My boyfriend and I have been through thick and thin together for several years since our early twenties.

He has always been a very eccentric and driven man. Hilarious, witty, and easily a natural at engaging with women despite being very much an introvert.

He would have plenty of options if he was single, especially now that he is respected in his field and making over six figures. However, it was not always like that.

The relationship was rocky while we were broke and in college as I had not dealt with some emotional instability and dramatic tendencies on my end (insecurity at its finest). He knew he could date around and was not ready to commit.

What solidified the relationship for him was after he was laid off from his first out of college job. It was a huge blow to his mental health and purpose.

He admits to me now he would have spiraled out of control if it wasn't for my patience and support in that time. I learned fast that he needed me in his corner more than ever, and my own neediness and attention seeking behavior had to be dealt with immediately or the relationship was over. So I put a stop to the nonsense and learned to be lower maintenance.

Fast forward to today. We have been living together happily for two years.

I encouraged him to go out and have some "him" time the other day. He called me on his way home to say that he appreciates me so much and that he hopes he doesn't ever take me for granted. What prompted this?

He ended up going to a local pub for a couple beers and struck up a conversation with a woman around our age ( 30-31). The woman was apparently very attractive, very into him, and asked for his contact info. As they talked he said he started to feel sick.

He said she gave off negative feminine energy, or tells in her conversation that she was high maintenance and "testing" him for specific reactions ("The bullshit that girls do" in his words). He said he forgot that other women can be like that because I am low maintenance and so easy to be around. He never has to "deal with" me. He then asked me "I want to treat you. Is there anything I can get you?" then offered to pay for an expensive electronic item I've had my eye on for a while.

I've started thinking about high maintenance and low maintenance behavior. Men talk negatively about high maintenance women and to avoid the trappings of a woman like that. But what does that mean?

I've compromised a list of my experiences and examples about high maintenance behavior and what constitutes low maintenance behavior:

High Maintenance

-Covertly demanding resources ("So Rebecca told me that HER boyfriend is planning on taking them on a road trip. He SHOULD do those things with her, they've been together for a year!")

-Snide comments about men ("Yeah that figures... typical men.")

-Petty gossiping ("I know Samantha is my friend, but she's still single for a reason ..." goes into unprompted, lengthy story)

-Disrespectful of his time ("Can we stop in Sephora while we're out? That limited edition palette I talked to you about was released and I want to test out some swatches.")

-Dismissive of his interests ("You collect Pokemon cards? Isn't that stuff for kids?")

-Lack of gratitude ("What do you expect? A round of applause every time you take out the trash?" )

-Boastful and aggressive ("You should have known that I ALWAYS win when we play trivia.")

-Creates drama ("Didn't you notice how Jake's friend was hitting on me? You should have said something to him.")

Low Maintenance

-States preferences clearly without demanding ("I have always thought it would be cool to visit X place.")

-Positive about men as a whole ("Look at those dudes working in the cold! Props to them, that looks rough.")

-Mindful of oversharing ("Samantha is going through a hard time right now. I was thinking of inviting her over.")

-Respectful of his time ("I'll run over to Sephora later after we get home. There's something I want to check out there.")

-Encouraging of his interests ("You collect Pokemon cards? What are some of your rarest cards?")

-Expresses gratiude ("Thanks for taking out the trash! I didn't notice it was full.")

-Humble and peaceful ("I always have so much fun with you when we do trivia night!")

-Difuses drama ("I'm glad we left when we did. Jake's friend was making me feel uncomfortable.")

Being high maintenance I think stems from insecurity or a jaded distrust of men while simultaneously expecting a worthwhile man to commit and give 100% with little sacrifice in return.

I've learned that being low maintenance does not mean giving up your preferences and needs or letting a man walk all over you. It means being aware of realistic relationship dynamics between men and women. It means being emotionally mature enough to be mindful of how you are being perceived and flexible enough to be content with what is in front of you, not manipulating a specific outcome into existence and treating men as an accessory to that outcome. It means being satisfied with the boring reality of the everyday, not looking for the next dopamine hit and relying on men to keep you entertained (More dates! More vacations!)

Being low maintenance has kept my relationship alive and thriving with a great man who absolutely dotes on me, I'm pretty sure.