Prob will think I’m overreacting because I’m a teenager, but whatever. Here’s what I have to say about my blue pill Dad. Let me know what you guys think.
I’m 17, and I’m realizing my dad has some real beta traits. I respect my dad because he’s a real hard working business man and makes a lot of sacrifices for me and my family.
Everyone outside my family loves my dad. We go out in public and almost every time someone he knows comes up to him and talks. Adults have came up to me that I’ve never seen saying “tell your dad I said hi.” He’s a leader in his company but it baffles me because when he comes home he is just a beta cuck. everyone loves him except my family.
My dad is a completely different man when he comes home. He’s never had a strong paternal relationship with me or any of my siblings. Never served as a mentor to us, always took the back seat and let my mom raise us.
First off, I can’t even have a conversation with him. He’s so unapproachable and hard to talk to I don’t even try. He doesn’t even try to talk to me either. Just tries to make small talk like “how was school” then shuts up. I can never have a deep interesting conversation with him or anything like that. When I try to talk to him he usually complains about something. We both enjoy basketball so we talk about that when we’re watching, but other then that, he’s just negative.
My brother, on the other hand is the most alpha dude I know. Hes 30 n i go over his house every weekend. We joke around like buddies, but we have deep talks about success, girls, college, stuff like that. He gives me more advice than my dad ever has. My dad will just say to me “you’re a good kid but your lazy”. I think part of the reason my brother looks out for me so much is because he hated my dad growing up for the same reasons, and he looks to be kind of a father figure. (Him and my dad get along fine he comes over every weekend but I know he hated my dad when he was in high school)
Me and my dad have had one heart to heart talk to me that I can remember. I was feeling bad because I was getting bad grades. He lifted my spirits up by telling me I have good leadership traits, etc etc. I respect that he had that talk with me, but we haven’t really connected beyond that. Even when I do talk to him it feels just awkward. He should just talk to me like I’m his buddy. I feel like I still have to watch my mouth when I’m around him or he’ll get butt hurt or some shit. I can’t even act myself around him.
He gets bitched over by every member in my household. My sister is on welfare, living in a shelter, and my mom let’s her come every weekend. My dad and her have some real serious beef from the past and they do not even talk to each other when she’s home. He hates having her around and he always complains to me when she’s coming over, yet he takes no action. Just lays on his recliner while watching the shows she and my mom pick.
The fact that he has no interests and just sits around and gets bitched over makes me think he is depressed or a just pussy. Might just be because he’s older (58). But I look at my brother and see he’s guy who’s life is full of excitement and hobbies. Makes me wonder why my dad can’t be the same way.
Heseems to have no interest in raising me into a man. I’m really not sure how to approach this situation because Idk where I’d start. I try and communicate with him but we never have meaningful conversations. Don’t think he knows how to have a good relationship with his kids. It amazes me. Like we were all raised to abide by the rules in the house and none of us could ever disagree or we’d get yelled at. For example he Makes me go to church every weekend. He knows I’m not that holy, so I said to him what’s the point of FORCING me to go to church. I should go because I want to go and pray not because I have to. He just responded by breaking frame getting mad at me and yelling something about God. Wonder how he’s so successful in business when he Breaks his frame as much as he does. Makes me feel like I never have a say in anything ever. Everything he’s done To raise his kids I will do the opposite.
I think I’ve learned to be quiet from the way he he acts at home. I’m an average dude at social events and quiet at home. My dad is the popular guy at every social event. Everyone knows and likes talking to my dad. My brother is like him at social events too. He’s the alpha male at every family party and is genuinely friendly with everyone. I’ve even had teachers ask me how he’s doing, when he graduated from my school 12 years ago lol. The point of this paragraph is that I don’t understand How everyone loves him in public but not in my family. Makes me think he either doesn’t care or he’s putting on a show.
I am really happy I have my brother to turn to when I need advice or a good talk though.
Any advice on how to deal with my dad would really be appreciated. I’m open to hear anything.
EDIT: grammar
ndoh113 6y ago
Can relate, my dad never wanted to talk
[deleted] 6y ago
It has nothing to do with age. Age, if anything, makes men more assertive (certainly within their household), just as it makes females more deceptive and exploitative.
Fundamental traits are augmented by age.
