How old are you and how familiar are you with RPW?
22 female, been lurking for a little while
What is your relationship status? single What is the problem? (Don’t badmouth your SO!)
While I have most of the aesthetic aspects of being a feminine woman down (I'm 22, college educated, self supporting, virgin, cook/clean, dress well, present myself well, don't party/drink/take drugs, good body shape), I have a really pushy and kind of bitchy personality.
This really rings true when I encounter "geeky" men that don't live up to my standards of how men should be especially if I become attracted to one. I say disparaging things "in jest" if they like something that is traditionally "not cool" like anime. I've come to realize this is incredibly bitchy and shallow of me.
I wasn't always this way, but in college it really got aggravated probably because I majored in comp sci and was surrounded by men like this. There's kind of a stigma attached to the major, and I really wanted to differentiate myself. If I looked down on those things, I'm cool. I'm not like them.
I've been watching what I say lately, and taking a deep breathe if I encounter something I would consider "weird" for a grown man to have or like.
I also noticed that I am a pushy person. I want things to be my way. I'm trying to control the situation I am in rather than let someone else guide me. I've ruined a lot of almost relationships because of this. I also get a lot of this from my mother. She "ruled" her marriage with my dad (and ran it to the ground), but I seemed to have picked up on that trait of hers. She was also overly controlling of my life growing up.
How have you contributed to the problem?
not letting go and being a shallow bitch.
How long has this been an issue?
hmm. well i kind of just realized and accepted this a week or so ago. To be honest, I never really thought excessively about dating until recently. Another flaw because I'm kind of old, but it's too late.
What have you done to resolve this problem?
I'm trying to watch what I say and let life happen to me.
DebatePony 8y ago
I had to convince myself to post this so we will see how it goes.
First you are 22 and while you may be "getting older" you are in no way "old" there is still so much out there for you to experience and hopefully you will have experiences that will expand your horizons and points of view of things.
The first thing you need to know is this: there is no such thing as "being cool" in life. You are no longer in high school and getting out of that mindset will benefit you greatly.
Anime is not childish. If it isn't your cup of tea, that is fine, but there is nothing wrong with people who enjoy that form of entertainment. Have you ever honestly sat with an open mind and tried watching it? If so, you would see that most anime is not PG (although the aversion to certain ratings in shows/movies has always been confusing to me - why would you intentionally cut out an entire section of entertainment based on what it is rated?) and deals with a lot of complex topics and themes. Just think of it as a "real show" because it is, just as real as Game of Thrones or whatever it is that you watch. If you want, I can recommend some really great ones (available on Netflix) if you are willing to put aside your prejudices. At 22 I would probably be hesitant to do so, but maybe you can.
About being "pushy". The key to this is knowing when to push and when to leave things alone, the only way to know this is by gaining experience. It seems like you are learning already, that is great. Keep it up and continue to try to improve yourself. You are still very young and need to gain more life experience on what you want in life/life partner.
makemericagreatagain 8y ago
How does being a virgin make you more feminine?
[deleted] 8y ago
It's never too late, I heard once you're self aware, the more you will change.
I cheated on my ex, acted promiscuous, was narcissistic, idiotic, neurotic and attention whoring. Now I'm a bit less so.
I had to change my attitude and so far my relationship has been much better. Been through counseling too. Never push your SO to do things.
I gotta learn how to cook and clean too. The rp was hard to swallow, but I am glad there's a forum for girls to talk about their rp beliefs.
llem20 8y ago
IMO you need to get over yourself! There is no such thing as 'cool', and people have 'weird hobbies/interests'. So get over yourself and your preconceptions on how life should be. What are you afraid of?
If being a gamer or into anime is an absolute no for you, then stay away from these kind of men - but don't look down on them!
My husband is a gamer, he loves playing PS4 and he also enjoys the occasional table-top game. I'm not a gamer, I do however respect his hobbies as he respects mine. My husband is a fantastic provider, he loves me and I constantly feel cherished and protected. He is also in control of our relationship, he deals with all of the finances and I submit to him with regards to all major issues.
The point I'm trying to make is that being a gamer/geek/weird does not mean that some of these men would not make great LTR.
