If you were to listen to an interaction between a male and female friend and then compare that to a conversation between a pair of lovers, everything about the two conversations would be different.
When you meet a girl you’re attracted to, your conversation with her should be more like an interaction between lovers than one between friends.
One of the most common themes I’ve noticed is that men often approach a girl, talk about safe and friendly topics, then get her number. These men are then surprised when the numbers they get don’t lead to dates.
Well, if you talk to a girl like a friend and then invite her on a date, she has little incentive to go out with you – she might like you as a friend, but it’s unlikely she will feel any real desire for you, and so, she will decline your invitation.
That’s why it’s important to learn to talk to women in a way that triggers a powerful emotional response in her. You want a girl to feel something for you – you’re different from other men: you’re bolder, riskier, even more sexual.
Doing this tactfully is a skill that takes practice to learn, but the rewards for your effort will be worth it.
Once you know how to create sexual tension in your conversations with women, your ability to consistently get dates (and even sex) will be vastly improved.
I don’t want to oversimplify this, sexual tension isn’t created solely through what you say, your nonverbal communication matters too. Your eye contact (https://redpilltheory.com/2018/11/26/how-to-create-sexual-attraction-with-eye-contact/), vocal tonalityhttps://vocularapp.com/how-to-get-deeper-voice/ ), and body language (https://theartofcharm.com/confidence/confident-body-language-builds-confident-men/ ) can all influence whether a girl sees you as a potential friend or a potential lover. But what you say does matter, to ignore this aspect of dating is to ignore a wealth of opportunities to create intrigue and sexual attraction.
In this article, you are going to learn how to increase sexual tension with your words.
Challenge Her
Men and women are both keenly aware of their social status, it’s in our nature (whether we admit or not).
When an opportunity to increase our status presents itself, we are quick to jump at it. And when our status is challenged, we become viscerally uncomfortable.
Imagine you were out in a club and your friend said, “You look fat in that shirt.” Unless you are unusually confident in your physique, your emotional state would be affected by that comment. You might even stop wearing the shirt.
When someone judges your clothes, your appearance, or your personality as inferior in some way, you are going to feel a pang of discomfort. Your social status has been questioned, this doubt makes you want to prove yourself – they’re wrong, you actually are a cool person.
Now, you shouldn’t go around insulting women to make them doubt their status – that would be cruel.
However, challenging a girl is a useful strategy for getting her to emotionally invest in the interaction. There’s an important quirk in human psychology: when something is handed to us freely, we assume it has little value. Conversely, when we have to work for something, we assume it must be worth fighting for.
In his book Influence, psychologist Robert Ciadini explains that when pledges for a fraternity are forced to go through a humiliating week of hazing, they actually rate themselves as enjoying being a part of fraternity more than people who don’t have to go through a ‘hell week.’ (http://jim.shamlin.com/study/books/9904/03.html)
Usually, when a man is talking with an attractive woman, he supplicates to her: he is nice, agreeable, and even submissive. He makes himself easy to get, but humans don’t value things that come to us freely.
By creating a sense of challenge, you will flip the usual dynamic on its head – now the girl wants your approval, she wants to prove that she is good enough for you. Flirting – at it’s core – is challenging a girl in a fun way.
How To Challenge A Girl Without Offending Her
There’s a right way to challenge a girl and a wrong way to challenge a girl. If you do this poorly, you will make women feel insecure and they’ll lash out at you. Your goal isn’t to make a girl feel attacked, but to feel challenged.
There’s a profound difference between saying, “Your hair looks terrible, do you even own a brush?” And saying, “That’s a unique hair style.”
The first line is directly insulting, so there’s a high risk that a girl would take offense to it.
The second line, however, isn’t directly insulting the girl. It’s unclear what you mean by the word unique. Do you mean her hair is avant-garde? Or do you mean her hair is unique in that it looks weird? This room for interpretation will make the girl feel a tinge of doubt about her social status, but she won’t have a good reason to blame you for it – you didn’t actually insult her.
Generally, the best way to challenge a girl is by using insinuation: you’re not outright putting women down, you’re simply implying that she might have a less than ideal quality.
To challenge a girl, you must first understand how she wants to be perceived. Then, you find a way to make her doubt whether that perception is accurate.
As a rule of thumb, women want to be seen as beautiful, intelligent, funny, stylish, and successful. Anything you say that makes a girl question whether she has those qualities will have an impact on her ego.
Here’s a few specific examples:
“You seem pretty smart for an ASU student.”
"That was clever, you could be the next Amy Schumer!” (although Amy Schumer is a successful comedian, very few people like her or want to be like her)
“You’re very cute in a non-threatening way.” (if she asks what you mean by that, say, “I don’t know, I just feel comfortable talking to you.”)