How to deal with him? Knowing that he's basically a good man, but that he can't get any more mature than he is (basically, a lost baby) and can't function as a guide to you.
[deleted] 6y ago
Surprised at the comments here.
First of all, you don't know what kind of childhood your Dad had until you know. People take their Dad's (when they have them) for granted as these objects that suddenly sprung into life in their 30s with no backstory. Usually 90% of what your Dad is, is because of how he was parented.
Second, have empathy for your Dad. Having even one child means sacrificing at least 50% of your life and time; forced to work a job to make pay; weekends gone to sports; vacations for the benefit of the kids etc. Imagine being 17 and suddenly having to give up 50% of your everything to be FORCED to contribute to something and knowing you'll have to do it for the next 18 years. Most jobs suck major balls and he's doing it for YOU.
Third, and I'm biased/old fashioned in this regard, but there's a reason honoring your parents is one of the Ten Commandments. It's not a right, it's a duty. You wouldn't exist without your parents, period. That fact alone means you are indebted, period. Barring physical abuse and real bad shit, there's no reason not to serve, respect, cherish and love your parents, ever. Most of these gripes here are petty and immature.
Seriously, imagine working hard your entire life, finding a wife that's loyal enough to marry and have children, sacrificing at least $70.000 and 3000 hours as well as 20000 hours in a full time job you may not like. Just so that your son can look up some shit on the internet (that you bought) on a computer (that you bought) in the basement (of the house you bought) only to say: Dad ur a beta lolololzz.
JFL at people taking Dad for granted without working a full time job for 10+ years and spending 70+k over a period of 18 years.
wexster 6y ago
My relationship with my dad is very similar to yours. We idolize our fathers growing up and tend to be very bias. Other than the occasional stories of his adventures of his younger days, I have never had any personal advice from my father on how to be a man and move forward in life. I don't blame him for it, he moved to the city with my mom to find a good job and had three kids to support. I guess eventually, the corporate grind wears you out.
Don't hate on your old man bro. Just learn from his mistakes, and make sure that if you ever have kids in the future, you'll be a better father to your kids than yours was ever to you.
pk3348 6y ago
My father was beta too, or at least i thought he was. When he was young, he was one of the best tae kwon do fighters around. I saw him break 3 2-inch wood blocks with his bare hands at once when i was 12, and i always looked up to him until he lost everything. he was depressed, never left his house, and an overall disappointment to everyone. our conversations degenerated into the same situation as you, and my life was miserable because my father figure was a straw man. My mom stayed with him even though money was tight because, well, maternal instinct. she can't leave 2 children; or so i thought.
it was when i went out into the world and started fending for myself that i realized that he did everything for a reason. He talked to me awkwardly and asked how school was because he didn't know me very well. He didn't have a connection with me because I didn't know him, and he didn't know me. He never disciplined me because he wanted me to find discipline myself.
We talked after i grew up, and so much made sense. I can understand him because i went through the trials and failures he did. We finally made a connection through experience, and we bonded like friends meeting after a war. That's when he told me, for the first time in my life "I'm proud of you son. the world is yours, you just have to grab it."
You think you can talk to your brother because you feel the same way about your dad. It's a common interest, a connection. If you want to talk to your dad like a buddy, become someone he can consider a buddy, because he sure isn't going to stoop to your level.
Your father is a successful man, and if he's a leader in communities, then he's got alpha qualities that he CHOOSES to show. He calls you lazy because in his eyes your work ethic is shit, you never study, whatever he might think. He doesn't consider you an adult; an equal.
You don't want to converse with your dad, you want him to talk to you about YOUR interests. you don't make friends by walking up to them and saying "hey i like this and this," you let them talk about themselves and their interests first. do you even know what your father likes and dislikes accurately? No, not what you observed, but what you have heard him say. you're not interested in your father or having a relationship. you only care about your reality that you animate in your still growing skull. take reality for what it is, not what's being played in your head. you're ALWAYS the main character in your story, and you want him to win, i understand. but even when you can win, you should still lose sometimes. you can't have your cake and eat it too.
[deleted] 6y ago
Your father and OP's father are wholly diverse cases. That aside, great comment.
