Law #10
"Infection: Avoid the unhappy and unlucky."
You can die from someone else's misery - emotional states are as infectious as diseases. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.
And being at law #10, I figured it would be a good time to link to everything we've done so far.
Law #9 - Win through your actions, never through argument."
Law #8 - "Make other people come to you - use bait if necessary."
Law #7 - "Get others to do the work for you, but always take the credit."
Law #6 - "Court attention at all costs."
Law #5 - "So much depends on reputation - guard it with your life."
Law #4 - "Always say less than necessary."
Law #3 - "Conceal your intentions."
Law #2 - "Never put too much trust in friends, learn how to use enemies."
zarus 9y ago
Here's a question: how do we get these unhappy, unlucky people to swarm enemies? How do we get the right people infected?
slcjosh 9y ago
Law ten is rough. Lots of your friends, especially between 16 and 26 are fucking losers. It's not easy to separate yourself from that.
[deleted] 9y ago
I had this issue with my mother, she cheated on my father (he was essentially a big beta bux) with a drug dealer who beat her and me (when I was a kid), I'm now convinced this guy was a sociopath.
Anyways after he ditched her she got depressed and her alcoholism got worse, after I cut contact with her and moved away for university to avoid her she commited suicide, so I'm finnally free of her influence.
zarus 9y ago
My take on this: it's easy to help people with material matters. It's even relatively easy to help them with intellectual matters, if you have the knowledge/intuition necessary. It's almost impossible to help people with problems where emotion/psychology is the core issue if they want to/don't know how to help themselves.
Even Carl Jung, the king of trying to get to the heart of the human mind, felt that general principles of psychology must inevitably give way to the particulars of the individual mind; after a certain point, one must accept that the heart has reasons that reason can not know. Freud, on the other hand, admitted (privately, and to friends) that his psychoanalysis was BS from the start.
If you can realize this, if you can accept that your ability to help others and to control your environment only goes so far, you will free yourself from a lot of wasted clock cycles.
WarmApfelPi 9y ago
Use the fortunate as an example of what to become and the unfortunate as what not to become.
TheDarkTriad 9y ago
As far as this law applying to your career remember that the "unhappy and unlucky" don't tend to last long in their position. Don't be the one to go down with them.
VarsitySlutTeamCpt 9y ago
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone.
aazav 9y ago
Honestly.
You inherit the qualities of the people you surround yourself with. Stay away from people who are a drain on life. Many of them are self sabotaging.
[deleted] 9y ago
This hits home for me because I'm the depressed one usually and I can feel how much conversation lightens up for everybody in the room when I'm in a better mood, even conversations I'm not involved.
And even though I try to be the least negative possible and not complain your body language and face don't lie.
zarus 9y ago
Do you know anybody as depressed as/more depressed than you? Or did you know somebody like that in the past?
[deleted] 9y ago
No, i've met some negative people who were always complaining, but I don't think i've met anyone with depression or bad mood as bad as mine in some days.
aww40 9y ago
Misery loves company sums this one up.
People are selfish by nature so it only make sense that they try to find someone to share the pain with. They believe it lightens the load rather than just creating more misery.
Anyone who ever got into trouble as a kid knows this feeling. Going to the principal's office always felt better when you were going with your boys than facing that dickhead by yourself. People don't really grow out of this mindset: they lack the emotional maturity to deal with their problems on their own
It goes back to the concept of creating value. Those who create attract other people into their sphere of influence. However, some of those they attract are parasites, even if they don't realize it. They find value and they suck it out due to the fact that they are incapable of creating it on their own. You are a landlord, they are squatters.
Saturnalia93 9y ago
I am usually pretty happy and optimistic but have incredibly bizarre luck. I guess the rule there is only to hang out with me on the weekends.
kempff 9y ago
After observing this rule in the wild, I adopted a policy of not allowing people in my life who are in abusive relationships. Because the disorder eventually comes my way. It doesn't matter if the person is the abuser or the victim. I don't want to get a call at 3am with someone on the other end screaming and crying asking to be picked up on the road and to spend the night at my place. Nor do I want to hear the latest stupid thing the significant other did. The policy also applies to people in relationships with excessively jealous partners. I just don't want the potential trouble.
HeadingRed 9y ago
I was that guy and had my friends "soft next" me. For those reading this thread- think about if the women (or just a guy you were friends with) created a dynamic where your existing friends (and family) found a way to be around you less.
foldpak111 9y ago
I had to take it as far as shutting my own father out of my life. All you had to do was spend 30 seconds with him for his negativity to ruin the mood. IDC who you are, if you try to bring me down in your downward spiral because you're sad,then fuck you dude. I wasn't put on this earth to babysit people. Life is about getting stronger and smarter, not sitting around being a depressed queer.
s0und0fyell0w 9y ago
absolutely. do what you have to do. if people want to be boring and depressed you have to cut them loose. just because you have known them your whole life even doesn't obligate you to keep letting them bring you down.
Ehcadroj 9y ago
I worked with a collegaue once who, despite holding a patent and a PHD, and the French accolade that lets you be a professor in France (not all phd's can be professors), he had bought a obscenely expensive house and was going through hell trying to pay the mortgage.
After 3 years of his soul sucking depravity, I left that place (contract expired).
I gotta say though, the rebound you feel when you're in and amongst regular people, not even happy, just neutral people is just simply uplifting.
As much as it sucks to be around people like that, I would recommend to maintain occasional contact for two reasons, you're a better person for helping people out, and it will give your life some perspective as to who you are and want to be.
slcjosh 9y ago
"Not all phd's can be professors"
That's so important its silly. Yet another way the American education system has failed it's youth.
