I'm reading Rollo Tomassi's third installment to his Rational Male series, "Positive Masculinity," and he talks about how the tradition of celebrating when a boy becomes a man has been conveniently taken out of the male experience. It got me thinking... when did I become a man? Or better stated, when did I decide to call myself one?
So, when did you know, in your heart of hearts, that you were no longer a boy and had now become a man? Did your father, uncle, or any other male role model in your life celebrate this with or for you? Do you still, deep down, consider yourself a boy?
If you didn't have a male celebration into man-hood, what events had to happen, or pre-requisites did you have to accomplish, in order to allow yourself to identify as a man and not a boy?
No one ever celebrated my transition, but I come from a traditional family that respects the patriarchal role of the male in the family. Still, I can't help but wonder what a celebration of my transition into "adulthood" would've been like or what it could have done for me.
I think in the future if I ever have a son, I will make it a priority of mine to celebrate his transition into manhood memorable and educational so that he will not only have pride in who he is but so that he can be confident and proud to be a man.
Wakka_Grand_Wizard 6y ago
I think Richard Pryor said it best "A man cannot graduate until he gets his heart broken, that is his diploma". I defo started my journey of manhood once my ex-broke my freaking heart. Since then I have worked out a lot of my problems out.
Moir53 6y ago
Through self-initiation, and the blessing that is Bwiti tribe in Africa. My father left when I was young, grew up in a house with women, and so that masculine aspect was lacking or rather my mother had to adapt and became a father figure in a sense.
When I was 17, I had some big experiences with mushrooms which opened me up to layers of Truth. By the time I turned 18, I had consciously decided to travel to Peru for Ayahuasca ceremonies.. THAT was the catalyst to big internal shifts. By 20 I was in the deserts of Arizona sipping Peyote by myself, connecting with ancestors and rekindling that masculine essence within. In hindsight, it all adds up and makes sense. The mountain I drank and had ceremony in front of was called Yang mountain, I was cutting out a very toxic relationship, I was forgiving myself for whatever deep shame resided within which was aimed toward myself, my life, my expression of masculinity, and healing those parts that felt neglected. I’d realised that everything I needed or craved already resided within and that any perceived lack was just something I hadn’t given myself.
Just last year, at 21, I got to experience Rites of Passage in Africa with the Bwiti tribe in West Central Africa - Gabon. I was originally there to work with Iboga medicine, but an opportunity came up to go through Rites of Passage, it was then that I knew I was emerging as a Man. It was a powerful metamorphosis. Three days in the jungle (usually longer, depending on how far you want to go, but time constraints were in effect), I won’t go any deeper with it as it’s a personal experience that I hold close. I found Brotherhood in the jungle.
Not long after, I broke up with a girlfriend at the time, it was the best decision for me. About two months later I found RP, it instantly resonated with me and a lot of the concepts come naturally. It felt good to find others who see what I’ve seen, even from a young age, but it feels even better to consciously take the pill and to expand on it.
Bassé.
[deleted] 6y ago
It was the day that my mother told me, at age 12, that I was now the man of the house after my parents separated.
BlackCraneStoic 6y ago
When I turned 25 months after my non-present Father died of cancer. Of all his kids (5) he did the least for me but I was the only one who wanted long enough in the hospital to watch him pass on. Watching the death of someone familiar to me forced me to deeply reevaluate my own life and has affected me deeply ever since regarding superficial frivilous bullshit that most people have at the forefront of their thoughts. The reality of death and hardship will make a man out of anyone.
Kaem 6y ago
The day I bought my dad a chair to die in. There was no celebration
kdxsh 6y ago
Sorry for your loss. This is probably the most real and unpretty ways to realize that you're a man. Although no one celebrated, I bet your dad was proud.
AceofRains 6y ago
I didn't have anyone to really influence this in my life so I created my own coming of age last year. I had an apartment my self, a car, and was responsibly paying bills. But what topped it off was conquering my gauntlet on a foam fighting team. In retrospect its nothing compared to what I'm doing this year. I just finished my first semester of trade school to become a Diesel Technician with straight A's. I also was able to achieve the highest paying job with the most hours I've ever held in a transmission shop, tearing down transmissions to supplement my education. But that year where I had completed my gauntlet mean that I could over come all my obstacles, therefore with the will to keep fighting and pressing ahead no matter the circumstances I became a man.