LittleLegionaire 6y ago
Someday I hope to have a connection like this with my father, because right now no matter how many times my mother says he loves me, he doesn't see me as a friend.
[deleted] 6y ago
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Heyokalol 6y ago
On one hand, you seem to want your dad to make efforts to get to know you, to connect with you, but on the other, it seems you don't want to make any effort yourself. I may be wrong, but that's what it looks like from an external point of view. Looks like you could very well learn a few things for Jordan Peterson's lectures on Youtube, roughly speaking.
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javaberrypi 6y ago
The only actual answer. Most everyone else just seems to be hoping on the bandwagon of calling the dad a beta. But he seems like someone who has his shit figured out and the kind of guy who will give respect only when you've earned it, and not because you're his son and demand to be treated as a special cookie!
BonelessSkinless 6y ago
This right fucking here. Respect is given when you EARN it from me. I don't just automatically respect you because family, co worker, whatever. You have to show me why I should respect you or you get nothing from me. Agree 100%!!!
Celicni 6y ago
The discussion is about his kid though. Kids have to LEARN have to EARN that respect. Are you saying as a father you should just ignore your son until he's like 20 and finds TRP by himself? Or would it maybe be more useful to fucking guide him?
BonelessSkinless 6y ago
In this instance sure as fuck guide him. He seems to be pretty woke plus he has the brother there too
Dargalo04 6y ago
Former lost boy here with no father figure. If a boy doesn't get guidance, his primal instinct will act out of control (for instance, not knowing what he's supposed to do as a MAN in all areas), which is only a matter of time it sinks in. It could be later teens or mid 20s.
Fatherless sons are like a build in system that hasn't been updated, or better yet for every male type actions systematical failures occur.
Plus there are also times where you think whether it's worth existing, but there's always light at the end of the tunnel thanks to TRP principles .
BonelessSkinless 6y ago
You really have to find your own way to conduct yourself and act accordingly. There's no manual, no one tells you how to do it, every step is an unsure one and you have to find it within yourself to pull yourself out of whatever darkness you're personally in.
Lessons will come from heartbreak from sluts that they were foolish enough to let down their guard for, pain and trust being broken and feeling empty inside while also being a pathetic emotional piece of pedestalizing cuck inducing shit. It's a hard place to come from... to be able to change yourself mentally, physically and overall exude confidence and strength in every decision you make as a man.
It must be done for themselves. That's how you become a man that is his own person and not tied down to women or others. Because you found it within yourself to rise up from the pathetic shit you used to be
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csch65 6y ago
"He should just talk to me like I'm his buddy"
As a father, it's not my job to be your buddy. I'm your father; I shall lead you, advise you, criticize you and attempt to help you become a man. I feel for you that your dad was not and is not there for you as you would like. No father that I know has zero regrets. As you age you may come to understand his behaviours. Learn from what he did, and didn't, do for you. If you decide to have your own family (good luck in today's society) then strive to be a better father.
I wish you the strength required to grapple with your situation.
[deleted] 6y ago
Read his comment.He actually wants his father to get down to his level and communicate with him and he calls this as "we should be buddies." He actually wants the things you have counted but also,when you communicate with someone below you,you need to get on his/her level for communication.
[deleted] 6y ago
TBH if you were my son I wouldn't talk to your either.
[deleted] 6y ago
Tons of people have a home personality and a work personality. Your dad probably is just an introverted dude who put on a mask to succeed at work, just my speculation though.
Nowadays dads barely raise their kids if at all, I'm not shocked at all he's not involved. But, don't hate your dad over this, look at it this way, how is he supposed to teach you to be a man if by your own description he's a beta...
Thotwrecker 6y ago
Buy the book Way of the Superior Male, read the first chapter, "Live as Though Your Father was Dead" and then do what you want with the rest of the book. If you internalize that chapter, it will literally help with everything in your life, especially everything youre writing about.
It doesn't mean you ignore your dad or you love him less. He's your dad, people would literally kill for a present father. It does mean that you don't base your concept of how the world works, who you are as a person, what you want to do with life, on him.
Learn to read and interpret the world for yourself, ad define what is important to you based on your own beliefs. Think about it this way - every young man has some axe to grind, some battle to fight. Most 58 year olds have been through that. By 58 my dad had buried 2 parents, 4 grandparents, etc, dealt with family splitting off / estate battles, being excommunicated for marrying the wrong girl, decades of menial labor, tons of sacrifice for us, constant battles with me over various shit, etc.
