When I was in college way-back-when, I lived in an apartment about a 1 minute walk way from a bar - the bar that would become my college watering hole. My first time going there, I got the number of an absolute smokeshow of a bartender. We made plans to get a drink one night, but the day of, I just got way too drunk during the day and was in no condition to do anything that evening. So nothing happened with her.
Over the next few months I brought a maybe 5-6 girls to that same bar. It was my go-to place to bring girl, and friends in general. Great service, great atmosphere, quiet enough that we could talk, etc. A lot of the time, it'd be that exact same girl who would serve us. I could tell she was a bit jealous and often times completely ignored the girl I was sitting with while getting orders. She'd look me dead in the eye and not even glace over at the girl.
When I went there with guy friends, I noticed she stuck around my table a bit to talk, and also when I went up to the bar to get a drink (and she served me), she pretty much did the same thing - she wouldn't ever just give me a drink and that'd be that. She always said at least a little something, however harmless.
I never ended up texting her again until a few months later, I got a bit curious about her and decided to antagonize her a bit with a text:
[Paraphrased; college was years ago]:
Me: "It's $1 beers tomorrow right?"
Her: Yep.
Dead silence for like half an hour
Her: "Who's the lucky girl?"
Me: "Jealous?"
Her: "What do all these girls see in you?"
Me: "You wanna find out?"
The next day she had off she was in my bed. I could have made small talk, been somewhat of a beta and struck up a long conversation about dating and life or whatever else which is a mistake I think a lot of guys make, but I just figured that since I had social proof (jealousy is the ultimate aphrodisiac for women), and since she was jealous, saw me with other (good-looking) girls, and knew that I had other options, I figured the odds were in my favour.
I figured I didn't really need to make things too difficult for myself. I got straight to the point. Even if she had said no, at least I didn't waste a bunch of time. Better to get a no in 5 minutes than in 5 months.
Lessons learned:
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Don't complicate things
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Get a yes/no quickly. Don't waste your time.
- When she's making it easy, just let it be easy.
Self-honest 6y ago
Also, when she's making it difficult, make it simple. Go find somebody else to fuck.
[deleted] 6y ago
Man we overthink so much, the simple shit is often the most effective.
jb_trp 6y ago
I've heard a quote: If a woman is currently into you, she'll make it easy for you. She'll open the door and all you have to do is walk through. When that same chick closes the door, all you have left to do is walk away.
So many of the posts on askTRP are, "There's this one girl, things were good, now they're not... What can I do to fix this?" They don't get it. Bro, there is no "fixing it." There's walking away, bettering yourself, and finding your own path. Women will come along for the ride as long as it suits them, and not a second longer. Don't get hung up on someone who isn't at all invested in you.
dthlist 6y ago
Wtf is that tag next to your name?
[deleted] 6y ago
Cuz I'm hilarious so I got this nickname.
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Falconsbeardedchess 6y ago
Well, you obviously didn't fuck her. Thats the problem right there. The oneitis is going to come from the good ones that won't let you fuck them. They are masters of their trade. Beware.
HerefortheTuna 6y ago
Don’t get oneitis from chicks who won’t put out for you.
Self-honest 6y ago
If you can't seem to overcome your oneitis with the help of the sidebar, I recommend finding nine more girls that are hot enough to make you feel the exact same way. Then you'll have ten-itis (tinnitus: a ringing or buzzing sound in the ears, often associated with hearing loss).
At some point the signal to noise ratio (the ratio of the strength of a signal carrying information to that of interference) will reach a point where any lingering thoughts of "this one special girl" are completely drowned out.
There can't be one special girl if there are ten. Even if you found ten, there are obviously ten more waiting around the next corner.
_spenman 6y ago
Hey man really new to TRP and I am trying to get through the insane amount of info in the side bar ( I think my biggest issue being oneitis. Would you have any direct links with good content on this?
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Self-honest 6y ago
"Just as women, who are the gatekeepers of sex, still crave and enjoy sex, men can and do feel real affection for the right sort of woman, and will actively want to do so."
I hear you man. You need to kill the oneitis either way, but go read Whisper's post I quoted from and linked above if you haven't already.
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Poof_Wonder 6y ago
I cringe because I sent a girl a witty message and she implied that she would in fact go out, but right when I started a normal conversation she didn't respond. ughghghahdhgahgldhahg
shockinghillaryquote 6y ago
This is a great example, but I still have to marvel at the ridiculous nature of the Hamster. Do these women ever reflect on their internal mechanisms? Do they have any self-awareness of their impulses, why they like a guy, why they behave a certain way?
The fact they don't, I suppose, is to the male's advantage.
[deleted] 6y ago
Thread title is good and relevant, polish the story a bit more pls.
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Luckyluke23 6y ago
this is the step guys fail on. they make it LONG when they don't have the social proof. nobody whats to sit through your boring shit. get to the point.
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dingman58 6y ago
Lots of positivity and encouragement in this thread. Good post OP and good on you for starting a positive conversation
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oldslut 6y ago
yes, all good, and it seems like it worked out well for you... but i would have kept her to get free drinks, and fucked all the other chicks i brought there. once you fuck the bartender and things go sour, you might end up losing your watering hole... in other words, don't shit where you drink ;)
tonguexp 6y ago
Bar oneitis? There is a bar on every corner. No one bar is yours, just your turn.
bslizzle 6y ago
This is extremely important for those starting out. When you start lifting, improving your confidence, etc. you naturally become more attractive. The issue comes when a Beta who seems attractive opens his mouth. If she's already into you, lead her along. Don't treat it like you're still trying to get her attention.
extreme_aardvark 6y ago
“If she's already into you, lead her along. Don't treat it like you're still trying to get her attention.”