360_no_scope_upvote 6y ago
I realized I needed to become the best version of myself, and will continue to improve until I die.
drypumpkin20 6y ago
The day we are born I think. But the paths we choose, to be strong, or weak, is what separates us from others.
kdxsh 6y ago
Once you're born you become a man? Not too sure about this one.
jonpe87 6y ago
When I realized that I'm alone in this world, and have to be responsible for my own life and happiness, if you depend somebody else for both you are fucked.
DamnDirtyApe87 6y ago
My father died suddenly about 6 years ago, I was 24 at the time and fucking up my life. After having buried him something clicked inside, I had to become an actual man now instead of screwing around.
I'm still working on it of course, and improving each day, but that event really opened my eyes at the time. It's why the sentence 'live your life as if your father was dead' really resonates with me, because it's true.
leroymcfiggans 6y ago
when my father died 5 years ago, as the oldest male amongst my siblings, i had to start climbing the steps towards manhood more vigorously then i had been.
Slayerzyzz 6y ago
When we stop trying to be redpill and just do whatever the hell we want without fear
Casanova-Quinn 6y ago
No one is truly fearless though. I think it's better to say "do whatever the hell we want despite our fears." Things don't get less scary, we just get better at dealing with it.
GLADmyNAMEaintDICK 6y ago
This to the max. TRP's most important lesson imo is that changing yourself for bitches (or anyone really) is the worst thing a man can do.
whatsthisgarg 6y ago
I became a man when I was 13 years old, when my dad took off (I saw him a total of FIVE times in the next 30 years). My very conservative and religious mother just turned to me as the man of the house right then. Those hard times actually gave me a huge headstart on my own red pill thing. There was no waffling, decisions had to be made.
[deleted] 6y ago
What do you mean by red pill?
megamanxtc 6y ago
After I bought my first property. I was pretty blue pill up to that point.
Long story incoming. I lived with my parents and had got a GF after college. She would belittle and berate me about my income level all the while she was only in Junior college and not working. After a couple of years, my salary climbed and I bought a house.
My father would come over to my visit, and my mother would comment on the sofa I bought. My sister and her boyfriend dropped by and we played video games. I had friends over and we stayed up drinking and toasting the new house.
My GF and I weren't married, but she tried to move in. She would complain about things I did or didn't do, furniture choices, the fact that I had a game room. She was the only one who complained out of everyone who'd been over. It was as I sat in my office and realized I hated being home with her. She hadn't moved in so she luckily didn't have a lot to move out, just a few things she left strewn about.
She wanted to get together Friday night after my work finished. I knew she was thinking about staying the weekend. I told her we should meet up somewhere and I chose a place in between us to give the reason not to drive and pick her up first. This was fine, since she could figure she'd park her car at my place. Took less than 10 minutes to break up with her and then go home. Had a few friends over. We ordered a pizza, drank beer, and watched The 25th Hour.
kdxsh 6y ago
Epic story! and congratulations on being a home-owner, that is some alpha sh!t! :)
TesticlesTheElder 6y ago
Disagree. Being a homeowner is being a bank’s beta bucks.
[deleted] 6y ago
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo a million times nooooooooooooooooooooo
megamanxtc 6y ago
First, property. I now own 3.
Melman195 6y ago
I'm 24 rn and it seemed to happen about 8 months ago right around my 24th birthday.
I noticed my dad treating me differently, he started coming to me with his problems and treating me like an adult. Then I started to realize I had emerged from his shadow and I was in control of my own life. It was relatively disappointing, I saw my dad as lesser of a person and frankly, just like anyone else his age, he was no longer above me.
However, I am on a path that I want to go down and not one that is substantially influenced by him. It overall feels great. Strangely it's not a joyous experience but a painful one. The reward is the emergence into adulthood, change can be painful.
[deleted] 6y ago
There's a very touching passage in Tom Wolfe's masterpiece (The Bonfire of the Vanities) where he describes the main character realizing (in a moment where he felt a painful need for direction and reassurance) that his father "was a big baby like him, as powerless in front of life's blows as he" [my words].
