I don't think I am an ugly guy, but may not be the best looking at times. Especially given some competition. I am not very confident, walking up to women isn't natural to me, I am not fit (average build), but tall, don't make a lot of money, clothing isn't top of the line. Maybe my whole personality needs some construction work. So be that as it may. I have been trying to boost up my game. Mostly it has been online dating and small chats back and forth. The way things go is I'll ask them a few questions, what they do, what are their hobbies, favorite places to go visit, foods, music, the whole nine. Then I'll start describing things I like, music, programming, rock-climbing, cars. Things like this. Then about 5 minutes into chit chatting I will ask if they want to go out on a date with me. If it might help I may even post the chat-logs for tips on what I am doing right or wrong. Gauging from the responses so far, it's been a lot more push back from them than pulling me in, which I know should be expected, it's a numbers game. It's just I think I am coming on too strong. I am not developing a rapport. I am just doing the idle chit-chat and then going straight to, "Hey would you like to go out on a date sometime?". I've gotten some odd responses like "Why me?" and "I think I am busy" or things like "Can I bring my friend". I literally asked one girl why she wasn't interested in dating and she said "Why date you?" that sorta stung. Went flashback beta and starting telling her reasons why...ugh. Maybe my SMV isn't all that high. And maybe the girls I am going for are too high, or I am going into the date questions too fast (~5min) after introduction. I say I'd like to get to know them, think they are beautiful. Yeah I am new to TRP and game. Just don't know what I should adjust or throw out. Is there a scaffolding somewhere that I can start basing my game and approach on, going at it free-style is killin' me. I got some beta stuff floating around for sure. I need to do some Spring cleaning and boost my SMV and game. As a side my cold-approaches irl have been stiff, girls always give me the "please get away from me look". I just want to fix this and stop failing so hard.
Thanks
Coolguy1699 6y ago
Read the sidebar bro
NewBoomAction 6y ago
Read the sidebar and study it like it's your new bible.
So much wisdom compressed into a small pdf file. Do not take this for granted.
needz 6y ago
Lift
Joehogans 6y ago
That's just the answer to everything, ay?
Moreofmore 6y ago
Yes, surprisingly it is.
[deleted] 6y ago
[deleted]
Joehogans 6y ago
Are you Asian by any chance? Just going based off the screenname.
Mike_3487 6y ago
stop feeling sorry for yourself. You said that you are not that fit and you don't make a lot of money, and clothing isn't the top of the line. Fix the shit you can fix. Also - - SOCIALIZE with other people - - men, women, HB4's, etc...
Man the fuck up you pathetic piece of shit.
BurnieSlander 6y ago
Though /u/Mike_3487 sounds a little like a drunken stepdad here, he makes a good point about talking to everyone- not just girls you're trying to game. Talking to everyone will help you become more naturally social. Take a genuine interest in people and ask questions about what they are interested in.
Joehogans 6y ago
Been trying this out for size recently. Nothing gay, just been focusing a lot more on men than I have women. It's been teaching me tons. Before at a public forum, event, meeting, social-gathering I would just look around at the women and focus my attention solely on them, I gained nothing, no insights, no tips, no knowledge, just a empty void of space. Yet, now that I shifted my focus and attention on men I am learning so much more. I am taking mental notes of what is working for them. My attention/focus off women to men has truly been helping me become more confident and less sex/lust driven. Still have a ways to go but focusing on men instead of women has been tremendously helpful.
Joehogans 6y ago
Think I should try to game some fat girls? HB3>?
[deleted] 6y ago
[deleted]
Joehogans 6y ago
He said HB4's you asshat. Clearly there is more to what he said there.
TRPcez 6y ago
If that's your standard, go for it. I've never seen guys so fucked up they 'game' fat girls.
You know the 'game' you're describing is Q&A. No actual thrills, negs, experience. They feel like they're being interviewed.
What I recommend to improve: read The Game, watch the pros do it and how you do it and improve, lift. Never seen a guy game fat girls...
Joehogans 6y ago
Haha right. It's what I know Q/A, I think that's like default mode or something. Guys who haven't learned the art just do that.
walawalawa 6y ago
I think we've located the problem in your approach. Do you see it? It jumped out at me the second i read this epistle you wrote.
Dude, there's no "game" here. No tease, no negs, no sexualizing of the interaction.
You interview the girl. It's question/answer. Then you talk about yourself...no DHV stories, no sexualizing, no mystery.
Then....the total tingle killer:
And? The answer is usually NO
Right?
Learn more about game. Learn more about text game. Then come back here for advice on how to calibrate.
What you're doing here is not Red Pill, it's Blue Pill.
Read everything you can from Krauser, Mystery Method. Watch The Pick Up Artist on YouTube...
Also start approaching girls in real life...then online game will be an extension of that.
