Disclaimer: I want to emphasize that this is what works for me. It might not work as well for you as it does for me. But following these tips WILL improve your chances of landing dates with high quality women. For the sake of simplicity, I'm going to write all of these points as if you're using Tinder, although they apply to pretty much every dating site. With that out of the way, let's start.
The Profile
Never leave your profile empty. You don't want to post a novel, but you want to show that you have a personality. Guys will typically post a list of what they do, what they're interested in, and what they're looking for in a woman. None of this is necessary. When a woman reads your profile, she isn't going to care if you like football or you work as a stock-broker. And she's not thinking about whether or not she measures up to your standards. She wants to feel an emotional connection, and you're not going to have this effect by listing off your job title and what you do on the weekends. You need to paint a picture for her.
Here's an example of a bad profile that's all too common:
6'2'' (insert job title). In my free time I like to go out with friends, fish, lift weights, and play guitar. Looking for a fit and active girl who's spontaneous and knows how to have a good time
So, why is this a bad profile? You might be thinking - "I've written profiles that were similar to this before and I match with girls all the time!" Well, most of us have. And you'll match with some girls, but they're probably only liking you because of your pictures. To be blunt, this profile is boring, and no girl is going to get butterflies when she reads it. There's no playfulness or humor in this profile. It reads more like a job application. I also want to mention that height does matter to a lot of girls, but you don't need to put that in your profile. Let them ask you about it or better yet, show up to the date and surprise them.
So, what should your profile look like? Here's the one I'm using right now that gets me around 5-10 matches a day:
Call me simple, but nothing spells happiness more for me than editing audio files on my computer in my underwear with a cup of coffee. When I'm not doing that, you can find me in the gym thinking about my next idea for a story that I'll get 20 pages into writing then completely change.
Nothing about my height (I'm 6'3''). Nothing about what I do (I'm a full-time student in my mid-20's). Nothing about what I'm looking for in a woman (that's a long list). It's not show-off-ey, I'm not talking about myself too much, and I'm not talking about what I'm looking for because that communicates arrogance. This profile is meant to paint a picture of me as a playful guy who has unique interests, and yeah... I happen to work out but I have a brain.
The Pictures
Contrary to what some online articles will tell you, you don't need to use pictures that show you're a social butterfly, or ones where you're surrounded by girls. Pictures with friends are ok, but I would suggest you leave out any pictures with girls in them if you're the only guy. These types of pictures will make the girl looking at your profile think that it's either your ex, or you're a player - neither of which are good in her mind.
You should have 4-5 pictures max.
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A clear shot of your face that's not a selfie
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A playful/goofy one with a friend/friends
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A full body shot in a unique place
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If you have a good body, a picture of you relaxing on the beach or at a pool is fine. No mirror selfies (unless you're shredded). If you're not in good shape, don't use a picture like this.
- This one's up to you, but it can be like any of the ones above.
The First Message
Side note: If a girl is really into you, she'll send the first message. Getting a first message is about the most obvious display of interest you can get while you're online dating, so if she messages you, assume that she wants you to ask her on a date and do it within 2-3 messages. These girls will usually act socially awkward on a date because they're very attracted to you. Don't let it throw you off though. Have drinks or whatever then when you leave the venue, tell them "We should just get this out of the way" and kiss them. They'll kiss you back 99% of the time. Most girls won't message you first though. They're afraid of rejection just like most guys are, so they're going to wait for you to make the first move.
This should be obvious, but never use "Hey", "What's up?", "How's it going?" or anything like that. These messages take no effort and they're boring as hell. You need to get her engaged, and - just like in real life - there's no better way to get someone engaged than to ask them a question. Your question should be playful and funny. This is the one I use every time:
"What's the weirdest message you've ever gotten from someone on here?"
This message communicates a few things. For starters, you're implying that you're not weird like the other guys on Tinder who send her things like "Sit on my face" or "My dick hangs low" (these are actual messages girls I've matched with told me about). It also communicates that you're on Tinder to have a laugh and you're not taking it too seriously.
Beyond that, this message is the perfect icebreaker. She'll tell you what her weirdest message is and all you have to say is "Lmao wow" or something similar. After that, she'll ask you what yours is. I actually had a girl message asking me if I would let her use a strap-on on me, so I use that, but even if you haven't gotten a weird message you can always make one up. I use this one because it's funny, sexual, and so outrageous that it gets a laugh 90% of the time.
