Hi Ladies (and gents : )
I wanted to take a second to talk about hormones and how much they affect our moods, attractiveness, sexual appetities and just everything in general. I think its super important to understand what happens on a monthly basis as it can help to know that there could be a actual reason behind why one day the dirty socks are the floor are no big deal, and another day, they are enough to send you right over the edge.
When I was younger, I was firmly in the "PMS is too often used as an excuse for women to act like jerks" and I refused to play into this. I'm 44 now and around 3 or 4 years ago, I started noticing that there were times when nothing bothered me and I was super productive and times that I just really was not the best version of myself and everything was challenging. Eventually I started tracking this and determined it was cyclical, so I wondered if it was related to my cycle. I began really looking into this and researching it (also talking to friends going through this as well) and lo and behold, the answer was a resounding yes.
Turns out our cycle is divided into two phases, the follicular phase and the luteal phase. The follicular phase is the time between the first day of your cycle (i.e. first day of your period) and ovulation which occurs approximately 14 days after the first day. The luteal phase is phase between ovulation and the first day of your period.
Period - follicular phase - Ovulation - luteal phase.
Your hormones rise and fall in a predictable pattern during these phases. Estrogen (and testosterone) rises during the follicular phase and dips in the luteal phase. Progesterone rises during the luteal phase.
So what does this mean for your moods and men?
Predictably, when estrogen and testosterone are rising before ovulation, your energy, mood and libido are at their best and highest. Studies have also shown that you find alpha type males more attactive during this time. You're more inclined to be have sexual thoughts and those dirty socks on the floor are not going to bother you. Estrogen also makes your voice higher and your features more appealing. (no its not an illusion!) You're also very chatty and outgoing.
After you ovulate, you enter the luteal phase. It's this period of time that is the most challenging. I am very sensitive to progesterone so I get very congested in the mornings. This is why some PMS products contain antihistamines because your body is literally having a minor allergic reaction to the rising hormone. During this period of time, your libido usually drops (mine suffers quite a bit) and you're less attrracted to dominant alpha male types. (you're probably less attracted to men altogether). This is also when you may find certain projects daunting or overwhelming and have hair trigger reactions to things.
Now that I'm armed with this knowledge, it really helps my relationship with my husband. He always know what part of the cycle I'm on. I personally sort of cacoon in the second half of the cycle and become quieter and more reserved and he understands why. We also take full advantage of my high libido in the beginning of the cycle (which keeps him happy).
I still do not believe that any of this is an excuse to treat people poorly or act "bitchy" -- however, I find it helpful when I get irritated about something to think, "hey, this thing is not what's really bothering you. What's really bothering you is your hormones."
I found an app that tracks the days and explains the changes in hormones and their various effects on you called Hormone Horoscope. (there's a free and paid version). I highly recommend it to give you a more in depth look. (I am not affiliated with the app in any way.)
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(Also, as an aside, for the single ladies, like i mentioned before, during the follicular phase, you're more attracted to dominant alpha male types. There's a line of thinking out there in regards to being on hormonal birth control that because it manipulates your hormones, you may be also inadvertently messing with the internal signals that you get when you are seeking a mate. i.e. if you're on birth control, you might choose to settle down with someone that, had you not been on birth control, would not have been your first choice.)
lizzlebean 4y ago
Bro, this app is ridiculously accurate. I went to the pharmacy and it was taking forever and I was internally hating everyone in that store. Got home and checked my horoscope:
“you're more likely to focus on the many, many, many faults of folks around you, the shoppers ahead of you in line who just seem to be breathing all wrong.”
It has been deadly accurate all week.
uniq0rn_qlitter 4y ago
I personally love this conversation and believe it’s not talked about enough. As women, our wombs are our centers of creation, balance, life, and energy. Womb wellness is so important for us to be aware of. Definitely recommend the book “Sacred Woman” by Queen Afua. I don’t resonate with her beliefs on everything, but I think she’s spot on when it comes to healing our wombs and taking care of our body temples.
Fractal_Visionary 4y ago
I am currently on my period and just normal conversation with my boyfriend sometimes just irks me for no good reason right now. I keep this in check but I'm cognizant of normal stuff like clutter and chores annoying me more than usual.