As for losing the bitchiness, you simply need to have an open mind - you need to consciously try to not judge anyone. If someone starts to talk about their 'geeky hobby', ask them about it - become interested, explain that you know nothing of the subject but would like to talk about it. Feminine women are courteous and non-judgmental.
pinkstar2345 8y ago
I never had issues with gamers (I think even jocks have a PS or a XBOX), but I understand your point. I'll try to ask questions the next time I'm around something I find "geeky".
OverHisKnee 8y ago
I'm new to RPW but not to being a submissive wife, so take this with a grain of salt, I suppose. :-)
I notice you often say "I am" this way, "I have" this personality. You even call yourself a shallow 'witch', shall we say. It seems like you may already understand the danger of thinking this way. Instead of looking at these qualities as "inherited" in a sense from your mom, try changing how you talk to yourself. Can you work on finding the emotion underneath the behavior? If you felt insecure working next to young men who may not accept you or value you as a woman, that emotion is fear. So next time you feel the urge to be pushy or rude, what if you told yourself, "I feel afraid of rejection right now, but I don't have to act on it.". Or, " I feel defensive right now, but a lady knows silence or sweetness can be the most powerful defense.". This has really helped me a lot.
pinkstar2345 8y ago
ya, it's my desire to control everything around me. If I'm pushy enough, I'll get what I want.
That's really good advice and I'll definitely think about it before I say unkind things.
OverHisKnee 8y ago
I am always working on this as well. It is no longer much of a struggle with my husband, but I can still speak without thinking when my emotions move me! So you are not alone in struggling with this. :-)
whistling_dixie 8y ago
Pushy and bitchy ....yeah, I know those things. Those are my biggest problems and I learned them from my mother.
It took finding RPW for me to recognize that I wasn't just "feisty" or "strong" and that I was actually an insufferable bitch. I have remedied this by learning to STFU. There was a post recently about this, and it helps. Biting your tongue and being quiet gives your brain a chance to catch up and realize that you're about ready to be pushy or bitchy.
Edit: Here it is. https://np.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/41qmvl/the_stfu_method/
pinkstar2345 8y ago
Thanks! I agree, you are told you are "strong" but going for what you want, but it really doesn't work.
ColdEiric 8y ago
I don't know who considers you to be 'strong', but when men say that a woman is 'strong', they usually mean that she is able to handle shit and still stay feminine.
whistling_dixie 8y ago
I was thinking after I posted that I should have written "strong-willed" instead of "strong."
ColdEiric 8y ago
Headstrong is the word you're might be looking for, like Elizabeth Bennet or the girl in True Grit. Those women are invaluable, partly because they are so rare and cherished. Boys might become physically stronger than their mothers when they hit puberty, but women don't need to much stronger than teenage boys. Feminists might have lamented that women weren't allowed to own or wear shoes other than beautiful ballerina's. I'm quite sure than women of such high caliber such as Lizzy, they'd make fun of feminists, as she made fun of everyone.
“I think women rule the world and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn't allowed him to do or encouraged him to do.” ― Bob Dylan
sugarcrush 8y ago
My question would be ARE you really attracted to them if you look down on their hobbies or whatever else? Respect is one of the most important components of a relationship. If you don't respect your partner as a man because he doesn't fit your idea of what a man should be, you are both going to end up having a bad time. He will be able to tell you don't respect him even if you don't verbalized it, and you're going to end up wanting to leave the relationship for someone you are attracted to and can respect.
Don't get me wrong, it is 100% fine to want a traditionally manly man! But you either need to go to where they are (more classical majors like business and law, sign up for coed sports, etc.) or spend time redefining your definition of what a man is.
pinkstar2345 8y ago
I guess it's more of a conflict within myself. In a huge way, I haven't grown out of the high school mentality of jocks vs geeks. I was moderately popular in high school and dated a "jock" and then a joined a sorority my first year of college and was all starry eyed for frat boys. Things happened, and I grew discontent with life and dropped from the lifestyle (and college for a semester). I guess I never really forced myself to grow up and mature a bit.
I think by looking down on them, I feel superior even though that type of ranking no longer exists. I don't think it has much to do with them as much as internal conflicts within myself that I need to fix.