Of course it's painful, because what happens is not that your father was an all-powerful faultless guide and now you are like him, what really happens is, you see his big figure turning little, while, deep down, you also feel little yourself. So you lose a source of (mostly fictitional) reassurance.
Hviterev 6y ago
That's the make it or break it part. Either the knowledge weakens you and scares you; either it frees you.
Dark_T100 6y ago
righteous bro, really gives you a new important perspective on the trials and tribulations of man. did tom ever write any passages about quitting masturbation?
Melman195 6y ago
well said, it's in this transition you really realize you're on your own.
[deleted]
redpilldick 6y ago
Through pain their is growth. It is a natural human instinct to withdraw from discomfort.
Really good and succinct post. I hate how time keeps going and I realize how my parents weren't the infallible humans society teaches us
ThrowFader 6y ago
Is it society or is it or own human inclinations and childish ignorance?
Melman195 6y ago
I would argue the latter, there is plenty of stuff out there that reinforces the notion to rebel against your parents which can lead into emerging as an adult.
We are naturally inclined to worship the ones that raised us and share half our DNA with.
Bisuboy 6y ago
You are no real man until you have killed a man with your bare hands.
1v1crown 6y ago
You aint no kind of man if you aint got land.
kdxsh 6y ago
Isn't it better to rent property nowadays though? Plus good luck getting a house in Silicon Valley if you're not in the Tech world.
excaliboor 6y ago
Then Dont get a House in silicon valley.
1v1crown 6y ago
It's never better to rent property. When you rent, you are paying someone else. When you own, you are paying yourself.
kdxsh 6y ago
Owning also keeps you stuck in one place and removes your freedom. Owning to rent it out is one thing, so I don't completely agree with you.
1v1crown 6y ago
Because you aren't thinking critically.
Owning just saves you money and pays you. You are able to travel more. Your house is just your home base to host parties, sleep and fuck. If you ever want to move, you just rent (like you said).
So I don't agree with you at all, because you're saying nonsense.
pabloescoclub 6y ago
When I stopped picturing myself as a victim of my upbringing and realized I needed to become a leadership figure not only for myself but my family.
I am the oldest and the one that will be left picking up the pieces of my father's terrible parenting now and after his death. I realized I needed to become a man not only for my own improvement but for the sake of the security of my younger siblings.
Seriously this is the only thing holding a lot of dudes back. They feel entitled to good parents and wallow in sorrow and resentment while they could be owning the situation.
If their is a void of leadership in your life you must fill it.
Falconsbeardedchess 6y ago
Most of you arent men yet. Its not when your balls descend, its not when you get your dick wet for the first time, its not when you get your first job. When it happens, it may hurt like hell, but then you will know.
Arabian_Wolf 6y ago
Me disappointed from my whole family, nuclear and extended, it hurts but at the same time I feel like I can now leave them and not feel anything.
Hope I’d land a job though, unemployment is hell.
Arabian_Wolf 6y ago
• 1st one:
Couple of years ago, I had to train in a hospital for few months to complete my pre-requests to graduate from college.
I was interviewed by the head of the hospital (a well-known hospital).
He was cold in the interview and I couldn’t even complete answering his questions.
After the interview ended he told me that I wasted a good part of my youth, that he could hire younger and more professional, proficient yet more mature employees than me, that I’m an 18 years old teen boy trapped in a 28 years old man body and he gave me the advice to read as much as I can of books and quality articles about general culture and the world before I reach 30 years of age as after that it becomes harder to change personally.
• 2nd one:
A year ago, I met my older brother, he’s 15 years my senior, after a long time, it was me, him (brother), and my father.
He said in an angry tone that I’m disrespectful to my elders, when I tried to speak he didn’t give me the chance, called me names, and blatantly threatened me of untold stuff to do to me, all that in front of my father.
Shortly afterwards, my father coldly chatted to my brother like nothing happened.
Be wary that my father helped my brother and gave him a villa to ease my brother marriage settling down before he’s 30 back then, while nothing to my name (I’m 30 years old now).
