+ Preview- Hide Preview | 28 Comments | submitted 12 months ago by Psychological_Radish [Post Locked]
Not long ago a question was posed here regarding whether girls get nervous during dates. The answer to that is obvious - of course they do. But I find the question interesting because it prompts a deeper issue.
One problem I have noted on the askTRP forum is that most guys expend too much mental effort trying to decipher whether or not the girl is 'feeling' the date. The Blue Pill socializes men to defer to the feminine; it's only okay to make a move if she gives him indicators of interest (IOIs). Although the guy will gladly escalate when he receives positive reinforcement, this is still a form of approval seeking Beta behavior.
Most men (and people in general) are risk-averse. Betas fear any action that could result in a negative outcome, so they construct rejection buffers. Approval seeking is one such buffer. If the date doesn't end in some kind of sexual escalation, he can easily rationalize the outcome as disinterest on the girl's part. She didn't give him IOIs, therefore she wasn't interested. Then he comes on askTRP wondering what went wrong.
Looking back on my early experiences, it is obvious that I missed a lot of lays because I worried too much about the girl's interest. If she reciprocated my flirtation and matched my energy level, then I would have no problem inviting her back. Obviously she was into it. If she didn't, then I'd write her off as not interested.
I suspect this is the case for lots of analytical guys. We prefer to gather a vast quantity of information before taking action. In the sexual marketplace, this is a major disadvantage. Natural Alphas don't really think things through. They're selfish and impulsive. They take action without consideration to consequences or anyone else's feelings.
Newsflash: girls get nervous during dates. They freeze up. They have trouble making conversation. They won't reciprocate kino.
Indeed, women are naturally prone to anxiety and nervousness. They're indecisive, self-conscious, and worry constantly about uncertainty. Even an HB8+ who knows damn well that every guy would gladly nail her still harbors a kernel of doubt when she encounters a man she considers Alpha - is he into me? Dithering is a feminine trait, which is why men who display it are so deeply unattractive. Masculinity is about certainty. Women crave that energy because they can't replicate themselves. It is biologically impossible for them because they lack the testosterone hormone that powers masculinity.
As Rollo says, hypergamy is based on doubt. Usually we use the term in the context of her doubting a man, but the doubt extends to her own sexuality.
I once met a girl out from Tinder while I was traveling for work. From my perspective at the time, she didn't seem all that into it. I carried much of the conversation and I didn't feel my flirtations were being reciprocated. Doubt crept in, and I felt certain I would be rejected. But I was away from home and feeling bolder than usual, so I just thought fuck it and invited her to my hotel room.
Minutes later she was fucking me like a porn star.
The girl eventually became a long-term plate and FWB, and I once asked her why she was so nervous on that first meet. She said that she was incredibly attracted to me and didn't want to say anything stupid that would turn me off. I don't doubt that explanation, because it's exactly the mindset that Betas have when they're in the presence of an attractive girl (note how similar Beta men are to women).
Now I make it a rule to at least try to fuck a girl on every first date. Ultimately there's no point in looking for IOIs. A flirty feminine girl often makes for a better first date, but those IOIs don’t necessarily mean anything. The only thing that matters is whether or not she follows your lead to the bedroom. Everything that happens up until the moment you're inside her is bullshit.
This is why I often advise guys to skip the end-of-first date kiss and just invite her back to your place to hang out as the first move. In my experience (which is mainly with younger early 20s girls) the bedroom is the point of no return. If she comes back with you, it is virtually guaranteed that she wants sex - IOIs or no IOIs. From there you Game her in the usual way.
The only thing you need to worry about are indicators of disinterest, of which stalling sex is the most important. When a girl won't go home with me or otherwise indicates that she is uncomfortable with my sexual escalation attempts, that's usually when I eject. The critical point here is that I take action and get an answer one way or the other. Most guys want some form of permission before they're even willing to try.
The number one mistake that salesmen make is that they don't ask for the sale. Likewise, the number one mistake that most men make is that they don't go for the bang.
Summary: Don't get too hung up on IOIs. Girls get nervous and IOIs are unreliable. Be a man of action and lead the interaction to where you want it to go. The only way you can definitively know her interest level is if she follows you (or rejects you).