This advice is mostly for young women about dangers to avoid in life. Once you get older it becomes much harder, though not impossible, to change your personality.
Keep an eye on your personality as you go through life. The Blue pill will teach you that there is this thing called The Self, and that you must always be true to it. The Self is who you “really are” and that you are always perfect as you are. It will tell you that you shouldn’t let anyone make you “feel bad” about yourself, it will tell you to ignore any feelings of inadequacy, it will tell you that nothing is wrong with you, and that everything is the result of other people’s failings.
Unfortunately, these are just some of the many pretty lies of the Blue Pill.
This way of thinking provides a mountain of hamster food and can be used to justify anything. Are you an obnoxious prick? “Well that’s just who I am and no one can judge me for that because I am being true to myself.” Are you unfriendly and abrasive? “Well that’s other peoples’ problem. If they can’t accept me for who I am that’s their problem.”
Instead, the self is more like a tree and you are the gardener whose job it is to protect and cultivate it as it grows. Life will provide many fires, storms, lightning strikes, insect infestations, and blizzards that could leave you with a deformed, hideous, and sickly tree. It is your job to protect your tree from these negative influences. Know what a healthy tree looks like, and aim for that.
If as you go through life you notice yourself becoming obnoxious, abrasive, snotty, jaded, bitchy, selfish, humorless, bitter, resentful, spiteful, manipulative, negative, morbid, nasty, cruel, or lazy it is time to both cut out of your life those people and conditions that are influencing you in such a way, and to inwardly cultivate positive virtues. You can be friendly, personable, charming, charismatic, warm, open, graceful, and so on. It is not just a matter of “that’s just not who I am.”
You may have to cut people out of your life who are negative influences, you may have to find ways to silence the inner voice that urges the easy path of not doing the hard work of tending your tree, you may have to undo the damage of years of negative influences. But it can be done, you can be awesome.
AlwaysLateToThreads 10y ago
This is great advice for men too! Perhaps even more so for women. From the outside looking in, women seem to be more enabled to have negative personalities because their SMV does not take as much of a direct hit as a result. Orbiters will still tell them how nice they are even if it isn't true just to get in their pants. This changes once the wall hits. But the wall won't matter nearly as much to a genuinely sweet girl because guys will want her for who she is on the inside.
Now if only I could find such a girl. ):
FleetingWish 10y ago
"Who you are" is determined by "how you behave". If "who you are" is a bitch, that just means you behave like a bitch. You can, just as easily, not behave like a bitch. And like magic, who you are will no longer be a bitch. There is no "self", just the sum of your behaviors.
The_Ringmistress 10y ago
Don't forget, you can work to improve your physical health.
Self-control is an excellent virtue to develop. But it is made easier by having fewer internal storms to quell. I have found that my moods have become more stable and easy to control the more I have become careful about eating a healthy diet.
Ronfar 10y ago
"A sound body is a sound mind"
Amissmiss 10y ago
I agree with this, too. Women can't help that we have hormones that follow a cyclical pattern. It will affect how we feel, which can influence how we respond. However, our diet can help give us more control over everything. I follow a paleo HFLC diet. It makes me feel like I've "always got my rudder down."
TempestTcup 10y ago
I completely agree. Once I found out that saturated fat was actually good for you, I haven't hardly been moody at all. Back when I ate a fat-free diet full of "heart healthy whole grains" my moods would swing like crazy & manic passed for happy.
Amissmiss 10y ago
Absolutely! I just noticed this comment, but I said the same thing!
TempestTcup 10y ago
Paleo HFLC rocks!
un-coolmom 10y ago
Another paleo eater here! This is interesting. :)
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un-coolmom 10y ago
Cauliflower is so versatile, it's one of my favorites. I haven't made any pancake things, but the pumpkin custard recipe on the against all grain site, is heaven.
empyblessing 10y ago
I was thinking of trying some almond flour pancakes out. Has anyone tried them?
[deleted] 10y ago
The one thing that has helped me more than anything is starting to just walk away from negative things. There is nothing to be won by convincing someone that you are right and they are wrong. I would rather enjoy someone's company than constantly hear gossip or negative things, when that sort of thing comes up in conversation I don't participate.
When friendships or other relationship become draining or negative, I walk away from them. I know life is too short to be bothered with people that whine and complain about everything, so the only thing to be gained is time to do other more productive things with - things that better you mentally or physically.
TempestTcup 10y ago
Once I took the red pill I did cut all of the most caustic people out of my life. I didn't realize how much they were negatively affecting me. Others I simply avoid. I've found that I'm much happier just concentrating on my husband & a select few friends.
margerym 10y ago
I have been doing this lately and it has had great results.
un-coolmom 10y ago
Best advice ever, we're all supposed to be free to choose a path that makes us happy, but I saw real anger from some of my "friends" over my choice of traditional marriage.
Amissmiss 10y ago
My advice to younger women is that you aren't on a pedestal, but you aren't in the gutter either. Strong feminine women with a respect for others and a respect for themselves make great human beings, and they can find quality men to marry.
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margerym 10y ago
Loved this! You are so right, RPDarcy. I could go on and on about how people these days are essentially chronic mental and emotional masturbaters but I'll spare everyone. Along with what has already been posted about diet I'd add now your triggers. It's amazing how easy it is to fly off the handle even when you're trying to be calm. One second you have it under control and the next you're throwing a fit or playing the "woe is me" dialog in your head. So know your triggers. Know what will set you off and stop it before it happens by walking away or changing the subject, etc. Take note of them. If someone triggers you more often than others they are probably not useful to you. If you find a topic sets you off avoid it in certain company. I have been trying to write up a blog post about how important role models are and in the case of self-improvement especially. Ask yourself "what would this person do?" of someone you find inspiring. Compare yourself to people you feel are worthy of being looked up to. And don't underestimate smiling. It is close to an automatic pick-me-up for you and those around you.
Amissmiss 10y ago
i agree. I never feel exasperated by my son while I'm watching him alone, but when my husband is around, my brain will start to go haywire about all the things he's not helping me do with him. All i really have to do is ask for his help. He always helps (he's bathing him right now just to have some dad/son time before little guy's bedtime). It doesn't matter.... my mind just wants to feel victimized. Good thing I know my mind does these gymnastics. I can kick them out of my head and speak up like an adult because of it.
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