It's like I hit a certain point in my cycle and my bubbly, fun energy tanks and gets replaced with a more no nonsense vibe. I find myself working harder to keep the positivity going. My boyfriend doesn't notice anything off about my attitude all month long other than I get cramps and need some more rest the first couple days of my period. Definitely a sign that I do my best to not default into a pissy attitude just because my hormones are swinging around everywhere.
I do not take birth control and my cycle is extremely regular so at least I know what to expect every month and I'm mindful of it. For those ladies on birth control or have irregular cycles, I imagine it is more difficult to manage.
I could not stand myself for the year I was on birth control and my boyfriend couldn't either. I basically became peri-menopausal, gained weight out of nowhere, and I was emotionally unhinged in ways I can't fathom today. I would be single today if I couldn't figure out it was the birth control wreaking havoc on my body and immediately got off that stuff.
Unpopular opinion, but I think that BC is hazardous for most young women and their relationship to men. I get that not every woman is in a healthy long term relationship or marriage where an accidental pregnancy would be handled with appropriate maturity and support on the guy's side, but the side effects are brutal enough to give some pause before taking it.
Bubbly_Window_6719 4y ago
There are 4 Phases. And there are positive and negative aspects to all of them.
pearlsandstilettos 4y ago
Knock off the snark. If you have more information contribute. Otherwise be polite or be quiet
Bubbly_Window_6719 4y ago
I changed my comment.
Bubbly_Window_6719 4y ago
When I am in the fall und winter stage I feel of course a bit heavy, emotional and thin skinned but I also get so much more done at home and convincing discussions are also more successful in the later part of my cycle. Boundaries are way firmer and I am much less prone to let others walk all over me. Dark chocolate is my go-to treat. A smart person is, in my opinion, the one that does reflection, meditation, and self improvement on those days.
_Pumpkin_Muffin 4y ago
Please note "dominant alpha males" is not a real category in the context of research. The whole alpha/beta thing is not supported by research. What changes in the menstrual cycle is women's attraction to high testosterone traits - bone structure, low pitch of voice, a specific distribution of fat and lean tissue, etc. These physical features do not make a man any more or less dominant or "alpha", though. It's also only a small change in women's attraction and it refers to general patterns of a population, not necessarily the attraction levels of a specific woman. It means that on average, more women (10-15%) will find those traits attractive in the follicular phase of the menstrual cycle... a 10-15% difference also means that the attraction levels stay the same for the vast majority of women.
growingstronk 4y ago
The bottom isn’t true, as the difference is very noticeable as a man
Ultimately, women in the follicular phase are much more likely to have sex. And men pick up very quickly on who’s having sex and who’s not
Rewarding the high testosterone men with the fuckboy personality with one of the most important forms of validation as a man is like, the main reason for the existence of the red pill
_Pumpkin_Muffin 4y ago
So... research shows that men can on average get vague hints of a woman's ovulation, but it is not conscious and not a big difference overall; almost imperceptible when talking about a specific man or woman. A doctor needs an ultrasound to determine whether a woman is in her follicular or luteal phase. Yet you claim a man wanting sex can instantly pick up the difference? Please publish a paper, because that's astonishing and groundbreaking. Can you also tell who's on estroprogestinic birth control, on progestinic birth control, in the first weeks of pregnancy, breastfeeding, suffering from PCOS or other hormonal imbalances? OP is talking about actual research. I answered in the context of actual research. OP is saying interesting things, but some are over-simplified,, and i wanted to point out that the picture is not so clear or simple. It's about science. Do you have any science to back up your claims?
growingstronk 4y ago
You don’t have to attack me for no reason… especially when you completely misunderstood me…
I never stated or even implied that men know what stage in the cycle a woman is. What I was saying is that women are much more likely to have sex when ovulating. And that the men they chose tend to be, as you point out, high testosterone, socially dominant men. And men pick up on the character traits and features of the men who get a disproportionate amount of sex
And yes the above is most definitely born out in research. Women have been shown to be more likely to dress skimpier, to go out, to even walk more and to more places, and of course to have more sex in the ovulatory phase.