I (22F) am struggling to support my partner (29M) while he is completely burnt out from his work. The next two months are crazy stressful for him as it is the start of spring and in agriculture related industries like his it is just an absolute mad dash. We are closing on our house this week so neither of us can quit our jobs, so he can’t fix it that way. He can’t take time off for the next two months. I need to do as much for him as possible to help him feel okay, but I am also working full time. I am keeping the house clean and making him lunch and dinner. I am struggling to get over how I am feeling and bite my tongue and not snap at him when he gets home. I need to learn how to be his soft place to fall and not get annoyed at him. Please any suggestions on how I can support him and make his life better.
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JortsShorts 4y ago
More blowjobs. He doesn't wanna talk about all the bullshit he's been dealing with all day. Just give more random head and cook him food and be nice and massage his traps. Source: 29 y/o male who recently shut down a successful real estate company due to burnout to change careers. Married 7 years 1 kid
Jenna_Rink30 4y ago
My SO is in the same situation. I make sure that I come across as satisfied, in control, and calm - because he worries about me a lot and I don’t want to add to his stress.
I also make sure he gets three meals a day and tidy up every day.
There’s nothing he needs to worry about at home or in relation to me.
f1018 4y ago
This is so true! Thank you
[deleted] 4y ago
From the sound of your post it seems you've already been doing wonderfully. Work burnout is a terrible thing that I have intimate experience with and one of the better things he can do is just conserve his mental energy when he's not working and engage with things that have nothing to do with work. It's unlikely you can reduce or undo the burnout but he'll have to withstand and persevere until his workload either changes or reduces, or he can take a vacation.
Latter_Ad_6840 4y ago
I agree with the other comment! In a couple we all take on each others emotional weight, we vent to each other, and you have to relieve him of that stress if he is getting enough of it at work by taking care of yourself. You can also solve some of his "problems" for example, what to eat, some errands he has to run, anything outside the scope of his work that you can take care of and that will give him some time to relax basically because these things pile on.
1987dd1987 4y ago
This is going to sound weird but you can help him by focusing on yourself. Up your self care, get a hobby, get yourself busy in a meaningful way. A partner’s stress is your stress too and you need to put on your own oxygen mask. Having something meaningful for yourself to engage in will also help you manage the need for his time which I imagine is in short supply right now.
I also would suggest asking him what to do. You can say “what do you need from me to feel supported” and then do that and only that. Running around trying to “help” can lead you to burnout. There’s no sense in wasting your energy doing an elaborate task on his behalf if it’s not going to be a way he hears/feels love. A small example, I used to bring in the garbage and recycling bins from the curb and then be hurt that my husband didn’t notice. But his language is not acts of service (that’s mine) and I would have been better off kissing him deeply at the door for a few minutes when he arrives home (his language is physical touch)
sunnyleaf9 4y ago
I completely agree with this! Inner peace and happiness is contagious.
f1018 4y ago
Wow thank you so much! That was so helpful and insightful and exactly what I needed to hear!
1-800-GANKS 4y ago
I often don't even know how to help myself.
I just get home and feel wrecked some days after long projects, and some of the most uplifting moments I've had were when I was encouraged to go do something for myself, or my wife would secretly rally a guys night for me so my friends would just come by and say "Whats up ready to hang out?"
That one is careful territory though; should make sure he'd be alright with that kind of surprise if he's already stressed out.
I like being encouraged to take time for myself and to know that I don't have to worry about my girl,
Other huge boosts are when something I normally do is already done (trash, bathroom cleaning)
Sometimes instead of thinking to yourself, "What can I add to support him?"
a better question is: "What stressors of his can I take away?"
f1018 4y ago
Thank you!
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1-800-GANKS 4y ago
Completed.
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