Never enter her frame.

I think we should be easy on OP. It takes time to break away from the Blue Pill and Oneitis we are trapped into.

OP, next her and just be. Her straying away is direct consequence of your low SMV. Its amazing how casually you told us that you whined like a pig to your boss and left the office. Chances are that it doesnt make an ounce of difference to your boss, which explains your sucky position at home too.

Brace up, do well in career and lift. Dont make it about hopping from one pussy to the next.

I don't understand why she would cheat you for another guy she had been flirting with for a while and when getting exposed and dumped now fights back to stay with you, instead of... taking the opportunity to go with him :)

Maybe he pumped and dumped her and she wants back...

That's tough man.

Her best friend who also lives with us swears to me that LTR wouldn't cheat if she's with me.

Women cover for each other. I've even seen them ganging up to shame a guy out of making his fiancee sign a pre-nup. Her best friends testimony is worthless. They'll back each other up come hell or high water. That's why they're best friends.

This LTR business is hard work... Think I'll stick to plates. Life was way easier with just plates.

Women will cheat, that's the way it is. The only real evil is giving up other women for a monogamous agreement they probably won't honour. OTOH, she might just have got drunk and slept. But I doubt it. Always trust your gut.

My rage is telling me to go nuclear right now!!

Never go nuclear. Go silent. Nuclear silent.

Update 1

Her best friend who also lives with us swears to me that LTR wouldn't cheat if she's with me.

Hmm. This is a brilliant mis-direction. "If she's with you". If I ever said that to a woman I would of course mean "If he's physically with you", so technically not even a lie.

Also, her BFF? Not the best source.

I trust LTR not to cheat.

If there were any logic to the English language, "trust" would be a 4-letter word.

trying not to explode in rage when she shows her face.

It would be for the best.

Only thing is I can't kick her out (lease). Fuck sake.

That's why we don't live with bitches.

Update 2

She's always on Facebook yet had no Internet access at this party for over 6 hours.

Yeah, she probably isn't going to livestream getting plowed.

Suddenly, she signs in at 7:30am. There's no way she woke up now and just got the log in details. She's guaranteed to be at some dude's house...

Looks like she didn't forget about the "you forgot about me today" guy from before.

My rage is telling me to go nuclear right now!!

Generally a bad idea, but understandable of course.

Update 3

I agree with all the advice to next and keep my cool. Makes sense to me.

We're good like that.

But I don't understand the advice from the guys saying I'm insecure or that I should let her go out.

Different guys are at different points in their RP journey. Some of them have varying degrees of blue in them still. Guys like that will try to hamster some "Oh, but what if she was helping a sick friend?" bullshit.

update 4 - The big one

She came home, walked straight into her room.

So you two "live together" and sleep in separate rooms? That's odd.

I open the door, I'm like "You're back". She says "And?".

Wow. That was cold.

"I ask where she was, she says she got too drunk and slept there".

She left out this part: "...with a guy's dick in me."

Also, totally not acceptable behavior from an LTR. This is why she should have gone for an hour, then come home.

I asked her how she'd react if I did that, she spouted some bullshit about me not calling her to check on her etc etc, that I should have gone to get her etc etc.

Behold! The power of the Hamster! Notice how suddenly her getting sloppy and failing to turn up is now suddenly All Your Fault!!!

Update 5

I told my boss I was too distracted to work. Came home, she was there. I told her we were done.

Well that escalated quickly. Congrats on getting your balls back.

Told her I'm breaking the lease too.

I hope that works out. I assume from your prior post that you're paying all/most of the rent. Why not just boot her?

She was shocked says I'm overeacting but I don't give a shit.

Bitch shoulda been home with her man. And the cunt attitude when she came home was no good. And for the "but...she was hungover!" crowd, no doubt...but she wouldna been hung over if she'd been home where she belonged.

This LTR business is hard work... Think I'll stick to plates. Life was way easier with just plates.

Yep. If you maintain sexual relationships with multiple women, then you never have ONE woman walking out the door with 100% of your pussy supply. Then no one girl has leverage on you.

I can't kick her out (lease).

Don't kick her out. Leave. You probably have a shitty apartment anyway. Find a new one. Take out a loan if you have to. You can live frugally and recover financially. You'll end up better off than if you stay in this situation another second.

