP085 6y ago
From "The Alabaster Girl":
But think about it... would a woman really throw it all away for the fleeting notion of a mere fling? Does she really desire that fantasy-romance-novel life more than the one she currently inhabits? Would she really trade her life with her kind, caring husband and her much-loved children for some alternate life of wild abandon? No, of course not. But like a prisoner in a small cell, with everything taken care of, food and water and books and all the amenities supplied, she still dreams about that one hour of exercise a day, in the little square prison yard outside, where she might see a cloud or a bird, and feel the grass beneath her feet.
cashmoney_x 6y ago
Not justifying this, but here's how I see it: Imagine you marry a 10/10 and several months in to the relationship she wakes up one morning, you look over at her and she's been replaced by a 2/10 landwhale.
That's how they feel (I think). Mostly because they aren't monogamous/have a dual mating strategy.
[deleted] 6y ago
Heck, I doubled my income within a year of divorce. It meant a little more child support but she hasn't done shit. She probably regrets nagging me for "working too much" now.
Say good buy to the huge house with a stamped concrete drive way that could fit five cars and an RV and enjoy your paycheck to paycheck living I guess.
juliusstreicher 6y ago
This post does strange things to me!
askmrcia 6y ago
If I had to guess. I say they are selfish. Plain and simple.
Everything about this generation of women (can't speak on past ones) is they are selfish. Its all about them. Don't go for a guy that makes them happy, but makes their friends jealous and makes them the center of attention. Things like that. Selfish.
The whole Yolo and to live free and see what else is out there and to "Find themselves." Selfish.
rebuildingMyself 6y ago
Not to mention how skewed the family courts are (and lawyers are fantastic at selling women the idea of divorce and all the cash/prizes they'll get).
[deleted] 6y ago
The last fifty years drilled into their heads that they’re entitled to it all: the party life, sex with dozens of good looking guys, vacations in Europe, a handsome, wealthy husband, children, etc.
alecesne 6y ago
A rewarding, high paying job that is not difficult, but leaves time for family and motherhood. And if you don't get one, it's because of entrenched males somehow being out to get you for needing all of those things.
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dzkkne 6y ago
Touch down man!
"I do miss the conversation and "togetherness" but I don't think I want to ever be in that prison again." - exactly how I feel. Had an amazing dynamic with my ex and the feelings were great, but once single you just realise how much more freedom you have to do things you want and I don't mean sexually. I can live monogamously, for some reason, but everything else just suppresses my mojo, my drive to do things just dips.
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LateralThinker13 6y ago
And because women are poorly equipped to accept any responsibility or blame for a failed relationship, all evidence that her demotion of status is self-inflicted is instead shifted onto him. This is why they get SO ANGRY when the divorce happens; displaced anger at themselves shifted onto him.
Women suck at responsibility.
AdvanceLife 6y ago
My ex, once she finally rolled out the reasons why we broke up over text actually took responsibility for not bringing up (i.e honesty) the things I did wrong, but never the things she did point wrong.
I'd have to find that text BUT from what I recollect she blamed the relo on me when she could of brought it up and made changes. I'll need to re-examine that time.
Could_have_listened 6y ago
Did you mean could've?
I am a bot account.
Rian_Stone 6y ago
And in case some MGTOW 2nd wave wanna be jerks himself off over this, don't forget.
Some guys are just shitty, and she will leave, and you'll continue to be shitty. Don't be shitty, then jerk yourself off about upgrading
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Rian_Stone 6y ago
It's your addiction, why would he care?
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JackGetsIt 6y ago
I think a lot of this error comes because they are still thinking from the mindset of a 19 or 20 year old girl that is getting attention from LOTs of men. Women that age turn down so much male attention that they probably think it will never end. When they are making the decision to leave their husband they are under the delusion that they will pick up Mr. Right at the bar that night and he will be 10X better then her current husband (a man who she's been dumping on in her own mind for years.)
BewareTheOldMan 6y ago
The cruel reality is that fate bequeaths women all these "gifts and prizes" early in life, but teaches a hard lesson much later...the attention, glory, and the stable of Beta-Orbiters doesn't last.
The more I learned about TRP, the more these truths were confirmed. It sucks for men in that we have to establish ourselves early in life and grind it out until our virtual deathbed. In some ways it's better in that you learn the tough lessons of being a better man and hard work in order to achieve your life-goals/life-mission.
I don't believe my ex-wife was cheating, but if she was it didn't matter. I know for a fact she didn't branch-swing because the men just weren't there. NO ONE wanted a mid-30's divorced woman with 3 x kids. I assume she, like other women, thought she could easily find another man who would treat her equal or better than the husband with ALL the associated benefits.
My ex-wife’s mistake was failing to meet my standards as wife and mother - that's it. She simply didn't want to do the work, but wanted the benefits. I submit if I have to pull my weight, the wife has to put forth her best effort as well. It's not any more complicated than that statement.
When post-divorce reality sets in women go into their own version of the Anger Phase, but it's much worse for women as they hold that feeling for years.
metallicdrama 6y ago
It's all fun and games until they go to that bar and see all the men trying to fuck the 22 year olds and mistake you for a server. And then the only thing that hits on them is some fat guy with pit stains in a studio apartment.
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metallicdrama 6y ago
If you weren't such a fat lazy piece of shit you'd try to bang them both at the same time but your heart would give out lol
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pragmaticminimalist 6y ago
accept and amplify- fat guy fucks for sure
metallicdrama 6y ago
What would Chad do? Give zero fucks. Fat slob Chad would prematurely ejaculate and have a stroke right there on the spot like a boss.
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Lateralanouncer 6y ago
Translation. My hypergamous nature made me think I could upgrade. After riding the cc for a while I realised no one better would keep me. You where so good and amazing to me. But it is still your fault as I am not responsible for anything in my life. Damn I fucked up but it is your fault.
ummwtfiswrongwithyou 6y ago
Using the kids as pawns. Original and well done. The fact that you can't even speak to the mother of your children once a month about them...says a hell of a lot more about you than it does her. I'm sorry you're so insecure that you've resorted to acting like those very women whom you detest.
