It was a wierd night dudes.
So we go to a movie. I keep it chill. Then we go to a bar. After the bar we go to her place and I make my move. Were making out for a bit and then she gets super emotional and teary eyed. She said that "she wasnt ready for this" and that she "friendzoned me at the movies but now is attracted to me". Obviously, Im not going to make a move on a woman when she has tears in her eyes. She was obviously super confused and it looked like she has some wierd past. So I asked her about it and she proceeds to tell me about her "emotionally abusive ex". So we end up talking and making out for the next 3 hours, but it was just mostly talking. We just talked and talked about feelings and shit.
how THE FUCK do i reassert myself back to Alpha?
I should have just fucking left her apartment right when she got emotional. But I felt bad and asked her about it.
Growing 2y ago
Ghost her.
And please, don't listen to her feelings.
When a girl is privately with you and she wants comfort, shut her up then tell her you cannot continue having her around, that is, when she's starting to get comfortable.
She'll ask why.
Shut up.
Then leave.
Get back to her after a week or so and game her.
Her mood this time will be different and she'll be more open to fucking you.
Then, give her comfort.
She'll get it.
She'll get that you don't give unless you get.
And she'll adjust herself to that.
That's my personal preference.
All this goes down to: You are not her orbiter or emotional tampon. You'll be there as long as she's valuable.
Expressing that without seeming butthurt is the real task.
Durek_The_Bald 2y ago
"proceeds to tell me about her "emotionally abusive ex""
That's her warning you that she'll paint you as her next abuser. Don't worry about reasserting anything, just run. No plate is worth a false rape/abuse accusation for when you eventually won't want to take "the next step".
r3z01v 2y ago
Why? Dude, stop making sex "a thing". The more you elevate it spiritually the harder and more disconnected you will learn to be from your instincts and needs.
You don't reasert jack shit - you go out there and fuck some sluts - you are taking yourself, women and relationships too seriously. You know big dick energy - you are oozing big hearth energy. Women don't want you for the dick and the rough and tumble because you give back respect, tenderness and listening. Doing that isn't neutral. It proactively signals - I am courting you - test my patience and how much I care.
shan8888 2y ago
I have fucked up and already fucked up. I texted her, "last night was interesting and fun. I learned some things and got to listen to some sick records. What do you feel about it?"
Fuck man I majorly just went into small dick beta mode. Theres no way I can get out of this right?
Time to move on the next one. Great advice about not making it a thing and not taking it seriously
r3z01v 2y ago
There is, but the question is why would you? (only one right answer - and it's not to fuck)
Never ask women anything, they are not dudes. You don't plan to take over the world with them. They are clingers. You say what you do, and do. They will cling on or jump off based on what you say and what you do.
She wants to be part of a cool guys life. This means there's no negotiation, no convincing, no arguing. Understand this at a fundamental level and you will be fine. All of men's issues with women is that they think women think and percieve the world like them. They do not. Be cool(genuinely, not faking it or showing off), women notice, women come.
NeoSpartan 2y ago
That's a weird ass thing to text considering the context. Also "what do you feel about it?" is extremely beta and insecure. You could have salvaged this by being a rock, asking her instead if she's alright and setting up a plan for another date. What you did instead is demonstrate your own insecurity.
The dude above gave advice for plating, but judging from what I know about your personality, you're probably the LTR/gf type of dude. For that purpose you did well.. sorta. You still should have escalated further than a kiss if she took your back to her place man. Never forget that girls love sex too.
Nah, you can do both if you want to. There's more dimensions than one. It depends on your preferences really. Just keep a proper balance between the two and it works fine. Always take her like a beast but that doesn't necessitate complete emotional unavailability. You do have to bang them first though I think. Anyway, it is a lot more work if you go that route, so.. you know.. make sure she's worth it and you don't mind her texting you all the time. Word of warning though, do not be too available. And definitely do not talk about your feelings. Girls want to fuck a man, not a boy.
In either case, not taking things seriously in the beginning is a good strat to follow.
shan8888 2y ago
She said that she had a good time, and that she thinks that she shouldn’t have drank so much and brought me back to her place (I left cause it was just wierd after talking so much). She said she would like to be friends (not make out buddies) and that she open to hanging out again. So, a bunch of mixed signals.
Thank man for your help man I am learning to be alpha and more secure this is a great learning experience for how to handle this on my next one. Yea I totally should have fucked her.
But now should I tell her I want to date her (refuse friend and say I want to date) , or just ghost her, or actually ask her to hang out again sometimes next week as friends? This seems like a lost cause. But she’s cool.
NeoSpartan 2y ago
Hmmm, might be. You could try "hanging out as friends" and just escalate better next time though. I would advise getting a drink again at some point midway through the date. She does indeed sound damaged and lowering her inhibitions a little bit might be necessary. Probably best bet to not let her get drunk though, it sounds like she might have had too much last time.
master-of-losers 2y ago
Tell her "If you don't want us to be make out buddies then let's be friends with benefits instead." Then she'll probably laugh.
She's just checking whether you're willing to accept orbiter status. My current LTR did that to me in the beginning too. She'd ask things like "How would you feel if we stopped having sex and would just be friends?" and I'd reply "Who cares? You are super attractive and I am super attractive so there is no way this could ever happen anyway." or "Don't worry about that, I'll keep fucking you."