I've broken leases before when I had to move for jobs. It varies how much you end up paying, but it's not as bad as you're fearing, and the moment you are back on your own, you'll stop feeling that powerlessness that you're feeling right now - that's what's causing you to rage; it's bad for you.

If you have a good relationship with your landlord then tell him straight up what the deal is, and tell him you realize you're going to have to have to pay, but if you stay there'll be drama and he doesn't want that either.

Use the time it takes to recover financially to improve your physical fitness (it's always possible to improve). Live without TV, internet, or alcohol for 3 or 6 months or whatever it takes, and you'll come out the other side a better person and having learned a valuable lesson.

[deleted]

Never live with someone you've been dating less than a year.

Never date someone who constantly has less money than you.

You know exactly what to do bro...you need to get rid of her. Did she cheat? It doesn't matter, because she proved herself to be unreliable and irresponsible.

Trust me (I've been here myself), you NEVER WANT TO CONFRONT A WOMAN WHEN YOU SUSPECT HER OF WRONGDOING. She's going to deny it and gaslight the fuck out of you. If you start an argument with her, you've already forfeit your frame and your authority and you've already lost the argument. So just fucking don't. You're better than that and you deserve some fucking respect...just kick her out, respect yourself, and somebody who respects you will come along. But above all remember to be polite and leave your emotions on the table, because she's definitely going to cry and plead and lie but you can't let it get to you.

edit...I read your post from a month ago, and what the actual fuck are you thinking man? GET RID OF HER. stop being such a goddamn bitch.

1) Goes to party and “loses signal.” Typical cheater excuse. Evidence – circumstantial.

2) Says she’ll take a cab home, which keeps you from coming to get her. Typical cheater excuse. Evidence – circumstantial.

3) Never came home. Would be expected if you, however. Typical cheater maneuver. Evidence – circumstantial.

4) Her best friend sticks up for her? As cliche as it gets. Means nothing.

5) Gas internet access both before and after sucking some dick. Typical.

6) Indifference towards you. She doesn’t care. She’s got that other cock lined up (and was already inside her). She doesn’t need to explain herself to you now.

7) Of course she’s shocked. Cheaters love to have their Chad to fuck and their Billy to pay for it all.

Nothing here is proof that she cheated but, good god, there’s so much smoke here, the fire is somewhere.

Not to jump conclusions but from my experience thats extremely fishy and most likely she is seeing another guy

Be prepared to move on

Don't talk to her

I trust LTR not to cheat. I don't trust alcohol though.

...

"I ask where she was, she says she got too drunk and slept there"

People who go out and drink to excess are a huge red flag. So you don't trust alcohol. But you can trust her to drink when she goes out. Therefore, you can't trust her.

It's not the substance here, it's the person. This combined with the other evidence concludes she's not LTRable.

It looks like you took what should have been enjoyable FWB material and ruined it with a foul relationship.

Based on your past history, I am not entirely sold on your 5th update.

Her best friend who also lives with us swears to me that LTR wouldn't cheat if she's with me.

You were getting advise from her BFF? Wow - the hamstering is immense.

So right now I'm running scenarios on what to say and trying not to explode in rage when she shows her face.

Haha - you must be really confused because your logic is welllll fucked up. Unless it's your first day here at TRP, you know everything you're doing is completely wrong.

You KNOW the rules. Why does a girl want to 'go party' when she's in a loving LTR? SHE DOESN'T! Girls party to FIND an LTR (well, fuck a tonne of dudes and then get into an LTR)!

Stop your fucking hamstering. You are now broken up. Start fucking other women and FFS, do NOT move in with a women unless you're married.

Think this must be the most successful troll of the year. Shows on posts he is weak and no frame. Lives with LTR but she goes to "her" room. She is supposed to be working but she is home when he comes back. The interactions are " and? " , "your overreacting " , has a list of HB+ willing to take him home after going on an insta date. Seems all bs

She has been cheating on OP for at least a month now. OP is just hamstering. https://www.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/89bzpl/ex_texted_ltr_lost_frame/

Soft next. Heavy punishment. Dread. Take your pick just don’t let her get away with it. And don’t explain yourself.

here after the updates. for the love of god do not go back to this whore. she has zero respect for you. and you should have some for yourself. you are the prize. numero uno.

