Good god. Ever since I have learned that phrase, it has put so much into perspective..stuff that I have kind of already known, but it was nice just having the pieces fall into place.
As I scour my FB Friends list. I scour my wifes FB Friends list. I see people on the street, at work, old friends from HS...putting myself FIRST has never been a higher priority. I am SO GLAD that I started lifting years ago, dropped some good weight, packed on some solid muscle, and for a man in his 30's, when compared to my peers...I look fucking good and it was the best decision I have ever made. My wife is stilll beautiful, but her looks will fade, I know it..especially if she continues her drinking. But her friends...holy shit, I see their looks fading FAST. My friends (men and women) YUP! getting chubby / fat, hair thinning out (sometimes that isn't their fault), etc.. and I just realize, from at least a physical / physique perspective, how much of a gem I look compared to them. I honestly wonder if my friends wives, or my wifes friends ever look at me and compare to their husbands (overweight or out of shape, or super thin, etc...).
I have to admit, being a man in his 30's with kids and married, but being in great shape...there is a pride factor that comes with it. I "enjoy" taking my shirt off to mow the yard or do yard work, or go for a run, etc... and do wonder if ladies or other peoples wives are checking me out. Yea, my ego is talking..but I have worked my ass off for it. 4x a week, 1+ hrs a day, for several years.
But that wall man...holy shit is it ever more true in MY LIFE then ever before. I find ZERO of the women around me or on my FB friends list, or her friends even remotely attractive. There are some cute ones, but as I age and keep myself looking young and in shape, I eyeball the 20 something year old girls all the time, at the gym..and sometimes think I get some looks back (not sure though).
The sad part, unfortunately, is wishing my wife just KNEW the gem (in my opinion) I am for her and she would go out of her way to want me. We are in a bad place, oh well..not sure if we will recover, but the more my confidence rises, and our marriage crumbles, it makes me wonder about what is in store for me for the future. I am not sure I would ever get married again. It would have to be someone super special. And the more RSD Tyler videos I watch, all his free tour shit, the more I realize if I go single, I want to try all types of new women...new pussy, and get to the point where saying NO is easy, and my SMV is super high and I would have my choice at a partner. I have felt lucky as shit for having the woman I do now...how I feel about her, unfortunately, is not how she feels about me I don't believe. What women say and feel are 100% different.
And I have been drinking a little tonight, so I apologize for the long rant / confession.
But that fucking wall man...has hit ALL the women I know right in the fucking face, with a shovel. And so many could have prevented it..by taking care of themselves a little. I know I could catch a hot fucking girl...and in all truth, my wife could still catch a hot guy. She will age well. She is a milf, and WILL BE a milf. That is why I have always wanted it to work out for us...because we have been together since HS, have gone through SO MUCH together, built EVERYTHING together, had a couple kids, and the wall hasn't hit her yet, or if it has..it is slight. Still has a nice body, beautiful face, nice boobs (aren't big, slight droop because of kids but I am not a boob guy) and a sweet ass. Just too many trust issues at this point that makes staying so fucking hard.
Anyways....that wall man. That fucking wall.
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icanteventhecat 11y ago
No kidding. I have excellent clear skin. Women actually ask me my secret a lot. Cetaphil, moisturizer, and not slathering my face with chemicals on a daily basis! I'm shocked at how good the average man's facial skin looks like compared to women without makeup.
[deleted] 11y ago
Simple fucking water and maybe soap. It's that simple.
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
Holy shit bro, I keep it super simple myself too. For 1, I am not a big drinker, so I think that helps with skin and face bloat. But 2. I used Cetaphil, and basic facial moisturizer. I have great skin.
hamstercide 11y ago
It doesn't matter if they get hit by the wall if they don't recognize it and still act like entitled 9/10s.
torrentialtomato 11y ago
Yeah, that's part of the problem. They've got pussy. No matter how fat and ugly, there's always going to be thirsty sad sacks lining up to hit that shit.
SgtBrutalisk 11y ago
So, walls can now wield shovels, huh? And I bet those shovels wield baseball bats?
/joke
nyrp 11y ago
When I was 22, I had my own term for it. I called it 28-year-old-girl syndrome.
The symptoms were all the same. I dated two girls ages 28 that year and noticed they had this weird anxiety that girls my own age didn't have.
But what the fuck were they doing dating a 22-year old guy who was working out four days a week?!
Thanks to the Red Pill it all falls into place. They were facing the Wall and in denial.
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
getting it out of their system is what they were doing until they find mr. beta bux. Just curious, ever follow up on them (FB, etc...) see how they look now?
nyrp 11y ago
One looks pretty good for what must now be 39 (wow!) But still single as far as I can tell. She seems to have gotten fit and gone into modeling in her mid 30s.
The other looks decent for going on 40 as well.
Still has her maiden name though.
Edit: just found a picture from a different angle. She's a big girl now!
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
Now that I have opened my eyes and realized that my SMV will continue going up, and the women around me (my age) will continue going down...it gives me confidence actually should I move into the single realm at some point of being able to tell these women "no", in the sense "you aren't good enough for me, I can do better"...whereas my mentality a month ago would have been "jesus...I don't want to be single...I sure hope an attractive girl my age would actually be interested in me".
It's a night / day switch in my brain.
Aannonn 11y ago
When I was 33 I began dating a woman that was 26. She was fun and I began hanging out with all her friends that were her age or younger. I didn't have a lot in common with them but I had even less in common with people my own age that were long since married and now had actual children, not babies.
