Hi everyone,
I am a 16 year old girl, and I am very tall. Almost 6'3 actually. It's been a great insecurity of mine for a while, and you may think this would be better off on r/tall but I felt it would be better here as I want some advice from like-minded women. Now, I know many people here don't subscribe to the "traditional housewife" role but It is something that I am perhaps interested in (but I am of course keeping my options open as I am young). The thing is, most traditionalist guys are super into the "biology says women are the smaller sex yadayada etc.." and it makes me feel insecure because they ALWAYS want a shorter girl to make themselves feel manlier and more dominant as a male. This has always kind of made me upset as I am no less of a woman compared to others, yet I feel like I am less because I tower over them and that makes me feel not feminine at all. I know that if someone rejects me just because of my height, then they aren't worth my time anyway but I would still like some input on the situation. (First time poster here btw)
Thanks.
MadHatter921 5y ago
Stand up straight! That is the most important thing. Stand up straight with your shoulders back and STRUT. Do NOT try to be small. Confidence will come with this posture. You will find a man who is taller than you who makes you feel small and feminine. Don't give any of these high school boys the time of day. They're just intimidated and are trying to keep face. You're better off waiting until you're out of high school. I know it seems like a long time but it will be over before you know it. Focus on becoming the best version of you in the meantime.
AnarchoNAP 5y ago
I do not think that this will be s detriment to you overall.
Would it be better if you were a perfect height in addition to all other qualities? Yes. But very few women are perfect and very few men can afford the ones that are.
When people talk about biological differences they are generally talking about not trying to fight what you are, ex don’t try to be an aggressive CEO when biologically you are fit to nurture infants. No one will think you are behaving unfeminine because of your height that you can’t control.
Focus on what you can control. I wish I knew what you know at 16.
Dress femininely, grow your hair, don’t dye your hair, learn to cook, maintain a healthy weight, to the extent possible keep a feminine lifestyle. Don’t over invest in a career that you will one day abandon to start a family. Unfortunately, wait for all these boys in high school to grow up.
austin101123 5y ago
I know some guys who want to be with a really tall women so they can have really tall sons so they can be competitive basketball players, among other reasons.
zionbeers 5y ago
I don't know what your plans are regarding education, or what your interests are, or how limiting having surgery for sciolisis is post-op--but if you want to take the height thing out of the equation altogether by finding taller men, put yourself in an environment with lots of tall guys by doing certain sports! If contact sports are out, rowing and swimming are awesome for finding tall men. I rowed when I was younger and in college and the two guys I've dated long-term were 6'3 and 6'5 rowers. My fiancee (the 6'5 one) once commented that he would've loved it if I was 5'10+ (I'm 5'8), since his mom and sisters are all taller than that. Also, at 6'3 you would be physically ideal for rowing.
Galadriel12 5y ago
I can't row unfortunately as it is too much strain on my back :(. I can swim and I should but I hate sport haha, and that needs to change!
merel-- 5y ago
Move to the Netherlands. We have absolute giants over here who prefer girls your height and if they're shorter than you it's only going to be 5 cm shorter or so. :D
[deleted] 5y ago
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merel-- 5y ago
shudder
Please don't ever say that anymore...
aussiedollface2 5y ago
Tall women can definitely be feminine! I’m not as tall as you, I’m only 5’10, but I was much taller than all the girls at my school. I felt so awkward and to make matters worse I was very thin and had no curves whatsoever lol. Boys didn’t like me at all.
Some tips:
(1)Do not worry about high school boys. (2)Unfortunately as a tall girl, you can’t afford to get fat as if you do you just look imposing. (3) Keep your hair long. (4) Do you have long legs? Awesome! I bet you look great in jeans and little skirts.
xo
Galadriel12 5y ago
Well honestly, I have put on a little bit of weight as I do have medical issues that can make me pretty sedentary and I've had trouble with my eating patterns but I've never been overweight ever. I also am growing out my hair although it is damaged form years of straightening my massive mane of waves and curls - it reaches my shoulder blades now
aussiedollface2 5y ago
That’s great! It can be hard to keep weight under control when you have chronic health problems but it sounds like you are. I got married this year and my husband is 6’4, he has a lot of very tall cousins and friends and they mostly seem to be with taller girls too. You will be fine darling! x
direfrog 5y ago
> I am a 16 year old girl, and I am very tall. Almost 6'3 actually. It's been a great insecurity of mine
I'm a 6'2 guy. I had a GF who was just a few inches shorter than me, but she "had her pride" and wore pumps so we were "on equal footing". I liked her height, it's quite nice to be able to kiss without bending my neck down, plus she was very hot. The reason I dumped her was definitely not her height, it was because she was an insufferable drama queen.