You need to convince her to move out and if you can't do that you need to move in with a friend till you find a new place to live. This girl is ruining your life don't talk to her ever again.

You did good, bail out and run, really.

Alcohol doesn't cause anything. It's just a scapegoat.

My man, I'm sorry but your LTR is over. I dunno the context about how long or how much you're invested but my condolences.

You can examine her behavior lately for your answers. Sometimes the signs are there. Has she done this before? Are you an enabler? Has she been fighting with you needlessly, etc?

I'm sorry man, nothing good for relationships happens with 2 am phonecalls and absences.

Whatever happens. Please update us. It's a very common thing

Q: what happened BEFORE the party? She seems to be playing a game, but what made her play this game? Also, don't trust her best friend - her role is to cover her BFF

edit: I see you have been receiving no sex and she is actively pursuing other guys. You are dishonest. You know she is AWALT, but you are bot dignified enough to acknowlede u completely lost ur frame

Why weren't you or bff invited? Instead she solos to a party and ghosts until the next morning? Unless this chick is a raging alcoholic she wouldn't go to a random party and get trashed unless she was hedging a good time so you should stop blaming alcohol for your hamstering. Your post reeks of blue pill. Now you're the one shrieking and bitching at her, that's usually the woman's role. The worst part is that you actually left work over this. If I were your boss I'd never look at you the same again

I know what that's like.

Pack her shit. When she finally makes contact, tell her to leave. But be ready for a fucking avalanche of pleas for sympathy.

Just remember, no matter what she says, she was fucking someone last night. You know it, I know it, he knows it, she knows it. Don't be a sucker.

I read up to your update #5. No, the individuals who are telling you that you are being overly sensitive are not dialed in to the details here.

my opinion is that you have been cheated on. Her responses upon arriving home also sound both beligerent and immature.

there is something going on and whatever it is would incriminate her to share the details regarding.

smart to hard next. you’re going to feel so good with a galvanized self-respect too. my only concern for you, stranger, is that you don’t take her back when she comes groveling soon.

Oh my god dude I didn't even make it through the whole thing because..

Her best friend tolded you. Uh, OK lol

You trust her, but not alcohol. Uh, is alcohol an entity youre going to marry and have kids with and has a commitment to you? Or is alcohol some demon body snatcher thats going to attach to your good girls frontal lobe and rape her with Chad's dick.... Or what the fuck are you saying here? Get back to reality. If you trust her than stop there and delete this post. If you don't trust her stop blaming inanimate objects like Corona bottles for your troubles and I don't know, call a witch doctor or something.

Your acting psycho. Stop.

Oh yeah, you should move out or at least begin banging her best friend, while planning your escape. Don't kick her out. She'll cause more headaches that way. You leave.

It’s over.

Just wait till the lease is up.. have some patience.

Simple harmless explanations would include, drinking too much and passing out (done that as a kid, got into a world of shit with my parents when I missed school), losing phone, etc. etc.

All of which would result in her apologising PROFUSELY the next day.

The fact she didn't shows that you lost her respect a long time ago, and that she's lying so something happened.

Update 5 is the smartest thing I’ve read all day on Reddit. ????

You all are worse than girls who track every Facebook login to make sure they're not cheating. Do you have to have a leash on your partner? Isn't that something a girl would do? If she wants to go out let her go out, if she wants to stay out late let her stay out late.

OP judging from your previous posts i bet you're not going to leave her, any advice given to you here will fly across your head.

Hard. Next.

True story, I had a friend visiting me when I was organizing a party. At this party was a MILF, a married woman was there and while me and my friend were cleaning up she was helping and hanging around. I could see she was trying to escalate and I wasn't interested so left.

Around 930am the next morning I get a FB text from her husband asking me where she was: "She didn't come home last night..."

I immediately realized my friend banged her. Yup.

But not only that...she had called her husband from the hotel phone to say she was partying....the husband called back on the line in the caller id...

My buddy tells me he picked up the hotel room phone while he was banging this married woman and it's her husband...

