Cliff notes

  • 30s
  • live at home
  • Body count 13
  • Started masturbating to releave stress of bullying from mild facial deformity.
  • turned into a excessive habit and started to affect me physically and psychologically
  • developed Pearly Penile Papuales
  • this further increased my isolation, made me timid
  • girls would give me their numbers and want to hangout and i would flake because now on top of my face i have ppp
  • developed alcohol and marijuana problem
  • group of friends were all losers we never pushed each other to succeed at anything , we had no father figures
  • days consisted of getting high or drunk and playing video games
  • i turned into an alcoholic and acted like a cornball
  • Over masturbation habit started to give me inflammations all over my body stopped getting haircuts because of the development of folliculitis.
  • stopped caring about myself, dressed bummy
  • i would excape to my room everyday for hours and abuse my body masturbating
  • in early 20s had chance to have sex with 3 different girls and i had ed
  • around 25 i tried molly and it had a devastating effect, this was when i knew i had to change-it felt like my body was not controlled by me- no proprioception, i couldnt modulate my intonation
  • looked online and found a website that listed all the symptoms i had and they had a cure.
  • the problem was i would get better than i would masturbate again and again , this went on in cycles, i was addicted
  • i pride myself on being strong minded but this is bullshit in the grandscheme of things , i couldnt control the most basic of needs, and it has destroyed me. *around 28 i got in really good shape and combined with the supplements i was taking it snapped out of this constant brain fog i was in.

Now here i am in my 30s im teaching myself skills in the trade i want to go into and my body doesnt feel 100% but it feels like im at 70% healed from all the damage ive done. Im going to keep on this journey till i reach my goal of being completely healed, i feel like i wasted so much time and i still have the mindset of someone in their teens. Dont get it confused ive matured since then but i still want the same things and values. For the PPP i administered home remedies to mitigate the situation. So with that backstory my questions are

  • People had to have been talking about how i lost my mind and was acting weird, i used to be the most popular kid in school and everyone knew my name, shit really hit the fan for me mentally when i was about 16/17 and i started to act uncharacteristically and weird ( being a pushover, non aggressive, stuttering) pretty much acting like a huge pussy whose never gotten pussy, and this made no sense . Will success be able to rectify the damage ive done to my reputation?

  • Theres like 5 girls that probably went around telling there friends not to fuck me with me , can i get off that shit list with success ? For example theres this chick at my gym shes hot as fuck , she wants me but i turn her down , shes looking for a hubby she was a house a career and i just feel like a loser and im cautious because what if i make it work and one day these bitches see this chick and start sending her messages about my weird ass in my 20s ?

i really want to beat the shit out of like 6 people that took advantage of my frail mind state , but i feel like even though that may be cathartic it will be better to beat them with success, what are your thoughts?

Also most of my weirdness were faux pas's and acting like a coward and being the unkempt town drunk. Not no weird shit like the dude on here with pedo porn on his computer.