“I have to say, you’re pretty weird, but in a good way.”
“You know who would be perfect for you? See that guy over there?” (Then point at a guy who she’ll think she is way too attractive for) “Yeah, you and him would be great together. Shall I introduce you?”
Girl: “I’m from Portland”
You: “You would be from Portland.”
(You can use “you would be” as a template to challenge a girl based on nearly anything she says, her job, her hobbies, or even her favorite book.)
If your challenging statement affects the girl, she’ll most likely either laugh or ask you to elaborate, (“What do you mean, I’m weird?”)
Challenging a girl takes some tact, if you come across as overly aggressive, she’ll respond negatively. However, with enough practice this will rarely happen.
I’m very challenging in my interactions with women, yet I can’t think of the last time I actually offended a girl.
And although challenging a girl is taking a slight risk, it’s actually less risky than being completely agreeable and friendly. Being overly nice might get a girl to like you as a friend, but it will rarely make her feel sexual attraction for you.
Better To Be Challenging Than To Be Boring
Imagine a 5th grader challenged you to a game of basketball. There would be no point in playing against such an easy opponent (hopefully). Basketball is most enjoyable when you’re playing against someone of a roughly equal skill level: the challenge is what makes a game fun.
Dating works the same way. If you don’t challenge a girl in some way, there’s no reason for her to be fully engaged; she already knows she has all the power. Presenting yourself as a challenge to a woman is like meeting an equally skilled opponent in basketball – now she has a reason to put in a real effort.
Flirting is about creating sexual tension. Tor there to be any tension, there has to be a sense of risk: the possibility of failure. If a girl knows she can sleep with you, there won’t be much tension.
By challenging a girl, you make her wonder, “Is this guy really into me, or does he not find me attractive?” This causes sexual tension to build because now sex is a possibility, but not a certainty.
You can follow me on Snapchat to see daily infield footage (approaches, makeouts, pulls) Username: AveryGHayden
nenenene 5y ago
How is this challenge rhetoric different from being passive-aggressive?
ThrowFader 5y ago
deleted ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0.8864 ^^^What ^^^is ^^^this?
GodOfDinosaurs 5y ago
I like this post overall but I think this is a bad follow up. The implication is that you generally do feel uncomfortable in social situations. A better response would be something like "you're just so tiny" or some other cheeky joke that makes her feel small.
redpillcad 5y ago
This is good general advice.
I think the hotness of the woman determines how much asshole (challenge) she needs.
Hardbody 21 year old Instagram Ho = ALOT of asshole
Soft 7 that would be a purring pussycat in bed and life needs some sense of your attainability in addition to your rock solid frame.
On another note, it's the former that you want for an LTR if you are so inclined.
Your SMV>Her SMV
Useeikill 5y ago
I agree with chadster, for you to match a 21 (prime SMV for a girl) then you better have the most amazing frame, coupled with a dynamic personality, financial resources and a rock body help the character of course.
Chadster113 5y ago
Careful with the use of former/latter usage. By former you mean the Instagram model?
c4toyourdoornobeef 5y ago
not the commenter but why would you ltr a 21 year old instagram model? I understand that he's mixed the meaning of former and latter though.
[deleted] 5y ago
In glad he's not issuing battle commands on the battlefield.
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Youngyoda89 5y ago
What about a situation where girl is 9 hotness- fitness model body and top notch facial aesthetics but she is genuinely nice. She isn’t in any type of way. Just a very nice, soft girl.
In a case like that- do you just establish comfort?
Mr_Badass 5y ago
Alot of comfort in the beginning, never mention her beauty. Telling her that she genuine and compassionate will be best. You will have to make lots of eye contact and hold her hand, kiss on cheek when saying goodbye..etc..
Youngyoda89 5y ago
I figured this. She is a genuinely sweet girl and she is foreign.
ThrowFader 5y ago
deleted ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0.5071 ^^^What ^^^is ^^^this?
[deleted]
zav25 5y ago
Amazing post buddy, makes perfect sense.
Outlawe 5y ago
Amazing post “buddy” is maybe an example of how to apply the context of the post to challenge a man.
zav25 5y ago
Haha, could be indeed. Although that wasn't my intention, I actually liked the post.
JungleBeanr 5y ago
I get called buddy some times and i never understand why. Are dudes lowkey challenging me?
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papunigga031 5y ago
Mini shit test. Ignore it or throw it back.