So....where was your LTR? I think you better dump her.

try convincing yourself all you want that she was out being a good girl, the fact that you are asking for an opinion out here shows that you give a shit a way to much. this is gonna kick your ass later, better to take the high road and next her before she does it to you.

The problem with all these scenarios I continue to read is simple: You care way too much about what she does.

I think you should be more concerned about the fact that you stayed up until 5:00 waiting for her. Don't you have better things to do, like maybe sleep?

In all of the scenarios, you need to look inward and realise your behaviour is the largest contributing factor to her actions. If you were a chill dude and someone worth behaving for, I can almost guarantee she wouldn't pull any shit.

Women come and go, Life is short. Wasting your mental energy on this kind of stuff is more of a disaster from what I can see.

Now, I'm off to meet one of those hot lady friends the ex-ltr bitched about...

Nicely done.

You said it yourself, if you did the same it’d be hell to pay. Overall it’s just rude to not let the other person know and she knows it. I’d pack her shit up and leave it at the front door. These are the games women play when you live together and frankly, you’re probably better off. Even if she didn’t cheat, it’s not the behavior of someone who values your time. Stay calm, pack her shit and get some sleep.

Hopefully she is not hurt, in a car accident, raped, in the hospital etc. if it’s anything else, kick the bitch out and ghost forever.

with the history of other issues in your prior posts - i'm echo'ing everyone else you need to end this and move out as soon as you can.

that said, keep your composure. don't loose your cool. don't go nuclear on her or anything. just be neutral. minimize your interaction with her. no dates, no sex, one word responses to anything she says, and then keep it monotone and level headed. be a "grey rock", be as interesting to her as a grey rock would be. nothing emotional, no engagement.

until you can move, hit the gym, hang with some friends and minimize your time around her. don't sleep with her, don't sleep in the same bed. and again - no sex. don't risk knocking her up.

i know you want to unload all the frustration and hurt on her - it will do no good at all. focus your energy on exiting the situation. it's not worth letting her distract you from executing your exit plan.

the best revenge will be moving on to living well and better than you did when you were with her. she won't feel bad or guilty or regret anything she did right now, she'll only gaslight and bullshit in one way or another about it all. she'll see you grow into a better man and only THEN regret you got away.

We live together.

I see where you went wrong. When is your lease up?

So I have the urge to confront her when she gets home or call her now (and ask her how she'd react if our roles were reversed) which I shouldn't and then hard next... Thoughts? Or am I being too drastic?

Do not blow your cool, even if you totally deserve to. She's just going to make it "your fault" (even though it's not) for yelling at her.

There are two possibilities:

A. She was out riding a mile of cock.

B. She got drunk or whatever and stayed over at a friend's because: stupid drunk girl.

Neither is good, and B will ultimately lead to A, anyway. She fucked up. Ideally she knows it. Discipline must be applied. If you really want to fuck with her head, stay calm, and start withdrawing attention. Whatever she says, whether it's "yah, well fuck you" or "OMG, I'm so sorry" when she really is making a perfunctory apology, or "OMG, I really did fuck up", she's going to want to talk, smooth things over, and not change her behavior.

Do not fall for this shit.

You do NOT want to talk. Tell her she needs to think about what she did. Let that sink in and she is like, "Noooooooo papi! We should talk about this now!", your answer is still no, because, as it turns out, YOU need to think things over also. Make the Hamster do wind sprints. If you do it right, her Hamster will be going bananas, and after a day of this, she will be concocting ways to make shit up to you.

That said, this is not the type of behavior you want out of an LTR. Really none of this:

She calls me at 10:30pm to tell me she's going to a work friend's house birthday party and doesn't know when she'll be back.

...is acceptable. Let's review:

A. 10:30 on a weekend night? Shouldn't she be with you?

B. A "work friend"? conveniently nobody with a name, and nobody she should be putting over you in the pecking order.

C. "Doesn't know when she'll be back". Wrong. She can go, make an appearance, and then dip out after an hour to get home to her man.

You can draw your own conclusions, but it is what it is.

Jesus Christ. I read your past post that was linked in the comments, and honestly that plus this post is just pathetic. What gets me the most about this post is the "her best friends say she'll never cheat if she's with you".

