New to this sub, but personally I wouldn’t make the decision based on lust. Some people wait till marriage, others don’t. But I’d personally wait until there’s a commitment and you know each other. How well do you know somebody after 2 dates? Not at all. I usually wait like 5-10 dates to even kiss somebody. Whatever you choose, make sure you know the person well enough. If you don’t know somebody well enough to have a kid, sleeping with them is not a good idea IMO. Good luck!

3 months .

I'm gonna include some of my previous comment that I posted elsewhere which I think is related:

1. Be clear what you're looking for from the beginning. Don't just have sex thinking that means commitment.

2. Only accept dates / meet-ups with guys who are also looking for the same thing and you've both established that from the beginning i.e. marriage / partnership etc.

3. Don't have sex until you've had this conversation about your goals / plans / values etc.

If neither of you have even discussed what it is you're looking for then pause and have that conversation right now or ASAP. If you've already had this conversation and you're both looking for the same thing, then go right ahead with sexual intimacy if you're both ready for it.

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So my question is: what would you do? Is there anything that I can communicate to him? I would preferably only sleep with someone when I have relationship commitment.

You are both grown adults. Have an adult conversation as per the above steps. Don't try to guess. Men are not psychic, neither are women.

If I were you I would say “sex is really important to me. It’s not something I would do willy-nilly. I like to really know someone before I have sex with them.”

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No one but YOU can determine when the best time to have sex with a man you’re dating. Everyone’s circumstances, beliefs, personalities, goals, and preferences in men are all too different for there to be any one answer. That’s why rules like “have sex on the third date” or “wait 90 days” are silly in practice. It’s also why waiting for a relationship, an engagement, or a marriage could work amazingly for some women and not so well for others.

All that being said, I wrote a pretty extensive guide that can help you figure out where you lie on said circumstances, beliefs, personalities, goals, and preferences in men, so that YOU can decide for yourself what the best strategy is and when to have sex with him. It’s an important decision, so in the guide are links to a lot of relevant RPW reading material that could help you understand the best choice for you.

Black belt in MMA? He is full of shit

There is no black belt in MMA. Just an FYI. It's like saying a black belt in cooking.

Thank you everyone for the opinions. Quite some different views which is interesting

The answer is when it is right for you, to honor yourself. When you honor yourself then you’re bringing your whole person to the relationship instead of parts of you.

Sex is a PIECE of the relationship not the POINT of the relationship.

Slippery slope, I never expected sex on the first date but whenever there is a spark and opportunity that is arbitrarily blocked on principle I’ve walked away right then and there and called someone else. Case in point: I met a super hot girl that was often on business in SF. The first time we met she called me after getting my number from a friend of mine while I was out at an event. I picked her up, we had a few drinks, introduced her to my friends, we danced and hit it off really well but she had a flight to catch the next morning so I dropped her off at her hotel and we made plans to see each other the next time. Few weeks later she was back in town so I took her to my favorite winery, we had a few drinks at the cliff house, made out in various places and at the end of the evening she invited me to the hotel where she was staying. We took showers got undressed, went into bed and start making out. At one point she goes, we’re not going to fuck tonight. When I asked why she said that it’s too early. I put my clothes on and went home.

If you make him wait for sex arbitrarily, he will detect that and seek it out elsewhere.

Attractive men have options and don't have to wait.

You don't have to be a killjoy about waiting on sex. Use the time to find other ways to keep each other's interest in each other. Think about eating food. Sure, you can immediately swallow the whole portion. But that's not the point. You can enjoy the smells from the kitchen as it gets prepared, the prepping of the table, the arrangement of the room, the presentation of the dish, the technique of the utensils, the anticipation of the bite, the texture of the food, the tastes of the juices, the rumination of the chewing, the pleasure of the company with the cook, etc etc etc all before you swallow the whole thing. There's so much around the act itself that is meant to be enjoyed before you two stuff yourselves full of the main course, and the more time you take, the more time you have to find more things to enjoy with each other.

I know it’s hard, but wait as long as possible to become intimate.

Is there anything that I can communicate to him?

Just tell him straight up that you don't want to have sex until you're in a secure relationship.

I usually wait until I feel comfortable with them, usually 1-3 months.

Seems like you already answered your title question yourself in your last sentence.

I trusted my judgement.

I don't know the right answer. I kissed my husband on the first date. We had good chemistry.

I slept with him on the second date - but we basically moved in together on our 2nd date, we were inseperable. We were married 8 weeks after our first date and it's been 16 years.

But.. we met with the intention of "if we have chemistry, everything else already lines up, so we can get married."

I basically arranged my marriage, I could have probably waited for marriage with him - but I wanted to make sure sex with him was good. Sex is incredibly important to me, and if it's awful, I wanted to have enough sex to make sure I could picture being with him the rest of my life.

Sex is very high on my list of deal deal breakers. Life is short, I don't want to spend my entire life wishing I had tried out the good firsts.

I made it clear I expected marriage in order to buy a house with him and move into a place that was ours. He let me look at houses with him a week after we met, I know we moved fast - but the commitment was there from our 2nd date. So it felt right for me

If you're not there yet, slow down and go at your own pace. Just be clear with him that you like him, but you need to make sure before you take the next step it feels like things are moving in a direction that feels safe to do that.

It's not being manipulative to have boundaries.

There's no such thing as a "black belt" in MMA...

Why don't you ask him to be your BF I know a little cringy but right now you are still in the dating phase so if you feel comfortable enough shoot your shot.