> Most traditionalist guys are super into the "biology says women are the smaller sex yadayada etc.."
Individuals are not averages. Your height does not change the fact that men are, on average, taller than women. Also you're in high school, so I doubt you're around lots of dudes who have any clue about anything! LOL.
> It makes me feel insecure because they ALWAYS want a shorter girl to make themselves feel manlier and more dominant as a male.
How do you know what the guys think? Did you actually ask? Note you must ask the dudes, not the girls who didn't ask the dudes, because the girls have no clue either.
As a general rule, you should never listen to any advice given to you by women who are in sexual competition with you. Advice given here is fine, because no-one knows where you live, but if you are after a dude, and one of your girl buddies likes him too, and you talk about him, she will tell you he likes short girls in order to keep him for herself. Guaranteed or your money back.
It is true that a tall woman is more intimidating for a guy, so you might get approached less. The positive side is this will filter out guys who lack confidence, but you might attract more players.
However, your height is a huge avantage for you, as you will have no choice but to strike out "he must be taller than me" from your boyfriend requirements list, which means you'll have access to a much larger dating pool than most girls, LOL.
> This has always kind of made me upset as I am no less of a woman compared to others, yet I feel like I am less because I tower over them and that makes me feel not feminine at all.
You got to the root of the issue, which is how it makes you feel. The solution is to find a way to feel good about your height, and the best way is to be proud of your looks. So, try to exercise a bit, eat healthy, stay in shape, and try to dress in a way that makes you look good. I know, that sounds dumb, but that's all there is to it really.
Don't go for the sick/anorexic supermodel look! Models are recruited by gay men who of course select women who look like skinny boys, because that's what gay fashion designers like. D'uh.
Don't listen to feminists either. As a general rule, a feminist wants you to be as ugly as possible so you're not a constant reminder that the feminist is fat, ugly, and unwilling to make any efforts.
Basically, healthy is sexy and beautiful, and healthy is, well, this boringly normal state where you have a bit of fat but not too much, some muscle but you don't look like a meathead, etc. If you are in the US and everyone around you looks like a bucket of lard, your vision of "normal" might be skewed, but the good news is if you don't gorge on junk food it will not be difficult for you to be attractive.
Here is a female basketball player example (source). She isn't curvy, but her outfit is a form-fitting around the waist which is enough to emphasize her feminine shape. Plus she has a confident attitude and a nice smile. Contrast with this loose-fitting garment which might as well read "I'm ashamed of my body so I'm hiding it."
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Galadriel12 5y ago
Very sound advice, thank you. I laughed a bit at the gay fashion designers part, which seems very true now that I think of it. I've always liked the sick/anorexic supermodel look because I thought it was the only way to not look ginormous as a tall girl, which led to an array of eating problems but I'm all sorted out now! Also, I'm In Australia but our obesity is on the rise too
Huffnagle 5y ago
First of all, high school boys don’t know shit. You should really just focus on being the best you in high school.
Now, is it a reality that some guys wouldn’t want a girl taller than them? Yes.
But how many guys do you need anyway?
You can be feminine and tall. If you stay in good shape and rock the femininity, you will be attractive to men. Don’t do the stereotypical hunched over tall girl thing either. Good posture makes you look like a model, bad posture makes you look like Quasimodo. Everyone knows you’re tall, rock it.
Galadriel12 5y ago
Had a full spinal fusion for scoliosis so posture is no problem for me haha!
silvernikki 5y ago
Stay in good shape. This is of the utmost importance, and I wish someone had said it to me when I was your age.