 

I've seen this exact shit said by many guys here, that "her best friends said she'll never cheat". I've said this shit a couple times on this subreddit, and I'll say it again, you can call my bros up and they'll tell you I'm the second coming of Jesus Christ. They'll tell you I'm a fucking saint, and that I do charity work with children on my days off. And that I report all my revenue on my 1040, including those $2 scratch off tickets. Her friends will lie for her, FUCK.

 

Her best friend said "she won't cheat if she's with me", well guess what retard she wasn't with you tonight, she was with chad. God I hope the girl I boned yesterday was your bitch. Kick that bitch out, go zero dark thirty on her ass, and move on with your life.

 

Also lift.

Bit late to the game here. Just wanted to offer support and say I think you made the right call.

People make mistakes and get too drunk, but the kicker here is she didn't act the least bit sorry or apologize. Didn't try to call or text you when she woke up(if her story is to be believed.)

Kind of suggests she's reached "pants on fire" level.

She dont respect you.

Any update of her?

Lol. Your paranoia is off the charts.

Do what you need to do to be attractive to your LTR (and other women), and anything else that happens...who the fuck cares?

Hint: what you're doing now is NOT attractive

Omg she doesn't respect you bro.

Dear OP, some dude jizzed all over u r bitch.. u deserve it. Now get fuked.. dont post on TRP plz. Maybe make sucide video??

Yeh you gotta next her. You talked to her bff/ yalls roommate right? Did she give you insight on what your girl was going? Were they at the same party and bff came home but gf didn’t? Yeh it’s time to make some changes bro... let go of the anger.... no need to let her have it or punish her if your breaking up... just let her go and spend some time finding a new place to live.

Sorry dude, you know what this is, you know what to do. She made her choice. All I can say as someone who got cheated on is don’t let her see your grief. She doesn’t deserve it. Not only will it ruin your frame, it’s like a fucking salve to chicks. Seeing that will help her feel that she made the right choice. Only show anger if you can’t control it but after that indifference. Make it very clear she’s disposable. You can move on within seconds. She means nothing to you anymore. Nothing kills a girls self esteem or destroys them like removing their validation.

Even if she didn't cheat, she went out drinking, red flag and wasnt able to give you a time when shed be back, another red flag. Probably did cheat though mate.

Girl seems like a time waster and unreliable at the very least. There's an implied double standard here as well because you're saying she would find it unacceptable if you were to behave in the same way.

Just pack her stuff up and move on mate. Once she realises its done she may end up admitting any infidelity just to spite you, many women do that.

Im curious. How old are you friend?

You’re not insecure. At this point it’s just logic. These dudes sound kinda white knightish to me. It even says it on the side bars somewhere about giving rational trust, not full trust. You have every right to feel like that.

Based on your previous post about getting texts from some dude, yeah she's fucking another guy. Sorry to break it to you

Go hit the gym, play some golf or pickup basketball.... anything to get your mind off this shit. Bitch knew what she was doing staying out all night without a courteousy text or call the whole night. This battle was lost before it started ... something else must've been wrong with the relationship for her to pull this.

This is easier said than done but it can be done:

When faced with a situation/decision where you really don't know how to handle it, forget the present and look to the future.

In 3 years time, all of this will just be a memory. Some actions might hurt now but be no never mind later. Flying off the handle might seem like it helps now but be regretted later. What is the course of action that benefits YOU the most in 2021?

Once you've decided that, you have a plan and life is easier when following a rational plan.

Honestly that's a huge lack of respect on her part and she doesn't deserve you worrying about her. So either hard next, or crank the dread level up a couple notches. Show her what it's like to have a boyfriend who doesn't give a flying fuck if she's alive or not. Either way, this isn't something that you can let her get away with.

I say go for it despite not liking the idea

This is why she's cheating. You're a pushover.

Time to hard next and develop standards. Odds are it's too late to set boundaries with this one.

Edit: She should have asked if you'd go with to the house party when she psuedo asked for permission.

Women think they're being crafty by skipping that basic step and so many guys fail to see it for what it is.

Edit 2: Just saw the link to your previous thread. Holy shit is it ever too late. You seriously need to work on yourself before stepping foot into a relationship again. Sidebar, read it!