SigmaBusiness 6y ago
she thought grass is greener on the other side. She still has the naive idea about her how her value is still the same before having the kids, before marriage. She thinks she is in early 20s.
My biological mother actually married for the second time with my step dad and he provides almost 100% of the financial aspect in the marriage. All my mom does is cook (although she is a professional chef, she doesn't practice anymore as she got old). She also told me the same thing recently. She told me verbatim, "I am not happy in my current marriage." I told her, "Well, mom, no offense, but you are closing on 60, you are obese and had two children. I think you are very lucky to have my step dad who can provide for you and take care of you. I don't think there is a good chance you will be able to find someone better." She did not get upset when I told her that, but she said, "You don't know that. How do you know? I can find someone better."
AdvanceLife 6y ago
Women have been spoon-fed this Disney fairy-tale that they deserve it all and should always be happy on external things.
SteveStJohn 6y ago
Save the message. Screen shot it. You’ll need it if she decides later you’re not a good father.
maplemaximus 6y ago
So do we all just give up on genetic legacies? :(
[deleted] 6y ago
Firstly I would be very surprised if there was no cheating, maybe she just hid it well. Secondly, she is feeling lonely because her current dick is no longer there for her, so she reaches out for another familiar dick to help her little fee fees. You have not been clear about the divorce, how and why did it happen? Who initiated it? We are missing a lot of the picture here.
Backuponit2017 6y ago
She initiated. We had been having issues for some time and had attempted counseling together for a brief period of time. I went to a therapist on my own and attempted to salvage it even after her filing for almost 4 months. Why did it happen? I️ would say ultimately both people have to value one another and the relationship and put the other person’s needs first and ultimately it became only one person doing it. It has to be a mutual effort. As mentioned, i tried to salvage it and stopped after she filed to have a custody evaluation done. That was the point of no return as it demonstrated to me she was only interested in money in regards to child support and not what was best for the children.
RPVegan 6y ago
Yup starting to get AWALT this is basically how she felt now. She will probably say how much of a terrible husband and father you are in the next one lol
buster2209 6y ago
Spot on. Keep frame and don't allow her to hoover you back in.
Reading between the lines of what she wrote, she fucked up. She thought the grass was greener on the other side and it's not.
[deleted] 6y ago
This is so true and exactly what I am dealing with now. Talked to an ex last night. I shouldn't have but I needed to work through letting it go and I knew hearing her shot would remind me why I'm better off without her ( I got sucked in. Judge if you want.)
Basically, her excuse for fucking a guy at her HS reunion was that we weren't technically together, although we were working on things and slept together less than 24 hours before and she kept in contact with me all night telling me that she loved me and was thinking about me and she wanted me to know that I had nothing to worry about. In reality, she spent the night escalating with a guy and ended up fucking him in the park. When busted, she pulls the technicality when she does really know the situation. How can I ever trust her again when she will do everything to make me feel secure about trusting her while actually preparing to fuck some dude? But 'This time will be different".
I brought up how she has cheated on every man that she has been with and there is always an excuse like "It wasn't really cheating because it was over for me and I wasn't into it" when talking about fucking her ex husband while having a boyfriend. Oh yeah? Did he know that? You didn't break up with him until two month's later!
The point is, women will do what they want and only regret it if they get busted and will even play mental gymnastics in their own mind to avoid responsibility for their actions and choices. There is always a justification or an excuse.
I am thankful though, because of what I wrote above and the hammer to the head when the next gf let slip that I was chosen over someone else because "I would be a good step dad", (I am not your Beta provider or financial support. If it's not about us then bye) I realize that AWALT and gained a true perspective on what to expect with women in their thirties and know that I won't be sucked in again.
It is a disappointing realization but having realized it (with much turmoil in the process) I feel freer than ever. No more trying to force people to be what I want them to be while in the back of my mind knowing who they are and wanting to believe otherwise. Now I know what to expect, see things as they truly are, and realize that I won't get sucked into a relationship again and I will just play the game. Seriously, the bullshit women bring with them isn't worth for anything other than temporary fun and entertainment.
The funny thing is though, the ex spoken about above is almost 40 now and seeing who she dates is sad. Overweight boring men with nothing going on. Her sexual market value is declining quickly and she threw away a great thing. Now she is almost begging for me back, probably because she realizes that the only quality men left can do better than her and may just use her for a fuck. She knows her looks and offereings are declining quickly.
sadomasochrist 6y ago
You got it man. Came to the same conclusion from a theory perspective.
This is it. Lot's of guys doing a ton of mental gymnastics and deceiving themselves. I want to throw up every time I read about guys figuring out new blue pill formulas remember back in those days on how I was still a mile away from getting it.
Then it just clicks.
And it becomes clear as day what you realized.
[deleted] 6y ago
Yep. I used to do the same thing. Wish things were a certain way so I would do the mental gymnastics and make excuses or justifications for her. It was so stupid and pathetic. But all I can say is lesson learned. Feel better than I have in years.
empatheticapathetic 6y ago
Great comment and lesson. Happy to hear it.
[deleted] 6y ago
I looked back and also realized that every time I put myself first, I succeed and get ahead in life. When I am putting a woman first, it always leads in five steps back somehow.
From now on it’s me first in all things and if I even am with a woman, she will just have to accept that. It’s all about self improvement and bettering myself from here on out.
Low_Cost_Chimp_Meat 6y ago
...at the end of the day, this is all that matters. Your kids, if you have any, will be better in life and respect you more if you stick to that path. It's amazing when you put on your peripheral blinders and go after things in life besides women...that is when they won't leave you alone. Then if you succumb to those harpies, your life destruction begins all over again.
Now that I'm wrapping up my 2nd divorce, I really don't believe that one can employ "frame" or "dread" or any of that bullshit to maintain a relationship. Only that AWALT applies to ANY attractive woman....and it will all just repeat regardless of what or who you are.....just ask Brad Pitt!
donkeyotee 6y ago
My Ex wife texts me about the dogs a couple of times a year. She kept them. They're just an anchor for her. An excuse to get closure or see if I still give a shit about her.