Now him + my mom basically just chill and watch TV and go on hikes and shit. That's all they want to do, and they are about that age your dad is. Checked out, they don't give a shit about being "the best people they can be" or even staying up to date with technology. For them, all they need is a call once a month from me to check in and nag me about marriage.
When you are older, you will forgive them for being the way they are - most parents don't know WTF they are doing, and they just do the best they can. But in that process of forgiving and accepting your parents, you also learn to live as though they are dead.
What this means is that when I was abroad for a year, I didn't consult them I just went. I paid my own way through college with loans and a side job because they didn't have shit, and as a result when I wanted to not be a doctor (cliche indian problems), they couldn't say shit. When I joined a frat, they couldn't say shit, and I didn't ask for their opinion.
This is life as an adult. Be independent. If you love your parents, you can accept them as they are, and you can ask them once in a while, like "hey dad, honestly, are you happy" that kind of thing, and feel out whether they want your advice. My dad doesn't, he's probably going to die because he's got high cholesterol and diabetes, and won't adhere to his diet because he can't give up childhood foods. Tough shit man, I tried, he won't do it, I'm moving the fuck on. Every few years I'll try, but mentally I've accepted he won't see 70.
Do you understand? Live as through your parents are dead. Understand this and you will learn how to actually love your dad for what he is, and understand that he's a beta male, but still your dad - you can learn from him. You might just be learning what not to do, and through that, he's given you ALL YOU NEED as a father. He's sending you out into the world with self-knowledge and the independence you'll need to succeed and be a better dad than he is if that day comes. So don't worry about it - when you are a child, you use your parents as excuses for your own failings and you resent them.
When you are an adult, the buck stops with you. If you suck with girls, your fault. If you can't get a good career going, your fault. Fat? Your fault. Beta? Your fault. And it's doubly your fault, isn't it - you had all the knowledge you needed at your disposal.
zyqkvx 6y ago
Also live as though your SO is dead.
I don't see, "Way of the Superior Male". You mean this, correct?
The Way of the Superior Man - David Deida
Juggernaut_is_here 6y ago
you cannot recreate the feeling of your Father being dead, without your father dying in the first place..when my Pops died, it just sucked the wind out of my sails...It felt like a punch in the gut...and it was tragic..because he was defrauded by my uncles of all his money...with me losing all inheritance...had to move mountains , to give a modicum of financial stability to myself and my mother..now we have enough money to see my mother through the rest of her life..now its up to me to build my empire..I really cannot think of women till mid 40s...so I am on hardmode Nofap till then ..12 years of no sex, masturbation or porn...need to build up my empire...once the 12 year period is over...I might fuck multiple women with the hope some donot abort and that one or many of them are my sons...I believe inreincarnation...and I feel my sons will either be better versions of me or one of them will be my father reborn...But I do take into account the women might keep my sons away from me after taking the child support money..well I don't care, at least I won't marry the women..just impregnate them...having multiple versions of me walking on this Earth is enough, and some of them will certainly try to reconnect with me...My primary goal is to leave my sons extremely good inheritance ...but they won't get lumpsum..different parts of the inheritance will mature at different points in their lives...becoming super rich and building an empire is a multi generation project....so would want to give my sons a good start
moving away to another country is a good way of recreating the feeling that your father is dead, as you have to reinvent yourself in a completely new social situation ..a situation with which your father has zero familiarity
Slipstream17X 6y ago
Excellent post. I wish someone had told me this when I was 18.
[deleted] 6y ago
This is a bunch of horseshit, along with the "love your dad for who he is" crap. And it comes from society today where people are simply unwilling to judge. Let me frame it to you this way, in an extreme way, Does the father who sexually abuse his children deserve to be forgiven and "loved for who he was" ? Of course not.
The only people who deserve to be forgiven, are those who have owned their mistakes and sought forgiveness. You don't just automatically forgive people, that's a surefire way to let them keep manipulating you. I don't think you have a clue as to what it means to grow up in a family like the OP is describing, sorry. But a lot of other stuff you mentioned is very good.