So I’m channeling my anger and fury against my family in the gym and aggressively reading self-help books, in the end, both those situations taught me that I’m alone in this world.
kdxsh 6y ago
The man in the interview might have been harsh but his advice is sound. Read as many books as you can and keep killing it at the gym. Those two alone have the power of completely leveling up your life.
Arabian_Wolf 6y ago
Yup, I got accepted for the intern at the hospital, and to this day I’m thankful for kicking my ass verbally, next time I’ll see him I’ll hug him and buy him flowers.
Lifting makes the world go round, I especially like barebone compound lifting, as I’m following Greyskull Phark’s program 3x per week, been fucking around lifting the past 8 months, but now I’m more disciplined for it, still working on my diet, going to start swimming twice a week in my offdays from lifting starting today, to burn some fat that I acquired due to my irresponsible recomp.
YetisInAtlanta 6y ago
I was roughly 20ish living in a frat house. i did a lot of drugs and tripping but one instance stands out as my coming into manhood moment.
I took 3 tabs of acid and an eighth of shrooms, played my drums and ran around the woods. I met god and saw my place in the universe. it was like an old shamanic finding your spirit animal type of trip
since then i have journyed down the path to be enlightened and have followed it down its many routes; one of them being TRP.
my journey has been all about mastering myself and becoming the man I want to be.
after that trip I felt like i had all the knowledge of the universe at my fingertips
ReluctantSlimeball 6y ago
About 27-29.
That’s when I stopped caring about what other people thought.
halfback910 6y ago
When I started going to school full time while working a full time office job.
Hell no.
Worth. When you're a kid you have no worth. Nobody cares about your opinions and certainly nobody will pay you for them. When your opinions and experience are valuable enough that someone is willing to pay you for them, you're a man, in my opinion.
eccentricrealist 6y ago
It's not from one day to the other. I could easily say the day my parents got divorced and I toughened up, the day I got a job, or finished high school, etc. No black to white transition, no plunge into the abyss, at least for most people it doesn't work like that.
kdxsh 6y ago
True. Different moments and experiences in time weave together to form our character and our personality.
Martysteiner 6y ago
I've became a man when I was 23. I looked a lot younger than my colleagues, perhaps a teenager even though I had long beard. Beta dad, beta mom(irony). You can imagine the rest.
After my HB10 LTR cheated on me with my close friend and many others while emotionally addicted to me, I had stepped up myself and became a true man. Lifted, ran, eat better, built a dream/goals etc.
Now I'm developing video games, earning good, have university degree, read/write, and have an amazing social life. She still seeks and wants me desperately, but my money is more valuable than her I suppose.
1v1crown 6y ago
Checked out at HB10. Doesn't exist. You blue pilled mother fucker.
Martysteiner 6y ago
Good catch, but don't you know some irony ????
ThrowFader 6y ago
I just mentally subtract 3.
Anyways who cares if some beta wants to share his accomplishments?
I mean if he's not lying good for him, don't hate.
1v1crown 6y ago
It's not hating on him for getting an "HB10"
It's that he calls her an HB10
passmethebleachpls 6y ago
when my father said " you don't need me anymore" at around 16
Rian_Stone 6y ago
Pick one. Doesn't matter. In fact, the idea of guys searching for someone else to tell them they are a man is asinine. Spoke in florida on that, how guys are on their own, I wouldn't be giving them a mission.
And the only question they threw back was just like yours... I could only suggest they knife a deer and eat their heart, then you're a man.
Or, you know, just stop giving a shit what others think of you, works just as well
kdxsh 6y ago
While I agree that I don't need another person to give me permission to consider myself a man, what I'm curious is when did you, yourself, identify as a man and no longer a boy?
Was it a monumental moment or did you one day look in the mirror and realized you had changed. In my opinion, not every male becomes a man. Some stay boys for life.
Rian_Stone 6y ago
When I was 4 my mom divorced. when I was 5 she told me I was.
So I knew I was a man on my 5th birthday.
didn't feel anydifferent, didn't get an award
VirginPlaya 6y ago
But that's from pov of your mom. She assigned you the label of "man". Op's questions is, as far as I can tell, when did you assigned the label of "a man" for yourself and actually believed it.
