39M, 1.94m, 88kg, no idea on belly fat, but I’m athletic. I lift 3x a week since I was about 16 non-stop, 82.5kg BP, 102kg squat, 97 deadlift. Married 10 years with 3 boys. Sex is 3 to 4 times a week, not quite with the enthusiasm and drive as I’d like.
To the point, I go to the gym in morning, 5:30 AM, I sail on Sundays from 10:30 to 6. Morning are my domain. The wife will sleep until 8am every morning, I give kids breakfast at most because fuck if I’m going to get them dressed for her to sleep in longer.
I’ve had a tough but good year at work, got an unprecedented bonus at work (cap was 20%, but a select few of us got 40%), so this year I’ve bought a new fridge, upgraded the car (previous one was deemed a total loss due to hail damage, but insurance paid), bought her a new surf board for her birthday. I work full time for a multinational, she works part time with a business partner.
So she’s been getting enthusiastic about surfing again, started jogging and working out during the week in the morning, working around my gym schedule. Yesterday she comes up and says she wants to surf one more morning, and that I should drop one of my gym days given I sail all Sunday. My reaction is fuck no, I go to the gym 3 times a week.
Now I’ve been negotiating with hard-nose contractors all day long and had no more fucks to give. But I like that she’s getting more active, and enjoying doing exercise in the morning.
I see this as a compliance test. It seems like this is because of the sudden influx of new stuff, leading her to test if I’m a beta-bux. To me hard no is the way to go.
That said, I do see value in her being more self-motivated and being more physical. I recon if she asks nicely (rather than demanding as if I were some bitch), I might be willing to change one of my workouts to after kids are in bed. I would add the caveat that if she starts missing her wakeups because the surf is not good enough, or she’s gone to bed too late, I’m back on the morning schedule.
Men of TRP, give me your thoughts.
kentaro- 5y ago
So 23 years of training completely wasted? Get a coach mate.
Skiffbug 5y ago
Well, I put on 33kg of muscle mass. I wouldn’t say wasted...
WuTangAyri 5y ago
I've just started training my 13 year old brother. After 4 weeks his bench press went from 40kg x 1 rep to 40kg x 10 reps. If you really have been training for 23 years you have no excuse for those low numbers man. Go look at some other tall lifters, most strongmen competitors are actually taller than you.
Skiffbug 5y ago
Yeah, when I started I also got stronger pretty quickly. I also had hardons 24/7, but that subsided with age. Who’d a thunk it, hey?
babygirlhesaloner 5y ago
I know this is missing the point of your post, but those are really low lifts for someone who's been lifting for as long as you have.
Kurush559 5y ago
I was seriously shocked at this
DIARRHEA_EXORCISM 5y ago
Those are numbers a beginner can achieve in 2 or 3 months...if those are your workouts then i dont think it's a big deal to skip to do another activity. You'll probably make more gains surfing
Skiffbug 5y ago
I know they are and don’t have a huge amount of answers for this. I have really long arms (as in >2m tip to tip), which unthinkable trips me up on BP.
I’ve had back problems with Squats, so I’m taking baby steps on the weigh.
Deadlifts have only been part of the programme in the last 2 months.
I lift to failure on everything, but take aaaaaages to increase weights.
Zech4riah 5y ago
I think you have already noticed that people smell bullshit here.
And no, you are not probably lifting to failure every time or even most of the time, which is good because you shouldn't. I'd like you to see squatting or benching to failure each time. That must be really awesome to keep picking up the bar and plates from the safety catches or from the bottom of the squat rack unless there is someone spotting you every time which I doubt because there isn't too many crazy motherfuckers who get to the gym at 5.30 :D
I'd say you have lifted around same duration than DL's have been in your program or you have worst genetics ever in which case I apologize and wish you luck.
Did you try to appear as more alpha than you are? Because I smell betabux really strongly - even the fact you are asking this "is this a compliance test" is somehow really weird. Don't try to put labels on everything.
Skiffbug 5y ago
I don’t know what makes you think I care whether you or anyone else here believes about how hard I lift.
Zech4riah 5y ago
Just out of curiosity, how do you handle squats and bench presses after the last rep fails?
Skiffbug 5y ago
Ii always use catch bars that are set just beyond my maximum range of motion.
I don’t due squats to failure because for a few months failure mean tweaking my back and being out of commission for a few days.