OP, you will at some point move out and on with your life. What I learned from my father, was how not to be a father more than anything else. I'm not complaining about it, we all have our own lives to lead, and we all have shit to deal with. The trick is to not let your parents "conditioning" cause you to make bad decisions in life. You will realize at some point that they can't affect you anymore, and you can't blame them anymore, the decisions you make in life are your own.
I can tell you this, though. You are going to be one hell of a good father if you decide to have kids.
[deleted] 6y ago
Forgiveness does not depend on whether someone deserves it or not, it is a way for you to accept the past and move forward unburdened by negativity. Believe it or not religion may not make sense but there is a reason the lessons and teachings have survived countless years and civilizations.
[deleted] 6y ago
There are other ways to move forward unburdened by negativity besides blankly forgiving people. If forgiving someone helps you with that, by all means keep doing it. But when the person you forgive, continues to do things that need forgiveness, you may want to consider plan b.
[deleted] 6y ago
To forgive and to forget are two different things. Choosing to hold on to transgressions will make you angry which is like holding on to a hot coal. It will only burn yourself. Anger will take you few places long term but you are free to live as you see fit, sometimes it may be a useful catalyst for short term change.
NutFudge 6y ago
I needed to hear this - thank you
Bisuboy 6y ago
This might be extremely important for some people. If your parents still want to bitch you around after you finished school, just move away and grow up. You can do whatever you want, so don't let your family limit your opportunities.
Don't be one of these people that skype with their mom every day and consult her before every single decision.
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Savaaage 6y ago
This post is pretty much my dad too except my dad isn't a businessman. I'm not kidding at all. From never having any deep conversations to basically being a bad male role model.
I don't think you're overreacting. It can be really frustrating when you realize how blue pill your dad is. At least you have realized this now at 17 years old. I've only come to the complete realization that our dad was blue pill earlier this year after noticing that everytime there's a problem, even the smallest of problems, his instinct is to be a bitch and be a victim. Always acting helpless.
How to deal with this kind of dad? I would say just don't depend on them anymore. You already know that your dad can't do much for you as a good father figure/male role model so why wait until he becomes one. You're a young adult now. Still, respect your dad and be thankful for what you have because of him. Nobody's perfect. He may not have turned out to be that alpha dad that you hoped for but you're still better off than millions of other people your age.
I blame authoritarian parenting for the blue pill character of my dad. Dad grew up without a mother and was raised solely by his father, who was a general in the army. I wouldn't be surprised if they were actually raised in a manner that was "do as I say because I told you so, no questions or I'll beat the shit out of you". I am 100% sure this destroyed his ability of express himself.
Aelfwin_Ermengol 6y ago
brocklanders3791 6y ago
It may be that many men see faults in their father, as no one else can. I'd recommend breaking the ice by being a bit assertive about it, maybe go grab dinner and ask him about his relationship with his father. Likely you will both learn something.
Fedoteh 6y ago
Part of growing up is realizing that your parents aren't the best parents in the world, really. Teenagers usually suffer because of this. They realize they have wrong idols. That they parents have issues and don't know how to deal with most of them, just like everyone else. What would I do if I was you? Just send him this link and let him know the real truth about how you feel in your life.
PhaedrusHunt 6y ago
One of the hardest things you'll ever do in life is to separate the self you want to be from the conditioned self that behaves as your parents did.
But this is the essence of free will.
There will come times when you find yourself behaving as your father or mother did.
Those are the moments when you really need to take a step back and assess your own mind.
LittleLegionaire 6y ago
I can relate to this - I'm 17 my father is incredibly accomplished but sadly beta and passive at home. His parents divorced when 11, he lived in borderline poverty while he became an all American swimmer setting high school records, got accepted into community college at age 16 and transferred to the naval academy at 18 then proceeded to graduate with honor's and served 20 years as a submarine officer. His hobbies are mountain climbing (currently working on mt Everest), cycling, swimming still, sailing, etc. He's 57, makes a 6 figure income and is still in tremendous shape and has a rather intimidating presence even though he's only 5'11.