The 26yo thought she was hot shit and lived a life of drinking and partying. While I exercised almost every day and don't drink, I often saw her drunk and she rarely exercised. She started getting older and gaining weight and I got her to lose it, even started working out with her.
All her friends were getting fat and she was nothing if not easily influenced by them (and everything else). She had no mind of her own and she gained back the weight plus some. I pushed her hard to workout but she would always make excuses. I finally said fuck it and refused to help her.
I know she was flirting with other men but I didn't care. After a night of drinking where her friends spent the evening telling her to break up with me and she did, on the night I presented my thesis and got my MS while she was out getting tanked. She thought since she got attention from every guy at the bar that dating would be a breeze.
We kept in touch for a while after and I even suggested a competition to see who could get laid the most. She agreed though she insisted I'd win. I never even caught up to her. She would go out and find a guy and get laid that night and they'd never call her back.
She suggested we have sex just for fun and I declined since I don't want any stds. She also suggested we should have gotten back together and I told her there was no chance.
A year after we broke up I met my SO. I was 38 and she was 26. I've never been happier and my Ex was fuming. We don't talk anymore but we have some mutual friends on FB and most of them are haggard and rapidly expanding.
Women could age well but few choose to. They spend their twenties destroying their health and running their bodies down so when they're 30 they look like they're in their forties or fifties.
I spent a few months randomly dating and had a few with women my own age and there's no fucking way I'd jump on that boat. Women in their late thirties and forties are some of the most burnt out, hateful, ruined people I've ever met. Fuck that shit.
[deleted] 11y ago
amazing story , I agree completely with your point of view
Aannonn 11y ago
When she was about to turn 29 I told her it was a tough year and she should think things over before making any rash decisions. Like everything else I told her she blew it off and regretted it later.
A few months after she turned 29 she broke up with me, really increasing the spiral. Now she is an overweight alcoholic living in a studio apartment with her cat.
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Aannonn 11y ago
That's why I did it. I wanted to speed up the spiral. I was reading Dale Carnegie at the time and wanted to see how much of it worked on her. She fell for all of it.
She also wanted kids and ending things because I wouldn't give them to her. I knew the more she drinked and fucked around the farther she would get from having kids.
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[deleted] 11y ago
did you miss the part where he kept trying to push her to better herself?
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Aannonn 11y ago
All the good I did for her was ignored while she did nothing but lie and expect me to treat her like a child. I just started treating her like an equal and took away the help I was giving her.
[deleted] 11y ago
I'm in my mid 20's and I already see all the things you are talking about amongst my peers.. the newer generations are in even worse health than the last. That wall is coming faster for girls in their late 20's now-a-days because of the serious decline in the American diet and sedentary lifestyles.. The future looks bright for people like us, but you still can't help but feel bad about it in a small way. It has a lonliness/isolation factor to it as well.
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
The one aspect i hate already is i have some slight grey hairs in my facial hair and on the sides of my hair. They are trace amounts but annoy me. But my wife says she likes it and says i look more mature / distinguished. Not sure how girls in their 20s like it though?
[deleted] 11y ago
Oh dude, they LOVE THAT SHIT. Keep rocking it. Especially if you otherwise look youthful, keep that distinguished hair.
Basically what they are saying is that you look like a high SMV male.. someone in the 35-45 range who is peaking their SMV. Ride that train for as long as you can bro.
DanG3 11y ago
Young girls "like" the grey, too - IF you own it. The females - ALL the females - in a troop of gorillas follow the Alpha with the silver back.
On the other hand, if you try to cover it it's a DLV - and usually a point of mockery by women.
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
Yea I will definitely own it. Was freaking out for a while though.
dave_is_not_here 11y ago
Dread Game Dread Game Dread Game.
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shadymilkman_ 11y ago
Harder when you're already married like OP.
Dread game = "I'm willing to give you half my shit so I can go for this other female"
aww40 11y ago
Yeah, the thing about dread game in a failing relationship is knowing how to implement so that it doesn't completely ruin the relationship (if that isn't your goal). Too much (fucking a coworker) and she hits her limit and ends it. Sometimes it's so far gone that too little (seeing you flirt with other women) has no effect on her as she doesn't care at that point.
If you want to fix it, then you have to display CRAAAAAZY value to show her how much she has to lose. And even then, if done incorrectly, you come off as pandering and putting her on the pedestal. You put in all this work into the relationship and fixing it and she did jack shit. Therefore, she cares less and, as a result, holds the power in the relationship.
A slippery slope for sure.
dave_is_not_here 11y ago
..........aaahhhhhhh. well shit, then.....
LastRevision 11y ago
I know the wall is theoretically when a girl's looks peak and she'll never see another year better than her last, even if she is still very attractive for the foreseeable future (24-27), but the true WALL, POINT OF NO RETURN, LAWNMOWER TO THE FACE seems to be 33-36... that's some scary shit right there. Like hellraiser, tear your soul apart, scary.
Zackcid 11y ago
It's important to realize that there are more than one facets or factors to understanding "The Wall". It isn't just about her looks fading, one important part of it is her expectations and her paradigm crashing. A few years ago, she was accustomed to being bombarded with a lot of attention and love, and now suddenly it ceasing, people aren't noticing her anymore, etc.
But for RP women who've lived a more traditional life without the attention whoring of modern women, the Wall hardly leaves a dent on her.
