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- Hide Preview | 61 Comments | submitted 7 months ago by ghosts_of_me [Post Locked]

I feel like writing this FR because Its been ages since the last time I asked a girl out due to the fact I have a really solid platelationship atm. I had forgotten that asking out chicks is really easy in the end, and I think I can carry some of this knowledge into irl cold approaches now.

(TLDR at the bottom if you want to spoil it.)

Hb7 works in the shop next to my own place of employment, I know that she works 4 days a week based on when her car is in the car park but Ive only seen this girl a handful of times. Never had a chance to talk to her in 6 months since ive been here but i know she's reasonably hot, and takes her lunch break at the same time as me.

This morning when I was in the car park she happened to walk out from her car and I said hey as we made eye contact, she said hows it going and I said pretty good. Then she went inside. Zzzzz...

I went into my shop, turned on the radio, and instantly got reminded that today is Valentines day. Shit! I missed a perfect chance to ask her to get lunch with me, and now I probably wont see her again today. Damn.. For a couple of hours I was debating in my mind whether I should just walk over and ask her, because hey its Valentines day what a great excuse, but I knew I would pussy out and not do it, because it might seem weird.

But then a miracle happened. My boss told me that the girl next door needed to borrow one of our pallets, and that I should pick out a shitty one we dont need and give it to her. Here's my chance!

I moved a pallet out back and walked over to their rear entrance. Called out "Hello?" And she appeared. As she walked over I upgraded her to an hb8 because her face and eyes were nicer than I thought. I said hey and introduced myself and showed her where she could get the pallet from.

That's when I had to do it. I havent gone out and practiced heaps of approaches like some guys so I still had a few butterflies. The conversation went like this:

"The radio reminded me that its V day today, and it's nearly 1 oclock, do you wanna get lunch?"

"Ohh nah I brought mine to work"

"So did I, we could still go somewhere for fresh air"

"Im kind of already on my lunch break"

"Alright no worries, have a good day"


There was no point insisting because I didnt wanna be desperate. Its a little disappointing that her automatic reaction was to say no, and not even enquire a little bit. It seems like a bad habit and I feel like she could work harder on that.

I went back into my shop feeling pretty pumped that at least I took my shot. Then I heard some woman let out a big cackle of laughter through the wall. I know exactly what that was about.. what a bitch! :P Im sure anyway that the girl will be wondering all day about what could have happened if she said yes, so it's her loss really.

Now im glad I dont have to wonder any more and I look forward to being cheeky in the future if we cross paths again I can just be like "Oi! Lunch?" While winking and pointing finger guns at her. She knows what I want and idgaf any more because the rejection has already happened.

TLDR: Got rejected, wasn't so bad. More enthusiasm gained towards asking girls out in the future.

[-] mrmaldoror 54 Points 7 months ago

I think the "Oi! Lunch?" will work wonders

[-] Foobyx 22 Points 7 months ago

To me it looks like an angry niceguy.

Don't give a shit about her means Move on. It brings you nothing to be resentful or tease her like this, on the contrary your mind is stuck on this shit.

[-] Wrehddit 3 Points 7 months ago

Disagree. As long as he shows outcome independence/non neediness and just does it to mess with her and have some fun it’s fine. He shouldn’t go out of his way, but if he does cross paths with her again that’s a solid approach.

[-] Foobyx 12 Points 7 months ago

dear lord, she rejected him. Keep some dignity and move on. No wonder people have a bad opinion on trp if all the dudes act like angry child who didn't get their toy.

[-] Wrehddit 3 Points 7 months ago

How is that being an angry child? Being an angry child is how you’re acting lol. So if they cross paths again, which they will, he should avoid eye contact and be butthurt? I see nothing wrong in having some fun, but maybe we’re imagining this scenario differently.

[-] Foobyx 4 Points 7 months ago

would just say hi, like normal being.

I imagined the "oi lunch" like a cheesy teasing line to bother her cause he knows he has nothing to loose anymore.

Maybe we imagine something different.


[-] ghosts_of_me 3 Points 7 months ago

It looks like you just ended up agreeing with /u/Wrehddit's disagreement of your original comment somehow.

[-] mrmaldoror 2 Points 7 months ago

Foobyx must be an autist but he is also getting upvotes. Strange world we live in.

I think a lot of early TRP users are pretty bad at being sociable and could not imagine how things could be said.

[-] TheStoicCrane 1 Point 7 months ago

Ignore the votes. This forum is no video game. There aren't any points to earn here only points to learn.

[-] [deleted] 7 months ago
[-] iampattym 51 Points 7 months ago

nothing builds character like rejection.

I gotta stop taking them so personally and reading stuff like this really helps.