All this taken together, beta as fuck. Complete nerd in high school, extreme introvert, didn't date any girls until after the naval academy and they ran all over him. He met my mom at 32 (she was 28), married her at 35 (surprisingly he was engaged with her for 3 years and my mom always whines he always put off the wedding, so maybe not totally beta?). He's still a civilian worker for the navy and often goes on long trips, I'm basically raised by my mom. It's fucking awful, I look like my mother and I hate my mother. Lazy, unorganized, procrastinates, always tardy, not exceptional in anyway (except apparently she always had IQ 130+ but she is classifiable as useless). Can I play football, MMA, hockey, or anything really manly or fun? 'No it's dangerous'. Woman are to be pedestalized, "chivalry is dead", "men are evil", "you need to constantly ask women for consent for EVERY SINGLE PHYSICAL THING", I can go on. All unintentionally self sabotaging behavior being encouraged, you name it she has given it to me as advice.
So now that I've come to TRP I've realized why I've been so god damn unhappy, because my mom and society has been spoon feeding me lies all my life and my dad (at the very least feels) powerless to stop it. I've always had the impression he see's me as defective because he cannot understand other peoples inability to succeed like he does, because of how driven he is at everything. He doesn't really talk to me, he's never really left me with anything profound, he just focuses on his work, supporting the family, then his hobbies. I'm basically on my own, and my only other sibling is my autistic older sister who is 19 (and not functional, she has no independent future in society and it's depressing how she sits there 30+ pounds overweight on the couch all day with a tablet) so I have nowhere to look for good familial role models.
So cheers to TRP, for giving me hope to improve myself now and work towards a better future. Sometimes I wish my family was dead, not because I wish death upon them (and would definitely regret it deeply if they died) but so maybe I could remember them positively rather than despise as I do now.
[deleted] 6y ago
I’m also 17.
My mom is just like yours just not late and idk her IQ. My mom never lets me go out and would rather see me play Xbox 24/7 because when she was a teen she was out doing drugs and drinking. I don’t despise them but I despise their decisions sometimes.
I’m just looking forward into the future past college. Adult life will suit us better.
Giddleor 6y ago
I see a few parallels in your situation with mine. I'm 19. As one comment said, your dad does seem introverted a bit and it's true that parents don't raise much these days. Me and my brother are the same as you and yours. Dad cucks and places mom on a pedestal. Believe me when I say that it hurts and angers you. I foresee mom leaving my dad soon enough or taking full advantage of him while he is clueless. You might have even tried implementing RP aspects in dad's life like we have, but remember it's useless. Best thing I have for you and what I've learned is its part of the acceptance phase. You just have to let it be and happen which is hard but hey, what can you really do? Of course love your parents, but they are their own selves at the end of the day. You have to accept, let it be, and do you, because no one else will.
EscapeTheGoat 6y ago
You need to make peace with who he is. Ultimately your dad is an archetype for what it means to you to be a man. And if you have misgivings about him it will almost certainly spell misgivings about being masculine in some way. Even if he can't emotionally connect with you, you need to emotionally connect with him.
GunnarX 6y ago
Is your dad my dad? Wow.
I bought him ‘No More Mr Nice Guy’ over two years ago for Christmas, which he didn’t read. Any time I call him out - usually for being a childish pushover - he just changes the subject and it absolutely disappoints me.
I think I just need to accept who he is. He won’t change. He’s on his second marriage and didn’t do a prenup because “well, son, when you love someone things like that don’t matter.” I can’t change him and I’ve given up trying.
Don’t be a ‘promise keeper’ (The Rational Male has a section on this) and do the complete opposite of him. I am sure he has done some things right for you; there is no reason to do the absolute opposite.
[deleted] 6y ago
Your time to stop needing a father has arrived. Its more than normal to now see that your own father isnt perfect so stop beating him and yourself up over that. Time for you to become a man yourself which means dealing with dad isnt a real problem you need advice on
DoNotEatTheTail 6y ago
Your brother and your dad sound like they could be the same person in very different situations. He could be depressed as hell with his family, but can't take action because the fallout would be more harmful to all involved. I don't mean to defend your dad, he shouldn't have had a family if he didn't know how to lead it, but he may be leading it the best way he knows how without causing harm.