Cyralea 11y ago
When you consider that 80% of a woman's value is her looks, that's an incredibly frightening idea. It's no wonder so many women want to hamster it away, I'd be scared shitless knowing that.
kenatogo 11y ago
And yet, knowing this, women will still eat like pigs and never hit the gym
zephyrprime 11y ago
The thing about women is that they are just no good at taking action unless there is some sort of strong emotional motivation to do so.
kenatogo 11y ago
Funny, I can't think of a stronger emotional motivator for a woman than being ugly and fat.
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pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
You would think....but nope. LOL.
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
I saw my co-workers wife tonight..and she isn't horrible looking a few years ago, but if I was a single guy, no way in fucking hell would I be hitting her up, even if I was shit faced...but tonight....holy shit. Granted, they are both in their 40's now, (I think). And one of her other friends, an asian chick used to be quite attractive (had a 'slight' thing for her, but the most recent pics...she is putting on weight, face is filling out) and I am just thinking "nope. nope. nope.". I know that sounds mean, but its the truth. I saw her mom at a wedding one night, and I can easily see her turning into her mom, and my friend who she married...oh shit, I feel BAD BAD for him.
edit - can't stop laughing at lawnmower. Christ. Makes me think of the phrase, "fell down the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down". I once made a comment to my wife about a woman who has let herself go (and she wasn't a nice person anyways) how she got hit by the ugly shovel till it snapped in half. She looked at me with utter disgust that came out of my mouth. I shrugged and walked away, lol.
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otiswild 11y ago
It's not just that, but people typically see others as they age and remember them in younger days. So the fellow who's been married for 50 years looks at his 70yo wife and still "sees" the 20yo he married, assuming she's a classically good wife.
When you look at the wife and see a cunt, the marriage is basically over.
vengefully_yours 11y ago
Fifteen to twenty years? Fuck that. First wife was twenty when I met her, she took off at 28 to my relief. Second wife was 21 when I met her and popped her cherry, I kicked her out a year ago when she was 30. I've been fucking 18-25 year olds with some older FWB that know I won't be getting married again, and they like the wild sex and fun times with me. I keep them about eight years and find another twenty something. I get the best part of their lives and I get better as I age.
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Mymobileacoconut 11y ago
Also, it's much easier to train a clean slate as opposed to a broken rock.
[deleted] 11y ago
Seriously, the one thing I can't swallow about TRP is the obsession with marrying some 18-20 y/o, seriously they're as mentally stimulating as a fucking cheese wheel
Maybe if you only care about having a hot piece of ass that's cool. But what's the point of marriage then?
[deleted] 11y ago
Which differentiates them from older women... how?
If a woman has a sense of humor and a zest for life it's gonna show up by 22.
[deleted] 11y ago
I think the case can be made that many wall women are also as mentally stimulating as a fucking cheese wheel
_whistler 11y ago
The point of marriage is to foster a stable environment for offspring. That's all. It's a risky endeavor in this day and age, but some choose to pursue it.
All other things you want from your relationships with women, are available without a binding marriage contract.
browndelicious 11y ago
This took me a while to understand, too. Don't expect one person to satisfy all of your needs. Being with a younger woman can satisfy many of your needs for sex and companionship, but intellectual stimulation...probably not.
Make friends.
As for wanting marriage, I don't think it's a widely held notion on r/theredpill. Maybe it's something we want for our daughters but it's a bad deal for men.
vengefully_yours 11y ago
Fuck marriage, its nothing but risk for men, why would you want to? You can live together and dump her at any time if you want monogamy, I like fucking lots of different women, so no monogamy for me. Been married twice, now I'm permanently single at 45. Life gets better if you take care of yourself.
As for stimulating women, they never get more stimulating than they are at twenty. If she isn't interesting by then, she won't be in ten or twenty more years, she will just be cynical, spiteful, and pissed because men my age are fucking the 20 year olds.
[deleted] 11y ago
To be fair: TRP generally also has no idea about the marriage plan for men either. You'll see it recommended time and time again here not to marry, even if it's what you want, you'll get told it's probably the wrong decision because of the legal climate or what have you.
FaithfulJinn 11y ago
The TRP marriage plan should be to not get one.
kenatogo 11y ago
Only get married if you want to get financially raped.
Talkshitgethit 11y ago
People say different things, IMO, do what you want. We've only got one life to live, if you do or don't want to get married, then do it. Just have no regrets.
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
I don't regret getting married. Getting married for me to the person I love the most in this world (and I still do despite our crumbling empire) has brought me a lot of amazing things in my life, a couple wonderful children, has motivated / pushed me in my career to better myself, make a lot of money, provided my children an environment for her to be a stay at home mom and not let some other person raise them, etc...
I think its poor to sometimes say "I regret this..I regret that" because you can't do a god damn thing about the past...only the present and future.
[deleted] 11y ago
Looking for a woman to mentally stimulate you is a not the right strategy. You should be completely mentally stimulated on your own, you aren't looking to her for that. Plus given the route most women take in their 20s, they aren't any smarter at 28 than they are at 18. So what, they won't have hit up enough bars to be able to carry on a convo about wine tasting. These women have perfectly fine brains, in many ways, this is the sharpest a girl will ever be. You then get a chance to help her grow intellectually, instead of having what the carousel and 5 years of a HR career have grown her. My GF was in college when I met her (I'm 5 years older) and yeah, there were times when I thought "goddamn this girl is a fucking flowerpot". But in many ways, that is what is best about her - she's naive, not cynical, not hardened like me or women who have been getting P&D for 5 years.