Best of luck in the future, mate

[-] albino_red_head 5 Points 7 months ago

it's really nothing to be afraid of. In fact, I agree that this girl and many girls have an auto-reaction to say no. I've had some reject but then boomerang and literally come back 5 minutes later with their phone number. I'd imagine this girl is not a total loss considering they'll work next to each-other and his intentions are known.

[-] fartulio 2 Points 7 months ago

That boomerang is just a result of her messaging her friends about it and they all get super excited because something actually happened in real life for once. She quickly realizes she can extend this storyline to score even more validation points from her friends and there you go.

[-] ghosts_of_me 1 Point 7 months ago

She shouldnt feel special about it.

[-] juddshanks 39 Points 7 months ago

Some constructive criticism.

Firstly good for you for having a crack, that already puts you ahead of most of the keyboard heroes on here. The lamest most socially awkward approach is still better than no approach.

That said-

  • don't kid yourself that she's thinking about you. There's a 90% chance she said no because in her assessment you're not on her level in terms of appearance, social status etc. If she thought you were or better most of the time she'd find a way to say yes, particularly given you pretty much asked her out twice.

  • I think your approach was really bad. Referencing Valentine's day immediately communicates "I'm single, I'm feeling a bit lonely (ie no other girls are interested in me) I've already sized you up as relationship material. (ie I think you're much better than me") it basically is the opposite of what is a good way to hit onto a girl.

So in summary, well done for the effort, now work on yourself some more and get more experience and confidence.

[-] Emerald__Faith 16 Points 7 months ago

Let's not forget the mindset this guy needs to correct

" I instantly upgraded her from a hb7 to a hb8 because her eyes"

Get the fuck outta here, that is some pedistilized bullshit. This guy needs to re-read the rational male I & II because this was ass

[-] ghosts_of_me 6 Points 7 months ago

Storytelling, brah. But ok I will.

[-] TheStoicCrane 2 Points 7 months ago

At least he took a swing. In time he can fine tune his skills and hit one outta the park. Most incels freeze before lifting the bat.

[-] ghosts_of_me 2 Points 7 months ago

I disagree about the valentines implication because i was seeking a chill work lunchtime hang, not dinner. I already had plans after work, but why would I overexplain myself on the spot to this work chick.

[-] askmrcia 2 Points 7 months ago

I'm with you 100%. The valentine's day line was not bad. If she was attracted to you she wouldn't care what you said. It's not your line, but how you say it.

I swear people on this sub look way much into the whole alpha beta thing.

Last year on valentine's day i was at a social dance BY MYSELF.

One of the girls I was dancing with I made small talk and simply said "hey it's valentine's day, let's go grab drinks afterwards."

She declined the drinks because she didn't drink so we met up later in the week to see a musical.

No one is looking at it like "ewww this dude is single on valentine's day and him bringing it up means he's desperate."

I swear people on this sub kill me sometimes. People are just finding ways to rip you apart on here for whatever reason.

[-] Giant-__-Otter 16 Points 7 months ago

Alright. Congrats on approaching her, now you know what's what.


But you are being an entitled bitch and your hamster is getting the best of you. She doesn't have to work on social skills for your sake, nor did she wonder the whole afternoon about "what if?". You must lead the conversation (edit: and learn to let go when things don't work out well for you).


Are you a 4? Then a 7 is too high for you even in a daygame context. If your SMV is 5+, then your game sucks. No point in being bitter. Lifting will take care of your SMV, rejections and a cold analysis of failures in sets will improve your game, and meditation/martial arts/reading will take care of killing your ego. Onwards, faggot.

[-] GanjaAllDay 2 Points 7 months ago

I know we’re all about being alpha and “tough love” here

But really hoping you’re calling him a faggot as a joke

[-] ghosts_of_me 0 Points 7 months ago


I was being very tongue in cheek about her needing to work on her answers. A small commentary on how way too many girls get so used to rejecting all the time that they dont even think 1 milisecond long enough to assess whether they might go with it, or god-forbid, enjoy themselves.

[-] xjx547 11 Points 7 months ago

Hb7 works in the shop next to my own place of employment, I know that she works 4 days a week based on when her car is in the car park but Ive only seen this girl a handful of times.

What the hell are you doing tracking what days her car is in the car park? Shit I don't know where half my coworkers cars are and they sit right next to me. This kind of thinking is literally cancer. You are way, way too far in your head. It comes off as creepy and women have x-ray vision for that shit.

I was in the same mindset as you a long time ago, so this is why I'm being such a dick. But seriously, your thought process, and way of viewing the world, and your attitude needs a serious adjustment. It will ruin your chances with women and mess up your life.

Ask yourself a few questions:

  • Why do you think that she laughed at you? Why, without any proof, are you so self centered to think it's about you?
  • Why is it disappointing that she said no? Do you even know this girl? What if she's a crack addict, crazy, or completely retarded? Are you disappointed when coworkers or male friends don't want to get lunch?
  • Why are you asking out a random girl for valentines day? Don't you think that's a little creepy?
  • Why do you feel the need to be cheeky in the future? Why not just say Hi like a normal person? Why do you feel the need to be such a weirdo?