I'm reasonable but firm. I decided that if that's what she needs to feel better about her choices it doesn't take anything away from me other than a few seconds of my time.
I never contact her. It's always her texting me out of the blue. Actually it started after I ran into her while out and about after not seeing her in years. I had put on about 30lbsof muscle and was looking the best I've looked since my late 20s.
hodltaco 6y ago
Ex did that with me too. Exactly like that. AWALT.
Paranoidexboyfriend 6y ago
She was probably building up to ask you for money sometime on the near future now that she’s been recently pumped and dumped
[deleted] 6y ago
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sadomasochrist 6y ago
"But that's different!"
How?
"God! Fucking hate you!"
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MGTOWManofMystery 6y ago
What is the "hurt" she is referring to?
[deleted] 6y ago
Brilliant response! Redpill at its finest!
reigorius 6y ago
Ahh, the cruelty of women disguised as them being honest and forthcoming.
TheAC997 6y ago
You think she's upset now, just wait a decade.
vwzwv 6y ago
Maybe that should have been his response.
washington_breadstix 6y ago
Meh. Maybe, but it would sort of be starting an argument with her which might be what she wants. The best punishment for her is having to deal with the fact that this guy is happy without her.
pragmaticminimalist 6y ago
hold frame- hard next...thank you TRP!
empatheticapathetic 6y ago
Don't give her an emotional reaction. As delicious as it is its short sighted.
scissor_me_timbers00 6y ago
Yes. Ruthlessly deprive her of closure.
vwzwv 6y ago
True is that. What I said is a bad thing to say. So cold I couldn't resist.
If I could master delayed gratification with women the way I have with money I'd be filthy rich.
Furrealyo 6y ago
True story. SMV is a real thing, and hers isn't going anywhere but down.
anon35201 6y ago
One thing the OP will have to keep tabs on is if the children are being raised in a safe and loving environment as she hits the wall and slowly loses her mind.
5 or 10 years of raising kids without a stable father figure is a potential recipe for disaster. OP has to make a decision if he wants to sacrifice some of his ego so that he might help her cope with this new reality she didn't expect, so that she might rebound in self confidence so she can find a stable father figure for his genetic offspring. Ignoring the whole situation isn't the optimal policy here because the children didn't ask to be put into this bad situation.
You have to determine if hitting the wall and realizing she screwed up doesn't result in a tossed piston ring, and a continually rougher ride until the transmission in her brain ceases up, or worse, she puts a bullet in her head to make the pain go away.
A few token beta cuck moves from OP might help avert disaster later. It's like preventative maintenance in a truck. A little bit of beta cuck loving care (oil filter changes, oil changes, preventative maintenance) now makes the ride much smoother 5 and 10 years out. Raising kids is not easy, remember, most murders are in the family over problems of love such as this.
Backuponit2017 6y ago
I️ have my children with me half the time. Had to fight for it to be an equal parent. I️ work really hard to keep a loving stable home environment for them. Raising them is the most joyful and hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life and they are my biggest priority.
TheYekke 6y ago
Just make it look like an accident (TM)
[deleted] 6y ago
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An_All-Beef_Engineer 6y ago
She doesn't care about the children BOI
Ship already sailed. Disaster is already at the doorstep.
anon35201 6y ago
Putting the ego enhancing IDGAF strategy aside, wishing for a care giver to children to crash and burn, even if it's from her own hand, is a short sighted ideology.
Imagine the Titanic, thousands of people are drowning in the water. You're in a rescue boat and taken care of, there is one empty seat and one person who is nearby who might be saved. There's a disagreement, one person says lets save that one who might be saved. The other says: "that person deserves their fate because they didn't bring their own lifeboat". The response is: "that person wasn't responsible for not having their own lifeboat.
It's the kids that make her behavior okay. He has a genetic incentive to look after her. The law mandates it anyway. He has wages taken out for her benefit to raise the kids. So he's paying for it, it might as well make the best of a bad situation.
It's the kids who mess up the optimal policy. She knows that. Which is why her behavior is coming out the way it is. OP has a choice: his own happiness, or his genetic representation getting a better liftoff?
An_All-Beef_Engineer 6y ago
Perhaps you meant he should sacrifice himself. WTF is wrong with you?
She's free to do what she wants. Are you trying to control her after your divorce? Are you not seeing why this is insane?
She is responsible for her own behaviour. Why are you acting like she can't make her own decisions and live with them?
He doesn't have a choice. If you don't understand that, you should read Michael's story.
Are you new here?
module_process 6y ago
What a load of concern-trolling bullshit.
Unless the OP was edited, he didn't wish ill-will toward his ex wife. He didn't cut off all contact; he indicated he will communicate with her regarding concerns with their children. He doesn't owe her anything more than that, period. If she fails as mother, that's her cross to bear. If the OP is a good father, he'll pick up the pieces if he needs to.
PaperStreetVilla 6y ago
The fuck?
Dude, this "think about the children" is horseshit, and you know it.
This has to be a chick
[deleted] 6y ago
[deleted]
PaperStreetVilla 6y ago
I stop putting my hand on the stove after it burns me. But you do yoi
[deleted]
Grothendi3ck 6y ago
What happens in a decade? Never been married myself...
InformalCriticism 6y ago
She hits the wall if she hasn't already and blames him because she's not good enough for chad anymore, stuck with him, and makes his life unbearable. He realizes his mistake, and can't live with how stupid he was for taking her back, slowly resents his life and blows his head off. You know, the usual.
mexicanbeast 6y ago
I laughed more than I should have with the "you know, the usual". LOL
TheAC997 6y ago
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2263518/I-left-love-life-I-thought-I-better-Now-Im-childless-42.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3513544/Bridesmaid-31-hanged-struggling-cope-seeing-friends-married-failed-partner.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2948881/Hospital-administrator-killed-depressed-worrying-turning-30-no-husband-children.html
hawkeaglejesus 6y ago
That second one. No disrespect to the dead, but everything leading up to her death was like a cliche.
