Years ago, my writing professor shared with the class one of the most valuable pieces of advice I’ve ever received as a writer. We were discussing magazine submissions, and how a quality publication will reject 95% or more of the material submitted to it. A few of the students didn’t like to send out their writing in fear of rejection, that their writing isn’t adequate. He then said this, “If you aren’t getting one rejection letter a day, you aren’t doing your job as a writer.” He went on to explain that a journal will reject an excellent piece of writing if it does not fit well with the magazine, or if there are simply better options available to them. It often comes down to the preferences of the reader.
I have since realized that this exact same concept applies to the dating world. Many men fail to approach enough women out of fear of rejection. But this is the opposite of what they should be doing. Like the successful writer, a man must learn to accept rejection, and even embrace it. If you are receiving one rejection a day, chances are very high that you will be getting the occasional acceptance.
There are two types of rejection letters writers receive. The first is the short one. “Thank you for your submission, we have decided not to publish your work. Best of luck.” Or something along those lines. Then there is a second type of rejection letter, the long nice one. “Thank you for your submission, we thoroughly enjoyed your writing. Though we have elected not to publish it, we encourage you to send us more work” Now, women aren’t going to be so cut and dry, but I find it fairly easy to tell the difference.
A field report: A few days ago, a bird caught my eye. She is absolutely stunning, and I was able to make her laugh with ease. She is part of an audit team auditing the place where I work. She heard someone mention I was a writer, and in casual conversation asked me to bring in some of my work. She read it, and said she loved it. From that point on, I could see it in her eyes that she wanted me. It was obvious, and clear. So I asked her out, and she asked if we could speak in private. She went on to explain that she couldn’t go out with me because she’d likely lose her job. She seemed really bummed out about it, and then said the timing is just terrible because she’d like to get to know me better. I got the second type of rejection letter.
I proceeded to get her phone number anyways, with the comment “I’ll call you when I find another job.” Despite having been rejected, I felt really good about how I handled it, confident that a different time and place would have landed her. But had I simply never asked, I would still be kicking myself wishing I had. Instead, I can simply keep my eyes open for the next girl, and keep this one in my phone book in case I ever switch companies.
The point of this post is to express that fear of rejection is a self-defeating belief, and by putting yourself out there and getting rejected more often, you are bound to find more success.
A word to the wise: In writing, if you submit the same story to twenty magazines, and twenty magazines reject that story, chances are that the problem is with the story itself. If you find yourself getting rejected every single time, you should take a hard look in the mirror, then raise your SMV.
fabsavage 5y ago
I like the analogy. Thanks for the reminder that gaming women is essentially a numbers game and rejection is an inherent part of this, even with a decent SMV.
Herdsengineers 5y ago
Got her number anyway - pay attention to this, listen to her actions, not her words. Wait for the audit to be over, then go message her one day not too long after that you'll be grabbing a bite after work at such and such place and she should come join you to see more of your writing. Women are fickle so she may or may not come, but plan it for some cool little spot you haven't been to, go and check it out, that way you get something out of it whether she shows or not.
IQtheMC 5y ago
She will come. He's the guy shes not allowed to date so shes definitely dating him.
[deleted]
BazingaBen 5y ago
I do like your analogy but don't consider this a rejection, you got the number and said its obvious she likes you. The current circumstance meant she said no but her actions were you got the number. If you can keep up engagement and maintain her interest I think you'll get results here.
BozzMann 5y ago
In my opinion, this is not a rejection... What else do you want her to do..? lose her job? She told you that it's a conflict of interest to date you. But I like the analogy and the similarity in the writing profession and dating game.
aherrns 5y ago
IDK if my thumbs up went through. Great post OO. Keep us updated in case you bang her.
Managicall 5y ago
Congrats you got rejected by the super ego, she played you... but not in a sexual way.
AutoModerator 5y ago
Why are we quarantined? The admin don't want you to know.
Register on our backup site: https://www.trp.red and reserve your reddit name today.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
[deleted]
[deleted]
FatmanO 5y ago
Its ussaly a lot of diffrent reasons than just looks imo, yet alot of people say its looks mostly.
Darthmorelock 5y ago
Regardless of the reason, you've got to keep trying. Cast a wide enough net, you're bound to get a catch.
[deleted] 5y ago
Let’s continue the metaphor - If your prose is slapdash and your formatting is sloppy, the reviewer won’t even read your work, never mind whether or not you’re saying something interesting.
Nicolas0631 5y ago
And what then is the best way to improve ;) ?