After the First Message
After breaking the ice, your goal is to set up a date. Not get her number. Not get to know her. SET. UP. A. DATE!
The girls who message you first will be open to meeting you right away without talking at all. For the others, you need to do a little back and forth messaging. If they respond to your opening message (the one above) with something sexual, you can ask them the same "weird" message that they told you about after some normal back and forth conversation. Not only is this funny, it's playful.
For example, one girl told me that a guy messaged her saying that she owed him sex for some ridiculous reason. After laughing at the guy and having some normal conversation, I told her "Now that we've talked for a while, you owe me sex". She shot me down of course (in a sarcastic way), which is what I was expecting, so I told her "Well, I guess I'll just have to settle for a drink then." Normally, I would have sent "When are you free?" after that, but she beat me to it. Needless to say, once she told me when she was free I gave her a time and a place and set up the date. Be sure to take the lead and set the date yourself. If you allow her to pick the time and place you're putting yourself in the passenger seat, which isn't masculine.
Getting Her Number
Getting her number is important because it brings you out of the app and into the real world. If you've followed all of these steps, you should have set up a date. Now there are two options. You can either say something like "Sounds good. Here's my number by the way - (number). Text me", or you can wait until the day of the date and send her that message. I prefer to wait until either the day before or the day of the date, because it acts as a covert confirmation text. If she doesn't text you, assume that she's going to flake. If she does, well buddy, you've got her number and you can assume that the date has been confirmed.
Conclusion
That's basically all there is to it. Since I've been doing all of these things, I've matched with much higher quality women, and I'm getting more dates than I can even handle. Follow all of these steps and you should see similar results.
bluepillcarl 6y ago
I did what you said with the opening liner and it worked for me..
Me: what's the weirdest message you've gotten on here?
Her: I don't know I've only been on here two days. Do you want to be the first to make me uncomfortable?
Me: I save the awkwardness for in person meet ups only. What are you up to
Her: just got home what are you up to?
Me: gym.. Then later going out for a drink
Her: what are you looking for on here
Me: I just moved here I'm looking for friends
Her: would you be okay with a fwb situation
Me: I don't know. Let's meet up tonight for drinks and find out.
YellowSoldier54321 6y ago
Will it work if you're asian?
AltBlackRealist 6y ago
How many messages will he get??
https://i.imgur.com/rbmy1wv.jpg
bittr_n_swt 6y ago
Damn great post! I’ve been doing almost all of what you said without knowing it and I’ve met a handful of girls this month alone.
Wednesday a girl messaged me first. Met the next day at hers and yeah she was a bit socially awkward but cute. Didn’t bang but I got a kiss in the end and will see her soon.
Dat_Chad 6y ago
I like the "I'm not here to hook up or anything, just looking for new friends" bullshit they usually post.
BetaBitchBoy69 6y ago
LMAO “im not looking to hook up” aka you gotta date me to fuck
Your_Coke_Dealer 6y ago
Extremely low-effort shit test. Filters out weak men who actually believe it
CutLiver 6y ago
Those girls have a boyfriend more often than not. They put the friends thing in there in-case they get caught. That way they can say "I was just using it to find friends".
MattyAnon Admin 6y ago
This is a GREAT observation!
I'd always thought it was plausible deniability to avoid sex. Your point makes more sense.
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Dat_Chad 6y ago
no no. I mean, I put that on MY profile
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sadomasochrist 6y ago
Can't believe I never put two and two together on that. Jesus. All I needed to be doing was dropping the word discrete in there and it'd have been golden.
ShotgunTRP 6y ago
Yeah dude I feel like I've had an extreme enlightenment right now.
sadomasochrist 6y ago
Sort of like when you have a woman all but outright tell you she's DTF and you let it fly over your head. Four in my life and they all sting.
[deleted] 6y ago
Look at this casual, only four....
But seriously you just reminded me of the ~10 times its happened to me and now I will mentally kick myself for the next 12 hours
general-heartless 6y ago
Man they add up quickly so stop making that mistake!!