Single 31-year old depressed career woman with a cat
Feeling depressed because her friends were happy
Alpha widowed
Tried to get back with the Alpha by throwing pussy and alcohol at him, but when that didn't work and it turned out to be just another pump and dump she decided to end it
newls 6y ago
I know it's petty and a bit cruel but I have to laugh out loud with schadenfreude at that first one.
It provides a small dose of vindication to men who've been left by women like that, only to go on and succeed in their lives.
RedPilledGodEmperor 6y ago
Yeah, that 42 and childless one is pretty awesome. Left a dude who was great for her and actually treated her well because he wasn’t making as much money. Even her father warned her not to leave him.
The guy ends up having a happy life and ending contact with her, while she is lonely and regrets her decision.
newls 6y ago
Perfectly captures the damage that feminists have done in the last century.
Branch swinging, alpha fucks/beta bucks.
Women's friends can be dangerous, they'll destroy their peers with impunity.
Arrogance borne out of the female imperative. Had she been a millennial with access to dating apps, this whore would have undoubtedly left sooner.
"But you were my backup! How dare you be more successful than me!" ???? ???? ????
We should be teaching this to young girls, not that they can and should callously throw away loving relationships under the bus, the first sign they feel unhaaaaappy.
hawkeaglejesus 6y ago
Not "I wish he was kinder, or smarter" but I wish he had more social status and money. Hypergamy knows no bounds.
newls 6y ago
It's a perverse example that plays to our fantasies. But it's an incredibly literal insight into the hamstering that accompanies the Wall that we talk about here.
SnickeringBear 6y ago
Focus on what the kids need. Mine needed me to be there as a stable figure in their life. I freely visit with her and have no qualms talking with her. I do not do any social activities with her. I do not discuss what is best for the kids with her. It was and still is easiest to just do what is best for them by planning age appropriate activities together. It is 24 years since the divorce. Her life has been one long rolling disaster.
The key is to have boundaries that she is not allowed to cross. You set the boundaries.
kieran9323 6y ago
In the texts she has sent you, there were:
I - 17 times
you - 7 times
we - 4 times
Godskook 6y ago
So does "I'm sorry, I was wrong, and I know how much I hurt you."
Be careful with that sort of blind word-count analysis, it can lead to overly-superficial results.
shaggyctes88 6y ago
We should start paying attention to these little details....man classic narcissism.
Real_Hood 6y ago
Your are really pointing out the important stuff!
It should be majority "we" instead of "I"
Khannahk 6y ago
That's women, man. I, I, I, I, me, me, me, feel, feel, feel. They're born solipsistic.
forgetful_storytellr 6y ago
That's why I loved that iPhone "I" typo update that everyone got... it was like a scarlet letter for narcissists
[deleted]
empatheticapathetic 6y ago
Who Fucking cares. Confirmation bias. The message is what matters.
acetylcysteine 6y ago
i've seen this remorse in my own relationships and friends. the grass is always greener my friend. i personally shut down any sort of "rekindling" immediately. they made their choice, now live with it. whereas i have friends who feed into that nonsense and end up in some weird half in/half out relationship for an extended period of time.
BluepillProfessor 6y ago
Sounds about right! Do to much and show you care.....Ew, the man is Beta....NEXT! Do to little and NGAF....Ew, the man is an uncaring jerk....NEXT.
A strange game professor. The only winning move is not to play.
I think she got pumped and dumped by her "boyfriend" or she discovered that her "boyfriend" was fucking other girls making her a plate who didn't know it. I think she was fishing for comfort and when you refused to give it to her she turned her hypergamy sensors on the next target.
I think you are on the right track and the best revenge is living well. Wait until ex-wife figures out that you are spinning plates 10 years younger than her. She will sob with her cats and cry: "Whereareallthegoodmen!"
To which you should always answer; MEEEEOOOOW!
juliusstreicher 6y ago
Yep. Maybe she was even the one who was paying all of his bills, while he was fucking all these chicks!
JackGetsIt 6y ago
Yes, she will do this but it will never occur to her that she was responsible in any way.
empatheticapathetic 6y ago
If OP is doing it right he won't care what she thinks.
Backuponit2017 6y ago
completely agree. She got dumped and was sniffing around. There was no real remorse about the consequences of her actions upon her children. It doesn’t really matter I️ suppose as I’ve been able to focus my energy and efforts upon being a better father and person and my life has improved in so many other ways aside from finances.
EverythingIsFractal 6y ago
Inspirational. Keep working hard buddy.
sadomasochrist 6y ago
This is some next level mind fuckery. "I forgive myself, from you, thanks... me."
UrsusG 6y ago
Good response.
I like your formal tone, it's a manly GTFO slap to her punctuationally-challenged attempt to still get something out of you next month.
If there is such a thing in your jurisdiction, I'd CC your response to whatever court or social services / child protection servces institution / divorce lawyer(s) etc. were involved in your division of custody.
I know it doesn't mean anything formally (nobody gives a fuck about your private correspondence at this point) but it would be an extra slap to show you're 100% official about it.
tl,dr: slap that AWALT
long-lostfriend 6y ago
Yeah, I got this shit from my ex, too. File it under, "I fucked myself and our kids over, and I need you to help me feel better about it."
Once she even sent me something from a therapist -- a suggested "ritual of parting" with a script and candles and all of that shit, in order to ceremonially bring closure to our marriage. Yeah, I never seemed to get around to that.
InformalCriticism 6y ago
You got an apology. That's more than most get. But, she plans to gain everything you've rebuilt, and to take what's yours all over again.
It's a pretty obvious trap. Where was the empathy? What does she have to offer you in any of that?
She just talked about all the things she wanted, all the things she got, and how her preferences just changed, and now she wants all the things she destroyed, again - all things in flux, as female nature is.
/u/Derek1382 has the best reply.