Did you truly believed that you are a man at age 5? Did you actually looked at your friends dads, at that age, and though "yeah, there's no difference between Jeols dad, 45 yearold, and me, 5 yearold."?
Rian_Stone 6y ago
I found the premise of his question so ridiculous, that the only acceptable answer was to mock it with 'my mom said I'm hot'
back in the day, the ritual was there so you knew when you were going hunting with dad, and not chilling at home with mom.
you guys going hunting? thought not
VirginPlaya 6y ago
Maybe you're right. The question defonately can seem ridiculous. But, I do believe so, that even if there's no "hard edge" when one transitions from "boy" to a "man", there's a definite psychological difference between "boy's mindset" vs "man's mindset".
So, for you the "ritual" was hunting with your dad? What was your age when you could tell the difference that your mentality shifted?
Rian_Stone 6y ago
Are you fucking with me?
by back in the day, I'm talking neolithic men
VirginPlaya 6y ago
Oh okay. Well, I'm not talking about that far. My question was directed for your personal experience.
Rian_Stone 6y ago
dad died when i was 18. step dad and I fought when I was 17.
I have no frame of reference for your question
VirginPlaya 6y ago
My experience: even if it's way too early to say that there's an actual difference in my psychology, I would say that the moment of my "shift" happened about 4-5 months ago.
Last year I hit a low point mentally. Subjectively the hardest ever. Again, anxieties, doubts and fears about life in general hit me. For about 3 months (3-4 hours a day) I studied (again) general self-help with some Buddhism flavor to it and also questions like: what it means to be a man, what is happiness, what it means to be happy etc.
Now, I feel great. Again, too early to tell if it's a legit change or if I masked my deeper issues once more. However, one thing (rather feeling) that gives me hope that I actually managed to make some kind of fundamental change in my psyche is that, even though my fears and doubts did not disappear, I haven't changed skill wise or wealth wise, for the first time ever, I feel this all engulfing calmess about all of it. I feel that, no matter what, I'm going to be fine.
My belief in myself expanded and I'm more sure of myself and give less thought about what others think. I finally can answer myself to a question "Am I a Man?" With "Yes, I am."
I'm still "broken", I still have issues, but now I don't stress about not being "great" or "enough" or whatever. I know that I'll be able to work (not necessary succeed) towards whatever I put my mind to.
Anyways, my point is that (yes, I know this is basic stuff that gets repeated in this place ad noseum) I finally, truly believe and feel this way.
Going back to my question. When did you experienced a fundamental change in thinking when it comes to "feeling like a man"? And could you pint point (if any) "triggers" of that change?
modernmonkuk 6y ago
Very interesting post! i would say i can relate to this as my father never really helped me towards becoming the strongest version of myself
Flying_Wingback 6y ago
When I moved out of my parents' house at 26. I'm Armenian living in LA and even here it is part of our culture to remain with your family until married. Noticed a big difference in how people talk to me (even my own parents) after this move.
kdxsh 6y ago
The middle-eastern family tribe is pretty nuts, huh?
[deleted] 6y ago
Armenians are not middle eastern btw.
kdxsh 6y ago
What are they then? Are Persians not middle eastern either?
[deleted] 6y ago
Yes persians are also not middle east.And Armenians are Caucasians(region)
kdxsh 6y ago
As a Persian, I totally disagree with you. We are middle eastern. We are born in the middle east of Asia, lol. (edit: ancestors, not us.)
Flying_Wingback 6y ago
It is a bit different but luckily we are taught RP concepts from our dads early on
[deleted] 6y ago
[deleted]
[deleted]
[deleted] 6y ago
To know that is already to be a man, at least in part. (All real manchildren will say "Of course I am a man, totally!").
It's like with intelligence. You browse online profiles of females, and whenever they read "intelligent" you can be sure it's more about idiocy than intelligence.
But if someone says "I am not so smart", than there's a fair chance that they are intelligent, to some degree.
[deleted] 6y ago
[deleted]
[deleted] 6y ago
It's interesting as the lifting of socio-cultural controls upon women behaviour has stripped all the happiness-promising myths related to the Twin Soul (to the idea that such twin soul would dwell a female body, that is).
And then, you have females and males openly split apart, no longer united, each following their nature.
