Preamble:
After reading mister Zaitsev's latest post "Slave Girls Are Fun" I've decided to return the favour and finally bring something to the table. I've been into BDSM for a long ass time already, so I reckon I'm competent enough to help some of y'all vanilla muppets to make your first steps towards becoming an experienced Dom. I started when I was \~17 y.o. as a bottom for a sadistic bitch who was almost 20 years older than me and I still have scars on my back from what I thought was proper D/s relationship, so I know how it feels from another side, too.
Also, you probably won't find this post too helpful if you've had any experience with BDSM already, so y'all been warned.
Body:
Fuck 50 shades of grey. It has nothing to do with what real BDSM dynamics are. Almost none of those movies are. Reason being is that most of them are pure fantasies. E. L. James, an author of the original book, has described the Fifty Shades trilogy as "my midlife crisis*, writ large. All my fantasies in there, and that's it*."
Here's a great comment by THEdirtyDotterFUCKr:
You are not going to learn anything from 50 shades of shit. Safe/Ease words are NOT suggestions. STOP/RED/HALT means EXACTLY that. If you are doing it right, you'll hit an Ease word long before she has the need to use a Safe word.
Knowing that, here are 3 things you should also consider before jumping into this dark and beautiful world:
- BDSM is not a way to compensate for your inferiority complex. You can't imagine how often I hear stories about clueless fake Doms who got into it just to avenge for some childhood trauma/rejection. It's cheap, weak, and most likely would end bad for both of you.
- Take your time. For the love of god, don't start with breathplay or mummification straight away. Shit's actually dangerous and unless you've done
enougha lot of research and already know your partner, you can fuck up big time. And I mean it. You're not trying to squat 500 lbs on your first day in the gym, right? - Forget about alcohol and drugs. One glass of wine is fine, but that's it. This one is pretty self-explanatory, is it?
Note that everything in this post is my very own opinion based on my very own experience. If you're willing to disagree with anything -- lemme know, I'm always eager to learn and become better, so I'm always open for a discussion. Alright, enough with boring theory. Here's some practical advices for y'all newcomers.
- If you're a beginner, there's no need for you to stock up on devices. Depending on your interests, all you'll need is a kit of wrist/ankle cuffs, a collar, a flogger and a cane. Don't forget about rope if you'll willing to get into bondage, but for the love of god, don't skimp on two things: your flogger and your rope. Cheap floggers won't last long, won't hit the way they should and, just to be honest, they feel like crap in your hand. Use rope made for bdsm. It's a bit more expensive, but your girl won't get her skin chafed after 10 minutes of bondage and you won't have to stop your scene.
- Inspect your partner's body before any impact play. Stay away from any moles and tiny bones. As a beginner, don't use even half of your power until you've mastered your technique and mainly go for her buttocks, thighs and chest.
- If your partner is gagged and unable to use the safe-word, give her something to hold in her palm, so she's able to signal you to slow-down/stop by simply dropping it on the floor.
- Forget about bull whips, snake whips and other devices made for advanced users. They're increadibly hard to use and take months to master. I'm not even talking about damage you can cause by being a rookie.
- Sensory deprivation is your best friend. Human brain is the strongest sex-toy ever. Tie her up, blindfold her and even maybe use earplugs. By losing her sight and hearing, her other senses will get a lot stronger, so be careful. Once she's blindfolded, tied up and left in her own head leave her for 15 minutes. In her case, 15 minutes feel like a fucking hour. Now you can do all you want: bring out ice cubes, candles, feathers, vibrators, whatever the fuck you want. Almost everything you can come up will make her cum her brains out.
- Be careful with candles. Some of them have different temperature of melting, so test it out on your forearm in advance. Also, you can control how hot is it by elevating the candle: the closer it is to her body -- the hotter wax will be. You can pour wax on her pussy, but don't ever pour it on her clit, because you're not a gestapo officer, are you.
- Never leave your sub alone if she's tied up. NEVER. Her health and well being is your responsibility, especially when she's unable to move. Also, always have a pair of scissors that are able to cut down duct-tape/rope nearby for emergency cases. You can never be too prepared.