ATBlanchard 9y ago
The professor selection process in America is unbelievably competitive, even at below average universities.
Ehcadroj 9y ago
In France it's institutionalized that if you don't get this accolade at your defense you cannot become a professor, period.
[deleted] 9y ago
I used to be that depressing/depressed bummer in the room who would turn every conversation negative. Once you go into that spiral it's hard to get out. I went to counseling, read books, meditated, obsessed over TRP theory, etc. etc. I tried everything over the years except hypnosis (because I thought it was full of shit) and getting better friends. Eventually while studying pick-up, someone recommended listening to Hypnotica's Collection of Confidence audio. I tried it out and actually found it pretty helpful.
However, one of the things I realized while listening to the audio lessons was that even though you are ultimately in control of your own state (frame), the actions of others will influence you subconsciously. And, like an infection, negativity will wear you down over time. Surrounding yourself with positive individuals however, will build you up by encouraging you to improve. For the most part, I've ditched the "friends" who were wearing me down, and only share my time with those who I feel improve my life. The result has been a nearly complete absence of the depression I felt for the past 11 years.
Truer words have never been written.
Human_v2 9y ago
I've heard it said 'you are the average of the five people you spend most time with'. Seems to go along with that subconscious influence you mention.
[deleted] 9y ago
I'm not sure I'd agree with being the average, but I definitely agree with the concept. It's why you parents always wanted you to hang out with the good crowd growing up. They should have looked for alpha children for us to hang out with.
[deleted] 9y ago
One problem i find in my case is that. Well im a shy, insecure person. Something im trying to change... And a thing what the emotional state is that other people in college, for example will treat me bad(like a stranger). So if i pump myself up with self-talk and stuff im still gonna get put down by that social rejection...
What is your thoughts?
[deleted] 9y ago
I'm going to paraphrase a response to this from Hypnotica's Collection of Confidence (btw I support listening to it, but am not paid to promote it).
This is only your perception of the experience. Unless they are actively insulting you, the chances they perceive you in a bad way is very small. I've worked a lot on my insecurities lately, and realized that the biggest problem I had with interacting with others was assuming how they perceived me. Introverts, especially insecure introverts, tend to make negative assumptions about any possible scenario. While this isn't true for all introverts, most tend to be pessimists. I believe it's due to insufficient human contact.
Anyways, what I did was actively give my mind more options. Instead of just assuming a girl wouldn't like me on the approach, I had to think, "What else could be true? Maybe she likes the color of my eyes. Maybe she's into some of the same nerdy stuff I'm into."
After I've thought of a few other possibilities, I would once again think up more options, but more intense and less believable. "Maybe she's nympho and is just waiting for me to take her back to my place. Maybe she's on a new hidden camera show where the first guy to confidently ask her out wins $1,000,000."
Once I had three possibilities in my head; the negative, the positive, and the outrageously positive, I wouldn't be as intimidated to talk to a girl. After all I came to these possible conclusions in my head. None are more true than the others, they're all make believe.
I'm a strong believer that you need to work on inner-game, weightlifting, body posture, and voice tonality early on. Not only do these help your game, but they also bleed into other aspects of your life and to each other. One of the greatest things they help improve is self-confidence. Once you have that, you'll see leaps in your progress.
totorox 9y ago
"Always say less than necessary", not "yes".
[deleted]
emptyform 9y ago
One of the most important laws and sometimes the most difficult, if you have old friends that tend to be wet blankets. But ultimately, they WILL bring you down. This law also ends up indirectly tying in with "Guard Your Reputation", because you will be associated negatively with the company you keep if they are known to be Debbie Downers.
Once you are the best person in the room, you must find a different room.
[deleted] 9y ago
Love this. A lot of people (especially hot girls who avoid leaving small towns) become comfortable being a big fish in a small pond. It feels safe, but leaves no room for improvement.
Hanging on to old friends feels comfortable because of the rapport, and often we want to try to help them. But sometimes people have to learn to help themselves, and ultimately you're helping yourself to improve by letting them go.
rockytheboxer 9y ago
Just a thought, it may be a good idea to link to previous days' posts in the body of the post. Easy access for people who missed your first few posts.
guitarjob 9y ago
You can still be around these people if necessary. You just have to mantain frame and don't give a shit what they say. You must know that you are constantly improving and becoming a better person and nothing they say can take away from that. You don't have to abandon your parents just because they are unhappy people.
HS-Thompson 9y ago
This works in small intermittent doses. But prolonged exposure will wear anyone down, which is the point of this law.
loveofnotes 9y ago
I work for my father. He has not had an easy life due to illness suffered as a child. He is pretty much all blue pill and definitely depressed. Most days are good. Sometimes we even go weeks when it feels like he's got no problems, then he has a problem and he begins shoveling ALL other problems on top of the one and things get terrible. It's been inconsistent like this for two years. When customers ask, "Will you be taking over the family business?" often I think, "no, I'd really rather kill myself!" I'm looking for other part time work so I can try and figure out a better direction.
VoidInvincible 9y ago
I was just thinking about this today. How the people I'm around are actually dragging me down. My little brother, and my mother are both incredibly unmotivated and different than me. My little brother is often socially awkward and it really hurts my confidence when I go places with him. My mom is also too shy in public. I find myself always having to initiate anything. Unfortunately for my situation I have to deal with it, but yes this law is very true and it matters who you spend your time with.
a_murderer 9y ago
Try helping your brother out instead of antagonising him.
That's what older brothers are for.