[-] ghosts_of_me 3 Points 7 months ago

Thanks, but theres like 8 cars in the car park, its not that hard to see someone go to their car one time and then you know.

[-] xkrillz 11 Points 7 months ago

Good stuff man, keep up the momentum

[-] magx01 10 Points 7 months ago

Im sure anyway that the girl will be wondering all day about what could have happened if she said yes, so it's her loss really.

That's.....not how this works. She hasn't wondered a thing nor thought about you except to laugh at you.

[-] MAGA_IowaPede 9 Points 7 months ago

Even the best baseball players strike out 50% of the time. Keep swinging for the fences.

[-] lapeparoja 9 Points 7 months ago

The GOOD. -> You had the balls to talk to the girl and you are taking the rejection well.

The BAD. -> All the rest. Namely, tracking a girl habits for 6 months, talk about pedestalizing, you "upgraded" her up to a 8 not because she is all of that, but simply because you were ruminating about her all the damn time. Asking her out on Valentines day it is not a good idea, especially if there is a mismatch of SMV working against you, and it seems that way based on how you talk in general and about this girl in particular. Too much pressure, it is like asking for a date on NYE or Christmass. Anyway, chin up and continue trying (NOT WITH THIS GIRL FFS)

[-] ghosts_of_me 1 Point 7 months ago

We were both at work its not like the "date" was open ended. Literally just a chance to chat for 30-60 mins and learn who we are.

[-] jwarner95 1 Point 7 months ago

I’d recommend taking more time writing and working on the spacing of your thoughts. I can tell you have good ideas here but it’s too rushed and jumbled to be coherent

[-] jwarner95 8 Points 7 months ago

Ayy good for you man. Keep the fuck at it!

[-] WaspOnAWall 6 Points 7 months ago

Gotta be more sneaky man, when you go upfront bringing up Valentine's day, you're too obvious and leaving no room for plausible deniability. From what I've seen, Valentine's day is for already established couples, if you're single it won't help you, quite the opposite. In my experience, unless you are both already attracted to each other, you shouldn't be too upfront. In a situation where you're work-neighbors, what you want to do is flirting. You don't make your intentions too obvious, but you don't act like a friend either, you operate in a grey area. That's how you build up her interest. In fact, eating together would have been a great idea, if it was NOT V day! Once she is hooked, you don't make sure verbally, you do it physically. It can be as bold as going for a kiss or as simple as touching her hand. The point is, you don't want to engage the rational part of her brain, because engaging that part will turn her off.

[-] ghosts_of_me -2 Point 7 months ago

Yeah shit, the grey area is now more of a black area. Too bad even though Vday is totally a girls holiday they wouldnt even take the chance to do something cute.

[-] dDiegoDLV 1 Point 7 months ago

You have a lot to learn. Women don't get hot for that BP Hollywood "cute" shit. She wants Chad to treat her like a fuck toy.

There is nothing for women to think about. She either gets tingles or you get rejected. If she does somehow hamster herself to "give this guy a chance" most likely you'll waste a bunch of your time on her so you can hear "your a really nice guy, but..."

attraction can't be negotiated \~ (Rollo?)

Valentines day is not going to help you land a first date. I would avoid 3 out 4 of the last women I fucked and possibly would have avoided the 4th too if I was still seeing her. I sent no "happy v day messages" to any of the women I am fucking or want to fuck.

A+ for taking a shot though OP. In the beginning all that matters is courage and a willingness to learn from your fuck ups.

[-] ghosts_of_me 1 Point 7 months ago

Your words are true. I wouldnt do any sappy shit like orbital text messages. I did fuck my main plate though when she rocked up to my place after work with cheese and champagne. Made me forget the lunch time fuckup real quick.

[-] ArdAtak 6 Points 7 months ago

It's great that you took a shot. But also give some thought into why she said no. Maybe she's just a bitch, maybe she's shy. But maybe it's your body language, appearance, eye contacts, speech, mannerisms, etc.

Don't blame her. If you do, you'll never take accountability and improve yourself. Work on YOU. It will get easier.

[-] ghosts_of_me 1 Point 7 months ago

Thanks. Im not a GQ model but I'm in touch with myself. I honestly think it was 50% me and 50% her not expecting it and just hitting the panic button which is No.

[-] imtheoneimmortal 3 Points 7 months ago

You should have some talk before asking to lunch out of nowhere

[-] ghosts_of_me 1 Point 7 months ago

Was hoping that the lunch would be the talk.

