For going on nearly a decade now the prime time Monday airwaves in North America have been dominated by a single sitcom: How I Met Your Mother. While this is merely a fictional example of reality let us take a look at it from the perspective of what really would happen to the main characters, which should demonstrate that this television show is the ultimate Blue Pill fantasy.

Spoiler Warning
For those unfamiliar with the show, How I Met Your Mother (ironically narrated by Bob Saget) is the story of Ted Mosby, a New York-based architect whose life for ten years consisted of an uncannily connected series of events that led him to the fated meeting of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl that would become his wife. The supporting cast (which greatly overshadows the main character) consists of his PUA yuppie best friend Barney Stinson, enviro-activist lawyer friend (and big ol' softie) Marshall Eriksen, former girlfriend and one-itis Robin Scherbatskey, and team mom, manipulator, and sexually repressed Lily Aldrin. The show compares and contrasts the relationship ideals of these disparate characters with the overall goal of showing that, "it will all work out in the end if you just be yourself and bide your time." The show's primary message itself is, "there is someone perfect for you out there and the Universe will bring them to you."

The first example of this is the relationship of Lily and Marshall. Early on they are presented as a quirky kind of "perfect couple" which is Ted's reason to hope that there is someone special out there. The main problem with this is that this doesn't fit Lily's personality at all. Lily is initially flighty and an artsy type. She has no major skills to bring to the table (she eventually becomes a teacher and later an art consultant) but she latches onto the semi-masculine Marshall who is a good long-term investment. Marshall is a lawyer with the ability to be a big breadwinner and of course Lily would want to stick to that. She also has major shopping problems which Marshall eventually pays for. And, before they get married Lily panics and goes to San Francisco to "find herself." Barney eventually brings her back, but lord knows she was also riding that carousel as hard as possible in the months that she was away. A realistic portrayal of the character would probably depict her cheating on Marshall at some point in the relationship. This would have happened either during university or later in the show when Marshall gets treated like shit at his job at Goliath National Bank.

The second example that this is some kind of fantasy is in the characters of Barney and Robin and their eventual relationship. Barney's character was once a mega-weak new age guy. He was dating a beautiful girl with all the trappings of a 'loving relationship.' The problem was that she was getting rammed on the side by a typical banker archetype who was far more masculine than Barney. Never wanting that to happen to him again, Barney became the very thing necessary to get as many girls as he could: the guy who stole his girlfriend. This is of course portrayed as emotionally unhealthy and 'disgusting.' He is also given the Freudian excuse of having a slut mother and non-present father. Robin is similarly emotionally damaged from having daddy issues. She is initially portrayed as fairly normal when Ted first dates her, but she is highly ambitious which leads their relationship to ruin because they want different things. What Robin wants is to ride the cock carousel, and ride it she does. The carousel eventually leads her to Barney. They fall in love and what not, but Barney's reversion to boyfriend-mode and Robin's disgust at that fact results in both of them hating themselves and each other. That is actually pretty accurate. They break up and Robin rides the carousel a little more, but Barney goes through some elaborate super-planned proposal scheme. It's obviously a fantasy at this point: girl acts like a slut through her 20s and eventually lands the rich PUA who reforms to be with her.

And then there's the grossest fantasy character of them all: Ted. Ted is convinced that there is someone special for him out there. The problem is that every girl who becomes his girlfriend eventually turns out to be "just another girl." First he lands on Robin, but Robin friendzones him. Then he lands on Victoria, but Victoria moves away and they start a LDR. This, predictably, ends in disaster. Victoria cheats on Ted and Ted cheats on Victoria because Robin sees that because Ted is actually desirable to someone else she wants a piece of the action. Ted then transitions to Stella who has a kid. This is probably his worst moment - he is totally fine with raising the kid of another guy (who is undoubtedly cool and knows karate) because the other guy is a "deadbeat." Stella of course can't resist her baby daddy's penis power however and destroys Ted once again by leaving him at the altar; you think he would have learned by now. Ted rebounds by banging Robin a little more. She thinks it's just Ted getting is rocks off but Ted's one-itis can't resist him pining for a relationship. Ted then finally has a moment of masculinity when he starts banging the wife of a rich art connoisseur called "The Captian." Such a man would probably have 2-3 women on the side, but this is ignored. Ted of course gains romantic feelings which are again not reciprocated.

I could go on, but there is little to even talk about in the last 2 seasons. All events eventually lead to Barney and Robin getting married, which Ted is upset with because he is so painfully attached to the idea of Robin that he can't let her go. Then in a moment of "luck" and "fate" Ted meets his wife playing in the band at the wedding reception. Of course the wedding weekend takes an entire fucking season because reasons. The lesson to be learned from this show is that it is a fantasy for men who think they'll find some perfect woman for them. You're better off being a Barney, banging as many women as you can and feeling no remorse for such a lifestyle (unlike Barney). Robin and Lily would be riding as many dicks as possible before settling down, but only the latter is really depicted. Marshall is clearly the provider husband whose wife would like nothing more than to go astray from him. You should also take a hint when women keep leaving you for cooler, more masculine men and stop pining for that one girl that you think you're supposed to be with. She's probably fucking your "best friend" right now.

I hope you enjoyed that. Never believe what you watch on television; in fact don't watch it at all. Look for more fun essays like this in the future.