I'd be more concerned at how upset and off-baseline this is getting you. Don't you have more important things to worry about?

I don't know enough about your situation but I would seriously reprimand her for not communicating well enough.

Frame it about her safety and calm the fuck down else you'll look like a whiny little woman when you confront her about it.

Is she the same girl who got upset with you that you only have hot lady friends ?

I'm curious if you vetted her like a true RP. It sounds likes she may have some daddy issues, attention seeking issues, possibly high N count. This is evident in her inability to empathize from your perspective, playing the victim mentality when confronted, unwillingness to respect your opinion (or lack of a bonding factor)... All red flags that you should've stayed away and that she was not LTR material to begin with. Learn from this and move on.

You have one-itis. No abundance mentality.

She has no respect for you.

No conversation.

Talk to your landlord about ending lease early.

Move the fuck out

Time for you to sell all her shit on Craigslist and throw out the rest.

Are you wasting your time with her because you think it's too complicated to get out? Just work OT or something for a but and enter it in the books as tuition.

My biggest complaint about TRP is how a lot of guys only advice is "hard next", but that's what this is.

When's the lease up? If it's real soon you could pretend to not care, and then hire some movers or friends to come get you out one day while she's gone. That way you avoid drama, possible accusations, etc. If it's a ways away you might want to just break it.

Of the many lessons here I'd say #1 is don't cohabitate, cause it makes it complicated to leave. Unless you've got kids I don't really see the point.

Whether she cheated or not, this is not how an LTR should behave.

"Failure to avoid the appearance of impropriety is an automatic NEXT!" - bsutansalt

GJ Bro. She had the audacity to not apologize or say shit when she came home. She definitely did something she doesn't want you to know about. You made the right choice for sure. Don't sweat sluts

One useful thing you can do today is start looking into what happens if you or her leaves in terms of your lease. Talk to your landlord or start doing research about moving. That way if you end up kicking her out you have thing handled.

And to echo all the things others have said, yes she's cheating on you and doesn't give a fuck. Relationship over.

She probably just got drunk and passed out/was having fun with her friends. If you’re still having sex a lot and the relationship is good, i doubt she cheated on you, but regardless, fuck that shit. Not responding while you’re out drinking and ghosting is unacceptable. By being in an LTR you both officially agreed that you’ll be considerate of each other’s feelings and give a shit. Living together heightens those expectations even more. Complete lack of respect for you, she knows her behavior looks fishy and would cause you stress, she just didn’t care enough to keep you in the know. I used to think that what i said was an over reaction and that people are allowed to go out and “have fun” but after finally dating a girl who would never pull some shit like that, to even the slightest degree, it’s a reasonable expectation for you to have in a partner, assuming you treat her the same. I’m not saying you have to go nuclear and kick her out of the house, but you should take a step back and assess the relationship and see if there’s any other negative behavior you’ve been letting slide.

Oh man... I think it’s time to start detaching yourself from her really.

Just wait and see what she has to say? Do you guys live together?

Hot take: the “work friend” is the LTR from your last post that you caught her texting

Dude, I'm sure it must be hard, but try your best to chill. In a state of rage, nothing good can happen. You may fight and she'll call the cops on you. In any case, she'll see you as less than a man for being overwhelmed by your emotions.

Here's what you should be doing: put yourself back at your own mental point of origin. Ask yourself "what is the best course of action to take that will benefit ME?". Stop caring about her and about your relationship. Trying to make her feel bad is having her as your MPO. Expose her as a slut is making her your MPO. Thinking about confronting her is making her your MPO. Now that you know it's over, make yourself and your own good the only drive behind your actions.

The only problem here is you give a fuck

Doesn't matter if she cheated or not. She will. She doesn't respect you, and she's not afraid of angering or disappointing you.

You should not be living with any girl who would not be sobbing with terror at the idea of doing something that would make you dump her.

If you can't inspire that in a woman, don't live with one, and don't invest in one. Fuck em until it gets stale, and move on.

It's not 1950 anymore. Strange dick is easy to ride, they aren't ashamed of it like they used to be, and other women will cover for them instead of ruining their reputation.

Be ruthless.