I wouldn't marry her or anything because I'm against marriage as it stands in the western world, but if it is a comparison between girls like her and girls at 29 who are "accomplished professionals" in my field and my coworkers, like the people society expects me to date, the younger one is a better choice by far.
southernfriedcode 11y ago
I find women the exact opposite of mentally stimulating. They are a chore to interact with for the most part.
darkstout 11y ago
My friend married a super smart computer science chick... and they divorced a year later. Their intellectual conversations destroyed their sex life. They both turned each other off talking about programming every night.
torrentialtomato 11y ago
Agreed. Before TRP, I always looked for well-educated, smart women. Now, after learning of the true RP reality, I realize that's all bullshit. Both my first wife and my current wife have Master's degrees, both graduated with academic honors. And, good Lord, before TRP, it was always a mystery to me why these two women seemed so stupid when it came to being able to think logically about relationship issues and so forth. I thought it was me. That for some reason, I wasn't finding that special snowflake. Now I know better.
Yes, find a woman who shares your interests, but don't expect them to think like a man.
[deleted] 11y ago
Yep, married a P.H.D. myself. same thing.
[deleted] 11y ago
Lots of good responses ITT. I think this is fundamental to red pill thinking.. the idea that you need a "mind-mate" is largely BP thinking. As a man, we are alone in our ability to think logically.. and it is our responsibility to mold our females into the women they are capable of becoming. It doesn't mean that you can't have intellectually stimulating convos with them, but don't expect to find one that will consistently offer it.. and definitely don't expect to find an intellectual women who isn't also polluted by feminist conditioning. An intellectual RP woman is truly a unicorn.
Edit: I've met some very smart and logical women (when emotions weren't a factor), and it seems that they are even more feminist minded because they meet many men who are less intelligent than they are and begin to assume that they are better or more capable than men. It basically plays right into their conditioning.
[deleted] 11y ago
Exactly. My GF in a conventional sense is very smart and could carry on a intellectual conversation with some of the smartest guys around. And you can bet that every guy she meets always is goo-gooing over that fact and trying to mentally stimulate her panties off. When I met her, her beta orbiters just loved to have stimulating conversations about the same intellectual issues over and over again. She doesn't know it, but she actually has a disdain for guys who see her as a mental equal and try to engage her in these type of intellectual conversations. Which is right by the biology of it - the fact that you are seeking intellectual companionship shows to the woman that you are not individualistic, focused, and of superior mind yourself.
The more "intellectual" a woman is, the more important it is to disengage with that part of her, so as to let her other qualities come out. She then will think of you as an "escape" from the mentally engaged world of work and study, a refuge where she gets to be a fun, feminine girl with her emotions turned up and her logic turned down. This is the only frame in my experience that will get these "smart" women to be pleasant, LTR-worthy partners.
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87GNX 11y ago
And we're supposed to be the misogynists.
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Geryon667 11y ago
No, that's what WOMEN want us to do. Well they'd prefer that we bang them as well.
There's little mental difference between a 20 year old and a 35 year old. One is just more innocent.
The physical differences on the other hand are pretty breathtaking.
zephyrprime 11y ago
And also, the 35yo will have SO MUCH baggage. A women who is single at that point will have a lot of negative personality traits. Girl game in her may be too strong and a girl with strong game just means she is an impossible to please, relationship sabotaging bitch who loves douchebags.
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[deleted] 11y ago
Because they benefit 35-year-old men more than they benefit 35-year-old women
TypicalBetaNeckbeard 11y ago
Just met one last Sunday, probably very attractive 10 years ago but now all you can see is that deep wrinkle around her mouth when she smiles. It's just a wrinkle, but says it all.
redbluepilling 11y ago
I've always heard this classified as "approaching the wall". But then yes, the wall itself is as you described.
Cyralea 11y ago
Maintaining high SMV in a marriage is absolutely key for two major reasons. Firstly, it's pretty much the only way to keep a woman's hypergamy in check. After 4 years those chemicals in her brain that told her to only have eyes for you have disappeared entirely. Only by appearing to be the most valuable prospect in her immediate vicinity do you stand not to have her stray.
Secondly, if things do go belly up (and for your sake OP, I hope things work out), you stand the best shot of landing on your feet running coming out of a divorce. Who do you think is in a better shape to find a quality partner? A fit 35-year old man, or a fat 35-year old woman? There's a colossal chasm of SMV between the two.
As a man you must never let your SMV slide due to complacency.
torrentialtomato 11y ago
This. Once your SMV slips, the wife begins thinking about looking for her next branch.
varisforge 11y ago
I know just what you're saying. I had a crush on this girl, I'll call her p, since third grade. Got shot down repeatedly because I didn't know how to approach.
I just saw her facebook not two days ago and she looks like a brunette Paula Deen now. P is 33 and looks 45. She's fat. She's wrinkly. I would never look at her twice or even realize who she is if I saw her on the street.
Gone is that beautiful teenager who despised me.
P is now someone I wouldn't give a second glance to.
She hit the wall so hard there weren't any survivors.
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
Oh man almost all the guys and girls I knew from hs look like shit. Even girls that were smoking hot are now in their 30s and look nothing like their former selfs
fasterpussycatdie 11y ago
Men age like wine, women age like milk.
That fucking wall.
I'm five years older than my wife and I'm in great shape. I look good, I feel good etc. Other men my age are pathetic, very few have my respect when it comes to giving a shit about their appearance.
I have never given my wife any reason to think that I would step out on her.
Last month was the first time she ever said anything that left me speechless. A couple days before I went on a business trip out of town she said "if you fuck anyone, I just ask that you make sure you wear a condom".
If you fuck anyone, I just ask that you make sure you wear a condom.