All I have to add is that you shouldn't even entertain the idea that she is even human at this point. You say "AWALT", but you have a proven history with this woman, that she doesn't even see you as a human - you are an object through which she can slake her lust for whatever craving she might have.
AWALT is a reliable pattern of behavior and potential for selfishness that all women possess. This one in particular has proven her disrespect for you, so you can't even reap the benefits from female nature in this case anymore. Save yourself, man. Don't let your imagination defeat you.
_Thurston_Howell_ 6y ago
Her lack of acknowledgment for completely obliterating a nuclear family because she is a selfish slut is stunning.
sadomasochrist 6y ago
That's because a woman and men have completely different ideas of a "family." She can't care about a concept she doesn't share with you. Her family is "her children."
You're either a contributor or a provider, remember?
dingman58 6y ago
Are you really that surprised?
[deleted]
BewareTheOldMan 6y ago
My response: “Please email me your thoughts and concerns regarding the children and I’d be happy to continue the dialogue in that format. Thanks.”
Savage, but clever! Your response and tone is excellent.
I commend you for maintaining positive contact and influence with your children. Very telling…her direct compliment to you as a father. She misses your rock-steady leadership and certainty you provided while married, and realizes that it's a great quality and hard to find in other men.
As my kids grew older, my communication was directly to them and I barely interacted with the ex-wife. I maintain that pattern to this day and my kids are now all adults. However, I don't hate their mother and I remind my kids to call at least once a week/weekends. It's the most I'm willing to do...after all, I'm not an unfathomable jerk.
Rian_Stone 6y ago
It's not clever, it's not excellent. It's frame.
He focused 100% on raising his kids and legal protections for himself, anything outside that is irrelevant
BewareTheOldMan 6y ago
It's frame.
I can support that.
washington_breadstix 6y ago
Typing this:
> It's frame
Will make your comment look like this:
Rian_Stone 6y ago
I worry a bit. Lot of guys focused on 'teaching her a lesson' or shooting her Down hard.
How successful would he be if he had nothing better to do than fight with a divorced ex bitch?
BewareTheOldMan 6y ago
I don't know any man who has the time or interest to fight with the ex-wife. As always, it's pointless, exhausting, and sometimes expensive. Life-lessons for ex-wives come as a natural result of divorce. No need to "teach" anything or focus on revenge.
Women almost always find out how hard life is as a divorced woman with kids. Few, if any, go on to a better life than they had with the husband.
My focus was always interaction with my kids. Logistics with the ex-wife was kept to a bare minimum. This was a tactic I used long before stumbling across TRP.
However, I note TRP would have been very helpful to me before and during the marriage - that is, assuming I decided to marry at all.
Rian_Stone 6y ago
Hey, not a lot of divorced dad data points around. Guess you lucked out, and got to be the tip of the spear on that subject
juliusstreicher 6y ago
Maybe some guys like a cherry on top.
Rian_Stone 6y ago
You really believe that?
MillionaireSexbomb 6y ago
Too many guys here stay stuck in their egos and butthurt not realizing doing these things won’t change her, because she won’t see any wrongdoing or real realization on her part, just that “he’s being an asshole when I reached out in my way to him.” From what I’ve seen here that’s a big component that’s holding a majority of these guys back.
BewareTheOldMan 6y ago
...guys here stay stuck in their egos and butthurt...
It's an unfortunate and residual side effect of the Anger Phase. I was angry for a while too...and then realized "it is what it is," accepted my role for selecting terribly (with women) and moved on from it to a better mental space.
I'm no psychiatrist or behavioral specialist, but I suspect it's the Blue Pill/Disney/"All women are virtuous and wholesome" Conditioning. Most men receive that constant message over a lifetime from boyhood through young adulthood. It's only after being burned a few times the false lies and bitter realty becomes apparent.
Depending what happened and the associated events, some guys never fully come out of it. It's as if you can see it in their demeanor, writing, and tone.
Fortunately for most, they eventually come out clean and better men on the other side of it.
Besides - the TRP folks aren’t really that bad. I have no idea the extent of the emotional damage to the ladies over at WGTOW and triggering events, but some of them may never escape the Anger Phase.
Rian_Stone 6y ago
And I'd almost believe the "self improvement guise!" chodes, if they weren't worse.
You nailed it. Give less fucks
JustForTRP 6y ago
Who are the self improvement guise chodes?
Arent you one of those guys? Everyone on the red pill is a self improvement guy
Rian_Stone 6y ago
Absolutely not. I can't recall any EC giving a tip of the hat to the phrase, or the concept.
Improvement, on it's surface is fine. I want more sexual options, I do X Y Z to get them. If you end up with more options than you started? Improvement.
Add 'Self' and it becomes this weird, ego invested, container word. It's vague, you can bullshit it, and it often ends up as a variation of the following:
it's a weird mix of narcissism (and not the good kind) ego defense, and feelgood pseudo-improvement. Redpill isn't Anthony Robbins 2.0, it's not an ideology, philosophy, or life coaching seminar. It's a strategy guide.
wayneinthegame 6y ago
I concur, self-improvement can be a vague term. Its easy to fool yourself without making real, measurable progress.
Lifting and money are foundations of improvement that you can see real results from and also have tremendous benefits for your life. Save the spiritual stuff for when you're old.
Tony Robbins stuff is pretty great for time management and goal setting though!
PBRistasty 6y ago
not sure why this isnt upvoted more.
JustForTRP 6y ago
I get what youre saying about the whole "movement to save the world" BS, but to me, lifting weights, reading TRP, eating better diet, reading other good knowledgeble books - that's all self improvement.
so i guess TRP is just one self improvement strategy, like how body building plans are self improvement strategies,
becoming the best version of ourselves u know?
the best version of me gets pussy sometimes... hopefully.
Rian_Stone 6y ago
It's improvement.
Best way to frame it. Improvement is about reaching a goal. improving your strength can be measured, improving your notch count can be measured, improving finances can be measured.
Self improvement is about improving how you feel about yourself, vague, and bullshittable.
Kind of like the lottery. If winning the lottery is such a great thing, why are only poor losers the ones playing?
