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- Hide Preview | 25 Comments | submitted about a year ago by LittleMissAfrodite [Post Locked]

We have a very healthy sexual relationship. I'm not saying I'm not currently satisfied. Recently I guess I've been craving something a bit different to spice things up. Though I'm not sure how to bring it up to him. Especially regarding the nature of my fantasies.

The short version I guess is that I want to role play with him but I'm a bit insecure about what his reaction might be if I bring up the weird thing I want to role play.

I think it's...kind of common to have non-consensual roleplay with proper boundaries, rules, safewords, etc. I don't think he'd mind that. We actively roleplay in the bedroom already and even sometimes when the kids aren't home. Though I'd say our past roleplay have been rather tame in comparison to what I want now. So I want the noncon fantasy rp which I'll bring up but even deeper than that I've been thinking about certain abuse fantasies.

So some background. Our life is very structured and very...peaceful. We don't really argue. We have a very good communication style. I don't contradict him or actively question him through out the day. If something is on my mind or upsetting, unless it's extremely important, I bring it up later during our "bed time talks."

So we don't really argue. Like...ever. He never raises his voice at me, even when I can tell he is upset or frustrated. Also he doesn't really "act out." He doesn't get passionately upset. He is passionate during sexual activities and very engaged when it comes to interacting with the boys. His passion is very...controlled and positive.

To put it bluntly, what I want is to roleplay some abuse fantasies. I want him to scream at me, growl at me, even strike me. (In a controlled fashion) And then I want him to...I don't want to be too graphic so I'll just say "engage in nonsensual acts with me." All, of course, in roleplay form.

Here's the thing, more than the request I think the "why" of it may freak him out. We talk a lot, very openly. I know eventually he'll ask me about this and I'll have to answer honestly. Hell, I actually do want to talk to him about why I want those fantasies. I don't know how he'll feel about the why of it. Here's the story.

Near the start of our relationship years ago we got into this HUGE fight. Doesn't matter what it was regarding. Point is that that was the first and last time I've seen him lose his temper. We were full on screaming at each other. I eventually started attacking him, throwing things at him. He, of course, showed restraint and didn't lift a finger against me. I'm tiny. He'd destroy me obviously.

Kids were in the house, (not our current kids, other children. We foster.) He ended up kicking me out of the house. More like he told me to get out and I complied. I'm really glad he didn't get the cops involved. I wouldn't want a domestic violence charge on my record. That wasn't the proudest moment in my life. He had no authority to actually kick me out of the house. I live here so he would have had to go through the eviction process. Thankfully...thankfully....THANKFULLY he didn't do that. We ended up making up, apologizing to each other and having probably the best make up sex we've ever had.

Till this day I think about that night. I kind of fetishize it. The passion, the anger, the negativity we hurled at each other. I fantasize about it in different ways. Like what if he "took me" out of anger, or went further and became abusive. Obviously it's just me and him in the fantasy. The house is empty except for us.

I plan to bring this fantasy up to him and see if he's open to trying it. We don't say no to each other. We don't outright reject each other. If he is open to it he may ask me questions, tell me what he is comfortable with. He'll work with me to fulfill my desires to his comfort and maybe even a bit beyond his comfort level. We do that for each other. He'll never just outright say no to me.

What I'm fearing is that he looks at me differently because how strange my desires are. I mean, I'm fetishizing the one huge argument we had. I'm not even sure if he wants to be reminded of that day when it could remind him of the one time since we've been together where his poise really cracked.

So...I think that's it. Thoughts? Should I even bring this up? Maybe there is a way that you guys bring up things to your SO that works well? How do you guys bring up new sexual adventures you want to explore with your partner that you think may be too taboo? Is there a time when you keep certain fantasies to yourself? If so why?

TL:DR- I'm trying to figure out how to bring up some recent sexual fantasizes I want to share with my man which may either upset him or make him look at me differently. Given the nature of my fantasizes I'm not sure I should even bring it up at all. If I do I'm not sure the best approach and would like to hear the advice and experience of others in this regard.

[-] Mewster1818 48 Points about a year ago

I think a lot of women fantasize about "rougher" acts. It certainly seems to be the consensus of most research studying what kind of erotica women tend to consume. Personally for me it's rewarding and sexually attractive to feel dominated, and forcefully be made to submit. So it's really not that strange.

