2y ago TheRedPill
Need advice:
I am a 20 yo guy who's currently studying at Uni ( for those Americans out there it's college for you). I am having a lot of trouble talking to girls and getting matches on tinder/bumble. I have started hitting the gym and have been seeing some minor gains after about a month of training ( I am still quite lanky tho lol).
When it comes to talking to girls irl, I have done it before and gotten numbers but that was well over 2 years ago. After that point, I ended up getting into a marijuana addiction which has definitely brought out my underlying social anxiety (been off it for 3 months as of today). But when I do go out now, I feel like I am being crippled and I overthink and worry about everything that may or may not happen.
On Tinder and bumble, I do get a few matches every now and again but I feel like I don't know how to text girls after I get a match....sometimes I even end up getting blocked even when I don't say anything weird or stupid..which is extremely frustrating. One time, this girl said she was only interested in hooking up and I said "maybe we can make that happen" and then I got blocked by her on bumble which is a fat rip lol.
And yes, I am still a virgin lol. If anyone can help me out and give me tips on how to improve myself both socially and in text it would be great.
Two years of little to no engagements and prior substance addiction means you should probably consider starting from the ground up in re-developing your social skills and self confidence. What skill you had previously was likely formed to help you survive whatever was stressing you out and that's clearly not been working for you going forward as you're here asking us for alternatives. My following suggestions should help you build a solid foundation to move forward from and hopefully your odds of success will improve.
To that end, consider getting yourself a copy of of the late George J Thompson's book, "Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion" and Mark Ripptoe's "Starting Strength: Basic Barbell Training". Being that you're pursuing physical fitness and a recovering addict, it's not unreasonable for us to assume that you're more likely than not going to be dealing with people who sort out their problems with violence as well as psychologically well adjusted people. Assuming you're not a mid-wit intelligence, Verbal Judo will provide you with a foundation to navigating such people and you'll find that it's also generally applicable in most other situations. You'll also find yourself hard pressed to find yourself a better foundational guide to strength training than Mark Ripptoe's aptly named book.
As for dating, consider investing in a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, also known as the late Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's mirrored on several sites and a podcast. While his media is a bit pricey, it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from, but I would also suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. If you've already found you'd like to read his book, save yourself a search and give this scribed link a gander.
Read More2y ago TheRedPill
@cornarrow That is fine, but do not look for recognition for your accomplishments, but look at it yourself as how far you have come and looking at yourself at what you can accomplish. Share your experience and journey to help inspire others. To quote Tony Robbins “There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.”
2y ago TheRedPill
@hustlerbear81 Thanks man, I'll be sure to read and apply this. I'll pm u about updates if ur down with that.
2y ago TheRedPill
@hustlerbear81 thanks for the advice I'm just gonna use all this as motivation to push myself in the gym. Are there any books you would recommend are a good read for the topics of charisma/conversation?
2y ago TheRedPill
I will make a suggestion but it is only advice, you may take it or leave it. Make sure you continue hitting the gym, if you are not happy with your success look for workout routines, but keep this habit it is a good way of relieve stress and building confidence, even when you feel tired or lazy go to gym because it will but you a strong mindset. And stay away from the marijuana or any drug because that anxiety and overthinking you are having now has been more radiate because the marijuana has been helping you cope with happiness or making you feel good, when has been make you soft and you do not want to be soft.
Do not worry about being a virgin, it is okay, it can be frustrating and uneasy but if you put your mind you can have success, dating is just a mind game and you have to power through it and not worry about the rejection, there will be women who are uncertain, shy, or even a tease, but as long as it does not bother you and your willing continue on with the journey.
Buy some books on how to have conversations or charisma, don't worry not everyone is a smooth talker in the beginning, but it takes practice and patience.
But remember to focus on yourself and what you want out of life, do not make women your first priority.
Read More2y ago TheRedPill
Need advice:
I am a 20 yo guy who's currently studying at Uni ( for those Americans out there it's college for you). I am having a lot of trouble talking to girls and getting matches on tinder/bumble. I have started hitting the gym and have been seeing some minor gains after about a month of training ( I am still quite lanky tho lol).
When it comes to talking to girls irl, I have done it before and gotten numbers but that was well over 2 years ago. After that point, I ended up getting into a marijuana addiction which has definitely brought out my underlying social anxiety (been off it for 3 months as of today). But when I do go out now, I feel like I am being crippled and I overthink and worry about everything that may or may not happen.
On Tinder and bumble, I do get a few matches every now and again but I feel like I don't know how to text girls after I get a match....sometimes I even end up getting blocked even when I don't say anything weird or stupid..which is extremely frustrating. One time, this girl said she was only interested in hooking up and I said "maybe we can make that happen" and then I got blocked by her on bumble which is a fat rip lol.
And yes, I am still a virgin lol. If anyone can help me out and give me tips on how to improve myself both socially and in text it would be great.
Read More