I haven't been attracted to a traditional manly man for years though, to be honest. I guess I need to redefine my ideas of the world.
Sorry for the long post and coming off as bratty.
KhazarKhaganate 8y ago
My two best friends are into anime and geeky stuff. Though maybe it's because they're asian guys?
I don't disparage them for it. But I don't respect them for it. Not because it can't be cool, but mainly because it's just a little childish to me especially when there are so many good real movies/tv shows around with actual actors etc. They almost always have a very goodie-good message too and almost always very PG.
If the geeky type is something you're not attracted to then you should be secure in that choice.
I was surrounded by that as well, studied in a scientific field. But I am 100% annoyed by people like that and hipsters.
I think that's OK to not like some subculture like that. Not liking certain ideology, culture, or subculture is your choice. What you shouldn't do is completely disrespect or berate them for their weird/eccentric hobbies.
You're gonna laugh after I said all this about geeky stuff, but I'm very much into chess, reading scientific books, and computers.
pinkstar2345 8y ago
I agree I shouldn't berate them. It's quite childish.
I'm not laughing at all. I think intellectual stuff is different from anime or geeky things.
thanks
[deleted] 8y ago
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pinkstar2345 8y ago
I wouldn't mind dating an older man.
Thanks for the book recommendations. I read surrendered wife, and it was informative. I'll look into surrendered single.
Thanks for your help!
TheTerrorSquad 8y ago
If you was 82 then maybe but 22? Srsly don't use it as an excuse because red pill or not that behaviour is just fugly
[deleted] 8y ago
What's funny is that the people who you think are inferior, probably feel superior to you.
When I encounter people who have superiority complexes, I gather that they are immature, douchey, have self esteem issues, and are all around miserable. I guarantee the guys' reaction to you is not one of superiority; they probably just want you to get lost.
Do you really like any of them? Don't mistake "liking" a guy bc he's cool (even cute) vs. attraction. Belittling someone does not signal attraction, and in that case, don't be a mean girl.
pinkstar2345 8y ago
I don't know to be honest. In the last case, he met a lot of the "requirements" I wanted so I got really pushing and that turned him off. Sometimes I don't know if there was real attraction.
[deleted] 8y ago
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pinkstar2345 8y ago
What is DBT? I'd love to know more, Thanks!
Lin333 8y ago
Nah it's never too late. If you do like your school guys you can always try online dating to meet someone of your major.
And control that mouth of yours. Swallow the pill and start the change.
I know it's not easy because Im basically in the same boat and same age (it must be the age thing)
pinkstar2345 8y ago
I hope so! haha.
I graduated recently. It's a lot different working than in school though.
I wish us both luck! haha
Lin333 8y ago
Now you are scaring me. :(
pinkstar2345 8y ago
How so? I didn't mean to. I'm sorry.
Lin333 8y ago
Nah just that I'm graduating soon. Everytime I hear the world graduate. I cringe a little lol
Aerobus 8y ago
It's not too late for a 22 year old virgin.
What does a feminine personality mean to you? You want to stop being pushy, I understand that. Beyond that, how do you want others to see yourself?
pinkstar2345 8y ago
Someone who follows, is supportive, caring, loyal, and loving.
[deleted] 8y ago
Well the fact you acknowledge your mistakes is the first step to recovery.
At your age you're still a little emotionally immature so yeah, emotional outbursts and bitchy behavior can happen, but they're not supposed to exist forever. Nobody wants to be with a bitchy aggressive woman.
Try treating people the way you want to be treated. Try practicing empathy, put yourself in their shoes. If someone likes anime but you find it ridiculous, respect their taste. Your reality, your beliefs and your tastes are not the best ones. There are no best ones. Just like you find someone boring or annoying there is someone out there who finds you boring and annoying as well. We can't possibly please everyone, so don't ask people to please you 24/7 either.
Everytime you feel like making a rude comment, mentally count to 10 and breathe slowly. This only can help a lot. But like I said, empathy is the key to everything. If you try to see the world through other people's eyes, you will understand why they like what they do, why they behave the way they do and hence respect their decisions, not judge them and not get pissed with them.
pinkstar2345 8y ago
Thanks! I'll think about this the next time I want to make a mean comment.
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