Perhaps instead of bringing up that argument as a source for inspiration just tell him that you want to be overpowered, completely dominated, and that you want him to try being more forceful and physical. If you set clear boundaries(and a safe word) so that he won't have to worry about causing you real harm then I don't think it'll be something he necessarily reacts negatively toward.

[-] LittleMissAfrodite 9 Points about a year ago

Just hearing that it's not so uncommon from another person helps a lot. I think I've been so immersed in my relationship I've been devoid of outside perspective of other people's real sexual lives. Outside of what's on tv.

[-] Mewster1818 20 Points about a year ago

I'm pretty sure that rape fantasy is the number one women's fantasy.

[-] LittleMissAfrodite 3 Points about a year ago

The rape fantasy part isn't really what I'm worried about. It's the abuse fantasy regarding the argument we had. It's more of fantasizing about him losing his temper. The rape fantasy is more of a biproduct.

[-] Whisper 16 Points about a year ago

This sounds like a question for me.


This kind of fantasy about as common as milkweed pollen. I wouldn't even call it a kink; you're in the majority or close to it.

It's a constant source of amusement to me how a near-majority of women walk around thinking "I'm the only one who's like this, I'm such a pervert, the other women would be horrified if they knew. "

.... About a bunch of other women who are having that same thought.

[-] HarleyQ 6 Points about a year ago

Look up humiliation fetishes, I typically see it in men but it’s a pretty common one too. The person usually enjoys being insulted and demoralized or made to do things they “wouldn’t normally do” (but would because it’s all preplanned).

[-] Mewster1818 1 Point about a year ago

I used that just to show that clearly wanting "abuse" isn't uncommon.

[-] direfrog 15 Points about a year ago

Just hearing that it's not so uncommon

Never had a GF who didn't get off on being dominated. One would start arguments just for the spanking that ensued (her own words, she confessed).

Then I wrote a bit of erotic fiction as a hobby and the reviews from girls were like "OooOOohhh it is so romantic how she surrenders!!!"

The Majority Of Educated Women Have Erotic Rape Fantasies

Also, for the lulz: Liberal Women Complain They Can’t Stop Having Sex Dreams of Trump


[-] wielty 1 Point about a year ago

I used to be quite into BDSM when I was in my early to mid 20's, I still do bits and bobs with my wife now when she's in the mood although I would like to crack out the shibari rope and other " toys" more often.

The Trump thing is interesting, the reason being that the three girls I used to do scenes with were feminist and had very left leaning beliefs. A lot of it for them was that they just wanted to surrender control and not have a choice for a couple of hours in the evenings.

As for the OP, I'd recommend you just go and ask him one evening. Most guys are into domination during sex. BDSM Advice sub is really good if you're looking for some tips on where to start. Light stuff like hair pulling, air choking ( stay away from blood chokes unless you know what you're doing) grab some 10m/7mm rope and hit YouTube up for Two Knotty Boys who do great beginner videos for basic ties. I'd recommend anything with heel loops, nothing sexier than restricted movement and a nice pair of heels to look at!

[-] NotaNPC 14 Points about a year ago

Do you really need to tell him its about that fight in particular? I think a good way to keep things straight forward and to remember in this conversation is to tell him that in no way want your relationship to look like that ever again and you're so happy your relationship is heathly but that this sort of rough play would turn you on because of how safe the relationship is.

My SO and I do a lot of roleplay and we hardly ever fight. I'm lucky that he went to school to be an actor because day to day hes very intune with me and communicative but I've asked for some rough scenes and hes delivered. Everytime I'm about to bring one up I'm like fuck this is the one where hes going to think I'm crazy, but he never does and gets into it with me. We did one where he was my abusive boyfriend and I went out clubbing and cheated on him and I came back and he could sense it and so we roleplay a whole fight about it and it continued while having sex. And it was amazing! And he can be scary as hell. He does need the reassurance though that I never ever want that sort of life style and it's only fun in our roleplaying sense and because I've felt the most safe with him that it works.

I think it lines up with TRP thinking because how girls dont think, we feel and that's why ignoring and being shitty to us and then showing us attention works, because it feels good to feel intense emotions and I think it's harder for a guy to understand that.