While the former find their fulfilment in trying to get as many Likes for their selfies as their ever-popular female cousin does and secure a compliant spineless male, or the Welfare state) as a provider of financial security, a part of males feels besieged by a sense of meaninglessness.
They turn to a Buddhism/Zen way of life (even without knowing it and for instance in a TRP form), which, for the West, is absolute novelty.
The Western peoples are going to deal with the breakdown of family, which is a return to a more feral life or the morphing into (social media) actresses who live imagining being on a camera 24/7 (with a public staring at them) and turn into their image relieving themselves from the fears and riddles of being someone, and then, the more inquisitive males, who look at the whole panorama and can't help but say: what does this mean? What is this for?
Of course having a sort of community of people who are confronting the same questions, and seeing the same panorama, is very helpful, and this is, I am coming to think, one function of this subreddit (along to teaching younger people how to get sex).
victor_knight 6y ago
Biologically (which is as good a basis as any), I believe it's when the male is able to reproduce. So it differs from person to person.
HiddenTog 6y ago
I think everyone’s transition from boyhood to manhood is different but the over arching theme is a realization of inner and outer strength. For me it was on a cycling ride with my dad and my now wife. I realized for the first time in my life I was stronger and more capable then my father peddling hard into a headwind. After that moment I understood that I would now be surpassing my father in a variety of ways- physical strength, confidence, practical knowledge, etc. It is sad in a way but empowering in another.
Throwaway_5252 6y ago
When I started tucking my weenie between my legs in front of the mirror and pretending I was a girl. That's the moment when I went full on Alpha.
No, I still don't really know or give a shit what it means to be a man. I basically see the world through the lens of Darwinism. Survival of the fittest. Born into this world alone, die alone(This applies to your family as well). If there was ever a moment I "became a man" it's when I came to the realization that no one is going to save you and the world is a cold and unforgiving place. There are many times I could have rolled over and died. I had been through so much and there were many occasions I wanted to. Hell, I still question every day wether I'd want to bring a child into this shit. I'm leaning towards not as I've seen things that make me question if being alive is a good thing. There's a lot of pain in the human condition. You've heard of chronic pain. You've never heard of chronic pleasure. For some, existence is nightmare drenched in misery. Regardless, we're all gonna get it in the end. The are no happy endings.
I became a man when I pulled my collar up, lit a cig, and went into that cold dark alone. Jimmy dean. Rock on.
[deleted]
[deleted] 6y ago
Have you ever thought, how little it would take for another human (a woman) to make it not as it is and you truthfully described it? And yet the impossibility for that "little" is enormous.
It's a pity they are devoid of self-awareness, and, rationalizations aside, totally driven by feral solipsistic instincts. Because, hell, 2 could join a team with full sincerity and loyalty, and for those 2 all what you describe — the truth about life — would no longer be true for them.
But after knowing thousands of them, you have to "bow down" to the fact that it's a law of nature: not their choice, and not something changeable.
Yet it still feels a mystery to me. The game would yield MORE benefits for both players if they where completely loyally, didn't defect and backstab; and yet, they cannot not do it.
banjew 6y ago
Probably when I had to hit my father to stop him hitting me. When I had to steal to eat, or when I went to jail. Wild times when I was 17 years old.
kdxsh 6y ago
Probably all seems like a blur or like someone else was living that life, huh? I have some similar experiences.
[deleted] 6y ago
And when you tell the stories it almost sounds unbelievable coming out of your own mouth. Wild times indeed.
[deleted]
[deleted] 6y ago
I dont know really. I had to face a lot of torture when I was younger and I never tried to fight back (he was way stronger and only followed through with harsher punishments). College... I was overcompensating for my lack of freedom. Definately a man-child.