The words are hanging in the air. I'm facing away from her so I think she's shit test joking with me and I turn with a witty retort and saw her face. It was this sad, thousand yard stare. She was not joking. At all.
My grin fell and I just said yeah, don't worry about it. It was never brought up again.
I'm still floored.
aww40 11y ago
If this is true, you have won my friend.
Congratulations on your hard earned victory.
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moltar 11y ago
Men age like wine, women age like grapes!
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
Wow. That is crazy..but good to know she thinks that. But even fat balding men going on business trips cheat all the time.
fasterpussycatdie 11y ago
Me saying don't worry about it could have meant: Don't worry about it, I'll use a condom. Or, don't worry about it, I would never cheat on you. Either way, I think she wanted to rub her scent all over me because we pretty much had sex up until she dropped me off at the airport. heh
Dread. It's a heluva drug.
torrentialtomato 11y ago
Ha, well played, sir, well played. I'm striving to get to that point in my marriage, where my natural response is couched in RP thinking. I'm still working on counteracting decades of BP conditioning.
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
One day I hope to experience dread sex. I think however there are some women immune to it
1NV0K3R 11y ago
I'm only 25, but my closest friend from highschool and myself ran into some girls who were in our graduating class...
Lmfao, they looked terrible. Of course they were all married with beta bucks too. Was a rather amusing evening to say the least.
AgentSmith27 11y ago
After 30, almost everyone starts to look bad... both men and women.
Coming from a guy in his mid 30s, you have to really really work to maintain your looks. Very few guys and very few women actually put in this effort. Some people end up looking really bad, even before they hit 30.
No one takes their health seriously, and by the time you are 35, almost everyone you know looks like crap. For almost everyone who isn't taking constant care of their body, the clock is ticking. You are running out of time before you become unattractive.
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
Oh i agree. Some people dont hit the genetic lottery. But i have had to bust my ass to improve myself. Not many men or women can just coast forever.
cascadecombo 11y ago
Sounds like a personal problem.
But really, it's something you have to do, not sit on your ass and idly wish for.
[deleted] 11y ago
Why are you going though a rough patch?
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
been together for 15 years, typical relationship...hardships and shit. shrugs. I've done some shit. She has done some shit (imho, I feel hers is worse). So trust is broken (has been for a while, just wasn't willing to really look at it). I don't want to lose the marriage..because I still love her, we are each others first, I know I have never cheated...I dont' "think" she has (physically at least) but we have built so much together, and the idea of tearing it all down, starting over, splitting, breaking the family apart, etc..is an extremely tough pill to swallow. It's a pill with nails sticking out of it, covered in acid and poison :)
hungoverseal 11y ago
I'm not advocating a choice either way but just remember that happiness has to be intrinsic, from within yourself and it won't come from sleeping with hundreds of girls or just that single perfect one. It's like I know travelling makes me happy, but I know in the end the worlds only so big. If you love her then communicate effectively how you feel, then if it doesn't resolve the issue take action.
Also it's a common saying on here that if you have to say you are alpha, you probably aren't. So with you wife, demonstrate what a catch you are, don't wish for her to somehow realise.
I don't claim to really know shit about relationships but that's just my two cents. Hope you have fun however it works out!
Bulldog44 11y ago
Its like throwing up. You feel shitty before, during hurts like crazy, after you have no energy and just sit there with your head on the toilet seat trying to catch your breath. But after a bit, you feel sooooo much better.
mithridates1 11y ago
This is a perfect analogy for getting over oneitis also. There is no doubt that it is painful, but be patient, take your lumps, and you'll feel a ton better.
DanG3 11y ago
You probably can save your marriage. You are going to have to work on your oneitis for her, for starters. Then, you are going to have to get her to HAPPEN TO see you are as desirable to other women as you say you are. I'm not talking about you flirting with other women or you pointing it out to her. Your W has to notice that you are noticed and are desirable to other women - that you could and WOULD leave her for them ("Dread"). The third part in this is what I call the "Captain Jack Sparrow" component (CJS). (Some call it Outcome Independance.) She has to truely believe that you are unpredictable and crazy enough to 'lose it all' to actually take up with a 20-Something (which, if you are in as good of shape as you say, you could do). Of course, she is going to Shit Test you all the way through this "change" to see if it is real. The (apparent) severity and frequency of the STs will be determined by how often you fail or pass and how convincing you are with INTERNALIZING CJS.
BTW: She will also try (consciously and unconsciously) to sabotage your efforts to change the dynamics of the relationship AND your desirability to other women. Infact, she is already doing that with her drinking and head games - which is causing you to drink and lose confidence in yourself. Being drunk is a DLV in itself, and it takes a toll on your body and health - "fitness."
Cliff Notes version: Man up and start gaming your wife.
Oh BTW, my W is over a decade younger than I, and we have been married for 20 years. I HAVE to know Game.
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
See an update: r/asktrp/comments/283wpe/chink_in_her_armor/
torrentialtomato 11y ago
Yep, good post. After my divorce, I decided to upgrade with a younger, hotter wife. We've been married 10 years, but many of those years have been rocky as shit. Now that I've learned of the RP reality and began applying those principles in our marriage, the path has become a lot smoother. It's amazing how well (and how quickly) these principles work (dread, outcome independence, amused mastery). I mean, it's a learning process for me, trying to overcome fucking decades of Blue Pill conditioning. But, damn, this shit works.
rpwunder 11y ago
This is, infact, the ONLY useful thing about social media, particularly from a married guys perspective.
