TL;DR: See Summary.
BACKGROUND: I do some 1-1 mentoring work when I can. This occurred last night and thought it might help others.
FIELD REPORT
Characters
- Sean - Young man I mentor.
- Roger - Seller and would be philanthropist.
- Rip - Some guy who's body's present but brain's always elsewhere.
Events
Sean suffers from high anxiety. Last night he wanted to buy a sub woofer. He'd researched it, organised and even negotiated the price down(helped him learn). When I picked him up he filled me in so I said cool let's go. In most situations I'll fall back and allow him to lead. When we arrived I told Sean I had to move the car so he had to go up by himself. Moved the car then followed him up and watched. My man started well. Asked good questions; "What does this do? How does this work? etc.." But he wasn't building any rapport. He wasn't getting Roger invested. Looks to me; says what do you think?
I go to work.
Me: "Roger? I'm Rip. Great to meet you. Sorry I missed the spiel. You were saying..?"
Roger: "Hi Rip. Was just explaining to young Sean here about this connection; it runs from the battery, the earth just need's to be grounded as so etc.."
Me: "Roger I see. So why are you selling it?"
Roger: "Well I've had the speaker for x years, and I just bought a new car; and since I don't need it anymore.."
Me: "Congratulations Roger on the new car. What did you buy? By the way what car was the sub in? How long have you owned it...?"
Roger: "It's an Aventador etc.. The sub came out of my little Mazda. Great little car.." (This was what I needed to know because I began to plan pulling the "poor young guy" card; playing to Roger's common experience of owning a little car and a big ass speaker to drive the price down. Little did I know Roger would in the end do us one better.)
Me: "Nice! Roger I owned a little Mazda at school. Great little car. That's why I keep that little Toyota we arrived in. Young Sean here Roger has also just got a new car. The same as mine but a four-door. That's why we're here..." (So I go into my spiel about the common experience etc.. At this point my man Sean starts whipping out his wallet..)
Roger: "Put that away Sean. Since you guys are such nice guys; take it." (Then instead of selling the sub decided to give it to Sean.)
Me: "Roger that's unbelievable! Roger thank you so much. That's immensely generous and we're speechlessly grateful etc.."
After most of our interactions I'll get Sean to pick it apart. Pull out what was good; what needs work etc.. After this interaction Sean's takeaways were;
- You asked a lot about him; but not much about the speaker.
- You didn't even talk about money.
- He didn't ask the right questions.
To help him I laid out the basic premise of most social interactions. That everyone has a story and if we didn't hear Roger's; or Roger ours; he might not have gotten such an awesome outcome. That rapport; that appealing to one's common experiences builds emotional connectors. Connectors that can be used to dictate the flow of conversation and events.
SUMMARY
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Whenever meeting someone new; as casually as possible include their name in the conversation. At least 5 times is my practice but you do you. Saying their name not only helps you remember it; whenever someone hear's their name; they actively listen.
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Whatever your goal; establishing strong rapport through commonalities in another's life experience can only potentially help you.
- Remember; however; in any social dynamic; your greatest leverage is your ability to walk away.
Godspeed and good luck!
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buttgoogler 5y ago
This is pure gold. Posts like this keep TRP alive, insane wisdom.
Some folks won't even understand how helpful this info can be. Cheers for this.
xnesteax 5y ago
I do believe saying someones name is good but sometimes in your conversation it sounds so creepy lol
RodzillaPT 5y ago
well, this is part of the art. knowing where to insert the name properly in order to make it natural not forced.
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Guilty as charge when it comes to a lot of times not using the other person's name to create rapport. This post was really important to remind me why I should do it. I'll try to keep that in mind.
Noogisms 5y ago
When a salesman with a 24/7 Smile™ keeps saying my name, while still smiling, it makes me incredibly uncomfortable...
[deleted] 5y ago
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TheRedPillRipper 5y ago
u/kuryu4 There’s a great book about Tactical Empathy by former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss. Certainly helped me elevate my game.
[deleted] 5y ago
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TheRedPillRipper 5y ago
That's it. Great read. Loads of value.
INTJokes 5y ago
The comment is gone. What was the book?
TheRedPillRipper 5y ago
Never Split The Difference.
Noogisms 5y ago
I read the entire book and definitely feel it could have conveyed all the information in ten pages or less.
BUT Chris Voss' detailed personal anecdotes beat in the negotiation techniques with memorable highlights (I honestly remember more of the anecdotes than the points he was attempting to convey clearly!).
Overall his book is cherry-picked and a bit too specific to his glory days of hostage negotiation — sometimes "over the top," when a lesser story about Joe Average Salesman closing a deal would often-times work better to illustrate the point.
The best specific idea he explains is the "presumption of non-doing follow-up email" which 90% of the time will generate a response from an interested, but uncommitted, longer-term negotiation. I won't spill the best secret in the book, but a certain phrasing in a short / simple email can get responses where gifts have failed.
INNASKILLZ2K18 5y ago
Good post. Rapport building is something that isn't discussed much here. It definitely builds comfort.
I've covered a lot of rapport building skills as part of my studies. It's a great skill, and there are a few tricks.
Reflective listening is one. You can 'close a lot of gaps' with reflective listening. Say I'm talking to a guy about him losing a million on the stock market. He's down, because he thinks his wife will leave him, and his Ferrari is going to be repossessed.
Obviously, me and this guy might appear worlds apart. I could say we have nothing in common. By simply saying 'Ok, so what I hear is you're feeling scared? You're disappointed in yourself? You fear your wife might think you're not the man you were, now you've taken a big financial hit?'
'Yes, exactly'
I can relate to those feelings - 'I felt the same way when I didn't get this job, once. I'd studied, and got amazing grades. I felt my family would give up on me.'
That's a quick example, but by reflecting how someone feels, you can build rapport around the feelings. Suddenly two people who might appear not have something in common, do.
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Peshquabz 5y ago
God bless you for mentoring Sean. That's a very good deed, I feel. Awesome; what you've said a la rapport is very real.
Godspeed and good luck to you, too.
Snowaey 5y ago
i just keep saving posts every day from trp, this shit is a goldmine
TheFallingCosmos 5y ago
Tell me about it, 90% of my saved posts are from trp. There's way too much gold on this sub to mine it all.
RedEmbrace 5y ago
Being human in sales is what drives the sale.
ArdAtak 5y ago
Needed this. Looking for a new place to live right now. Lot's of meeting people and discussing rent, etc.
Parrotman01 5y ago
How to make friends and influence people summed up in a neat field report.
I'm glad I read that book, but your post basically confirmed it...along with my own experience.
vullnet123 5y ago
My ex told me I have a habit of always saying names, and shes right. I bring their names in conversations all the time and it keeps them attentive.
asvender 5y ago
I just thought it is TRP for gays when saw the title.
JohnnySixguns 5y ago
Same but pleasantly surprised.
ReUptheReUp 5y ago
This is gold, and at first glance this might not seem like much, but these tips really are things to keep with you. It can make a world of difference to how your encounters go with people and work wonders in creating great first impressions. Point 1 is something I neglect, but I'll add it after this. Thanks OP! (I'm new here so I assume this comment is just going to get deleted but I couldn't help commenting anyway.)
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