JosephBosa 5y ago
Some people actually use that term though, tread carefully.
papunigga031 5y ago
So it shouldn’t be a problem if you ignore it like they didn’t say it or say the same thing back to them/throw it back.
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Roughknot 5y ago
"Treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen." Is a quote I grew up with.
The best advice I read on here was to tease them like you would your little sister.
VasiliyZaitzev 5y ago
Back before there was a TRP, and information was passed from man to man, we used to say "Treat'em rough to get the muff."
Keep her guessing, keep her off balance, put the Hamster to work for you. Give the Hamster some HamsterChow.
Get her talking, move the conversation over to sex, get her talking about what her fantasies are, then tell her what you're going to do to her. Once you get "No guy has ever talked to me this way before! giggle! then you know you've done it right.
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Chadster113 5y ago
Different take on the whole “neg” dynamic? I like it. So the main thing is try to come up with a comment that has enough ambiguity in it so it could be interpreted as both a positive and a negative. I just need to work on my creativity in these situations. I’ve never been good at improvising on the spot.
Your_Coke_Dealer 5y ago
This is what the whole “neg” thing was meant to be in the first place. But those who wanted to be PUAs (after that first bunch who created the idea of PUA) had a tendency to be socially stunted in the first place, so naturally they took it as mild insults rather than the nuance of challenging
Truedemocracy4 5y ago
I'm a trump supporter and I have bagged many staunch feminists (but still hot, dont look at me like that).
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The golden line if they sharply disagree (and they WILL put up some defense judging you) is along the lines of "you're an attractive girl. Do you ever wonder how many guys just agree with anything you say to have a shot with you?". In a round about hamster spinning way this makes you look like the feminist who is treating her like a person, and subtly showing that you have a spine far more than most guys she interacts with.
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I've been told multiple times "WOW It's nice to meet a guy with a different opinion". Now it wont always work and it can be hard to flirt over politics, but dont be a pussy kids
odaklanan_insan 5y ago
opposite charges tend to pull each other.
pdiggs1500 5y ago
I wish I read this 3 weeks ago. I went on a date with a BEAUTIFUL woman, and I didn't challenge her. I only built our communication on things that we both loved and explored common interests. I thought this was the best date in the world, I mean this chick got me.
The result was her rejecting me, saying there was no connection, no spark. ......Because I never challenged her. I essentially became friendzoned. Great post!!
Htowngetdown 5y ago
Live and learn, sounds like you're on the right path
dumbkidaccount 5y ago
Just challenge her while holding frames bro.
latinasonly 5y ago
this. when i was a middle schooler , my instincitive way of interacting with girls i like was to tease them.
also people who are more up socially are more secure of themselves and tend to play roughly with their jokes.
when you cause someone to feel insecure its cause you are above them.
basically your advising to shit test the girls instead of the shit testing you . thats how i do it . the best defense is offense .
INNASKILLZ2K18 5y ago
Hold Frame, and challenge. I agree a lot with the non-verbal communication part. You can either do this shit as some sort of PUA style, or you can ACTUALLY challenge her. You're a prize, make someone earn you. Too many men try to earn HER. Don't act like a kid who has been caged up in the basement just waiting to find someone who shares his love for whatever.
Prize, IDGAF and non-needy.
This stuff helps with understanding a little outter game....but it's 80/20. 80% inner frame, and 20% outter game.
Vikingcel 5y ago
How do you make her want to earn you?
INNASKILLZ2K18 5y ago
You can't. As much as a lot of guys want to believe you can, you can't control someone else.
It's more about having a strong inner frame. A deep level of self respect and confidence, and HONESTLY screening, qualifying and getting to know a little about a girl, first.
Not giving off a vibe that just because she's attractive, you automatically want her. That's very needy and weak.
You can't control how she will take it, but you can control yourself. You can literally screen someone to see if they win YOUR approval.
Instead of thinking 'will I impress her', 'will she like me', 'will I show her the right personality'? Think 'will she impress ME', 'will I like HER', 'Will she show ME the right personality'?
Wether she decides to try and earn you, is up to her. But you present that frame, and invite her in. If she decides you're not her type, at least she comes away feeling like you weren't thirsty like a potential beta orbiter.
Vikingcel 5y ago
How do I reconcile that with being interested in women for the sole reason of them having a vagina? There's nothing impressive on women. She would have to be a total obnoxious cunt for me to care about personality.
INNASKILLZ2K18 5y ago
You can still screen for certain things. If the sole reason you approach is just for pussy, you risk coming across as thirsty.
Gothmog741 5y ago
Excellent post. You tell us what we need to know and explain why without being condescending . I like the concrete examples. I’ve been struggling to understand push/pull but this post really makes sense.