Example: I change my profile picture about once every six months. Inevitably, when I do, wife will ask who all the women are that are liking the new photo.
This happened last week, actually. Sometime last weekend, wife came out of nowhere with "I hate this randomgirlwhoishalfmyage, who does she think she is commenting on your post all the time?
I couldn't give two shits about any of the girls. But they serve my purpose, and yeah, if I approached, they'd spread.
Back story, took the red pill last fall almost simultaneously with hearing "I love you but I'm not in love with you". She filed for divorce, but has since dropped the case and considers herself lucky we've worked things out. To be fair, I do too.
But during that 6 month separation, I met lots of people, males and females, that she's never met. They show up on fb and its a bit of dread without having to do ANYTHING immoral on my part.
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
I intentionally don't friend random women. If they are friends, its because I likely know them in real life. I would think its weird if my wife had a ton of guys I didn't know (and neither did she) liking her shit.
rpwunder 11y ago
Yeah that's the thing. When we separated for six months, I got active in gym and a couple of new social activities. So these women are people I DO know, but my wife DOESN'T know them.
[deleted] 11y ago
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pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
see an update r/asktrp/comments/283wpe/chink_in_her_armor/
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
Trust me man if I can save my marriage I will I still think my wife is hot as hell and then I am blessed 2 have been with her all these years and it and have the history that we do. Its very unique when I compare it to my peers. And my wife is a fucking 10 compare to any of the girls she hangs around with or knows. We are currently sleeping in different rooms.
torrentialtomato 11y ago
Yeah, apply (or keep applying) RP principles in your marriage.
For me, two of the most valuable have been Outcome Independence and Amused Mastery.
The first, I've used every time she tries her own Dread game. Shit works every time. And, if it doesn't, it's okay. I've got options.
The second, I've used when she starts drama queening about stupid shit. I just don't buy into her drama anymore. That shit used to take us into a downward spiral of both of us going ape shit. That doesn't happen anymore, and our marriage is much better for it.
There are a lot of other things to do and think about too. Never saying you're sorry is another big one for me. I used to apologize at the drop of a hat. Shit, I even remember my college girlfriend telling me she and her therapist laughed about me always saying I'm sorry. Since swallowing the Rep Pill, the words "I'm sorry" haven't been heard coming out of my mouth and my wife noticeably respects me more.
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
See an update: r/asktrp/comments/283wpe/chink_in_her_armor/
zephyrprime 11y ago
The wall is natural. It is nature's/god's/darwin's way of preventing women from riding the cock carousel for too long and to prevent men from mating with women who have too little time left to bear many children. Remember that when scolding women to take care of themselves more. It is not productive for women to play the game too long because it is more productive for them to start raising their family.
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
the movie "This is 40" is quite telling to some of this.
drqxx 11y ago
Be the best man you can be watch your wife become your biggest fan, or you will always be able to find another. From one 30 year old to another /salute
DanReggins 11y ago
In 2014, this is something that men allow to happen -- it doesn't necessarily have to.
Rogaine/minoxodil is cheap as shit. You use it to keep the hair you have rather than try to regrow hair on a barren bald top.
Remember that if it starts to fall out and you want to keep it.
[deleted] 11y ago
fuck that shit. that messes with your hormones.
if you want to stay healthy, buzz cut
[deleted]
DanReggins 11y ago
There is absolutely no evidence that minoxodil messes with your hormones.
http://www.drugs.com/sfx/rogaine-side-effects.html
Propecia on the other hand...
shadymilkman_ 11y ago
Just came to say Rogaine is only recommended for standard 'horseshoe' balding types, mainly the crown. If you have diffuse hairloss (thinning hair all over) I don't think Rogaine really works.
Also you didn't mention Propecia (Finasteride), but some say the cure is worse than the disease.
Ironhigh 11y ago
The difference between men and women with age is astounding,specially when you look at the male counterparts.Brad Pitt is goddamn 50 years old, and he didn't stop looking good, Angelina is 39 and looks older than him.
Men can look good in their youth thanks to the energy, then look good when older thanks to status and experience.When women hit a certain period in life she just goes poof and her SMV is gone and never comes back.
torrentialtomato 11y ago
Hahaha. Reminds me of the joke about Russian women: how they're all hot and lithe when young, but once they get to be a certain age, boom. Short, fat babushkas.
[deleted] 11y ago
That doesn't sound like a joke, that just sounds like their lives.
[deleted] 11y ago
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torrentialtomato 11y ago
You're right. Great way of stating it.
Zackcid 11y ago
I feels yah. Ever since I absorbed this term and started looking at people outdoors and peers, I couldn't help but notice how fucking miserable women in their 30s and 40s look. Crazy contrast to the young college chicks who either walk around with a bitchface or a happy face that resulted in a short lifetime of fun, parties, friends, attention, boyfriends, fun. Grey-haired women are past the stage of The Wall -- they've accepted their negative SMV and no longer fight against nature, so they turn into friendly grannies.
I sometimes look at the sad expression of wall-hitters and wonder if nature was too harsh on women. Because it's true: I could be looking at a 21 year old and feel immense sexual attraction just from the shape of her body and face, and think: "omfg could a girl actually this hot?!?!" but then I'd see a short, fat woman in her forties and feel "negative attraction" to her-- that is, repulsion. I'd then snap myself out of my narcissism and arrogance and continue on with my day remembering that life and the universe balances out. You're only extremely unattractive at that age because you were extremely attractive during your youth. It evens out in the end. At least, that's how I look at it.
edit: words
[deleted] 11y ago
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Zackcid 11y ago
Yep, I've thought about the same thing and there are several studies that back this up. I just figure that this is Nature's way of guiding men to mate with the best specimen possible, in order to make sure the species evolve. As it is, many young women are just unbelievably attractive, like outta this world attractive. But then you see certain older women and the difference is night and day. How could the contrast be so damn great?