On the bench-press I push the bar a bit higher towards my neck, as I have it touch mid-chest in the reps. As the bar is sitting on the catch, I just slide under and pick up the bar like in a deadlift.
Zech4riah 5y ago
That sounds really impractical to do everytime. Addionally you hurt yourself because the bar holders are a bit high so you cant cleanly "deadlift" the bar to the position. You have to use your traps and shoulders too etc. which is pretty risky with bigger weights. For example there is no chance that I could lift my max bench press weight to the starting position.
If you are really benching "every time to failure", I really suggest that you re-think your approach.
Skiffbug 5y ago
I think you’re reading “everytime” wrong. These days I do 5 sets:
If I manage to do the full 4 on the 4th set, I’ll go higher on the last. If I fail on that set, as in only manage 2 or 3, the last is the same weight, and I’ll likely only hit 1 rep.
I do this every week, Tuesday session.
Zech4riah 5y ago
Mmkay, everytime (or everything) for me means that you do every set to failure (so you cant finish the last rep) but I guess this is just semantics and kind of irrelevant.
Additionally why do you say that your BP max is 82,5kg if you can do 4 reps on that weight...?
Are you doing squats 4x102kg and DL 4x97kg too? Or are those wieghts your actual max results for one rep?
Do you understand why this is really confusing?
Skiffbug 5y ago
I don’t do 1 rep max. I just do my shit, and I know my numbers.
Is that ok? Will you allow me?
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ZachMeadows 5y ago
Dude, after the first 2 paragraphs I have to ask... How can you have the diligence to go lift @ 5.30AM and yet have those poor lifts ?
No offense, but you are huge and should be able to lift waaay more.... Tall guys usually have it rough with the squat, and your deadlift is weaker ? Come on...
Anyway, on the topic of your post. Just tell her to rearrange her schedule to make time for her hobbies. It doesn't concern you, as long as the kids don't suffer from it.
MattyAnon Admin 5y ago
While well written this is a request for personal advice and as such belongs on asktrp.
Aesthetic_God__ 5y ago
I was thinking the same reading the post.
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Moetheoneandonly 5y ago
You shouldn't give up some part of your routine that you work hard to maintain that easily. And she is most probably going to get bored of her new hobby and get back to waking up late. I don't doubt that one bit. And as /u/sorry_mommy said, she might even be having more than just surfing activity at that place. You never know.
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Think about the situation on your own, weight out the pros and cons of either choice, and maintain the solid frame if you find out she went around your back.
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Skiffbug 5y ago
That was definitely the point of the outright refusal to budge. Beyond that I am just running scenarios for possible options if I do choose to give her an opening, and that is entirely dependant on her asking as a polite little girl rather thanks demanding entitled bitch.
I wouldn’t give up on the day, just shift the schedule. She would feel it by my lack of presence for an afternoon a week.
curiouschipmunk1010 5y ago
Well done. You stood your ground and stayed your course. Don't compromise unless it benefit you.
Keep it simple, the comment section alluded to other possibilities, but at the end of the day. Nothing changed.
The trap you avoided that was in your capacity to control was rejecting betatization by 1000 concession.
sorry_mommy 5y ago
Literally, she is banging the surfing instructor. Women do not just suddenly take an interest in a new physical hobby without you. It has absolutely nothing to do with your moderate influx of money, she's doing what any woman does - pursuing her own fleeting desires. This is hypergamy. AWALT.
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Skiffbug 5y ago
She’s always been interested in surfing, but you need to have a soft board to surf at the beach that is 10min away from our home. The birthday present was exactly and it opened up the possibility. Plus there is no surf instructor. There is a board, the water, and a bunch of other surfers.
Not saying it’s impossible, but this shift is more getting back to something she did frequently when we started dating, catalysed by the opportunity that the new board opened.
sorry_mommy 5y ago
Then reinforce good behavior while punishing bad. Show her that you appreciate her fit surfer bod, but withdraw affection if she loses interest in maintaining it.
Kurush559 5y ago
How is it possible for your lifts to be so low after not just a few years of lifting, but 23???? Severe injury?
Skiffbug 5y ago
It may be genetics, or not eating enough.
I started lifting at 16 when I was 1.85m and weighed 55kg. I looked like stick man to the point that lifting was the doctors order.
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