ShotgunTRP 6y ago
We need to start a group to help men with sexual strategy. We should call it trp.
antariusz 6y ago
Hey guys, I invited girl out for coffee but she said “how about I come over to your house and make you coffee in the morning”. Is this a shit test? Why doesn’t she follow my lead?!?
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Jyontaitaa 6y ago
I think we should call trp advisor or even trip advisor; I heard girls like to go on overseas travel to hookup with randoms :0)
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darksyndicate17 6y ago
This setup closes a date every time. It's so generic, they can't reject you.
me - how are you?
her - I'm ____ hby?
me - I'm ___ too, where are you from?
If her response is - i'm from _ just moved here months ago
me- nice how do you like it here so far?
her - i like it here but don't nowhere anything is yet (some variation of this )
me - perfect, I know all the cool spots, lets grab coffee/drink (depending on her prof) or something what's your #?
her - Yes that would be nice. _____
If her response is I'm from here
me - Nice. Same here let's lets grab coffee/drink (depending on her prof) or something what's your #?
her - Yeah. that sounds good. _____
Simple and generic. I literally pulled this from my message feeds from the last 4 dates i closed
jglover82 6y ago
Not having your height in there is a mistake if you are over 6'. Girls will msg me solely based on height
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jglover82 6y ago
So if an NFL player put in his profile "Wide Receiver for 49ers" he would get less matches then if hid it? right...
washington_breadstix 6y ago
Only if he says the 49ers. Any other team will increase his matches.
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jglover82 6y ago
I agree on mystery and less is more for sure
yomo86 6y ago
We have a torrent of online game guides here on TRP. This is nothing new or original. The unified opinion is more or less be attractive, yet aloof and be in the upper 10% population wise or just avoid online dating all together. It is a meat market, and the cattle chooses the buyer.
CutLiver 6y ago
I'd like to see you and the other 4 or 5 guys who say this isn't original post something useful.
Code-FDSD 6y ago
Smacks of way too much effort. I can jerk off in like 5 minutes and have a frozen pizza done in the oven and be watching a movie before I did half of that crap on this list. Sex is way over rated. Enjoy life...don't waste your life thinking about sex and getting women. They are horrible people who only see you as objects.
Solon64 6y ago
Well that's very MGTOW of you, but TRP is for guys that want to get laid, not jerk off and watch a movie at home. The MGTOW subreddit is over there man. MGTOW has its merits but they don't belong here. Go ahead and see yourself out, the door isn't locked or anything.
CutLiver 6y ago
Sounds fun. Enjoy that, bro.
vandaalen 6y ago
Meh.
Put good facial picture in profile
Put good shirtless pick from a social activity (sports, beach, etc.) in profile. Must show abs.
Hide your autism in chat.
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[deleted] 6y ago
If you actually believe this you are a fuckin' clown. The vast majority of women are extremely insecure, and the ones on Tinder, the girls who can't find a guy, are extremely insecure about guys with GENUINE abs, and not starving African phaggot abs. If you have abs and no other muscles, they'll probably be secretly mocking you for taking a shirtless picture showing off your non-physique. If you have genuine lean mass and you show off abs, you will get nope'd more often than not because women are so insecure about themselves, that they would be uncomfortable about true ripped abs on a guy. There's nothing more insecure than a 10/10 Woman. The hotter they are, the more insecure and neurotic they are.
"Must show abs" lol what a joke. Are you like, 19 or something? You're a straight up fuccboy.
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FauxBostonianBrahmin 6y ago
What are your thoughts about skipping the number? I think you can remove an additional step, lower the barriers to schedule a date, and it’s one less touch point to deal with… I think a flake rate might go higher when scheduling dates, but I think it would be quicker… I do see the value in bringing the conversation outside of Tinder...Thoughts?
CutLiver 6y ago
I think you can skip the number, it just makes them more likely to show up. Plus, it shows me that they're interested. If a girl isn't willing to give me her number then I assume their attraction level isn't much higher than 50%, in which case I'm not going to invest much attention in them.
FauxBostonianBrahmin 6y ago
Thanks for sharing your thoughts
slakasenas 6y ago
Immediately setting up a date and skipping the number are the most valuable parts of this post. My experience is that they never flake when I skip the number, probably because they feel less pressured to show up when they don't give it. This might seems counterintuitive since they can safely and easily flake, but that's not the case in reality.