THEN1NJA 6y ago
That branch wasn't sturdy nigga lmao
cellphon 6y ago
That 300lb gorilla jumped from a stout oak to a soft sapling, with the predictable result.
[deleted] 6y ago
My ex did the same thing, I just didn't bother responding. Only you know what went down between you, but I suspect you felt betrayed by her.
My ex did unforgivable things to me (although it's kinda hard to really explain to an outside observer) but I still tried to forgive her and become friends 6 months after we broke up. She denied my request to get together, and I was still sad and believed she was a decent person. Then I ran into her about a week later and I saw this look in her - it's hard to explain but it was like she was savoring the power over me and was getting a kick out of denying me. At that point I realized she was a scumbag and deleted all her contact information, blocked her on fb, etc
A year later she texted me telling me how she was so sorry and I was a great person and I didn't respond. I told my buddy and he was like "what did she break up with her boyfriend or something?" She's a scumbag and if we had kids I would be terrified of having anything to do with her.
I'm sure it's possible to have an amicable break up or divorce, but in my case (and in the case of my dad and mom getting divorced) when the women is a sadist who gets off on control and power I see complete emotional detachment as the only correct action. I suspect you had a similar epiphany with your ex, where there was zero chance of trusting anything she said
Taipanshimshon 6y ago
lol
well I bet she felt good forgiving herself
Vizukah 6y ago
Most of you loved his response. But to me it sounded butthurt. Is the kind of cold response women use to bring you down. To me it sounds like you have been waiting to sound cold as a little revenge. Like trying too hard to sound like you don't care or are busy doing something else.....and then you run to tell your friends (us in this case) about it. JUST LIKE ALL WOMEN DO.
Backuponit2017 6y ago
Just a bit of additional background: after the divorce was final at the beginning of this year, I️ had asked to communicate by email only and only about the kids unless it was an urgent matter. She would continue to text about non urgent things (not always child related) and basically try to cross the boundaries I’d created for myself, upon which I️ would then ignore her messages. These boundaries were very clear. Messages from her would peter out and then ramp back up in a cyclical pattern. This exchange is a reflection of that, with the exception of “apologizing” on her end.
The broader message I️ wanted to get across is her messages demonstrate grass is greener syndrome/branch swinging, attempts at emotional manipulation by appealing to memories of past times, solipsism, hamstering, gaslighting past history, etc.-all common tactics we see used by women. Hence the AWALT in the title.
juliusstreicher 6y ago
I didn't read that he had been waiting to sound cold.
osirise 6y ago
That's a hell of a reply. Nice work OP
Jonlife 6y ago
Yep, she's looking for an emotional tampon of a baby daddy when ever she's alone and taking breaks from riding the cock carousel. Masterfully replied. Women are never content and want to have ten guys stringing along. You'd think they'd grow out of such trivial antics but they're literally children mentally no matter how wrinkled and dried up they become.
Backuponit2017 6y ago
In between sets here at the gym so I’ll respond quickly. You make some valid points regarding coparenting and believe me, I’ve tried it. My intention about posting wasn’t seeking validation or cheers. I asked for thoughts to get people thinking about how this one example of mine could be easily applicable to those who had been in similar situation and what pitfalls to watch out for. I️ do appreciate the folks commenting on how well/poorly I️ handled the situation at the time so others can learn. Waited a while to post something bc I️ just wanted to start somewhere with a useful example.
Archterus 6y ago
Kudos to you brother, a textbook response. Beautifully handled. all the best for the future.
nebder 6y ago
OP, I find this post odd. You’ve thought quite a bit about an interaction from a month ago. It was important enough to you to repost it from a new account. I can’t tell if this post is a hunt for validation or if you actually want an opinion. You have crossposted to TRP and MGTOW. Posting to those two subs will net you reiterations of the male equivalent to “you go, girl!” and various forms of “oh the stupid-evil wymminz finally getting what they deserve”. There is a familial impact to your actions. Crossposting to MRP is more likely to get you actionable and useful advice concerning the children, which at this point should be your focus as a father to small children at a very important stage in their life. OP, there’s my thoughts.
I maintain a friendly relationship with my ex. We chat some. I have her do shit for me. We swap favors. We cover for each other when shit comes up. We horsetrade and work out the holidays so that everybody gets a fair shake. I reasoned that there is no upside to hate or holding a grudge. I don’t want that negativity in my head and hating my son’s mother will inevitably hurt him. This relationship is a calculated move on my part. No kid, I would ghost her and move on. That’s not a viable option.
This relationship is much better vs the confrontational post-divorce thing. I hear horror stories from my buddies on their continuing drama to women they aren’t even fucking. Fuck that. I actively remove and avoid drama from my life.
Your life, your call. My decision works for me. OP, your post brought out some whisper knowledgebombs. I’m thankful for that in the spirit of thanksgiving.
My current relationship with my ex highlights that women act as badly as you allow them. After the separation, there was a frame battle (which I was completely unaware of at the time that it was happening, I was sick of taking her shit) and the power dynamics were reestablished. I stopped deferring to her and stopped allowing her to get away with bullshit. A couple no that doesn’t work for me’s and some other conversations/arguments where I held my ground and pushed back to force my will. It’s a dark irony to me that I don’t take shit at work and would come home and defer to my ex and try to please and cajole her. Now she submits and follows my lead and she’s not even my fucking wife. That’s not some kind of humblebrag, it reinforces to me how badly I fucked up for so long.
Meta:
If you take a step back, this thread reads very similar to a 2xc thread. More and more lately I’ve been seeing the male equivalents to the SJW/feminist tropes we collectively hate on. I cannot agree with these male equivalents any more than I can agree with the female equivalents. My jury is still out on what this means for me.
Fuck it, it’s time to clean up and get out into the world. Blackout Wednesday awaits my presence and women are more fun than reddit.