Joehogans 6y ago
I didn't see it that way, but it makes a lot of sense. I am doing a Q/A, what is attractive about a Q/A? It's about as sexy as a job interview.... how could I have been so blind about that. What should I talk about then? That whole Q/A format is all I know. I've been doing it since I was 13 probably and I am in my 20s now, never developed any skill with talking with them or people in general. How would you go about the art of the tease, negs, sexualizing the interactions?
Much appreciation.
IncognitoMaster91 6y ago
Have you never been laid before? And if so, what was your formula back then. Im hoping it wasn't chloroform based.
Joehogans 6y ago
Honestly. It was my nice guy routine, never did a jerk thing to them. The girls weren't super attractive though. Maybe HB4 or HB5s. If me and her had something in common we'd start a long conversation based on that. Then touch base next time. Again and again until I developed a strong connection. Asked her out. Would lead to sex. This wasn't a common thing though.
walawalawa 6y ago
Troll
Joehogans 6y ago
Maybe I was more assertive about things than I thought I was being. I just talked about shit we had in common and worked from there. No game whatsoever, before trp I was like "what's game?". I didn't say that worked a lot, and to be fair most women don't give me the time of day. It's only the sort of sad and emotionally broken girls that this seems to work on. One's with some insecurities.
walawalawa 6y ago
Troll...
Joehogans 6y ago
Hahaha
walawalawa 6y ago
Go away...
BurnieSlander 6y ago
BOOOOOORRRRRIIIINNNNNGGGGGGG
You are being boring. Be funny. Be clever. Be not boring.
Why did that sting? You are too sensitive. Don't be a pussy. She gave you a golden opportunity to say something clever. Learn to recognize that shit. You could have said "Most girls date me because I have a massive dick, but I also have a sparkling personality and a puppy."
Online dating isn't real. Stop having expectations about how it should work. Practice more IRL.
Don't expect great results if you are ok with being average. Not confident? ACT CONFIDENT. Not natural? Read "The Natural" by Richard LaRuina. Not fit? If you have a floor and functioning legs, you can get fit. Do pushups until you can't do pushups anymore. Do that every day. And then do squats, and then go run. Go to the mall and find a young-ish associate at Macy's to help you pick out some nicer clothes.
Joehogans 6y ago
The whole turning it around thing when they ask me questions like "Why date you?" I have to stop being paralyzed with emotional distressed and instead fling out a nugget of gold. It's really like a mindset, turn a negative into a positive by sheer will and thought-power. There is always this constant tug of war between me talking to a girl too. I am sure you all know what I am referring to. The power struggle, where the cards are being laid out and the girl is fighting for frame and power. I guess it's especially true in the western world. That part is something I am trying to navigate the terrain of.
chazthundergut 6y ago
Lift. Yes, it is the answer to everything because the results are so powerful. You said you're tall. If you are tall and muscular you don't even need a personality. Just show up and keep your mouth shut. So yes: LIFT.
Practice talking to girls in real life, face-to-face.
AWorseManThanYou 6y ago
Frame
Soderbergh 6y ago
Here's the trick to the online chatting stuff. Stop asking about their hobbies - girls don't give a shit about that. Girls want to get picked up.
Just talk about random shit. Jump from one topic to the next. Pretend like you don't care if they like you or not. Get them really interested in you by actually being interesting and being funny.
And then mid-convo say you 'gotta go meet your friend "Alicia" or whatever.' Drives them crazy.
They will be like ''who the fuck is this guy.' That's how you start it.
Here's shit to talk about and make sure to keep it not serious...repeat NEVER GET SERIOUS:
You get the idea.
Joehogans 6y ago
This is good stuff!
Sort of like "alpha-brag"? mix between humble-brag and alphaness, yeah I get that. Why never be serious though? DON'T THEY LIKE STABILITY AND BEING TAKEN CARE OF? And I feel like they would see right through this. They are so perceptive. I think I would start bragging and then would just be like "Oh he's just being arrogant" or "He's lying/making this stuff up", I don't want to come off as transparent or trying to hard to win their affection.
One thing that stumps me is the whole "being interesting and being funny." I am not naturally charismatic or funny. I have my moments like everyone where I can make the crowd roar with laughter, but it's not some inherent thing I can do all the time. And for being interesting, I am trying to think about interesting things I actually do. I help my friend fix his house up. I have fixed serious mechanical things on my car. But I don't make a lot of money, which is where I think a lot interesting things come from, when you have money you can buy interesting experiences like travel and possessions, concerts, festivals. Money makes you more interesting to them because you can do more things that makes you more attractive.
Being real here, I think they get bored with me and lose interest quick. Once they have detected that lack of confidence in me/or lack of resources, it's like a chink in the armor, then things just start falling apart like a house of cards.