My theory is this. Think back of the time of our ancestors. Back when food and shelter were scarce and we traveled tribes. It would have been extremely disadvantageous for a male to invest in an infertile women and then have the offspring come out as a "failure" (birth defects and such). We're talking 9 months of supporting a female with hard-earned food and protection, only to discover that she had a miscarriage or the baby came out wrong.
9 months of resources gone down the drain, just like that.
So to counter that, Nature made sure males would avoid less fertile women by making them much more unattractive. It seems disproportionate to me because the contrast is immense if you compare to a woman 10-20 years younger than the wall-hitter.
Meatclap 11y ago
As it should be. To be honest i don't even know where to begin exactly.
The feminist lie teaches women that it's important to be selfish, to utilize their SMV for optimal gains, to be competitive, career-driven, to indulge in hyper-sexual irresponsibility, and be hypergamous. The feminist lie permeates all media; movies and TV, music and their puppet pop-tarts like Miley, if it exists feminism and it's offshoots have turned it into a tool of adulation of promiscuity and selfishness, and all the things that come with it.
This flagrant disregard for consequences and penchant for for low or even no personal accountability (ex: fat acceptance/aggrandizement) mean that women spend their young lives doing whatever they wish without regard to how it may affect their future. The feminist lie tells them that it's good to sew wild oats, get a tramp stamp, load your pretty face with metal, ride the carousel, commit to nothing but selfish pursuits and expect to be served the whole time through.
What the feminist lie does not admit, which is part of the lie itself, is that there are consequences, and that being fat, well-worn, and 30+ years old isn't actually gorgeous or powerful, it's not an asset, and women are not men and will therefore not age as men do.
Women can choose to postpone their family life in search of a career. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. What they cannot do, despite the lie feminism teaches them, is compete with, meet or match men equally when it comes to physiology, mental function, emotional function, sexual habits, and family orientation.
So at the outset women have so many advantages it spoils them. Western culture is a game and they're playing with god mode on (if they are attractive and usually white or lighter brown skin color). The advantages are there from the start and they become complacent and bored, as people do when they play the game with all cheats on; they needn't develop skills or work on being good people because they are pandered to and have much handed to them for as long as they are pretty and young.
In time this changes, and those that didn't have those cheats running, most of them men, have the upper hand because they had to develop themselves to get through life and are all the stronger for it.
One of those consequences feminism hides is that physically and sexually men and women are not equal, not even close. Differences vary, but typical differences that are general would be sexual pursuits and motives being different. She can try all she wants to be a part of the boy's club, but in the end she's the single mom paying the price for playing the game, not as many single dads out there. When was the last time you saw a man raising three children from three different moms all on his own?
Then of course comes the obvious, and this is the point, men and women do not age the same either. We wrinkle and grey, yes, but male fertility usually doesn't diminish because biologically it doesn't need to; a man can plant his seed without taxing his body too much. Women cannot carry a healthy pregnancy as they age because their effort and strain are greater. For a man it ends with conception, for a woman it's 9 arduous months.
Nature shows this with her age. As a child she's a blank slate, an asexual human not unlike boys. As a teen and into her 20s puberty has given her a shape that triggers the subconscious, her hips, face, breasts, legs, the proportions of her grown body tell a tale of fertility, men desire this and women desire to be like this. At around 27-35 years nature visits again, and those wide hips get fat or slim down and become more masculine, and her breasts and belly grow and sag, this is hard wired into most brains to show lagging or no fertility, the body reflects it's capability, and her body is reflecting that age has taken away one of her greatest power over the opposite sex.
The feminist lie teaches that 40 is the new 20, and it teaches that you can conceal and hide your lagging fertility and SMV with cosmetics, surgery, etc. We have women over 50 with stretched out shiny granny-faces and nip/tucked bodies that could give 20 year old women a run for their money. Problem is they're still 50, they are simply applying new coats of paint to an old vessel. The feminist lie says this could be any woman, that she is empowered for choosing only to settle down once she's been wrung out and aged well, but the truth is most women age badly, and that "living young" isn't actually being young.
Nature isn't cruel, it's just being honest where feminism is lying. Older women should typically avoid having children, they should accept the consequences of their selfish life and career path, and there should be accountability for having it all at youth and squandering it trying to play the game like men. The feminist lie doesn't tell a woman that if she waits into her 30s to start having children that she will likely never have a child with physical or developmental disorders, and the feminist lie makes heroes of people like Sarah Palin for having children at an age they know will cause birth defects, and purposefully playing the odds at the expense of their own offspring... because the feminist lie says it's okay for a woman to be exactly that selfish.
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
I am stealing this. Christ that is great!
Zackcid 11y ago
Yep, I've thought the exact same thing. Science even backs it up with countless studies.
How else would Nature have us mate with the most fertile specimens available? Answer: making them incredibly attractive when they're fertile, and then making women extremely unattractive when the odds of birth screw-up increase and as women age.
Think about this more deeply. There must have had to be a mechanism to ensure that men's resources don't go to waste on women who would have failed pregnancies. Imagine a tribe leader investing a lot of food and protection on a 40 year old female while she's pregnant, only to find out the baby comes out with birth defects or she's just interfile.