I'm almost 5'10". When I was younger, boys loved me, even though I was taller than all of them, because I was feminine and kind. But in high school, I got very sick, gained a lot of weight, and...never lost it. After that, boys started to be intimidated by me. The flirting and chivalry stopped, and the jokes started -- about how I was an amazon or the 50ft woman or shouldn't be allowed to wear heels. This isn't to say that being tall and overweight is a death sentence. Obviously it isn't. It just makes things harder.
Dressing nicely and wearing makeup helps, but there's no substitute for being in shape.
[deleted] 5y ago
My fiance is 6'5" and it has been a serious fantasy for him to encounter a woman tall enough to look him right in the eyes. If he saw you just passing by in a mall, there would be no force on this earth strong enough to stop him from turning his head to take in the sight. Some guys are not attracted to a taller woman, some guys really like tall women, and some guys don't care that much either way. Find one from the second two groups. :)
Britt121 5y ago
I agree. I am super short but have several friends who are quite tall. They also take care of their bodies. When we would go out together, men would always, always stare in Amazonian awe at them. They had zero problem attracting men. And my 6ft tall friend would wear heels too. It was quite funny watching the heads turn.
artistacat 5y ago
It's funny. Although I am on the opposite end of the spectrum at 5'0 my height doesn't make me feel anymore feminine. In fact there are a lot of days where I don't feel feminine at all and I feel like people view and treat me as a child (I'm 25). It's normal for all of us to be insecure of something we can't change. And plus there's those super models around (corny I know) that are considered the epitome of beauty.
You are a unique individual height and all. There's nothing wrong with being that tall as a woman because society dictates so.
georgie873 5y ago
I'm right there with you I'm 5 nothing and alot of the time I have a really hard time feeling feminine or sexy because I look like a small child lol even at 30.
artistacat 5y ago
Yea I only weigh 118 on a good day. Can't gain weight. Most of it is in my hips and i have no boobs almost.
artistacat 5y ago
Yea I only weigh 118 on a good day. Can't gain weight. Most of it is in my hips and i have no boobs almost.
[deleted] 5y ago
I can’t speak for myself, but my friend is 6 feet tall and her boyfriend is 5’8”. She was insecure about her height before she met him, but now she will happily pose in photos beside him with no problems at all. Height doesn’t matter when you’re deep in love.
He is still the dominant one, despite the height difference, because he is slightly older than her, has a high status job and makes more money, and is popular in his friend group.
Height doesn’t matter to a lot of men, especially those on the slightly shorter side. It is not likely that you will find a great man if you are only interested in men 6’3”+, so be open to a relationship with a wide variety of men, because many men will not care that you’re taller - especially if they are more dominant in one or more other aspects of life.
missguidedme 5y ago
I’m 5’8-5’9 somewhere in between, growing up I was always self conscious of my height because I come from a country where majority of people are very short including men. And I was always towering over everyone and felt self conscious wearing heels because people would tell me I’m already tall and why do I need them. Even moving to US made my somewhat self conscious because I was at the age when I want to date and have a bf and I had a guy friend who would ask me not to wear heel because he didn’t like that I was taller than him. Eventually I met my bf who love tall girls, tall slim girls are his thing, and he would beg me to wear heels. He’s 6’1 and depending on heels I wear I can be his height and honestly I no longer care. I learned to love my long legs and wearing high heels make me feel like a super model.
So my advice to you is this, at your age try to be the best version of yourself. Take a good care of your appearance, exercise to keep body tones and healthy, eat well, study, get good grades to go to a good university, read, get involved in hobbies that interest you. Do you basically. Guys your age are very immature and they’re fighting their own insecurities too. When you’re older you will meet a guy who will be head over heels for your height and will show you off to everyone as his beautiful long legged model girlfriend. Believe me you’re at a very good advantage here.
And did you know that Karlie Kloss is 6’2? Didn’t stop her from lending a husband at 26, did it?
LawyerInTheMaking 5y ago
What kind of traditional dudes are you talking to. i think you are are confused on two things and its playing into your insecurities.
A guy that finds you attractive and wants to reach out to you, will. Will you be every mans cup of tea? no. but you dont need to be attractive to every man, just the man that you are with.