I think I became a "man" when my wife became pregnant with our kid. I quit drinking, quit smoking, quit being a little bitch, and focused 100% on the future of our kid
ThrowFader 6y ago
I think that raw unfiltered focus is the essence of manhood.
reluctantly_red 6y ago
It wasn't a celebration of any sort. It was the start of the summer between grade 9 and grade 10 when I was 15 years old. I decided that I didn't want to work another summer on our neighbors farm for $3/hr so I drove the old Ford pickup into town and got a job at a factory that made log home kits (think giant Lincoln Logs). They put me to work driving a forklift and paid me $6/hr which was decent money in 1979 (they never asked how old I was). I was handed adult responsibility and more or less stepped up (I did have a few near misses while I was learning the job).
chambertlo 6y ago
When I watched my father be arrested on Christmas day after trying to first assault my mother, and then the police officers that arrived at the scene.
VirginPlaya 6y ago
Why though? What do you think changed in you that day?
chambertlo 6y ago
I was forced to grow up. I went from 14 to 21 in the span of 6 hours.
Daspker780 6y ago
Enlisted in the Army at 17 and Just turned 19 roughly two weeks ago, and I think i'm still working on becoming one.
MaliciousMack 6y ago
I respect your candor for admitting it to yourself. Hope you find your guiding light.
TunedtoPerfection 6y ago
All events in your life will effect you "as a man." Being a man is a journey only ended by death.
kdxsh 6y ago
life is only ended by death, so, therefore, yes, being a man (or anything else for that matter) is ended by death. But some males die as boys, not men, at least that's what I think.
TunedtoPerfection 6y ago
I get what your saying and coming from, but that "change" is just another illusion of society. In reality it is a transformation that is never completed and always happening.
kdxsh 6y ago
So if being a man is fluid, does that mean you can become one and later on revert back to being a boy?
And I get what you mean when you talk about "change." There is no real end goal, just like in mastery the journey is more important than the destination and the destination can also never be reached. It can be seen, touched, and flirted with, but never fully reached.
TunedtoPerfection 6y ago
You definitely can. Hell I when from beta, to drug enhanced natural, to struggling sober doormat, and now I'm slowly piecing together what made me so magnetic and attractive while high and improving upon that... without the drugs
part of that journey is learning you always have to keep pushing the goal post further once you reach it. There is no "end game" just constant achieving then redefining of your goals.
hearts-divide 6y ago
When I decided to live my life as if my dad was dead.
TheRedPike 6y ago
This isn't an interactive experience. If you are asking questions, then I'm going to ban you for not posting in asktrp. If you are asking questions to illustrate how to answer them (in your opinion) then great. I really, really think I should nuke this post but at the same time I think it would be really, really great as an OP to answer the questions and give your insight into them.
So here you go. Let's hear your detailed input on this. Golden opportunity here.
[deleted]
kdxsh 6y ago
Sorry, wasn't aware that I posted in the wrong place. My condolences. Is there a way for me to transfer this to asktrp?
As for the opportunity, I will do my best to give you my personal insight. I believe that transitioning from a boy to man requires a few things.
One is learning to take responsibility for everything in your life. When you no longer blame others for your conditions in life, when you take full ownership of your feelings and don't look for people to place the blame on and accept your current condition, whether good or bad, as your own doing, your one step closer to becoming a man.
The second is deliberately and consciously choosing to perform rather than unconsciously letting life make you a puppet in its play. As a man, one of our burdens is having to constantly perform. A boy will perform, but will constantly look for distractions in the form of sedatives (Drugs & Alcohol) and false realities (T.V. & Video Games) to help alleviate the pain of having to perform. Taking a break from performing only prolongs the suffering and men know and understand this. Becuase men understand that suffering is inevitable they don't shy away from performing and don't look for an excuse to take a break.
The third is being financially and physically fit. When a man is in great shape, has no debt and owns materialistic wealth (doesn't have to be much), it shows a level of dedication and commitment that many males (manchilds) never amount to.
2 out of 3 American males are obese. This means that they have no self-control, do not take responsibility, and have no respect for themselves. When you don't respect yourself, how can you expect others to respect you?
Being financially fit is less about impressing women and other males (although it certainly helps) and more about creating freedom. Being financially fit means creating more choices. He can buy what he needs, travel where he needs to go, and can become the best version of himself because of his access to education and other goods.
There are many more elements to manhood, but I think mastering the ones I stated above help a boy turn into a man. Doing these things will naturally increase your confidence, help you gain Amused Mastery, and improve your game, therefore, giving you a better chance of attracting female and male attention.