9 months of precious resources down the drain.
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
The older a woman is when she gets pregnant, yes the higher the risk of birth defects and/or health of the child, etc...
[deleted] 11y ago
seeing as we all slowly decay away and die despite our best efforts, nature is pretty cruel to all of us.
That's just the way she goes.
Our bodies put all the energy into looking good and reproducing early before our time is up. Back in the day, you were pretty much an old timer once you passed the wall.. and not far from death.
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
what is fucking scary as hell, is for many people, 22 years old is there mid life. They are literally 50% through life before they die at 44. It's sad to think that, but it is reality. You don't care good care of yourself, your chances increase you will die in your 40's, 50's, 60's.
Zackcid 11y ago
That's true, but the effect is much more emboldened in women. Why? Well, they just happen to be the sex which carries the offspring, displaying cues of fertility are extremely important, while men's bodies had a function for strength and they can shoot out sperm much after women menopause. I heard a quote recently that really stuck to me:
Men are the Mind/Brain and women are the Body.
If both sexes were to fuse and become one, this is how I'd see it.
[deleted] 11y ago
Women are like a beautiful flower that blooms into something amazing and then wilts quickly.. she only has to last long enough for the bees to get the pollen
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
Some men like that wall though. Some women, despite being 40, still look damn amazing (thank makeup). Saw this story today (granted it is gossip). http://imgur.com/DPQOSsU
vengefully_yours 11y ago
Its cheaper to keep her, but you can use dread game to do that. I'm 45 and can pull hot twenty year olds without too much effort, and I'm short with a belly. Stay in shape and you will be OK. Yeah the young and old both will be checking you out, they are constantly staring at me in the gym, so why not you?
Dread game, look into it.
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
So just got a text from her (we haven't been talking, been staying out of each others business. She loves me, doesn't want a divorce, wants to grow old with me (bear in mind, we are each others first and high school sweethearts...15 years), but she gets mad..she knows I do and we are going through a hard time. I shouldn't have wrote back, but I said "love you to"...but not saying anything else. I still have trust issues, I kind of want to just go up to her and say "give me your phone" so I can scour her FB messages (this was an issue with her weeks ago after some shit was found out), but I know that is probably beta. And if she says no, I will just walk out of the house, and if she lets me and I find shit..I will walk out of the house. What do you think?
vengefully_yours 11y ago
I've been cheated on lots, sometimes I ignore it, sometimes I end it. It depends on what I can get from having her around. If its just sex, then she's usually just a plate or she finds a curb. I let it slide with my second wife because I was rebuilding my credit and life after the first fucked me financially, then when she did it again three years later, I ended our marriage by text. She got the house we were living in, so I waited until it was final and bought some land. Second one didn't take money from me, so waiting to rebuild with her paid off.
Decide if you would be better off without her, and paying minimum $450 a month per kid, up to 70% of your pay for support. My home state did 70% and left me homeless on active duty, they would have given her alimony if she wanted it, making me nothing more than an indentured servant to her and living in a box. Weigh the costs and benefits, then decide if you want to pay her and fuck others, or keep her around.
Go back through my history if you like, it has details of divorce rape, and the bullshit my second put me through. I expect them to cheat, and I'm not surprised when they do, and thus I refrain from developing feelings or attachment to women.
Knowing she can lose you, and that you can do better is the basis of dread. Most women do far worse when they cheat and leave for some guy who 'appears' to be higher value. Very few do better, and its rarely a move up for them. Most don't believe it can happen to them, and don't realize that a divorce near 30 is akin to a sentence of cat ownership and loneliness.
Your life will suck for a while, then get better, but you will end up rebuilding everything again. My best advice is eliminate your feelings for her, be ready to cut ties at a moments notice, and plan to mitigate the damage she can do in a divorce. See how it goes, find out if she did cheat, and how often, don't get mad about it because its her nature and you can't change it. Start planning for the best possible and worst case so you aren't left holding the bag.
Learn not to give a fuck. Don't put up with bullshit, but when problems arise, just handle it and move the fuck on. Don't fight with her, read the sidebar about amused mastery, and go from here. Its your decision to dump her or keep her, take account of what it can cost you before you decide.
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
What are most of the reasons a 20 something year old girl wants to have sex with a slightly older man? Is it because he ages well. Is it because they think he has more sexual experience therefore better in bed. More money and stability. Is there a slight daddy complex where the older man just simply turns her on more than someone her own age
DanG3 11y ago
Women are hard-wire programmed to seek out strong, confident leaders who provide solid leadership in everything from the relationship to sex, aka Alphas. They are "attracted" to Alphas, and it doesn't matter if it is Jon Piccard, Chris Christie, or their Drama Professor. Your age is of no consequence to them ... unless/until it becomes a weakness or insecurity to you. Yes, little boys struggling through their 20s to establish their careers have "potential." But, an established, attractive and proven Man in his 30s ... 'Why take a chance and waste the pretty on 'potential?'
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
That makes perfect sense. Thanks for writing that out.
DanG3 11y ago
I was dating a 20-something (actually several) when I was in my thirties. At some point the subject of our relative ages came up. She said that she was "Honored that I was interested in her." I didn't get it (the honored part) at the time, but now I do.
Age discrepancy shaming is female matrix tool to protect the "elder" women (and family structures). It is a social construct that does not exist in nature. It, along with rings and things, allows women to become complacent and unattractive in their marriages.
pleasedontknowme30 11y ago
Can u elaborate on why she felt honored. My brain is slow today.