[-] imtheoneimmortal 3 Points 7 months ago

There was no connection emotions with her

So she say no because you didn’t get turn emotions up

[-] 2comment 3 Points 7 months ago

There was no point insisting because I didnt wanna be desperate. Its a little disappointing that her automatic reaction was to say no, and not even enquire a little bit. It seems like a bad habit and I feel like she could work harder on that.

Good-looking women get hit on so much there really is no point on her part. Be glad for the clean cut of her brevity and honesty, that she's not awkwardly holding you hostage to some drawn out rejection explanation or other such tactic to avoid saying no.

[-] Anonymous-O 3 Points 7 months ago

Excellent, OP. Now only 99 rejections to go before you become completely impervious to this shit.

[-] Emerald__Faith 3 Points 7 months ago

Let's actually help this guy and point out the mindset he needs to correct

" I instantly upgraded her from a hb7 to a hb8 because he eyes"

Get the fuck outta here, that is some pedistilized bullshit. This guy needs to re-read the rational male I & II because this was ass

[-] oooKenshiooo 3 Points 7 months ago

Well, you took one on the chin and you survived. Good one.

Now onwards. Get swole, rich and laid my brother.

[-] [deleted] 7 months ago
[-] ariky 2 Points 7 months ago

For rejection, I can only advice you to be get rejected “softly”. If you game a girl seamlessly even if she rejects you, you will have a chance again. Let the time pass, gain experience and try again. Mostly I get those girls if I couldn’t at the first try.

[-] ghosts_of_me 1 Point 7 months ago

Whats the next move here then, in your opinion?

[-] [deleted] 3 Points 7 months ago


[-] [deleted] 7 months ago
[-] ariky 1 Point 7 months ago

If your approach isn’t that revealing (if she can’t test your balls real hard), she probably won’t put you in the beta zone. At least she is gonna think there is something wrong with you but it might be temporary.

Also, you won’t get angry because of rejected by her (since you actually know that the flirting didn’t go well this time). So you can soft next her. While the time passes, you won’t be thinking about her. That time passes eventually and you gain experience.

You will know when to talk to her, text her etc. Alpha instincts work right there. The confidence hit you so well that there will be only one option: recontacting.

I always keep that girls on my Instagram, so they can see me living, if they want. But there are girls that you need to cut contact. It’s a timing issue I think. If you gonna re-initiate things with her in just a week or two, deleting her from social media is childish.

When the time comes up, check her if she’s available, not in an LTR, stays somewhere near to you etc. You will know what to do, honestly. Nothing to explain. Be genuinely funny and confident. If you’re gonna text on DM, send voice message instead. Be direct to the point about your wish to see/date her. That’s not needy, trust me. Because you’re already a guy who can give zero fucks. And you will still be flirting softly even though you’re direct to the point. You will have a chance to soft next again. If you don’t put her on pedestal and do not emotionally invest, you always have a chance.

Important Note: if you constantly checking if she liked your posts or watched your stories... damn you didn’t even next her in your mind. Nexting means you got zero emotions to her. Zero means no positive nor negative.

[-] S-Blaze 2 Points 7 months ago

Less is usually more

how I would have turned that:

Walk up to her - soulful eye contact - ''hey wanna get lunch'' - slight smile

"Ohh nah I brought mine to work"

''K'' - slight smile and leave. Or a playful ''thats too bad'' - smile - leave.

Nada, nothing else. You can bet 100% that she will initiate the next lunch, ''bump into you'' and think hard about you if she's remotely attracted.

Keep it simple, keep it true. Your short convo was dressed like ''nice guy'' trying to get laid, girls can see through that bullshit and they hate that. Keep it real and simple, ie talk to a girl as if you already knew her, thats one way.

[-] [deleted] 7 months ago
[-] lawquestionCCL 1 Point 7 months ago

I’m sorry, I’m not trying to talk shit here or anything but the notion that she said no to you without considering it further is not a bad habit that needs to be worked on. She has seen you multiple times over the past 6 months and decided she’s not interested. Or she is with someone already. No one owes you anything — not an inquiry or additional consideration or a chance. It sounds like your entitlement is an extension of a lack of confidence. It’s not a good look. Just take the rejection for what it is — she’s not interested — and walk away. The most handsome men on earth will still get rejected at least once in a while. That doesn’t mean the girl has some kind of flaw.

[-] [deleted] 7 months ago
[-] [deleted] 7 months ago
[-] pythasaurus 1 Point 7 months ago

Love your positivity man, great job going for it.

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[-] magx01 -2 Point 7 months ago

"Asking out" a girl? Is it 1985 again?

[-] jwarner95 2 Points 7 months ago

Yes if you actually applied anything here you’d realize that picking up a girl and instantly fucking her doesn’t come till much later on.

[-] ghosts_of_me 1 Point 7 months ago

I miss 1985, I wasnt even born but at least people met each other IRL.