FauxBostonianBrahmin 6y ago
What a great hypothesis… Although it was a nice post, in a sea of online dating/tinder related posts “ skipping the phone number” is the only novel idea I really took away from it… I’ll have to run with us for a bit and see how it works for me.
Love the idea of not asking for number indicating more IDGAF attitude and creating less pressure on the date..
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truedemocracy3 6y ago
I am very successful in the apps as well. Use the writing rule of thumb when building your profile: show, dont tell. So you're tall? That's an asset. Make sure you have a few pictures of you next to average sized friends to display this. Dont say "am 6'2" because you will come across as a tool.
have interesting hobbies? show them. Show a picture of you playing guitar, dont say you're into guitar (and the pic doesnt even have to show your face well if you have others that do it).
You have a job that makes money? Dont show a picture of you posing with a fancy car or watch, but maybe doing an activity that separates based on social class (rowing, skiing, etc.) or a picture of you in a suit from some kind of formal function.
Are you in great shape? This is a tricky one with the show and dont tell. You will filter out a lot of girls who find you otherwise attractive but maybe not worth the time if you have a shirtless selfie (selfies in general are a bad idea). But if you have a shirtless action pic of you rock climbing, boating, playing sand volleyball? Boom - you still get the benefits of coming off hot while being aloof about it. Yes btw shirtless six pack selfie abs will get you matches because end of day six pack abs but you will filter some hot girls out.
Not much more is attractive than a good looking person who carries themselves in a way that doesnt bring attention to it (both for women and men). It's like being 'Old Money' rich, anyone familiar with the class will know what Im talking about. They have generational wealth but arent raised to show it off, however they carry themselves in a way that you know they are rich without beating you on the head over it.
Once your profile has all the above and covers things like interests, how active you are, what you look like, then you can use your profile for something witty care-free and kind of dumb. I have a joke on mine and almost always get positive comments on it. Girls can tell I am tall, lead an interesting life, am smart enough to have a solid career, am social, etc. based on the pictures. Let your personality come out based on the profile.
Andrea-Amilcare 6y ago
Good writeup OP, but you overestimate by a LOT the impact of your profile description and what not. You could have summed up your post by "Have good pictures".
I work with a cute girl, a solid 7, and she showed me her Tinder account once. Over 100 matches up top and 25 threads open, only dated 1 and the date was shit. She pulled up a guy scrolled through a pic without a hat, dude had a slightly receding hairline, and she said "huh I must've not scrolled through; unmatch"
The hot ones don't always look at all the photos and they’re looking for absolutely ANY little detail to reject guys. You have to see this shit through their lens, when they have hundreds of guys matching and sending "hey, what's up" lines, they only have so much time to meet up with guys.
saze83 6y ago
Most guys do not realise just how much of a buyers' market Tinder is. Even the average chick you would not look at twice has 100+ matches and plenty of dudes jostling for attention. As an experiment, I asked two female friends to swipe right on me if they saw my profile (we all live less than a mile away from each other, in the metropolitan area of a huge capital city). I swiped right on them 5-6 times before they even saw my profile. One even super liked me and we still didn't match for a week. On top of that, does Tinder really benefit from you matching with quality chicks quickly and never returning?
TheSociologicalMail 6y ago
As a woman I can say you're onto something
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[deleted] 6y ago
Simple works best for me. I don’t want another super intellectual feminist:
“6 foot, 180, athletic, love friends, family, and country music”
My four pictures are of me in social situations with friends, family, females, and my dog. They demonstrate happiness, wealth, travel, trust.
kabuto_mushi 6y ago
I'm currently trying to get a grip on my Tinder shit as well. I'd like to do more cold approaches in real life, but I'm busy with work so this is all I've got right now.
I swipe right pretty much constantly but haven't had any matches in weeks... maybe I'm just not attractive enough right now? I'm working hard at the gym recently, but I dunno. Would it be too much to ask someone to judge the shit out of my profile? If you want a shot OP, since you've clearly been around the block, I'm open to criticism.
[deleted] 6y ago
80% of the likes go to the top 20% on every online dating app. You are probably average looking aka the new ugly, at least in the online dating market.