Another point, for what it is worth...I think the vast majority of males your age either resent or straight up hate their dad as they come to establish their own identity. Work for yourself, and listen to advice when offered, but never get mad if he doesn't meet your expectations. Those are your burden, not his.
ppdlurker 6y ago
You should only worry about yourself and your own journey to self improvement. My dad isn't alpha, but I am grateful that he was still there for me and not a huge piece of shit. You can find other role models in your life, books, movies, internet. It's impossible to know how all the events in your dad's life combined with his own brain make-up/personality made him who his is today. I would say appreciate him, because he won't be around forever. My dad is religious too and used to make me go to church when I was a teenager. I was really resentful and couldn't understand why he was forcing me to go to this weird cult with a dead dude nailed to a cross while we all sang and chanted. I realized though that my dad had strict religious parents and no internet to become exposed to new ideas so easily. People are who they are; sometimes for obvious reasons, sometimes for reasons you will never really know or understand. Best to just focus on yourself, and not hold on to hate or resentment.
AvengerSentinel 6y ago
Just accept your Dad for what he is and proceed with your life. Adopt a Buddhist mindset ----- don't expect anything from anyone and be grateful when good things happen to you. I don't expect shit from anyone. And trust me, there are fathers WAY worse than yours. Fathers who beat the shit out of their spouse and kids, completely bail on their families etc. Most people are not mentally and/or financially stable when they have kids, hence the vast majority of households being dysfunctional. There are people out there who would literally kill to be in your shoes.
RandyBumgardner85 6y ago
Didn't read it all but sounds like my Dad. He is who he is. A lot of men from that generation are like that. Don't hold it against him or try to change him but your brother sounds like a better role model. Spend more time with him.
Zitrone77 6y ago
Ok, first off I hate this sub, but I feel I need to comment on this. It’s not really blue pill, but it’s more psychology.
You are 17; that’s life at 17. You just cannot relate to your parents. What kind of family did your dad come from? You need to think about that. My dad came from a really rough family, and I know he did the best he could.
Also life is really difficult as you get older. People die, there are financial problems, etc. etc. When you start getting older, you start really thinking about this stuff and thinking about how you want to live your life because there might not be more time. Scary but true. You will see it when you get older.
Are you the youngest? Is there some kind of resentment of you going on? Listen, I’m the youngest, and I was an accident. However, I’m very independent and my other siblings are not. The youngest is usually very independent. Use that to your advantage.
[deleted] 6y ago
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Zitrone77 6y ago
I’m not a man, but I understand what you mean when you say the parents were lenient. My siblings are 11 and 7 years older. It not a huge age difference, but it’s noticeable.
I mean I was making my own eggs at 5 years old. My mom would just put me up to the stove and say OK do this. This was actually good for me, though. I can now cook tons and I do believe in cooking for your man.
I’m about twice your age, but trust me, it will all come together. I moved overseas, learned a new language, and have lived abroad for about 15 years. When you hit your early 20s it will all start to come together. That’s the only reason I commented on this thread because it resonated so much with myself and I just want to give you support. I think my 17 year old self wrote something like this in my journal.
Kinbaku_enthusiast 6y ago
Why do you go here? That's not meant combatitively; just curious.
Zitrone77 6y ago
Do you mean me? I just find the whole concept curious/interesting. I find the whole alpha thing interesting, although I’d never date an alpha. I need someone with emotions. As a woman, I’m not going to have sex or give anything to a man unless they give me emotions. I’m going through a really, really rough divorce right now, and I’m starting to realize how my ex was and I find that the threads here say how my ex was a jerk. He’s taking me to court for everything (no kids, don’t like them, but taking me to court over the couch and every little thing, etc. We have no assets either). I’m at the point that if he wants to saw the couch in half, then fine— I just want to avoid court costs. I could go into the reasons for the divorce, but that is neither here nor there.
I’m also curious to see how related to sociopaths this sub is. Listen some things are OK— being independent, exercise (I, however, don’t care about men with muscles [I avoid “chads”], just give me someone with a fit body [meaning no big belly and clean] and not fat; I don’t care if someone lifts), building yourself up in the work world. What I can’t stand is reading the LMR and PUA shit. So I guess it’s my guilty pleasure at the moment. I’m in a fantastic new relationship now (Divorce is taking years and I did not cheat, because not AWALT).