- Just a simple reminder. If you're using ropes learn how to use them correctly and monitor the limbs. You're dealing with circulation make sure you're not cutting blood flow off. Don't just tie a wrist up like you're strapping down cargo in a truck (comment by thewrecker8).
Afterword: BDSM can be a lot of fun if you proceed with caution. Get better, experiment, take care of your sub and always pay attention to what's going on. It might sometimes be exhausting, but it's worth it. I expected this one to be shorter, but, oh well. It's actually my first TRP post, so I'm open for criticism. Also, I kind of stole the title from one of VasiliyZaitsev's posts, but I'm unable to link it. So, i really advise you to check it out.
nysys 5y ago
Why are you faggots so obsessed with sexually traumatizing women? I didn't read your garbage post because "darkest sexual chapter" is what short faggots with no lives and tiny dicks fantasize about.i don't need to do dark shit if I'm not in the mood. She'll remember me fondly, whereas you will never ejaculate inside a woman.
WolfenSatyr 5y ago
I don't own a flog, have no desire to buy one. The only tools I use are my hands, my voice, my belt, and occassionally rope. The local fetish groups measure skill by the number of toys/floggers and if you don't drag an oversized duffel to every gathering you're not worth talking to.
Fuck. That.
I've better things to do than to appease a group of people who attempt to overcome a lack of skill and frame by owning a $500 custom kangaroo hide flogger.
thewrecker8 5y ago
Just a simple reminder. If you're using ropes learn how to use them correctly and monitor the limbs. You're dealing with circulation make sure you're not cutting blood flow off. Don't just tie a wrist up like you're strapping down cargo in a truck
buttgoogler 5y ago
Thanks for this, added to the list.
VasiliyZaitzev 5y ago
This is why I prefer leather or neoprene cuffs that don't impact circulation, and can be quickly removed if there is an issue.
max_peenor 5y ago
Yup. I dropped ropes. They take a lot of skill and I have better things to do with my time. I will admit some chicks have the specific fetish for it, but there are plenty of other guys that will handle her.
That said, I still see too many guys pull the dangerous rookie mistake of using zip ties. Even LE stopped using the original kind and now use special made versions, though even those are still dangerous.
Don't do it guys. Or at least don't use them in direct contact.
Cross_De_Lena 5y ago
I've always been rough (pulling hair, slapping face and buttocks, tits, degrading words and etc.) but just after a few youtube searches my first impression was 'Well this is weird, why would girls like this?' but again I'm in my mid 20 so it's probably my lack of expirience talking here. Anyone care to explain?
DullIntroduction 5y ago
One of mine was pretty spot on with her description. Basically, even if she trusts me completely, instinctively she always feels very nervous. She feels this adrenaline rush of not knowing whats gonna happen because of the sensory deprivation, and unable to act on it because of the restraints.
thewrecker8 5y ago
Things other than rope work well. But imo there's a certain allure in ropes. It builds anticipation while your tying them. . Certain rope types offer different feels for them. Softer smooth ropes allow for an added stimulation for them, especially if they're blindfolded. Can slowly run the rope over their body along their pussy, etc etc. You can fold it over itself a few times and have a makeshift flog to tease while tying them up. Plus you can get more creative with rope. Bind their breasts, etc etc.. Coarser ropes can introduce a bit more gritty feel, more rough sensation. Plus using rope allows multiple wraps. Which is better because it lessens the chance of cutting off circulation since you're spreading the rope over a wider surface and it binds better and you don't need to tie too tight against the limb. You can wrap ankles and feet with rope the manipulate them easier. Want her spread a little wider tell her you're going spread her more, untie one limb and open her more, you're in control of how she takes you, or doesn't, for certain period of time while you distract her with a feather or vibrator before she's worthy of feeling you in her some more. All depends on the fantasy you're creating for her.
FereallyRed 5y ago
Nicely explained.
Hemp is my go to.
Trphello 5y ago
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^(what if I want to be?)