Sonofabiatch. Why am I just NOW finding this out? /facepalm
Chaddeus_Rex 6y ago
Can you clarify this? What do you mean by 'lead her along'?
[deleted] 6y ago
If a horse is galloping towards the goal then you don't need to convince it to want to reach the goal, just make sure it doesn't go off track.
dingman58 6y ago
Take her somewhere and bang her
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47rivers 6y ago
I laugh at people who think redpillers are incel types- they just have no idea how clueless they are when it comes to sex, and how easy it is.
[deleted] 6y ago
The incels didn't fare too well around here.
[deleted] 6y ago
If you're confident, sex is very easy.
Be fit, confident, and attractive. The rest is easy.
Banned-in-Boston 6y ago
TRP is misunderstood by most people. They do not realize it is a successful hospital for losers.
strikethrough123 6y ago
100%. Started lifting. Lost my V. Hit double digit N count. Moved out parent's place. Landed a good job. All due to two years of TRP.
_spenman 6y ago
Literally just found this sub today, but what I am noticing is a lot of the stuff on here are things I learned the hard way in the past 5-7 years to basically not be BP and my life has drastically changed since
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mrcs84usn 6y ago
This is like the classic rules of getting with women.
Be attractive
Your story is rule 2 in a nutshell. When she already likes you, you just have to not fuck it up.
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ivaskuu 6y ago
Do you have a favorite book to recommend for body language, and cocky and funny? Thanks!
antariusz 6y ago
Just as an aside.
Cocky/funny is one way of pulling girls into your frame and it works, if you’re cocky and funny.
There are other ways of getting laid that work just as well.
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RUALUM15 6y ago
Great point. Just got back from a trip to Miami where these two girls were giving me shit from day 1. I hooked up with one of them by being cocky/funny and flirting with them as soon as we arrived. No one is going to nail every joke/witty comment 100% of the time. Sometimes women are going to give you a look because you messed up. You have to follow it up with another one because when that joke/witty comment makes her laugh, she'll forget all about the last stupid thing you said. If you don't take women seriously, you'll have more fun because you're controlling the interaction. I routinely get the "you're such an asshole" comments because I say whatever I want. I told the girls at breakfast one day that they are here to amuse me and if they don't like it that they can walk away. But they recognize that they're having too much fun to leave, so I continue to do what I'm doing. Great point.
6ix_ 6y ago
This was awesome and really helpful. Do you mind if I pm you and ask you a couple of questions? No biggie if not.
Pilliam66 6y ago
You've already asked a question when you could've just got to the point
blkMGTOW07 6y ago
I recommend how to be a 3% man by coach Corey Wayne.
Self-honest 6y ago
Do you have any experience to draw off of with either of these?
Edit: are you cocky, or funny? Can you read body language at all? Where are you at in your journey?
RUALUM15 6y ago
I know this point is beaten to death, but read "What Every Body is Saying" by Joe Navarro. It's a great body language guide, but most body language is intuitive. You can tell when you offended someone, but you have to decide whether that discomfort is on the surface or more deeply wounded someone. And part of that is where your comment is coming from. Most women know that my goal isn't to be malicious when I'm talking to them because maliciousness comes from a place of insecurity, whereas humor comes from a place of security. If you're lightly teasing a girl she will recognize that and be receptive, but if you're flat out rude, she will realize that you're no longer playing a game with her. If you tease her, expect shit tests, but if you are rude, expect her to walk away or be closed off to your advances. Hope that helps.
MySpiritGuide 6y ago
^^^ this.. I really would like to hear from you
kez88 6y ago
Good post. Another thing I'll tack on. Sometimes I've lost girls because they seemed keen and I thought I had to do more to win them over or fuck me. Things like put in some dirty talk or flirt more or something. When if I had just said 'cool, come back to my place for xyz' they probably would have.
redd_reality 6y ago
Great post op.
Your point actually transcends many arenas of life. Often times our greatest obstacle in obtaining the object of our desire - the new job, degree, award etc. Isn't the external ones, but ourself. We feel deep down, unconsciously even, that we aren't good enough and don't deserve the bounty we are about to receive.
Self sabatoge is very real and it is fucking essential to recognize the feeling in ourself and cut that shit out.
GallantSoul 6y ago
Self sabotage is too damn real. When everything is going perfectly, I always find a way to shoot myself in the foot.
redd_reality 6y ago
There's a good section in Models by mark Manson, where he explains after a decade of travelling and running game, where basically all of his anxiety is gone, but the only thing that remains is the voice in his head that disqualifies others. "her hairs too short", "she's too old", "I shouldn't have to approach her, she should say something to me" type stuff.
This type of defeating or diminishing self talk is the psyches way of preserving the status quo and an attempt to limit change.
Personally, my day is fucking filled with instances where ill be going about my business and I might see or hear someone else and I instantly make disqualifying statements about them in my head. It's truly toxic and one of my biggest hurdles as of late.
WolfofAnarchy 6y ago
Wow it's great you're battling that, because unlike many here, prejudices based on small things are toxic as hell, making you bitter.
redd_reality 6y ago
Truth be told, some of my most toxic perspectives originated from trp.
The key here though, is to realize that trp only offered me the truth. It was I who took the truth and colored it with bitter sentiment.
One could just as easily frame trp truths in a strictly positive and productive light.
For years I've worked at rewriting my perspectives regarding women. First, they were angels, then post trp, they were cunning Machiavellian hags. These days, they're feminine humans struggling to find meaning in their lives just like men. I love them for more of what they are, instead of judging them for what they are. I believe this also allows them to see me similarly, in my masculine respects.
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