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- Hide Preview | 14 Comments | submitted about a month ago by Rapp5601 [Post Locked]

Constant fear of rejection and ridicule is what's holding me back, but I figured baby steps when it comes to just talking to random strangers would be the best way to help me be able to approach women easier. What helped you?

[-] syn1us 9 Points about a month ago

Realizing that rejection is better than regret. I would approach every now and then but the pain of rejection wasn't as strong as the pain that I felt when I missed a good opportunity to approach an awesome girl. You need to go through this pain to grow.

[-] resnine 2 Points about a month ago

One of the biggest parts of being a man is getting past fear and our apprehension about new situations that we are unfamiliar with. You fear, but you proceed anyways. You need to GO INTO IT even in fear, that's when you truly grow.

[-] FereallyRed 6 Points about a month ago

Constantly being rejected.

[-] FREECRACK6 4 Points about a month ago

Once you get laid from cold approaching the world changes

[-] Rapp5601 1 Point about a month ago

This has motivated me to go out and cold approach today

[-] FREECRACK6 2 Points about a month ago

Wear earphones and record your interactions, and then break them down afterwards to see where you are fucking up. No use in approaching if you are not nailing down your weak points. If you can video record your body language even better

[-] Rapp5601 1 Point about a month ago

Thanks man, this really motivates me to go out and actually try, I'll try and record

[-] resnine 2 Points about a month ago

And afterwards break it all down. AKA do field-reports.

[-] SubstantialBeanBoi 2 Points about a month ago

fuck incrementally hotter girls. start with a girl you think is slightly below your looks match and incrementally move upward. you'll encounter progressively more enigmatic shit-tests and you'll be able to adapt slowly rather than getting btfo by arbitrarily approaching whomever.

[-] INNASKILLZ2K18 2 Points about a month ago

As has been said, being rejected. Realising that it didn't mean shit. After that, approaching got easier and easier, and more fun.

[-] resnine 1 Point about a month ago

How do you keep your mind from rumidating and going through feedback loops?

What I mean is, you go into a approach, open a set and get rejected hard. The girls laugh at you, think you are a joke... say all sorts of things about you, get AMOGGED, all that shit...

How do you not let those feelings eat away at you and keep repeating over and over and over and over again? I tend to be the type who will think and think and think about those interactions and feel like shit/embarrassed "you idiot" "why did you say that" "I could have said XYZ and that would have gone better"

[-] INNASKILLZ2K18 1 Point about a month ago

Honestly? It's just ingesting the pill. Things do become internalized, if you really take it on board.

I've been rejected plenty of times, and I normally walk away just happy that I've been on the hunt. Who gives a fuck about the rejection, Red Pill men hunt with a fishing net and a shotgun because we ACCEPT their will be rejection. It feels good just taking the shot, because I know I'll get a hit, soon.

Also, I love abundance mentality. Who honestly gives a fuck? You know what happens after a rejection? Nothing. I go right back doing what I was going to do.

It's also outcome independence. I don't depend on any particular outcome. I'm honestly cool with it. An approach is just a few mins to see if I'm interested, and to see if she's receptive. If not, mission accomplished.

You're best to accept what is out of your control. If you're doing your head in over 'I should have done this and that, and then she may have been receptive', then you're outcome dependent, and have scarcity.

It's easy to fall into that trap. Trust me, though, the better you get at accepting the outcome and brushing it off, you WILL bring that into your future approaches.

If you over think and analyse and try to perfect shit, then you're next approaches will be needy, over-thought and trying too hard.

If you let it go, focus on zero fucks given and hold your frame, your next approaches will become more laid back, relaxed and easy. You won't be afraid anymore if they don't end how you want.

It's tough at first, but how you respond is a choice.

[-] resnine 1 Point about a month ago

Dude, it really is like playing an instrument or something. You are on a mission, on the course to hit that perfect note/song. Especially if you are starting out you cannot expect to play that play perfectly. At first it's gonna sound like some shit, unless you got some sort of natural talent up your sleeve or are ridiculously good-looking. TRP is like learning the notes, scales, chords, techniques, theory and cover-songs. When you start playing you are like a autistic kid. But then you fail hard you also learn fast. You understand the importance of RP concepts like outcome independence, being stoic, not over-investing, treating them like children/the bratty little sister. Some of this I think is to protect our feelings/ego others I think genuinely are great strategy.

I need to stop focusing on the predetermined outcome I've set up in my mind and just enjoy the learning process of failing and getting better.

How do I beat insecurity, phobias, and irrational fears? Cause I shake and get so nervous... even with the thought of approaching. That fear of rejection is hard. It feels like flight or fight response. As if I am about to pick a fight with a guy, I get extremely intimidated. And like the more beautiful the girl is the harder she will hit, just like getting into a fight with a larger guy -- the harder he will hit. It feels exactly the same. Like they are the same emotion at times, fear and intimidation

You're best to accept what is out of your control. If you're doing your head in over 'I should have done this and that, and then she may have been receptive', then you're outcome dependent, and have scarcity.

Good point, I see that.

Let me ask you how much of your approach is in the way you act/come off, tone of voice, and body language. I was talking to this girl recently (a cashier), and just had this sexual undertone in my body language and tone of voice, she seemed receptive. I didn't say anything sexual, but I spoke with a sexual tone in the conversation. Is this a good way to test the waters before going into an approach?

My problem is absolutely is trying to be a perfectionist. I can't just be cool, calm, and collected. I feel every word and movement has to be perfect, and that's my main problem, I overthink, overanalyze, and overcomplicate things. I don't just relax and DO IT. I've noticed the most successful people are like this, they just throw themselves into the deep-end and learn while doing. I have some deep-rooted fear, and this is why I am stuck in life, not just with women but in many many areas. I am too apprehensive and risk-adverse, I've been stuck in the same min-wage job for years because I fear change and don't take risks. It's this fear that holds me back from experiencing life at full-effect. I just stay where I am, paralyzed by fear. There is more risk in not taking risk than taking risk from what I've noticed. Calculated risks of course, not just doing dumb shit, but being efficient at it.

I want to let go, express myself, and have fun but it's like I am wrapped up in chains holding myself back... it's weird af. I feel paralyzed by myself because I feel like I will make a mistake and everyone will laugh at me. I was bullied for years, girls always laughed at me in high-school. All sorts of things similar to that has happened to me. I don't think good on my feet, so when I am confronted with a difficult situation with men or women I just don't know what to say or how to respond, I just freeze-up in fear of making a mistake or sounding dumb.

It's almost like I can't structure an formulate a sentences well. I've been thinking of trying Stand-up comedy to develop my ad-libbing and thinking-on-my-feet skills... throw myself into the deep-end and learn... that's how successful people work, they don't fear they just do it.

[-] resnine 1 Point about a month ago

Do you watch any PUA/RSD videos?

I know they are usually frowned upon in the RP community but they can give you a lot of insight into how it's done visually. They break down the mechanics to opening-game, mid-game, and end-game to the approach.