Backuponit2017 6y ago
In between sets here at the gym so I’ll respond quickly. You make some valid points regarding coparenting and believe me, I’ve tried it. My intention about posting wasn’t seeking validation or cheers. I asked for thoughts to get people thinking about how this one example of mine could be easily applicable to those who had been in similar situation and what pitfalls to watch out for. I️ do appreciate the folks commenting on how well/poorly I️ handled the situation at the time so others can learn. Waited a while to post something bc I️ just wanted to start somewhere with a useful example.
nebder 6y ago
One example is far from a relevant sample size to offer anything useful. You cherrypicked something that puts you in a positive light in regards to where you posted. You haven’t convinced me you’re not after “oh look how my ex-woman was and look how I put her in her place”
I could make a new account and copy/paste your post and spin it on 2xc and show how the mean misogynist man ignored my apology. I’d get the same thread you did with the difference being the gals calling out how much of an asshole the dude is being for that response.
You’re still in her frame if you’re that worried about shit from a month ago. Being in her frame is why coparenting isn’t working for you, particularly since you gave a few examples of you allowing her to fuck with you in follow up comments.
My Example: early in my separation, I had something to do after work and had to get the timing right. It was ex’s role to pick up kid from sitter and drop off at my house. Something came up on her end and she was running late. No big deal really shit happens, except she didn’t tell me and I had to cancel an appointment. I told her I expect you to follow through with our agreement and I expect you to be on time. I have shit to take care of in a timely manner and you screwed that up. I got some hamstering bs which I didn’t give any recognition to beyond the ‘read’ notification in iMessage, yet guess who was never late again without a heads up. I’m not a fan of guy-drama or “laying down the law” as there are better covert ways to establish that boundary. In this case, I established boundaries that were respected going forward. I can do that solely using actions (withdrawing attn and walking away) in relationships now. With my ex I had to use words to explicitly state some shit because I was changing the rules we had previously agreed upon. Those rules were “you’re right. I’m wrong. I’m sorry babe” and I could no longer accept those old rules.
You’re lifting, that’s awesome. However, you haven’t provided enough to give an idea that you’ve owned your shit. You haven’t shown that she’s a worthless cunt or if you were a little bitch. I’m more than happy to be shown she’s worthless. My personal experience is that ex did horrible shit precisely because I allowed it and my actions facilitated it.
fflando 6y ago
The only benefit of being on good terms with her is for her benefit only; it makes her feel less guilty for ruining everything.
Witch-Doctor 6y ago
???? brutal response. Summed it up nicely mate
Low_Cost_Chimp_Meat 6y ago
I want to interject with something that is often overlooked on Red Pill discussions and theories....and that is the inherent biological imperative of men and their ability to "fall out of love". Our modern "civilized" era is but a pinprick in the overall time scale of human evolution. We men, for the better part of that evolution, have had the ability to spread our seed and move on to the next hunter-gatherer tribe without a care for the female or our potential offspring. Has the Blue Pill training, from the time we could crawl, really changed our most primitive mating behaviors? Short answer is no.
It is vitally important for men to realize [post-divorce] that they can and WILL fall out of love with the harpy that just obliterated their family. AWALT is the rule, not the exception. Attempts at hypergamy is in fact what women do naturally as they did during our expansive hunter-gatherer period. All the RP bravado aside, I want to reach the men that are just now at the beginning stages of the divorce rape process that they now find themselves in. The OP here has a great example of where YOU will find yourself in a couple years down the road if you pick up your spear and just move on to another hunting ground....it is almost text book. I've been there myself, a couple times now, and I can tell you that the anger, depression and feelings of lost will dissipate. It is your NATURE to become indifferent, and that is when your ex will begin reaching out for validation or to perhaps even branch swing back. Just don't go back to the plantation! More importantly, never fuck her after you've made the emotional detachment! I don't believe there is a man on here that would tell you that it was worth it....especially me.
AdvanceLife 6y ago
When my first "ex" broke up with me I was destroyed but I've moved to a stronger place. If you told me I'd feel better I wouldn't of believed you. FUCK seeking validation. Internal peace is the promise land.
metallicdrama 6y ago
I would have texted back "who the fuck are you and why are you texting my boyfriend's phone?"
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kardz33 6y ago
Long story short: she thought she could do better.
She couldn’t.
She is appealing to old feelings and nostalgia.
If you can avoid being manipulated, you could pump and dump her like a casual conquest if you want to be savage. But that leads to problems potentially if she decides to stir shit up in court.
Also, keep texts and voicemails 100% professional. If she wants to get emotional let her dig her own grave in case she wants to come hard later.
Don’t verbalize it, but take the mentality she can pound salt.
Live your life my friend. 100% you and your children.
vwzwv 6y ago
She didn't necessarily have any intention to rekindle things. She may have solely wrote that to turn him in to a hopeful orbiter, who would do her favors and kiss her ass.
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ozaku7 6y ago
Exactly, this is fucking pointless because there is so much history and replies are based on assumptions.
batraz 6y ago
Sorry to say that dude but being the man you
1) are indeed in charge of keeping her happy i.e. being the alpha at home your wife is graceful to have 2) have to choose the right woman in the first place.
So, while AWALT, a man should know what he takes on by marrying and especially by breeding children who optimally need a father and a mother loving each other.
SirByron 6y ago
You're wrong. Its NOT about You or Her. Its about the Kids.
When you can TRANSCEND YOURSELF, you've Graduated from the Red Pill.
There are no colors there - no red, no blue, no purple.
You see things as they truly are - without the filters of Ego/Self First ("Red" pill) or Self-Last/She First ("Blue Pill).
You're not Color Blind any more.
YOU CAN SEE!!
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Schroef 6y ago
You got a fine example of redpill self fulfilling prophecy.
She tries to reach out, rekindle somewhat after she dated someone else and got a renewed respect for you, and you respond with a cold and calculated reply. What did you expect that was gonna happen?
Also:
*by people
Everybody does that, not just women. We’ve only heard your part of this story, and very briefly at that. How do I know you are not revising history? How do you know you’re not revising history?