TheRedPike 6y ago
You are fine. This was what I was hoping to see. Next time include this in your top post. We encourage ideas and then refinement. We are not big on brainstorming--it just turns into a mess.
RatioRegnum 6y ago
Respectfully, I don't think this is an asktrp question - he's not asking for help, explanation, or advice. He's putting this out there to raise reflection on the vital and, for many here, unguided, process on transitioning from boy to man. This is very valuable. Upvote.
TheRedPike 6y ago
I swear to fucking sky jeebus, if I hear another goddamn SJW buzzword in this thread I'm going to go on a rampage.
We don't raise reflection. We share our ideas and why we think we are correct. Then some of us either support or deconstruct the ideas. And we keep doing it because we know we don't have this completely figured out.
destraht 6y ago
I Googled for "raise reflection" and I couldn't find anything SJW about it. Its an odd two words together but sometimes that just happens and IMO "reflection" is just fine. At some point we are going to need to battle it out with the Newspeak and insist that we can still use perfectly normal words. I've lived on four continents and one thing that happened to me is that I completely lost interest in regional weirdisms and idiosyncrasies. There is a higher concept here called the English language. I'm not living as a reaction to any retarded group which is headed nowhere. I've had a lot of opportunities to get on board with these and declined every time.
[edit] I guess it could be SJW. They move so fast. Still kind of irrelevant to me and its rather difficult to know what words all of the tribes are using at a given point.
NightwingTRP 6y ago
I love it when you talk dirty.
Separately to that. This kid probably needs a month off of TRP. A bit of time in monk mode to come to terms with the fact he needs to live his own life and while other men out there will have ideas and input (and there is no harm in listening to other men), ultimately there is nobody other than yourself who makes that final decision.
One of the issues that AskTRP has had in the past is the knobs who try to poll the sub for the best way forward. It's not pollTRP. You ask a question. You get your answers. You pick what jives and you go.
All the cowardly cunts who downvoted this comment need to go and have a damned good look in the mirror and ask themselves "is this man right? Is this a man I would stand beside and pledge allegiance?" Because if the answer is "no" then it's pretty clear why you're so intimidated by this statement from the mod.
If you cannot lead yourself, then you have no business trying to lead others.
ThrowFader 6y ago
Look pike dude, i see what you are saying but....
Sometimes questions don't need a question mark to be interrogative.
Likewise, seeming questions may just be thought provoking instances that spur a conversation that leads to the formation of theories that can then be weighed and deconstructed.
With that understanding, "Hurr durr AsK qUesTion oN ASk Trp" just is not an appropriate response.
OPs post could easily be rephrased as "Men are losing their Identity. The solution? Rite of Passage"
Like every other post by some wannabe here. I jest.
All due respect...
TheRedPike 6y ago
If you saw the modqueue, reports and log you would understand why. I gave this guy a chance because I think he had a chance and one he appeared to utilize. Given the number of reports we got on this, I guarantee you it was going to get nuked unless I put my comment. I'm not saying you are wrong; I'm saying you don't have the total picture.
And it wasn't so much the question but the an invitation to debate. No, we don't do that here. ABSOLUTELY attack TRP ideas that you feel are wrong. Do so in a well thought out essay. Then counter it in comments. This isn't the place where we throw shit at the wall until we find something that looks nifty.
Just_Danny 6y ago
is reflection a SJW buzzword right now? damn I love the term "self reflection"
TheRedPike 6y ago
Not self reflection.
Just_Danny 6y ago
thanks for the reply, i googled "raise reflection" trying to find out what it means but came up empty, can anyone explain it for me?
TheRedPike 6y ago
That's the point. It doesn't mean anything. It's not supposed to mean anything. It is meant to sound pretentious in hopes that the other parties will lose frame and give up. I live in the San Francisco bay aera. I swim in this retarded shit every day.
Yeah, I need to move once and for all.
[deleted]
[deleted] 6y ago
closest thing for me would be turning 18. at that point I could drink and vote in elections. no place was off limits to me then. I never had a dad growing up either to tell me here or there.
Self-honest 6y ago
I remember looking in the mirror and wondering when I would become a man. It didn't actually happen until I worked hard, and turned myself into a man.