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Side note, a little story if it makes you feel better: Im 5'7" so i know my height will disqualify me from consideration for most girls. The tallest girl ive ever flirted with/gamed is 6'3". I dont give a shit that she is tall and she loves that about me because the vast majority of dudes dont have the confidence to approach/flirt with her. Im a small dude, yet she even told me that she found me intimidating at first.
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TheNASAUnicorn 5y ago
Psh. It’s taken me nearly my whole life to become comfortable with who I am... all over six foot tall awkwardness of me.... and it boils down to some facts:
-People will constantly point out how tall you are. -Buying clothing will always be a pain. -Travel will always be a pain . -People will always ask “how you managed to find a significant other who is “okay” with your height. -And that the opinions of others, generally, do not matter.
My husband (usually) loves my height. It sets him apart as someone who “managed to get something out of his league”. That said, yes, high school boys are dumb and tease; it was awkward until finally everyone else mostly caught up with me (my graduation picture is hilarious because it’s sorted by height and I’m the only girl in a sea of tall guys)... you’ll be treated so much better as an adult. There will be people who comment that they “don’t know how a man could be with a taller woman”, and those are the types of people that I mean when I say that their opinions do not matter. You cannot pay your bills with their opinions and your Life is not impacted by their feelings. They’re not worth your time.
TheNASAUnicorn 5y ago
On mobile, sorry the formatting got messed up!
confusednsqueeky 5y ago
6’ girl here, with a 5’10’’ boyfriend. It’s a non issue, it’s never been an issue. When you know you are a great combination height means next to nothing.
I have a 6’2’’ female friend whose bf is 6’2’’ and she hates the fact that she can ‘sometimes look taller than him’ so IMO - it’s an insecurity thing so as soon as you get over it - the happier you will be.
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Wolfssenger 5y ago
I feel for you. The plight of the tall woman is even worse than that of the short man. However, like any problem, it is not insurmountable.
As when ascribed any disadvantage, it is important that you cultivate enough of that which is in your control to overcome it. In this case, that is femininity. Ultimately, men want a feminine woman, shortness is just one preferable attribute but an absence of it is not an immediate disqualifier for a relationship. Dress, act, and exist in a pleasant and feminine manner and you'll attract the eye of even men insecure about height.
Getting them to approach you will be the most difficult part. Give IOIs frequently to men(notice I said men and not boys, you need not worry about this for a few years) you're interested in. There's a lot of good material here for that.
You may need to cast aside the biological desire for a man taller than you.
Hope this helps.
artemis286 5y ago
Also, speaking from a biological perspective, remember that girls tend to hit puberty and growth spurts earlier than boys. Their frontal cortex (decision making, judgment, critical thinking) also develops later. So please remember that the boys in high school generally do not know what they want, and what they think they want or need now will almost always change.
Girls tend to be finished growing height wise by 18, maybe 19 at the latest, usually a few years earlier. Their hips and breasts may continue to change after that, but their height won't. Boys in the other hand continue growing height, weight, and muscle wise till about 25 on average. My husband has done this! We got married at 22, and have now been married for a year and a half, and he looks quite different in our engagement pictures. He's filled out quite a bit! So remember that you probably hit your height growth spurt a few years before the boys, and many will catch up to you! And at least be at your height, and many will be taller. The men in my family are on the tall side, my dad is like 6'7 and my brother is about 6'5. And honestly they don't tower over many grown men in our church group for example. My church also had alot of Polynesian members, and let me tell you, those are some big dudes. Remember that your high school is not generally a good sample of the population, since they are very geographically isolated.
In college, there were many young men around that height. So give them some more time to mature, and biologically they will catch up to you. And as others have said, at 16, it's hard for anyone to know what they want. Their brains are still developing in a very real way. But that's especially true for boys, who lag a few years behind girls on average. So try your best to not worry about it as much right now, which is much easier said than done, but rest knowing that you shouldn't feel so out of place in college!
cocodecoca 5y ago
I'm 5"10 and although I had an awkward time in high school, a lot of men love it that I'm tall. It's not something that they overlook. They like it.
EmotionalSupportRat 5y ago
My partner is a bit shorter than me....it's not an issue for either of us. Doesn't make me less feminine or him less masculine. It's all about his frame.
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