For instance:
What hurt is she talking about?
excellentGrammer 6y ago
Bahaha and you got downvoted!! holy shit it's just like dissenting opinions on Twox. Men and women really do deserve each other
SomeCoolNickname 6y ago
I think that your ex-wife tried to extend an olive branch. It was a pathetic shriveled thing to be sure, but an olive branch nonetheless.
I think that you were very curt with her and effectively refused that olive branch. I know it's easy to get into the mindset that it is her fault for not following up with e-mails about the kids, but the reality is that you responded in a very cold fashion to her reaching out, one that very very clearly stated you don't really want to talk to her even one iota more than you have to and she should perhaps go insert various objects into her rectum as the opportunity arises. I would have been surprised if she had bothered emailing you after you responded in this way.
I think that no matter how shittily things went in your marriage, you should probably make some effort to have some relationship with this woman for the sake of the children you share. You shouldn't expect her to raise herself to a higher standard as a condition for you doing the right thing. You have to do the absolute best within your power always and in everything. Where others fall short is not your concern.
I suspect that you posted this here because you wanted absolution for what you did since you internally do suspect that you may not have been the best person you could have been in this situation.
Backuponit2017 6y ago
Appreciate the thoughtful response. You’ve made excellent points. I️ have put effort in the past to maintain a cordial, business-like relationship (definitely not friends) with her regarding the children to maintain stability for the children, but invariably she reneges on any agreements made about the children and I️ end up having to clean up the mess. In addition, she would frequently also try to cross boundaries and interfere with either my time with my children or with my personal life. I️’ve learned my lesson and keep all communication written and strictly related to the children and do not respond otherwise.
SomeCoolNickname 6y ago
That sounds painful to experience. I hope things get better. I'm afraid that your only good strategy is to keep being the better person and hope that your ex-wife raises the standard of her own behavior. If you give up it will be even less likely that she will :(.
One thing that might help you forgive her at least a little is that I am sure that in her own way she is trying her best, at least as far as her own children are concerned. Most people's failings are not malicious, but merely a reflection of our inability to fully control our own actions or the lack of knowledge of what even is the right action.
juliusstreicher 6y ago
Are you trolling this guy?? It sounds to me as if you are as mad as a hatter. A. He is doing a great job in everything; he needs no advice in it. His post was a highlight of AWALT. B. "If you give up..."??? Had you not read any of his post???
SomeCoolNickname 6y ago
I am not in any way shape or form trolling him. I read his post several times extremely carefully.
Menstrual-Cyclist 6y ago
It’s an unpopular opinion you’ve expressed here, but props for voicing an opinion that goes against the popular grain.
juliusstreicher 6y ago
And, hopefully, she will get some counseling soon.
SomeCoolNickname 6y ago
Did you just assume my gender? /s
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GeorgeKarlin 6y ago
Her comment is not narcissic at all. A narcissist would never apologize. My opinion: Feel free to talk to her. She apologized. She recognize what you did to her. That's a good sign. She's the mother of your child. You don't have to go back with her but it's better for your child if you get along with her.
No contact policy doesn't make sense when you are an adult
[deleted] 6y ago
You're fucking ignorant if you think this applies in all cases. Narcissists can apogize without meaning it, especially over text, in order to get what they want.
My mother had BPD and abused me and my brother. My dad likely played the route your suggesting (and I asked him about it and he said he wanted us to have a relationship with our mom) but it was absolutely the wrong and neglegent decision. So get your head out of your ass and stop thinking your bullshit morality and "maturity" applies to all situations.
juliusstreicher 6y ago
She didn't apologize, she said "I'm sorry." But, it was also preceded by "I've realized my mistakes more and more" which means that she was sorry about herself for bringing herself to this state, not for fucking up his and the children's lives. She got fucked and chucked, now she comes crawling back, which is an insult to his intelligence, AND, she also implies that he's such an ogre that he needs her to remind him to be mindful of his children!
There is no need for him to change his behavior in re her being 'the mother of his child.' He IS getting along with her; he has an acceptable format for communication. Any better, and they would still be married. But, Mom was a cunt whore, so, it is impossible.
GeorgeKarlin 6y ago
Thank your for responding without insults. You're making very good points.
At least she tries to apologize. As far as I know she's not perfect. it's not easy to express yourself properly. I struggle to do it myself. My opinion is when someone apologies it's good. Even if it's not perfect. Of course, it's not because she apolized that everything is forgotten.
There is no need to change his behavior.
Y0gurtDestiny 6y ago
"She didn't apologize, she said "I'm sorry.""
Um, what?
juliusstreicher 6y ago
Um, read the rest of my post.
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Backuponit2017 6y ago
This was via imessage. There were additional text message communications about the children after I️ wrote that text so it was certainly read by her. Plus, her “read” receipts is on for IMessages. What firm decision are you referring to?
GoodGuyGanja 6y ago
I read this as a response over text
BluepillProfessor 6y ago
He doesn't need any text or email from this woman. He only needs to stay strong and NOT go rooting through the garbage. This woman deserves the death penalty and she will be spared but at least she will be miserable for most of the rest of her pathetic life.
ozaku7 6y ago
Wait, why does she deserve the death penalty? This is just angerphase garbage, coming from an endorsed user?
BluepillProfessor 6y ago
I have long been on record advocating that we take measures to thwart hypergamy. In 10,000 years of human history every single successful society that lasted longer than about 100 years made adultery a death penalty offense.
I believe even the threat death will not stop hypergamy but it will at least slow it down so we can have a sustainable society that men want to work for and fight to save. At the least there needs to be consequences for cheating wives (and husbands) if there is going to be a nuclear family and ultimately a viable society.
ozaku7 6y ago
Then start living in the middle east where women don't have voting rights, are covered in cloth, are not allowed to drive or be in the same room with another man other than her husband. Sounds like utopia, right?
Either that or you accept that this is how the current society works and build your life around it. I can't see how an endorsed user can still be so bitter and full of anger about the female gender.
BluepillProfessor 6y ago
I am not like all the others.
Also, after 25 years of marriage I have to talk like that in the locker room to avoid oneitis.