_KR24 6y ago
I've found this little trick with tinder when i had zero matches and i thought thats unusual...just delete tinder, reinstall it and start swiping again and u should get plenty of new matches in the beginning. it seems that tinder tries force you buy their shitty premium if you've been using it for while to keep getting matches.
lopsidedlucky 6y ago
Make sure you're following his rules on the photos. There was also a post last week with a more detailed breakdown from another user. Look for that as well.
Also don't swipe right on everyone unless you're making new accounts on a regular basis. It fucks up your elo score and who your profile gets sent to.
The photo rule alone should be getting you some matches.
Kinbaku_enthusiast 6y ago
This is old data, but apparently shirtless mirror selfies used to be quite effective for 40+ men that worked out (even without being shredded). Stats showed that this was a remedy against their age in regards to messaging (on okcupid).
YellowSoldier54321 6y ago
I've seen the exact opposite. https://theblog.okcupid.com/the-4-big-myths-of-profile-pictures-41bedf26e4d
Kinbaku_enthusiast 6y ago
Guess my memory mixed them up. girl cleavage vs. guy shredding.
Nice, thanks.
My post was based on my bad memory of that link.
GoGetting 6y ago
Being good looking a remedy for rejection?
Who would've thought! :D
chickjunkie 6y ago
Can confirm. I asked dates every time if they thought it was a bad move to post the shirtless pic and they all said without fail that if you have a good body it won't turn women off to see it.
360_no_scope_upvote 6y ago
If you have a nice body, it is a disservice to yourself to not include it, selfie or not IMO.
truedemocracy3 6y ago
I disagree and say it's about context. You have the asset (the hot body) now maximize it. Show a pic of you shirtless doing something active like rock climbing, rowing, volleyball, etc. Women will still be attracted to the body but you also come off more humble about it, a double turn on.
lucasven 6y ago
I have one and can confirm
truedemocracy3 6y ago
I believe the ultimate sexual status you can reach with a girl is the 'he's so hot and doesn't even realize it!', which of course you do as anyone who puts in daily gym effort does, but remain aloof about it anyways.
lopsidedlucky 6y ago
That's the key bro. Shirtless in an adventurous or outdoor setting within context.
atticusfinch1973 6y ago
A lot of these things should be common sense, but aren’t to most of the incels posting on asktrp.
TL;DR Be original, be attractive, escalate quickly and lead, don’t ask permission.
truedemocracy3 6y ago
So many people who are new to the app world have no idea what they are doing with it. Sure when you hear it in hindsight it makes common sense (similar to "lift!") but do most it really isnt
CutLiver 6y ago
Yes, most of them are obvious. It's ridiculous how many guys struggle with this stuff though. I asked one of the girls I went out with if I could see her tinder messages and 95% of them were just guys saying stuff like "Hi", "Hey :)", or "You're cute". It was pathetic.
cornylamygilbert 6y ago
I updated my profile to a knock off of your example above and replaced my smiling photo with a no fucks given, cockier one
and overnight my online dating prospects got hotter
I'm not preaching no silver bullet and I'm not some token promoter for this post
but damn
CutLiver 6y ago
Glad it helped you out bro
360_no_scope_upvote 6y ago
If you are attractive enough sometimes 'hey' is all it takes. If you aren't in the top 20% then you need to be creative.
Xhaka-Laca 6y ago
True, there are sometimes I’ve used the opener “sup” and if the girl replies I know she is definitely down.
CutLiver 6y ago
True, but it's still a shitty opener. It's better to write a good one and copy/paste it for every match.
askmrcia 6y ago
I hate to be that guy, but this type of stuff has been written about over and over and over again not only on this sub, but others as well. Actually its in the sidebar.
You may be going through a hot streak right now because more women are active on these apps as its a new year and holiday season is over, not to mention valentines day is right around the corner.
But your conclusion comes across as little too much bragging. Like why do we care if you have dates all from online lined up?
CutLiver 6y ago
If it's not useful to you then ignore it.
lopsidedlucky 6y ago
Even if he is bragging so fucking what. He has something that works and wants to share it. There's nothing negative in it and he's literally telling others how to meet more women.