[-] LittleMissAfrodite 3 Points about a year ago

Wow your relationship sounds so nice. We aren't actors but I think is like to try that. I'm going to put the idea out there slowly

[-] CraziAces 2 Points about a year ago

I think it lines up with TRP thinking because how girls dont think, we feel and that's why ignoring and being shitty to us and then showing us attention works, because it feels good to feel intense emotions and I think it's harder for a guy to understand that.

just had a slight chuckle to myself :)

[-] JackSkell0255 6 Points about a year ago

Start small, and have a short discussion beforehand. For instance, I had a gf who (turned out) enjoyed having my hands around her neck while pushing her down into the mattress (or floor, or car seat, eventually) while being more “vigorous“. She floated the idea beforehand and I gradually worked up the intensity, because it’s not in my nature. It went from a minute or two a few times, to a full-on simulated bar pickup, complete with two cars and separate entrances. Just have to work into it gradually.

I’m old and jaded, but it turns out she liked strip clubs (with girls) much more than I would’ve ever imagined. I was already at a point where I didn’t care about outside opinions much and introduced her to several clubs. The girls were surprised but not shocked at seeing a couple there. Worked out really well for us, later in the evenings.

For added hilarity, our safe word was “ Nebuchadnezzar “.

[-] TheResGhost 3 Points about a year ago

/r/BDSMAdvice is what you’re looking for.

[-] Whisper 2 Points about a year ago

Probably the best way to bring this up to him is the way you brought it up to us.

Men are full of testosterone... we understand about sexual urges, and about kinky sexual urges. And if he's at all redpill oriented, he most likely has a dominant streak of his own.

Men are, however, very protective of women who are important to us, so if he's not already bringing this stuff up with you on his own initiative, then while you may able to tell him you want it really rough right off, you may need to take getting him to actually play rough by stages.

He'll most likely be sympathetic, though. It's a lot easier to hear "I want you to play rough with me" than "I want to play rough with you."

[-] WarViper1337 2 Points about a year ago

Your fantasy really is not that uncommon among women though many are to shy to admit it. There is no shame in talking about having your needs fullfilled sexually with a trusting partner. Women crave emotional variety even during sex. Both positive and negative emotions can elicit powerful effects on a womans state of arousal. Men do not always understand this at first because it not how we are wired.

A word of caution though. You and him will need to be mentally prepared for such acts. Even though this is fantasy it can still elicit powerful emotions but still lead to mind blowing levels of sexual satisfaction. He will need to be prepared to handle himself mentally when he is inflicting those kinds of negative emotions on you since it will be a shock to his natural protector instincts. You both will need to define some kind safe word or signal to know when things might be getting out of control. He will have to understand that an abuse fantasy could push you into crying real tears even though you are enjoying it. One other thing to explore is letting him have complete dominance over you sexually. It has a similar effect but usually without the negative emotions. If he feels like he needs some advice on the topic he should read "the sex god method" since it is almost entirely focused around tapping into female emotions during sex. Don't read it yourself though because it is like spoiling Christmas presents before you get them. If you can't find it just let me know and I can send a .pdf copy of it.

[-] Uolj 1 Point about a year ago

Guys like rough play also.

[-] [deleted] about a year ago
[-] pearlsandstilettos 1 Point about a year ago

Do not pet the unicorns. We are not here looking for your validation.

[-] [deleted] 1 Point about a year ago

This is exactly me. I have these same fantasies and they are fierce. For me I like it to be closer to reality and less roleplay. I like being "punished" for being bitchy and things like that.

The first time I brought it up was very embarrassing and I beat around the bush about it. He seemed very confused.

We had many more conversations after that

Hes still very cautious about it... one time we got into a fight and we both crossed the line. That put these fantasies on the shelf for almost 2 years. Since then it's been a lot of clarifying that he has my consent, and asking too many questions to be sure I'm ok with the punishments, and that really kills it for me, but he says once we've established the "rules" and been through different scenarios enough times, he'll feel comfortable taking matters fully into his own hands, knowing he has my sort of "consensual non-consent"

[-] [deleted] about a year ago
[-] subgirl182 1 Point about a year ago

My husband downloaded a tick sheet list of things, fantasies, limits etc that I marked out of 5 what I would/wouldn't like and what are hard limits lol, gave him a good idea of what I like without me having to tell him x

[-] LittleMissAfrodite 1 Point about a year ago

I just realized that I actually know a lot about my man's kinks based on our past discussions and online activity.

[-] [deleted] 1 Point about a year ago


[-] LittleMissAfrodite 3 Points about a year ago

I will update. I'm going to be taking it slow