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I will start this off with a brief origin story to provide a backdrop to the discussion. This year I got my notch count past 30, it was only sitting at about 10 by the end of 2018. I am in my late 20s and lost my virginity at 24. Late bloomer, good looking, had shitty self esteem and social anxiety as a teenager.

The good news is I quit weed a couple years back and have been having some successes. Of course these come with an equal number of fuckups. Usually shooting myself in the dick or not going for it when shes clearly into me.

The two biggest ways I fuck up:

  1. I see a girl out or in the club and gain some rapport with her, but then I start to latch onto her mentally and the problems start. I am quick to get ego invested in my desire to fuck her, which typically leads to not fucking her (surprise). I then get into a shitty mood because I didn't succeed.

  2. Trying too hard to be aloof when a girl is into me, resulting in her losing interest because I'm looking around for other girls or whatever. It's fucking dumb because I am attracted to her, I just don't want to come off needy which leads to me going too far in the other direction.

The most success I've had is when I don't give a fuck which often takes alcohol. I am willing to admit that my inner beta is still a powerful part of my personality but I don't want it to be. I would love to not rely on alcohol so much and make dgaf my natural state.

Should I simply keep at it and spin more plates, continuing to grow from experience? Or, do you have supplimentary ideas that could accelerate my development?

[-] enorton1234 1 Point about a month ago

This story sounds familiar to me. I also suffered social anxiety in high school and early uni and bloomed later than most, losing my virginity at 20. You should be proud that you quit weed and got back on track with your life. Thats an accomplishment in itself.

As for the two ways in which you struggle, I would suggest screening girls for the traits you are looking for beforehand. That way you dont get tempted to monkey branch from girl to girl so frequently. I had to learn to screen girls a lot more and it has helped, as i had similar issues of overinvesting in the wrong girls getting tempted to jump from girl to girl.

If you can screen for the traits you want beforehand, you will have less problems down the track because you will know the strengths and weakness of her, rather than being surprised. Of course spin plates, but screen more beforehand and stay on your own purpose as a man..

[-] huangzhidi 1 Point 2 months ago

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