We have a very healthy sexual relationship. I'm not saying I'm not currently satisfied. Recently I guess I've been craving something a bit different to spice things up. Though I'm not sure how to bring it up to him. Especially regarding the nature of my fantasies.
The short version I guess is that I want to role play with him but I'm a bit insecure about what his reaction might be if I bring up the weird thing I want to role play.
I think it's...kind of common to have non-consensual roleplay with proper boundaries, rules, safewords, etc. I don't think he'd mind that. We actively roleplay in the bedroom already and even sometimes when the kids aren't home. Though I'd say our past roleplay have been rather tame in comparison to what I want now. So I want the noncon fantasy rp which I'll bring up but even deeper than that I've been thinking about certain abuse fantasies.
So some background. Our life is very structured and very...peaceful. We don't really argue. We have a very good communication style. I don't contradict him or actively question him through out the day. If something is on my mind or upsetting, unless it's extremely important, I bring it up later during our "bed time talks."
So we don't really argue. Like...ever. He never raises his voice at me, even when I can tell he is upset or frustrated. Also he doesn't really "act out." He doesn't get passionately upset. He is passionate during sexual activities and very engaged when it comes to interacting with the boys. His passion is very...controlled and positive.
To put it bluntly, what I want is to roleplay some abuse fantasies. I want him to scream at me, growl at me, even strike me. (In a controlled fashion) And then I want him to...I don't want to be too graphic so I'll just say "engage in nonsensual acts with me." All, of course, in roleplay form.
Here's the thing, more than the request I think the "why" of it may freak him out. We talk a lot, very openly. I know eventually he'll ask me about this and I'll have to answer honestly. Hell, I actually do want to talk to him about why I want those fantasies. I don't know how he'll feel about the why of it. Here's the story.
Near the start of our relationship years ago we got into this HUGE fight. Doesn't matter what it was regarding. Point is that that was the first and last time I've seen him lose his temper. We were full on screaming at each other. I eventually started attacking him, throwing things at him. He, of course, showed restraint and didn't lift a finger against me. I'm tiny. He'd destroy me obviously.
Kids were in the house, (not our current kids, other children. We foster.) He ended up kicking me out of the house. More like he told me to get out and I complied. I'm really glad he didn't get the cops involved. I wouldn't want a domestic violence charge on my record. That wasn't the proudest moment in my life. He had no authority to actually kick me out of the house. I live here so he would have had to go through the eviction process. Thankfully...thankfully....THANKFULLY he didn't do that. We ended up making up, apologizing to each other and having probably the best make up sex we've ever had.
Till this day I think about that night. I kind of fetishize it. The passion, the anger, the negativity we hurled at each other. I fantasize about it in different ways. Like what if he "took me" out of anger, or went further and became abusive. Obviously it's just me and him in the fantasy. The house is empty except for us.
I plan to bring this fantasy up to him and see if he's open to trying it. We don't say no to each other. We don't outright reject each other. If he is open to it he may ask me questions, tell me what he is comfortable with. He'll work with me to fulfill my desires to his comfort and maybe even a bit beyond his comfort level. We do that for each other. He'll never just outright say no to me.
What I'm fearing is that he looks at me differently because how strange my desires are. I mean, I'm fetishizing the one huge argument we had. I'm not even sure if he wants to be reminded of that day when it could remind him of the one time since we've been together where his poise really cracked.
So...I think that's it. Thoughts? Should I even bring this up? Maybe there is a way that you guys bring up things to your SO that works well? How do you guys bring up new sexual adventures you want to explore with your partner that you think may be too taboo? Is there a time when you keep certain fantasies to yourself? If so why?
TL:DR- I'm trying to figure out how to bring up some recent sexual fantasizes I want to share with my man which may either upset him or make him look at me differently. Given the nature of my fantasizes I'm not sure I should even bring it up at all. If I do I'm not sure the best approach and would like to hear the advice and experience of others in this regard.