It's not a contradiction or a fine line, it's the difference between possessive, needy desire and undemanding desire.

To help you get a better idea, it's the difference between how you act when pursuing the following:

• Desiring outcomes you think you can control = "chase" it with a gain or loss mentality and "neediness".
• Desiring outcomes you know you can't control = you do you, enjoy the process and hope it works out.

Approaching or dating is like a fighting ring: winners aren't made in it, they're merely recognized there. If your sense of dignity is intact you will understand why you can't make someone like you - because making them like you at the expense of who you are is not worth it. This only works if you relentlessly improve yourself, but it's 110% worth it.

Besides, a woman is never yours - you can't lose her. It's just your turn, maybe for the rest of her life, who knows.

More importantly, who cares? There's one permanent actor in your life: you - everyone else may come and go.

Or have you come all over their face and then go, it really doesn't matter. Your show goes on either way.

Eye contact.

I read a post not too long ago that was saying you should be looking around when you're talking to a girl to show that you're always looking for someone else if she doesn't work out. He called it a "hoe radar" don't remember the post but I thought it was pretty informative, there was a lot more information in there but the basis was showing outcome dependance to whoever you're talking to.

If you spend time thinking about it, you'll really start "getting" how it works. Trial and error.

You can start from understanding the fact that abundance mentality (full of options) means you aren't actually invested into any girl before she proves her worth. You don't lose anything if you don't get anything going with her. This is different to (normal) scarcity mentality, where you think you'll lose a chance at this awesome girl if you don't do something to attract her.

So, a normal kind of guy sees a girl he's interested in and feels like he'll waste an opportunity if he doesn't do something to impress her. He's already invested just because he saw her, but she doesn't know him yet! That's the imbalance that gives off the "needy" vibe.

A guy with abundance mentality sees a girl he's interested in and that's it for him. She's now part of a group "girls worth talking to", as opposed to "girls not worth talking to" - the ones he's not interested with. When he engages her in a conversation, he's not invested in her, and therefore just... well, talks, with no strings attached, no hooks, no neediness. It not only gives off this "outcome independence" vibe that many girls like, it's also just awesome by itself, it's a cool, chill-out, comfortable conversation the girl rarely gets with a guy (because usually they're all tryharding to get her attention and it's really not pleasant when it happens for a 1000th time

You do this by demonstrating outcome independence. You can and should make your interest clear, but you must also have no problem moving on if she does not reciprocate or if she throws up too many red flags.

Be sexually interested, but emotionally and even logistically aloof.

Anytime you're with her, be sexual and have intent. Anytime you're not with her, you should have things to do, even if it's sleeping, eating well, and lifting. You should be doing other things such as hanging out with your male friends, traveling, or engaging in hobbies.

Her hamster mind will spin when you're 'out with friends' or 'busy this weekend'. This spikes her interest - you sexually want her and she knows that, but it appears you have better options. Options are just other things you choose to engage in.. hobbies, social activities, etc. Even though a girl will go nuts when you have other female options on the table, she will almost equally go as bonkers when you choose a weekend with your male friends in some remote city for a vacation and she seemingly can't get your attention.

how do you also convey the message that you also have other options?

By having other options and keeping this in mind at all times. We call this abundance mentality and outcome independence.

You don't care how she responds to your advances because you have other options queued up anyway.

is there also a vibe that needs to be given off?

Internalize outcome independence and abundance mentality and you'll give off that vibe.

Like a bee attracted to a flower, your interest is fleeting. A woman presents herself and attracts your attention. If she a good candidate, your interest will be maintained. Women know this is how it works, that you are always looking at other flowers.

Likewise, if she isn't into you, she will make herself less available.

The key is simply to remain aware of your options and the quality/availability of your current interest, then act accordingly.

I usually say something like, "I meet a lot of women but you're always the first to come to mind, and I'm not exactly sure why."

It demonstrates you have options while also demonstrating you think she's special. Which is just what they want. They want the alpha guy who COULD get all the girls but chooses them instead.

You raise a very good question and this art is very subtle and nuanced. So much so that I cannot give specific answers but can only give a general response. Reward good behavior positively and ignore/punish bad behavior.

She asks you to hang out or goes in for the kiss? Say yes and go all out. But if she talks down to you or otherwise demeans you do not give her your affection. This would be the sign of someone who is weak and desperate.

What you talk about is totally a vibe women feel. It's not how you act, but who you are that attracts them. This makes things complicated and takes time. There is no "cheat code" as you will.

You show sexual interest.

A bitch will ALWAYS, NO MATTER WHAT think you just want to bang her. Her pussy is such an irresistibly sweet honey pot that you are hypnotized by it and led around by your nose.

I mean, she can be ugly like Andrea Dworkin, but if you need something from her, or if you say HI when you walk past, THAT'S what she thinks. So if you try to tell her you like her "as a person," of course she's gonna think you are her bitch.

Actually have other options, she'll pick up on it. Have her see other girls flirting with you is the best demonstration. Sounds like you're trying to pretend you have other options. You don't fake your SMV, you build it... Unless you're a total loser who doesn't want to improve themselves but just wants some quick stupid trick to get them results