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ProFriendZoner 5y ago
Here's my experience:
Woman I dated a few times was into 50 Shades of Gray. I looked around and got on FetLife and found some local "Shibari" classes. Got some hands on training.
Never got to use it on her.
The first thing to learn, IMO, which is easy and very versatile is a double column tie.
That's tying the wrists together. Make it loose enough to not bind them, but just enough that they can't get out of. This is where the hands on training as opposed to a video comes in handy.
With a double column you can have access to the front or back or put them on their knees on the bed and pull the arms through the legs so they are face down, ass up. Tie it off on the bed frame. You can also do a single column tie to each ankle and really blow her mind.
It's a lot of fun.
But keep in mind the after care. Reddit has a BDSM community search for aftercare posts and don't DARE tie up anyone and just think that's it. It can be some real heavy shit for the one tied up and can also be a lot for the one doing the tying. This part is extremely important.
Have fun!
CasaDeFranco 5y ago
As someone who dabbled in this area, it's best to find submissive plates than explore the scene directly. Most of the women there have more red flags than a Chinese National Congress.
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Proceed with caution, the hedonic treadmill can cause one to wander down more and more fringe sexual exploits.
Trenned_out 5y ago
Also a set of under the bed restraints is the most hassle free way to get into bondage. Just leave em under their and pull the cuffs up when it's play time.
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Actually got me laid once in law school, a female friend brought me some food when I was hungover, she noticed the bed restraints peaking out from under the bed. The next weekend she drunkenly began talking about noticing that... Within earshot of many other girls, all of whom immediately began talking to me. Took one home that night.
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If girls find out you are into this stuff and know what you are doing, they will be drawn to you if there is any existing attraction.
VasiliyZaitzev 5y ago
Guys interested in this topic should also read: Of Human Bondage – Uncle Vasya’s Guide for Men Who Like To Tie Up Young Ladies. - The Field Guide to playing knotty games with naughty girls.
Cross_De_Lena 5y ago
Thanks Wayne, I always liked it rough with my girls. This'll help.
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stowathrow1 5y ago
This is what I wish I'd learned about BDSM years ago: If you study how to tie a woman up, you're not studying how to free yourself. If you learn about safe words, you're not learning about how you use language. If you get a PhD in how a woman's body works, it's tolerances for pain and pleasure and how much it can withstand of both, you'll not have learned one iota of how to be a man.
If you're going to put all the time and effort learning how to perform BDSM properly, you might as well just go and get a degree in womans studies. Yank off their panties and try to pound them through the mattress with your dick. It's pretty straightforward.
Making sex it more elaborate than it needs to be just puts an undeserved aura of value around it. If it doesn't feel good raw and hard without whips and ropes, that is something you might want to investigate further.
throwaway-aa2 5y ago
really good point. I had always felt this way about bdsm but you basically solidified it for me. I don't get the point of blindfolding her: what does that do for me?
That being said, I like choking and slapping, and being rough, but those are simple, and can be done before / during / after "pounding then through the mattress with your dick".
If I learned bdsm, I want to learn "just" enough. So like... sometimes bitches move their arms and legs when they shouldn't. I can see getting handcuffs / ropes and learning to tie them down, but mostly only for my pleasure. But I find it's usually more enjoyable to tell them "put your arms down", and have them obediently keep them down.
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INNASKILLZ2K18 5y ago
This is all horrible. How daaaaaare you treat these princesses in such a hedonistic way?
Imperator_Red 5y ago
Sorry but I'm laughing my ass off haha. You were a bottom...
throwaway-aa2 5y ago
He got pussy at 17, from a women who was 37. That's... pretty fucking good for that age, especially in an age where redpill didn't exist.
buttgoogler 5y ago
Well, I also was an autistic beta, too.
nysys 5y ago
You still are and know nothing about power exchange. Get on your knees, you fucking rapeo.
Imperator_Red 5y ago
Ok details... what did this woman do to you, and how the fuck an underage guy end up in some sort of dominatrix relationship with a middle aged woman.
420KUSHBUSH 5y ago
He really needed the passing grade