Then you come in here critiquing his advice. Jesus man, wtf is wrong with you. I thought they cleared the incels out of here.
askmrcia 6y ago
Advice that he pretty much copied and pasted off other threads and subs and shit that's right on the side bar? Ok
LOL, guessing you don't even know what that word even means tough guy
[deleted] 6y ago
You forgot to include that you have to be a member of the white masta race.
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TheRealJesusChristus 6y ago
Is that a joke or are you stupid?
lopsidedlucky 6y ago
He's not part of the masta race so you know he's stupid. /s
[deleted] 6y ago
The last 6 "how to fuck bitches off tinder" posts have included this, why not this one? Keep it consistent at least.
TheRealJesusChristus 6y ago
I didnt see it and it seems stupid. But if it just was a joke, then whatever. Just a bad joke.
p_and_q 6y ago
Couple of things:
I disagree about height if you're tall (5'11 >). There are a good number of tall girls who really only look at bios for that number. If you're tall, it can only help to include it.
With messaging, it's all about encouraging a response. If they are interested, as long as they actually have something to respond to (like you said, not 'hey' or 'hi'), they're likely to respond.
This might just be personal preference, but I never ask, "when are you free?". It's too open if you have a busy schedule or a routine you like to keep to. I prefer "I'm free X night, Y afternoon, and Z night. Any of those work for you?" (never offering more then one part of the day on any given day). From there you can figure out the day and time but it shortens the amount of time it takes to schedule.
Good stuff.
justgotalpha 6y ago
If you literally want to waste your precious time,follow the tips above!
CutLiver 6y ago
Yeah, because it's such a time waster to put 5 pictures up, write a two sentence profile and spam the same message every time when you match.
[deleted] 6y ago
Kid, if you thought you were as much of a catch as you think you do, you wouldn’t be on Tinder. Chances are you’re an average looking manmore lanklet.
I get matches being an absolute asshole and telling people who are looking for their soulmate on Tinder that they are losers. Young good looking guys like me get to do that, because we can.
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PhaedrusHunt 6y ago
One tip. Don't give her your number and tell her to text you. Tell her Let's switch to text. Don't say do you want to? Tell her. Then, text her, but not too soon.
bouncypoo 6y ago
I like your suggestion ...but If you give her your number and tell her to text you and she does, you are leading. She is submitting to you, i see nothing wrong in that.
soulcatcher357 6y ago
Two experiences of note with Online Dates; Bait and switch and the bunch of friends set-up.
Bait and Switch: Somebody is trying to prescreen people for their friends or trying to setup their friends. And yes is a couple of instances it's turned out to be a pimp or someone with an illegal alien looking for marriage. Sometimes the person is actually with them they are trying to set you up with. The person you talked with you do meet, but they are not interested in you at all. Most experiences have been with better women with less valued females.
The other situation is really a bunch of women (married or otherwise not looking or some willing to branch swing) trying to get their friend laid or together with someone they collectively pre-screened online. You come to meet them and you are greeted by someone with an entirely different name and a group at a table. The other person shows up a little later or is at the table.
As with any social situations YMMV, but TRP hopefully can help you there.
I admit I am still reading the sidebar if this isn't new information.
Talk about crash course in shit tests. BE PREPARED.
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lopsidedlucky 6y ago
That's fucking crazy. Never had anything close to that happen and never heard it from anyone else. Thinking you might live in a border town. If that's happened to you man, props for not getting taken.
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[deleted] 6y ago
I suggest thinking about a good flirty or sexual opener and applying it to every match.
Some suggest to go through their pictures and come up with something unique but it's just not worth it.
Think about the possible responses, and how to follow up. After raising sexual tension with your opener and follow up, set up a date.
If they can't make it, grab their number and ask them out some other time. That's it.
Remember, strike while the iron is hot. Chicks have the attention span of a goldfish on these apps so you better be quick. Taking too long to reply will make them lose interest in this case.
dumbkidaccount 6y ago
Humblebrag. Pointless post
lopsidedlucky 6y ago
The point of being on TRP is to share successes and what works and to learn.
You have a problem with someone else being successful then get your crab ass out and go find another bucket to pull people down into with you.
CutLiver 6y ago
I'm posting what works for me. If you don't like it then do your own thing.
kiekrzanin 6y ago
I got a similar vibe from it