I’m also a linguist and find the sub interesting because of all the language. I use this sub to research and hope it will give me some materials for my PhD I want to start soon. I’m in a country where you need a topic for your dissertation before you can start.
And thank you for not being combatitive. Maybe I’m an alpha woman. I don’t need a man to complete me and I’m not interested in finding someone to support me; I can do that for myself thank you very much.
And if anyone is wondering, I’m past the “wall”, do not want kids, and believe in cooking/cleaning for my man. I consider myself a feminist, but I’m 110 pounds (so not like this sub, which seems to think feminists are fat, which doesn’t matter). I consider myself attractive and I’ve been blessed with looking like I’m 18 from genetics). My boyfriend is amazed by the way I cook and clean and look like I’m 18. I get carded all the time for buying stuff and I’m outside of the US.
I just want to give some insight into women. These PUA techniques do not work, unless you want a woman with low self esteem.
Then again, I haven’t been with an American man in ages because I simply do not like them. The American dating game is something I do not miss since I left the US (I’m American, btw).
Master1176 6y ago
Great, an alpha woman who hates this sub.. fuck off with that shit. Leave us the fuck alone, the last thing we need is another woman trying to tell us a bunch of bullshit.
Zitrone77 6y ago
It’s not BS, but whatever; I have better things to do with my time. Maybe you should go your own way? And again, I use this sub for research, so all you posters are subjects to research. Men are so simple, but stupid at times.
Master1176 6y ago
Uhhh, yeah, research.. sure. Or, of course you could be here for a sick kind of validation.. to convince yourself that you made the correct life choices. Little comments like 'I look 18' and 'I cook and clean'.. why make little comments like that if all you're doing is 'research' on all of us dumb chimps? Did Diane Fossey try to converse with the animals she studied? Did she try to explain herself to them, talking about how she wasn't fat? And you haven't dated an American man in years? Thinking of a wrinkled, masculine woman fucking a succession of mud people makes me fucking sick to my stomach. Like I said, get the fuck off this sub, you disgust all of us.
Kinbaku_enthusiast 6y ago
Uhhh... thanks for answering the question. I'm not really interested in advice. I was just curious why someone would go somewhere they hate as it seemed a waste of time and energy. And you saying you're a woman pretty much answered that. Particularly a childless post-wall feminist. Too much time on your hands. A lot of your 50+ years will be like that. Just remember. You chose it yourself.
Zitrone77 6y ago
Uh OK. I answered the question. I’m not childless. I’m child FREE. I chose NOT to have children. Gives me more time to do other things.
It’s not a waste of time and energy. Again, I use this stuff (RP) for research. I hardly consider doing a PhD a waste of time.
Post “wall” to you boys, yes you are boys and not men, means a woman that actually has a brain. You can’t manipulate her post “wall.” That’s why you choose the young ones. You will never be men. You can sit there and swallow the pill, but you are still teenage boys forever.
Incel9876 6y ago
All I hear is the death rattle of a uterus.
Zitrone77 6y ago
I don’t even understand what you mean here.
Take a look at the childfree sub. There are a lot of women who do not want children.
Not all women are pre-programmed to want children. This sub seems to have ideas that all women want certain things and that’s just not true.
Kinbaku_enthusiast 6y ago
Yes, you're clearly spending your time very productively talking about what an alpha woman you are, what your weight is and how good you are for doing some shit phd that includes procrastinating on social media.
Thank you for this. Really cheered me up.
[deleted] 6y ago
What is really telling is how she is inadvertently displaying the exact qualities that are described in this sub. It’s almost like it’s staged.
xenigala 6y ago
He sounds a bit like my father. It's important to just accept him as he is and appreciate the good parts.
Try to spend more time with him alone. Perhaps you two could go out while your sister is visiting. Go on a trip together. You could also visit him at his work and just observe.
Try asking him about his work, give him compliments: "Hey, I see that people really admire you, it makes me feel good to be your son, I'm really curious how you do it". Ask about his childhood. Be genuinely curious in him.
Find other adults to be friends, mentors.
Sounds like you and your brother are both hurt and angry about that lack of deep emotional connection with your father. Look up "childhood emotional neglect". On some deep level, you could have gotten a message in early childhood that you weren't "good enough" to have a connection with your father (or that emotions don't matter, or something like that), and that is messed up...